Spoilers: Episode 201 "Summer, Kind of Wonderful"
Summary: What goes through Chuck's mind when Blair leaves with Marcus...
When All It Takes Is Three Words You Can't Say
Three words. Eight letters. 'I love you'. That's all she wanted to hear. That's all it would take for her to stay; for her to wrap him in her arms and take him back. He felt like a fool, pouring his heart out, letting his guard down and begging her stay, but he was done caring about his image. He'd make a fool out of himself time and time again if it meant she'd stay. So, why couldn't he say those three simple words.
He felt them. He knew he did. It wasn't like it would be the first time he'd said them out loud considering he'd told Nate at his father's wedding that he did indeed love her. He'd even written and read an entire best man speech based on his love for her, based on a true love he knew shouldn't have been given up on. Still, it was different telling her straight out, saying those exact words; words he'd never said to anyone; words he'd never meant before. She was looking at him with her sad eyes, tears brimming, begging him to give her a reason to stay. Why couldn't he do it?
He wasn't lying when he told her he was scared she'd really see him. He wasn't something he was incredibly proud of, regardless of all his bravado, and he was terrified that if she got close enough she'd run screaming. The thought that she might actually accept him for who he was never even entered his mind. He supposed by abandoning her, he'd been trying to head off the inevitable, because he honestly doubted he'd be able to survive her leaving him. Judging from the pain in his chest as the new lovebirds drove off he'd been right. He hated being right.
The moment he locked eyes with her stepping off the Jitney, he knew he was screwed. For a moment he saw a flicker of sorrow in her eyes, and a rush of relief flooded over him. Sorrow, clearly insinuated that she was still heartbroken over their split and that he could in fact still fix this mess he'd created; but then her new boyfriend stepped off behind her. The sorrow was instantly gone, and replaced by kissing. He knew it was for show, strategically planned for him to see, but it hadn't mattered. It still hurt just the same. He didn't know why he thought standing there, flowers in hand, would be enough to erase all the damage he'd caused. Finding out she'd sat waiting for him in Tuscany for days made him hate himself at a whole new level.
Admittedly antagonizing Marcus over lunch hadn't been the wisest decision he'd made, but honestly when Blair was around he couldn't think straight. He was determined to let this guy know he wasn't going anywhere and that Blair was his. He found himself disgruntled to know his "Charade" comment was followed with Marcus knowing she hated that movie, and he knew his limo comment was out of line, but he hadn't been remotely prepared for Blair's revenge, the tiny silver heart pin.
Seeing that pin on Marcus' sleeve was more than he could stomach. It tore him to shreds and she knew it. She'd done it on purpose. That was why she followed after him, purposely trying to hurt him they way he'd hurt her. He felt his heart break as she rubbed salt into the wounds, telling him she loved this Marcus guy. If he wasn't so busy being crushed, he would have been proud of her. All those years by his side had trained her well in the art of cutting someone down to size. It wasn't until then that he realized it was a lesson he'd taught her too well.
The moment his PI told him who Marcus really was, and that he was a Lord, he knew he'd lost. Blair had always secretly wanted to be royalty, and this was her shot. Still, standing there waiting for Lord Marcus to pick her up, she'd begged him to make her stay. Her eyes shined through her tears, pleading with him not let her walk away, to give her a reason to follow her heart. He wasn't sure who the stuttering idiot who'd inhabited his body was, but when Blair's face fell and she turned away from him, he knew he hated him. Watching her walk off disappointed, he begged himself to just tell her; to scream it across the parking lot if that's what it took. Just tell her you love her Bass! Just tell her!
Before he knew it the Lord and his ex girlfriend were gone, and with them they'd take his last chance. "I love you." he whispered inaudibly before climbing into his limo and heading back to the house. He'd distracted himself all summer, he was sure he'd manage to do so again. Later, he'd fight for her and win her back. Tonight he was going to drown himself in scotch and wait for daybreak.
Spotted: Barely back in the country and B's already not getting what she wants from C. C watching as B leaves him outside the White Party with some mystery man. Careful C, we here he's royalty, and what else could our Queen B ask for? You know you love me. XOXO. Gossip Girl.