A/N: Ok so I was just sitting in my room..ya know? Noting special, right? But then I was like HEY!I should do a one-shot since I'm completely bored out of my mind right now! So here goes nothing.
I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. Why? Why did I have to kiss him? Why didn't I stop myself before it got out of hand? He said, and I quote, "I'm not ready for another relationship."
"Dammit." I mutter to myself. I sat up there and admitted my feelings for him while he probably was hysterically laughing at me in his head. Why Loren? Why? I ask myself.
I grumpily swing my covers off of my body, shivering at the sudden change in temperature.
"Breakfast is ready!" My mom shouted from the kitchen.
I make my way to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. My hair. What happened to it? I quickly grabbed the brush that was only a few inches away, attempting to make my hair look somewhat decent for school. Dammit. School. Look at me. I don't even look human right now, how am I supposed to go to school? I let out a sigh of frustration and grabbed the outfit that I'd picked out last night. It was a purple strapless top with a black lace top to cover it. The jeans were a midnight blackish color and the shoes were purple with a thin heel.
I grabbed my phone and keys and started towards the kitchen.
"Morning." I muttered.
"Morning!" My mom shouted, examining my facial expression.
"What's got you in the dumps today?" She asked. Nothing mom. You wouldn't understand. You're only going to give me one of your famous lectures on how I'm too young to fall in love. Or on how all guys are the same. Or, one of my personal favorites, How I should give up on love.
"Nothing." I mumble, grabbing my cup of orange juice and heading towards the door.
"What about breakfast?" She asked, bringing her eyebrows together and sitting the oven mitts on top of the counter.
"Not hungry." I slammed the door behind myself, not giving my mom the slightest second of my time to reply .I'm a horrible daughter. What did my mom do to me? Nothing. Why am I taking this out on her? It's not like she was the one that ripped my heart out and stomped on it in my face. If anything, she was the one always trying to heal it and make it better. I close my eyes and let out long sigh before getting into my car.
School that day was surprisingly not that bad. Don't get me wrong, I was still bombarded with questions about photos that I was caught in with Eddie, but not as much as the previous times. Usually, I couldn't even walk across the room to sharpen my pencil without a line of people trailing me to get the "Deets." There is no Eddie and I. There is no relationship going on between us. Eddie made it clear that he wanted nothing more than a friendship with me. I need to learn to accept that. But how? I've been ignoring his calls, text, and voicemails. What's wrong with me? Out of all my years of having a liking to someone, never has it had me like this. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm in love with him. Who am I kidding? I know I'm in love with him.
"Agh!" I screamed in frustration as I rested my head on the steering wheel. I just had to screw things up between us. I put the keys in the ignition, finally lifting up my head.
I drove away from the school's parking lot, going where ever the roads took me.
"Honk! Honk!" I heard the cars behind me pushing on their horns, telling me to speed up. I did as I was told, not putting a second thought into any actions I took. I brought my car to a halt as I came upon a traffic light.
"Honk! Honk!" The cars behind me pushed on their horns once again, this time sounding more impatient than the last. I rolled my eyes and, once again, did as I was told. I turned my car into the lot of Griffith Park, hoping for some sense of peace and relaxation.
My legs grew tired as I finally made my way to my little area on top of the park that I usually went to. The only place where I found my answers. The only place where I actually felt bigger than just some girl from the valley. The one place where I could stand and feel that nothing is holding me back. This is why this place is so special to me.
I remember every single visit that I made to this place. Like that time when my dad brought me to the meteor shower when I was four.
"Loren. You're going to be brighter than all of the city lights. You're going to be bigger than any of the buildings that we see now. Don't settle yourself for less. I can already see it now. You're going to be on the billboards. Everyone is going to see you as their inspiration. As for guys, don't wait around for them to feel the way you feel about them. If they are truly for you, they won't put hesitation into telling you how they truly feel. But don't worry about that, I'll always be here to guide you when that happens."
I feel the tears in the corner of my eyes asking to come out. Why dad? Why did you have to leave this world? I need you. I need you to tell me what I should do. I need you to guide me in the right direction. To tell me how idiotic I'm being right now. Tell me how he's not worth my tears. I need you.
I thought about how he died. About how much pain he had to be going through at the time. That wasn't right. My dad, the man that wouldn't harm a fly, experienced so much pain that day.
Here I am. Age eighteen and I still haven't gotten over that day, and probably never will. He was my dad. He is my dad. I wiped my tears away and pulled out my phone. Oh Dear God. Should I just stop avoiding him? He's been texting me all day and not once have I replied. Snap out of it Loren! The guy still cares about you.
"Hey Loren. I'm not busy today and was wondering if you were up for dinner? So... Let me know something?"
I laid my phone in the grass next to me. Stop it Loren. Look what this guy is doing to you. Is he even worth this? Don't cry. Don't cry.
I couldn't help myself. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to crying over a guy because he doesn't feel the same way about me. He's playing me. He's playing me and I'm allowing him to do this to me.
"Don't wait around for them to feel the way you feel about them. If they are truly for you, they won't put hesitation into telling you how they truly feel."
My dad's wise words echoed in my head. That's it. I'm done. Done with shedding another tear for this guy. Done with feeling like he doesn't like me because I'm not good enough. I am good enough. In fact, any guy would be lucky to have me. What was I thinking? He's a rock star, of course he wouldn't want to be with only one girl, and especially not me. The funny thing is, I actually thought he felt the same way. There they go again. The tears. Why do they keep coming back?
"Loren?" I heard his voice behind me. Oh no. He can't see me like this. He can't see how much of a mess he's made. I quickly wipe my tears and turn my head to face him, smiling as he sat down next to me. This isn't a smile. A smile indicates happiness. It indicates joy and relaxation. This smile isn't sincere. My lips form a straight line across my face. This is more like it.
"Oh. Hi Eddie." I say to him. Please don't notice my sadness. Don't notice that I've been crying. This is what happens when you're too naïve. Too naïve to notice that everything is not what it seems. I let myself get too close to him. I let myself get too comfortable.
"Loren. Are you okay?" Dammit Eddie. Why do you care? Do I look okay? No I'm not okay. I'm a mess. I'm a broken, naïve mess. I don't blame you Eddie. In fact, I blame myself. I blame myself for allowing you to do this to me. For allowing myself to get too close. It was all too good to be true. That kiss. I thought there was a real spark when we kissed. Boy was I kidding myself.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Why am I lying to myself? I'm not fine! I'm far from fine!
"Loren, I've known you long enough to tell when something is wrong. Now spill." Another one of my mistakes. I allowed myself to be an open book with Eddie. I allowed myself to be too easy to read.
"It's just that this place brings back memories, that's all." Another lie. Stop it Loren! Tell him how you feel. Tell him that he has you like this. That he means more to you than he'll ever know.
"Loren. About the kiss," Oh God. No. Anything but this! That stupid kiss. Look what it's done to me.
"Eddie, its fine. Really." No it's not! Why am I lying to him? He needs to know that what he did is anything but fine!
"Loren, it isn't. It isn't fine. I lead you on into thinking that's what I wanted. I'm sorry." Eddie. Oh Eddie. You lead me on? You did more than lead me on. You played me. You used me as something to get your mind off of things. As something to help you better your life, while all along you were ruining mine. I want this Eddie. I want you.
"I didn't mean it you know? I didn't mean it when I said I didn't have feelings for you Loren. If I'm being completely honest, I only said that because I wanted myself to believe that I didn't. But I do. No matter how much I try to deny it, I do." Really? All this time of thinking I wasn't good enough. Or that you only thought of me as a rebound. But this doesn't mean anything. Just because you have feelings for me doesn't mean you will settle for me.
"So. Where does that leave us?" I asked. I want to know. I need to know.
"I hope this explains it." Oh God! He is leaning in. He wants to kiss me. It isn't me this time. He wants this too. I want him, and he wants me. Eventually, our lips came together. His lips were warm, and the kiss was sweet and gentle. I brought my arms to meet his neck, and his arms met my waist.
This is more like it. This is truly how it's supposed to be.
"Don't wait around for them to feel the way you feel about them. If they are truly for you, they won't put hesitation into telling you how they truly feel."
My dad's wise words echoed in my head once again. He told me how he felt. He came to his senses and admitted his feelings for me. This is how I wanted things to be. Things weren't too good to be true after all. This is how it is. Eddie and Loren. We even carved are initials in the tree next to us to indicate the time that we truly fell for each other.
The End.
Hola. Okay so there it is! Hope ya have a great afternoon ( or evening, or morning wherever you are.) ai hope you guys had an amazing New Years. Remember to do something positive to start off the rest of your year. Review and keep it cool. Bye !