A/N - This is my response to WIKTT's "What Kind of Drunk Are You?" challenge. Enjoy!

Utterly Wasted

Chapter One

The day had finally come. Students and faculty alike had been waiting in anticipation, quaking at the knees, laughing with giddy trepidation. It was amazing how much of an effect it had on the students. But the truth was, the day had finally arrived and everyone was overjoyed.

It had been one year since Dumbledore had given up his endless supply of sugary candies. Madame Pomfrey had insisted that he do such, seeing as his blood-sugar level had been obscenely shifty in the past year. So with great reluctance, the headmaster's belongings were searched and stripped of anything sugary in the least. Not only were his teeth whiter these days, but he was able to maintain a steady blood-sugar level as well.


No one at Hogwarts was going to give up this rare opportunity for a celebration. So on Friday, March 28th, the entire student body, as well as the entire staff, joined together for an enormous celebration. The Great Hall was transformed in to something like it'd been just a few years back during the last Yule Ball. However, it was much less formal and more inviting.

The students were clumped in groups together, whispering, squealing and gossiping as usual. However, around 8, giant vats of Butterbeer and numerous bottles of Firewhiskey showed up near the front of the Hall, causing a rampage of students and faculty. It took only moments before everyone began to slowly loosen up and enjoy themselves more.

Hermione Granger leaned against a wall looking highly disinterested at what was going on around her. Her hair looked the same as it always did, with the minor change that parts of it had been lazily brought back and kept in to place by small clips. However, it had still retained its bushy quality. Her robes were hanging open lazily, showing off a conservative ensemble she'd inherited from her parents over one of the previous Christmas hols. She sipped at her butterbeer with boredom, listening to what Harry and Ginny were babbling on about. Mostly Ginny, who seemed to hardly stop talking these days.

"Right, I know," Hermione said as Ginny indicated that she'd made a point. Ginny looked happy with this, and so Hermione took the opportunity to glance around the giant room to see what was going on.

Parvati and Lavender were entertaining a group of 1st and 2nd years by telling them what would happen in the future with the use of a toothpick and the moonlight. The younger girls ate it up, wide-eyed and aching for more. Nearby, two third year Hufflepuffs were trying (and desperately failing) to look disinterested in what Parvati and Lavender were telling the other girls. Hermione smirked at this, and then looked in the opposite direction.

Now there was a sight. Malfoy was showing off – such a surprise. He had a hideously expensive-looking gold watch out on his wrist. Both male and female students ogled it enviously, inflating Malfoy's already oversized head. One female Ravenclaw – Hermione vaguely remembered her from the sorting at the beginning of the year as Farrah Bates – reached out to touch it, but Draco swatted her hand away swiftly.

Close to him, Susan Bones was putting the moves on Seamus Finnegan. Hermione was barely able to keep a straight face as she saw the expression on Seamus' lover's face. Dean looked panic-stricken and highly offended. Susan, however, was oblivious to this, and put out her best material. Seamus looked slightly entertained, but more bothered.

Coming back to attention at where she was, Hermione noticed that Ginny was (surprise, surprise) still talking. Only now, she was holding a brand new mug of butterbeer. Hermione looked at Harry, who was also holding a brand new mug. She sipped at the last bits of hers and excused herself to grab more. She bumped in to Ron, who was following Padma Patil around. Padma just looked annoyed.

As she filled her mug up again, she took notice of the professors. Professor Dumbledore looked entirely amused by everything, Professor Flitwick was buzzing around happily, and Professor Sprout was chattering animatedly with Professor McGonagall. Hermione noticed that Professor McGonagall's cup was the only that wasn't filled with butterbeer or firewhiskey. Instead, it held a crisp-looking glass of water. Looking over the tops of the heads of some of the taller students, Hermione spotted Professor Vector trying to talk to Professor Snape. Snape looked anything but overjoyed or even interested. Instead, his face was contorted in to something that could only be read as complete and utter misery.

At this, Hermione laughed. The damn bastard couldn't seem to enjoy himself no matter what went on around him. Vaguely, she wondered if someone's sudden death would liven his mood. Chuckling to herself, Hermione found her way back to Ginny and Harry. Ginny had, it seemed, stopped talking, and was now listening to Harry.

Harry was waving his arms about as he explained something he'd just read in some Quidditch Journal. Ginny looked enraptured, as did Neville and Dean, who'd just come over to join them. Hermione looked behind her and noted that Susan still hadn't given up on Seamus.

"Oh, but Seamus! You look so wonderful in these robes!" Susan said, patting his arms softly and looking up in to his eyes.

"Err... thank you, Susan. But really, I need to be going. I have to go talk to-" Seamus looked as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

"Don't leave me here, Seamus! I'm talking to you…we're having fun, right?"

"Oh Seamus!" Dean called from across the room. "Seamus, I'm waiiiting!"

"Coming, Dean!" Seamus yelled back. He turned around and freed himself from Susan Bones before sprinting off to attach himself to Dean.

Susan Bones was left standing alone in the middle of the room, looking as if she'd just been slapped. She sighed and pulled out slip of paper and a small quill.

"Right then," she said heavily. "That's 13 boys left in the bloody school…"


Hermione burst in to laughter once she heard this. She could barely wait to see just what would come of the rest of the night.