Ben wasn't really looking for romance when he started chatting online, in fact, it was the anonymity that he most cherished. All he had wanted was to be able to talk, which was something he just couldn't do with anyone he knew. Ricardo was hardly a friend to begin with, but since Maria's death, he had become even more of a pain in Ben's ass. Annie wouldn't understand either, she was too self absorbed to really understand anyone else's pain, only looking for something in your words that she could cling to and use to her own advantage later. No, the freedom of talking online, of purging his emotions and guilt without actually putting it into specific words, that was what he had been after. He hadn't even given his username any kind of thought, a simple dumbing down of his hometown. Sunset Beach.

S.B.

He was surprised nobody ever twigged it, but then, he supposed everyone else was just after the same thing, anonymity. That is, he thought that until he met Dorothy. She was different, she was fiery, funny and most importantly, she never once tried to ask him for his real name. Eventually, everyone tried. A few months, and they all wanted to know who you really were, because you were just so alike and they felt so kindred to you. Dorothy was different. After three months of talking she spoke the words he dreaded;

You're so easy to talk to S.B.

I feel so close to you, like you're really here with me and we've always known each other.

It's like you're my soul mate.

The red lights came on for Ben, and he had it all typed out, his excuse on why they shouldn't talk anymore, his escape from someone else trying to get too close to him. But then, nothing. No asking for his name, no asking him to meet her. As opposed to the expected messages, trying to weasel information out of him that he didn't want to give instead he got exactly what he had been thinking himself;

It must be because we've never actually met and wouldn't know each other if we did happen to meet, though that's pretty unlikely - me in Kansas and you in Sunset Beach, but still... I feel like maybe its the freedom of not having to do anything that we don't feel comfortable with, or don't have to be careful about what we say - we can be 100% honest with each other, because even if we passed each other on the street, it wouldn't matter, because we wouldn't know it... We're anonymous...

He hadn't been able to put it into words before, but Dorothy had managed to capture everything about their connection, like she had taken the feeling straight from him, and voiced it as her own. If he was honest, it was probably this point that he first started to think of her as more than just Dorothy. This was when he first began to love her, and all for telling him how great it was they didn't know each other in the real world. The funny thing about logic; its not always logical.

When Dorothy first spoke about her engagement, she had sounded to Ben like she was going to a funeral. He couldn't understand how someone who was getting married, was so sad. Perhaps it was this sadness in her, which called to him so much. Such a sadness, he knew well. He tried his best to calm her when she felt she couldn't cope, that the world was expecting so much of her. He repeatedly supported her, reassured her and told her everything would be fine. But as time passed, her talk about the wedding was only in passing; how it was closer, only a short way off now, another week or two. There was nothing beyond that, and Ben understood that she was trying desperately to be strong, that she knew her family and friends expected her to go through with it and be happy, but that she could never be happy when she felt so pressured into it. He took her unspoken hints to change the subject and determinedly took her mind off of things, keeping her as occupied as he could. His thoughts when he wasn't at his computer were of her, and always, he wondered if she was alright. Sometimes the days were just too long, and on the many sleepless nights he had, they were longer still.

Finally, the day came. He started the day like any other, with and Orange Juice breakfast. But then, before he went on his morning run, he felt that he needed to talk to her. One last time. And so it was with an oddly deep sense of loss, that he turned on his computer. He hesitated for a moment, not sure what he could possibly say to her on such a momentous day of her life, or, if he even should. Eventually, he settled on what he would say to anyone he knew who was getting married, even if Dorothy, wasn't just anyone.

Congratulations!

He wasn't surprised that she replied so quickly, if he knew anything about Dorothy by now, it was that she was a light sleeper, and today of all days, she would have been up for some time.

Thanks, I guess.

I'm surprised you remembered.

He smiled, almost considering telling her it was all that had been on his mind for several days now, before deciding against it. Such comments were hardly going to help her on such a nerve wracking day. Why upset her, or put a doubt in her mind? If she hadn't called it off by now, then she was resolved to it, and he wouldn't be the one to turn her head if she was just having the jitters.

So, I guess this is it for us.

Ben might be many things, but a cheat was not one, and he knew that Dorothy was the same. What they shared, their connection, it would warp her marriage, and Ben couldn't let himself interfere in her life any further once she wore that ring. As much as he would miss her; he was only a friend, an invisible friend on a computer at that. Even if he was slightly more, than just a friend.

I... can't imagine not talking to you...

Ben sucked in a deep breath. This was dangerous ground. A wrong word and things could get very messy. But, it was true. He couldn't imagine not talking to her either, and the thought of not, was quietly eating him inside.

Our cyber chats... have meant more to me than I could ever put into words.

A big confession, as Ben was not one to easily voice his feelings. It was the first time Ben had equally acknowledged that Dorothy was as important to him, as S.B was to Dorothy.

Me too.

If only they didn't have to end.

Ben had entertained the exact same thought for several weeks, but he knew in his heart that neither of them thought it would be fair. To have a friend on the internet was one thing, but S.B. and Dorothy had become more than that, they were connected by mutual feelings of longing, of being lost, of freedom. They were both losing something today, but couldn't let what they shared continue into Dorothy's married life. That, and her husband, or soon to be husband, would almost certainly not be ok with his wife being in contact with another man.

Tim, probably wouldn't appreciate it.

I'll miss you... Dorothy from Kansas, or whatever your real name is.

Her reply was almost a full second slower in coming, and it was a second that contained the whole history of time in it. He hoped avidly that she wasn't crying. He would hate for her to cry.

I'll miss you too... S.B.

And so here it was. This was the perfect opportunity to walk away without any further communication, to shut down what they shared and call it finished. All he had to do, was stand up, and close his computer. But he couldn't make himself do it. His fingers twitched, and after only a moments hesitation, he typed out another message, one last olive branch, a thread, to not quite completely lose each other.

If you ever you ever get down, or crazy, or just need to connect...

You know where to find me.

Ben hurriedly removed his hands from his computer, lest he lose all his self control and did something really stupid, like send kisses or a smiley face. He stared at his computer screen for a long moment, thinking about Dorothy, about the life she might now lead, and he wished for her happiness. He deeply hoped that she would be treated as she deserved, like the amazing person she was. He shook his head, and got to his feet. He made a brief glance at the painting beside his desk as he passed, before he turned and headed out the front door for his morning run. He told himself forcefully that he would not think of Dorothy again, unless he received a message. Needless to say, his mind completely ignored him.

He thought about her constantly, wondering if she were in her dress yet, whether she was walking down the isle yet. He tried running harder, faster, to chase the thoughts of her away, but nothing prevailed. A brief interlude with Annie on the beach didn't even manage to dislodge Dorothy from his mind, but then Annie was mostly interested in herself and what she wanted, as was ever the case. He just happened to be her latest fixation. When he finally got back to the house, he was ready for a shower, determined to have the hot water chase away the lingering thoughts that his run had not. His foot was on the first stair, when he heard his computer chime. Torn between his resolution to forget her, and his desire to talk to her, he hesitantly made his way to his computer.

Remember when you said, if I ever get down or crazy, or just need to connect, I know where to find you?

Well, you shouldn't say something like that if you don't mean it.

You never know, I might just surprise you and visit Sunset Beach...

Almost the opposite of what he had been expecting, Dorothy's message was chilling to the core. Gone were the sweet thoughts, the longing and the desire to talk to her. This was too much, too sudden. How dare she make the presumption to just, turn up?! The shock was overwhelming, and he hastily lashed out with a scathing message.

Stay in Kansas, Dorothy.

I never meant for you to come to Sunset Beach.

Don't try to contact me, in person... or over the net.

Goodbye.

S.B.

Immediately after he hit send, he regretted being so harsh, but it was a necessary evil. Dorothy only knew parts of the truth, and only small parts at that. She didn't really know Ben, only S.B. and it wasn't safe for her to know the real Ben. He wasn't the sort of person she should have in her life. No, it was best that she stop, and return to her life, safe and away from Ben.

Ben wasn't the light she had painted him, he was the darkness he hoped she never met. There were things in Ben's life that he had not told Dorothy, that he hadn't told anyone. He couldn't. They were his secrets to keep, and it was safer for everyone if they stayed away. Especially Dorothy. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to her. He turned his head and stared at the painting beside his desk. Darkness, was Ben's life now. And he would deal with it alone.

A/N:~ Wow... I never thought I would actually write a Sunset Beach fic, never really considered it at all if I'm honest, but I'm not sure why because it has such a potential! (if you've never seen it - go to kickass torrents and search it, you should find a 79.4 GB file called Sunset Beach (1997-1999) complete - Download it! Seriously, its epic. I'll seed it if you need me to, so just ask :)

AHEM

Anyway, the fic. Yeah so, I know I've always done Gay Love before, but what can I say - I'm a huge Beg and Men shipper so :p

I hope you'll read, review and come back for more :)

I'm keen to write, so show me you're keen to read ^_^

I love you all for reading - please review and let me know what you think! 3