She's the top student in school, she's the class president, she's the girl who lies awake at night after hours of schoolwork and dreams of all the things that can and can't be. She's the wall, the pillar that holds the school up and the students together. She is the girl with the brown hair and the green eyes and usually has her head up in the clouds when she ought to be paying attention (she is paying attention, promise!). But of course no one knows that. She's the pillar, the steady-headed one everyone needs.
And she can't be spontaneous, can't skip homework one night in favor of a movie, because gasp she's the president; she's the one who should be setting an example through her flawless grades and actions. And maybe she mourns that lack of unstructuredness, but, hey, she signed up for this, didn't she? She looks forward to the summertime, but curse it all, she can't even take her mask off then. She has to poke and nag and remind that there is summer schoolwork, and somehow not even the sun can burn away that fake, fake, fake demeanor of hers (maybe because the sun's never at full strength?).
Sometimes she stays awake at night, puzzling and puzzling how she got into this situation to begin with, and sometimes dreaming that someone would yell at her (snap out of it!) and break the spell everyone else has woven. Because, come on, she's done spontaneous things before, hasn't she? And those green eyes aren't completely drab or without verve for life, are they? And occasionally she wonders if maybe she's not the one who cares about her image at all, maybe it's everyone else and they want to believe she's like that.
She supposes she can't really blame them, in a way (or is that just her polite mask talking again?). Everyone wants a hero, she reasons, someone to sort of look up to and judge themselves against. And maybe no one wants to break the spell because they sort of need it, need that steady-headed person to counsel them with reason and logic. She's strong, she can do it, and if not her, then whom? And it's not even for all that long, anyway, just high school, and after that she can start all over again and even be the slacker if she wants to.
And maybe it's not so bad, she thinks, collecting papers for council business and all, because it's a big responsibility and will look good on her applications. She supposes she can deal with everyone's expectations for just a bit longer.
The ending is abrupt, isn't it? Ah well. This was for Kousen's challenge; the word was expectations.
Nothing belongs to me!
Sheesh, my muse went wild over break...