This fanfiction was borne of December 7th, 2012's Word of the Day on . You can look up what word it is in the archives, or just read on as it's posted on the bottom.
The following fanfiction is likely full of tropes, cliches, and stereotypes. It was intended as a break from the maudlin and/or angst-ridden fic I usually write and is an attempt at humor. As such, it should be taken with a grain of salt. I'm not very funny.
Most of this fic was written prior to my Christmas fic, Worst Christmas Ever, and can be considered a prequel of sorts. It is the vacation mentioned in the opening paragraphs of WCE.
Without further babble and rambling, I present Worst Vacation Ever. Enjoy!
She'd been dreaming of this vacation for months. A full week away from the chaos of work and her hellions called nieces and nephews?
Of course, she should have known that something would go wrong.
Her portkey had arrived in the station at half past ten, as expected. The destination marker read Cabo San Lucas, as it should. She wore a short, white strapless dress and a matching pair of comfortable sandals, as the weather report assured her it was nearly thirty-three degrees. Her luggage had been sent ahead, and she was more than ready to relax on a beach with a fruity drink of some sort.
What she had not expected-nor signed up for-was a week in the middle of nowhere, cold, wet, and alone.
She was decidedly not in Cabo. She had her doubts the portkey had taken her to Mexico at all.
And her damn wand was busted clean and half.
It had been so promising! Hot, sandy beaches! Half naked cabana boys! Perhaps even a romantic interlude with a handsome stranger!
No, someone had messed up or with her portkey. Instead of the International Portkey Station in Mexico, she was stuck in the middle of a bloody jungle with a broken wand. She was musing over if it was possible for her day to get worse when it did.
In a very stereotypical fashion, it started to rain.
She was lost in the rain.
Ginny was about ready to scream in indignation when she heard something snap behind her.
Startled, she spun around and nearly slipped.
There was a fairly tall and impeccably dressed blond haired man standing behind her.
"My apologies, Miss-"
She was about to wave his apologies off when she realised who it was.
Draco Malfoy.
"You're the one who mucked up my portkey, aren't you?" she practically snarled at him.
His startled look gave her a brief moment of guilt, but it quickly passed. Chances were high that he'd done something to someone lately to deserve being yelled at.
"I didn't touch your portkey, Weasley. But let me guess, you were heading home to your nest?"
"I don't live in a nest, ferret-boy. And for your information, I was headed to Mexico!"
"Mexi. . . co. . ."
It was very unusual for Malfoy to stop antagonizing her-let alone stop speaking mid sentence-but it took several minutes of uncomfortable silence before she realised why.
She was wearing a white dress in the rain.
Ginny bolted for the nearest tree, trying to hide.
She'd just picked the perfect day to travel, hadn't she?
She just wanted to go home, annoying little hellions and all.
She'd rather be anywhere but here.
"Weasley?"
His voice was cautious, hesitant.
"What? Are you going to poke fun at my body now, Malfoy?" She tried to keep her emotions in check, but she was far past angry and now entering the land of hysteria.
"Calm down, Weasley. I'd offer to dry you off-"
"What? Too afraid that I'd curse you into bat bogey oblivion if you pointed your wand at me?"
She hiccoughed loudly at the end, unable to help the sudden sob in her throat.
"With your wand looking like that, I should think it more likely you'd curse yourself. Do you want my cloak, Weasley? You're absolutely drenched."
She couldn't hold her frustrated tears in any longer and suddenly started sobbing, her shoulders twitching harshly against the tree she stood beside.
"Weasley! Weasl-Jenny! Quit crying! Take my damn cloak and shut up!" His voice was harsh and loud, but it helped.
She hated that it helped!
Wait-Jenny? She let out a half scream, pulling away from the tree. She snatched the proffered cloak from his hand and slipped back around the tree.
"My name isn't Jenny!" She yelled at him as she stepped back into his view, most of her soaking wet dress covered by the cloak.
She began to walk, trying to find some sign of where they were. She knew he was following, but since he wasn't speaking, neither was she.
It didn't take long before she really started to feel the cold.
Just up ahead had to be some sort of shelter, right?
"Weasley?"
She had hardly heard him, at first thinking she had imagined it. But a second "Weasley" came and she knew it was him trying to get her attention.
She turned to face him, noticing for the first time that he too, was sopping wet.
"Yes, Malfoy?"
"There's smoke down the slope here."
She looked in the direction he pointed. She was unable to pick out any buildings, but she did see the thin line of smoke he was referring to.
Shelter?
The pair looked at each other and nodded.
They had to try.
It was a tiny little hut next to a large metal roof. Under the roof was a huge grey elephant. It was strapped to one of the legs of the overhang.
Shivering, Malfoy knocked on the door of the hut, Ginny close behind.
A man opened the door, peering at them briefly before smiling.
"Come inside. Are you lost from tour group?" His English was slightly broken and heavily accented, but it was spoken well enough to understand.
Looking back at Ginny for a moment and nodding, Malfoy walked inside. She sighed slowly and followed him.
The small building was sparsely decorated and mostly empty. Obviously, the man did not live here.
The pair stayed fairly close to one another as they moved towards the fire.
"You and wife need dry clothing, yes?" The man asked. Ginny was beginning to feel very uncomfortable as the man nodded at them. He walked slowly towards a set of shelves, pulling brown fabric off them.
"You change clothing behind curtain. No charge."
Unable to find a reason to say no, Ginny took the clothes from the man. Malfoy was hot on her heels as they walked to the curtain.
The man seemed to be watching them closely, and her uneasiness grew. She pulled Malfoy behind the privacy screen with her.
"Turn around," she whispered to him. He snorted back at her.
"Why did you pull me back here with you?"
She glared at him for a moment before turning her back to him. She wasn't sure if he actually turned around, but she made quick work of changing into the clothes the man provided.
Within a few minutes, she was clothed in a brown jumper and matching pants, a cartoon of an elephant on the front.
She turned back around just as Malfoy was pulling his matching jumper over his bare chest.
Well, at least she got to see an attractive someone half naked. Somewhat.
And then Malfoy caught her eyes.
"Are you ready to leave park now?"
The man's voice cut through the moment.
"Yes," Malfoy answered, quickly pulling her against his side. She wasn't sure if it was her benefit or his own.
She also wasn't sure if she cared.
The man beckoned them outside before going out himself.
Draco was warm.
Wait, Draco?
No, no, no, no, no.
MALFOY took the lead, pulling her behind him.
Her brain wouldn't stop thinking about how soft his hand was on hers.
Wouldn't, couldn't-she wasn't even sure anymore.
Outside, the man was leading the elephant out of the overhang. He coaxed it next to a rickety wooden staircase she hadn't noticed.
How hadn't she noticed it?
"You will ride, yes?" the man pointed them to the elephant.
Would those stairs even hold her weight?
She looked at Draco, who seemed less at ease with the situation than she was.
Her mouth twitched.
Was he afraid of the elephant?
She stepped towards the beast, looking back to Draco-Malfoy-as she did so.
He still stood there, staring at it.
"Are you scared?" she teased him. His face immediately changed, back to what she supposed was intended as stoicism.
"Malfoys are afraid of nothing," he stated, stomping towards the staircase.
There was a small platform resting on top of the elephant's back. It was lined with a railing and covered with a canopy.
It still didn't look very safe.
Draco's face easily made up for that.
Well, that and thinking about spending any more time with the creepy man made everything else seem less terrifying.
Once the elephant started moving, it was actually quite fun.
Draco looked like he was going to throw up, which made it all the more amusing.
"Is little Draco going to lose his breakfast?"
He glared at her and she grinned back sweetly.
-
Once they stopped, Draco was the first off. He ran into the tour office, heading for the closest restroom. It made her smile.
There was a telephone by the restrooms and she managed to call Harry for help after the woman in the office helped her a bit.
Not that she wanted to call Harry of all people.
But he had a phone and she had no idea what magic or magic laws they had here-wherever they were.
He assured her that someone from the Auror's office would reach them soon, after she described the park to him. She couldn't read the signs, but the cartoon elephant seemed to ring with Harry for whatever reason.
Ron showed up about an hour later. He offered to send her back via Portkey, but she admitted she was in no hurry to use one. Her replacement wand-though temporary-worked well enough that she waved him off. She would apparate out.
Besides, she had no doubt he'd flip if he knew Draco were stranded with her.
With her new wand in her hand, she found Draco where he was resting in the staff cafeteria. She smiled at him.
"Say, Draco?"
He lifted a brow.
"What do you think about Fiji?"
End.
What did you think of my attempt at humor in the (jungle?) during a rainstorm while wearing a white dress?
You may have noticed, but I know next to nothing about elephants OR howdahs. I did a little research, but not a lot of it.
Because, really, I am lazy. You could probably already tell. I DID start this at the beginning of December after all.
12-7-2012 Word of the Day
HOWDAH
howdah \HOU-duh\, noun:
(In the East Indies) a seat or platform for one or more persons, commonly with a railing and a canopy, placed on the back of an elephant.