What Nightmares are Made Of

It wasn't just a nightmare. It was cold reality. Perhaps that was the most painful part.

His mind never let him forget, even in his sleep, the crimes that had paved his way to becoming Lord of Oshu. Sometimes the dreams involved his mother, and sometimes his brother. The most common, though, was the day of his father's death. Because hadn't the other crimes come to be because of that first one?

It didn't always start at the beginning, but it was worse when it did. Because the hunting trip could have been a good memory, if it had happened on any other day. Out with his men - laughing, and joking, and showing off their skills. Then a rider, eyes wide with fright. "General, your father! The Hatakeyama have taken him prisoner!"

The river. The dream was merciless. A knife to his father's throat, the enemy behind him. To open fire would mean his death. In the dream, he could see his father's lips moving, but the words were never heard. Sometimes he wondered, were they real that day? Or had he imagined them? Was it his excuse for his actions? But... he'd never displaced the blame. He wanted to scream that out - I know it's my fault. Forgive me.

He wanted to turn away, but he couldn't. He wanted to stop his hand from moving forward, from giving that order. But it was not a dream. It was a memory. His hand moved forward; the guns flashed...

"Father!" As always, he was disoriented for a moment. Lost in the past, wondering where he was. Reality always crashed back, painfully so. It was a memory, years gone now; he couldn't change things. He couldn't save his father. He'd killed him already.

Usually he was alone. The only ones to have ever witnessed his awakening from the nightmares were Kojuro and Magoichi. One who knew the full story, and one who never asked. He was usually careful about where he fell asleep. Never in front of others, or where others might find him - in case the nightmares came again. He'd been careless that day, falling asleep on the backstep of the manor - watching the spring leaves dance on a warm breeze.

Gracia's wide eyes stared at him, full of questions and concerns. "You had a nightmare." She told him, as if he somehow might not know that.

She shouldn't have been in Oshu at all, but she had some sort of friendship with Magoichi, and since learning he'd taken up regular employ with him had made herself a welcome guest whenever the fancy hit her. And she never even brought a single guard or visited officially. Really, sometime she was going to get him accused of kidnapping her - because why was she on his lands all alone? Moreover, she seemed to have decided that any friend of Magoichi's was a friend of hers. Masamune had told her several times that in the real world, it doesn't work that way - but he might as well have been talking to a wall. Or alternatively, Kanetsugu, because he thought he got more of a reaction out of the wall than him or Gracia.

"It's nothing." He was half sitting up from his awakening, so he righted his position fully - placing his feet on the ground to gaze out across the scenery that had lulled him to sleep earlier. It was falsely peaceful - but he was never at peace. Not since that day.

For some reason, Gracia had taken his movement to mean she could scoot closer and lay a hand on his shoulder. "You called for your father."

"I told you, it's nothing. Leave it alone." He shrugged off her hand and stood up. His plan to walk away was stopped by her next words.

"Sometimes I dream of my father's death."

Gracia was a sickeningly sweet, disgustingly innocent girl who believed the world was full of friendship and happiness. She should have never been sitting on his back porch, her expression serious, mentioning her father's death. Masamune was so startled by the turn of events, he wondered if he was still dreaming.

"I don't know how he died, exactly. There was a battle. There's lots of ways to die in battle. That's what I dream about mostly. Him being stabbed. In the stomach... in the heart. There's always a lot of blood, and sometimes the camp is on fire. Other times, he's captured and beheaded, and other times... I read a book on torture, once. It was in the library and once I found it, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I read it. So in my nightmares that's there too. Fingernails being ripped off, and needles inserted and knives slicing-"

"Hey, stop!" He knelt beside her, and gripped her shoulders to give her a firm shake. "You shouldn't think about those things."

"I can't stop!" Gracia stood up, and he was forced to let her arms go. "Nobody tells me anything! If someone would finally just tell me, maybe the nightmares would go away!"

Masamune looked away from her, gazing again at the serene landscape that seemed mocking at that moment. It shouldn't have been so sunny and cheerful while they discussed torture and death. "They don't go away, even if you know. Even if you're there."

"Were you there? When your father died?"

He looked up and met her eyes. "I shot him."

Gracia should have been running away in horror, but instead her gaze was eerily calm. "Was he a bad man?"

The question was surprising. "No! No, he was good man."

"Then why did you shoot him?"

He should have told her to mind her own business. He should have told her that just because she was willing to share her nightmares, didn't mean he was willing to share his. Instead, the words came tumbling out. "The Hatakeyama invited him to talks, but then took him prisoner. When we reached them, they had a knife at his throat. If we opened fire, he'd be killed. If we didn't, we'd have to surrender. He said to fire...I know he said it. But in my dreams there's only silence." He focused his gaze downward, at the dirt that he was kneeling on. Her shoes. The deck. Anywhere he could - desperate to escape the reality he himself had forged. There was nowhere to run. "I gave the order. I killed him."

Gracia knelt down, reached out a hand to rest on his shoulder. "But they may have killed him anyway, even if you'd surrendered. They could have killed you all. He gave his life for you to live."

"I gave the order. I shot him. I murdered my own father. And I can never forgive myself."

For a moment, Gracia seemed at a loss for what to say, then she spoke again. "My father killed his lord. Thats what they say. I don't know if he did, I never even had the chance to ask. They call him a traitor. But he was a good man, my father. I swear it on my own life. It's a strange world we live in, where good men betray their lords and sons must kill the fathers they love."

Masamune finally raised his head to look at her. Her gaze had found it's way to the scenery, as if seeking the peace they both seemed to be denied. "What nightmares are made of."

"...yes." Once again silence fell between them, and - unsurprisingly - it was Gracia who broke it. "Sometimes I don't sleep at night, because I'm afraid of the nightmares, but...if we rest out here together, we can wake each other up if they come. Right?"

Against his will, Masamune found his mouth pulling up into a small, gentle smile. "Let's do that."

Magoichi found them there as night was falling. Heads near, but bodies going the opposite direction - both facing the gardens. He gave a small shake of his head, before he slipped back inside and returned with blankets to cover them from the chill of the spring night. "For once, let them have sweet dreams." He murmured, brushing both their hair gently, before he turned to go back inside to his own bed, where he knew he would likely find only nightmares.

Fini

Notes: This was inspired by a prompt from the musou meme before it was shut down. It was a request for someone to comfort Masamune after a nightmare. Somehow I couldn't help but think of Gracia, and how she probably wouldn't know exactly how Mitsuhide had died. Once that idea had hit me, I couldn't get it out of my head. And then the meme was shut down, and I never got a chance to post it. XD

I know Gracia is probably way too mature and nowhere near cutesy enough. (I tried.) But, over all, I'm happy with the result. I even got Magoichi in there at the end! Though, y'know, I'm mean to him, by saying he's only going to have nightmares. I can't help but think he probably would though. He's pretty emo when he's not being an ass.