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It's your life and be the measure of life's worth for you to treasure.
When I was little, my mom used to let me sit in on her classes. She taught the fifth grade. I would, audit, if you will. I remember feeling so big. Mom told me I was the smartest boy in the whole class. She told me I could do anything I set my mind to, and I believed her. That's why I became a teacher.
After Mom died, teaching was something I wanted to do to remember her. I'd known even then, however, that there was no way I could handle fifth-graders. They're so anxious to grow up. It makes them obstinate. So I set my sights on the younger stages of childhood. Third grade.
My first and only year as "Mr. Doyle" was … amazing. It's possible the children taught me more about life than I taught them. One little girl called me by my first name, Allen. She simply insisted on it, and I didn't mind. Her name was Anna. She had the most poetic soul. Every word that came out of her mouth was pure innocence in its native form. She alone out of the whole class understood what rewards there were from kindness and generosity. She was the reason.
Anna was killed in a car accident with her mother and infant brother. The neighborhood held a memorial service honoring them, and giving their deepest regret to the father. The poor man killed himself several weeks later. That's when I quit teaching. I crawled into a hole I'd dug for myself and mourned my little girl.
It was years before anyone noticed or cared. But when someone finally did, she brought the light back to my darkness. Harriet and I met at the food bank. I was volunteering there out of respect for Anna. That was everything to me for the longest time. Harry found me and pulled me back. I never thanked her for that. I wish now that I'd had time to tell her how happy I am to have met her. Time to tell her I loved her.
On my 21st birthday Harry and I went out to celebrate. I had a lot to drink, after all, consider the occasion. But something happened that night I'll never forget. When Harriet saw me she could only stare for a moment. It wasn't until I'd managed to change back that she actually screamed. That's a sound that's always haunted me. For weeks she didn't call me, refused to talk to me at all. I fell back into my hole. I couldn't get the thought out of my mind.
'We were going to have a baby. We were going to make a family and be happy. Why?'
Harry tried. She says she saw the error of her ways. She apologized again and again but I didn't believe her. It wasn't until I'd signed the divorce papers that I understood what she felt. I hope she'll forgive me.
But these obstacles are what shape us as people. Admit you have nothing, and realize you're not wrong. Understand how much you truly have, and you're the happiest man alive. I can't prove it, but if I had another shot at life I know what I'd do.
A lot of people talk about death, and what the last few seconds are like. They say your life flashes before your eyes, but that's not true. Life…seems to stand absolutely still, and the moments you hold last for what seems like a lifetime. It was… Harriet… and the way she hid her face when she was laughing because she always turned red. And how when you're at the beach, the light undertow pulls you in, asking you to swim. And the way the sun always warms you after you've been working in the dark all day. And Anna. The one soul who knew what life meant, and what it was worth.
You probably wonder what my point is. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. But someday … you will …
It's your life and be the measure of life's worth for you to treasure.