The moment I realized where he wanted to land, I tried to resist. I did. But we were already through the time vortex and I couldn't reverse us that quickly. I'd seen this day coming for a long time, since Amelia Pond walked through my doors for the very first time. But I hadn't realized it was this close. This soon. Screeching, I pushed on the brakes until I'd cut our speed in half.
"Doctor, what's happening?" Amy asked, her Scottish accent trying to sound unconcerned. She had so much faith in my Doctor, and she tried to contain her fear whenever possible. It was probably why she'd left such a deep mark on my Doctor's hearts. He didn't like to cause people anything other than joy and happiness. He enjoyed being the one people knew they could count on. It helped him forget the other things he'd done in his long life.
"She's put the brakes on!" my Doctor yelled over my protests. "Maybe she doesn't like New York!"
"Who doesn't like New York?" Rory yelled back as he entered the main console room with a picnic basket.
"I don't know!" my Doctor said, exasperated. "She's moody sometimes!" I wanted to tell him not to go. I wanted to have hands again so I could grab him by his bow tie and keep him away from New York City. He had no idea of what awaited him. It would cause him so much pain. Amy was his whole world, his best friend. And he was leading her to her death. My Doctor pulled the parking brake off, cutting off half of the power that had slowed us down. I began to pick up speed again, and he finally managed to land us.
"Doctor, please," I said as he walked to the doors. "Don't go, just come back and let's go somewhere else. Anywhere else," but I knew he couldn't hear me. He hadn't been able to hear me since I'd been shoved in that poor human body. I knew he would hear me again, but it was unclear how far into the future that memory was from.
The trio walked out to have their picnic, and I knew with a heavy heart that that was the last time they'd be together. That's the curse of being able to see all of Time. I don't have a voice to save anyone.
So when he came back sobbing quietly but endlessly, after we'd both tried so hard to save her, my heart broke for him yet again. I dimmed the lights slightly. When my Doctor was in his grieving for his lost friends, he preferred to do it in the dark. Where he thought no one could see him cry.
River walked in behind him, closing my doors and walking over to my Doctor. She tried to wrap her arms around his waist, but he twisted away. He walked over to my console, forcing himself to get his tears under control while she was around. My Doctor walked around my console, flipping switches and pressing buttons that he knew did nothing but relocate the library to the room next to his and move it back to its optimum position. He'd installed that a while back, and I had a feeling it was where he wanted to encase himself right this moment. Taking a final deep breath, he turned and faced River, who had resorted to leaning against the railing around my console.
"Ok," my Doctor said. He reached behind him and pushed my equivalent of the third speed dial button. It automatically entered the coordinates for Professor River Song's jail cell into my system and set the engine on silent. He pulled the lever that started my engines, and I flew off towards our destination.
"You're taking me home," River said sadly. Often, the Doctor would let her stay for a few days before he took her back to her cell. But not this time.
"Yes," the Doctor replied quietly. I tried to get there as fast as I could. My Doctor was normally very in control of his emotions, but there were certain times he couldn't contain it. If I didn't get there fast enough, my Doctor would break down again. He doesn't like people to see the pain he feels at his core. He especially doesn't like River to see that pain. River stared at my Doctor, while he turned his back to her and shut his eyes. His breathing became shaky but slow as he counted ten seconds to inhale and ten to exhale. They didn't speak again until I landed just outside of River's cell.
River walked to my doors, before turning around with tears flooding her own eyes.
"Doctor," she called. He looked up, straightening his back and clasping his hands behind his back to keep them from shaking. My brave soldier. "Listen to her. Don't be alone, Doctor. Promise me."
"I promise," my Doctor whispered. River let out a small breath, and nodded slightly. She turned, making none of her usual witty remarks as she left. I closed my doors softly behind her.
"You're lying," I told him quietly. He wouldn't be ok after this. It would be a long time before he found another reason for being himself again. My Doctor looked up at me, finally allowing his tears to flow again. A small sob escaped from his lips as he covered them with his hand, as if he was afraid River could still hear him.
"I should have listened," he whispered. It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. Slowly, I started my engines and set our final destination coordinates to a quiet part of the Milky Way. My Doctor looked around as he heard us take off, and he ran his hand over my console. "Thank you."
He pressed the library relocation button again and slowly made his way towards his room. I felt him collapse into Amy's favorite chair in the library and cry, his sobs racking my soul at its deepest point. I felt, as he finally stopped crying, coldness settle in his heart. A dark, deep blue; much different than the bright red hair that had inspired my last console room. I felt my poor Doctor's mind surround itself with the memories of her, her smile making him cry even harder. Because, my Doctor, I tried to tell you all those years ago when you last heard me. Alive is so big and so sad, when it's over.
I set to work creating my new face, taking the warm colors and shifting them to a shade to match the cold stone that had begun to consume my Doctor's soul.