A/N I had this idea and thought I'd try my hand at it. Not sure I like how it turned out, but it was worth a shot!
"Oh how I have needed this," Pepper moaned as she slid down onto the sofa. Natasha didn't say a word, only smirking.
"You need a sofa?" Wanda asked with a small chuckle.
"You know what I mean and believe me, I meant it," Pepper insisted, kicking her heels off. "Tony hasn't just been driving me up the wall, he's been trying to drive me through it!"
"Preach it boss lady!" Darcy cheered, plopping down next to her.
"Darcy," Jane sighed with a roll of her eyes.
"Don't worry so much Jane," Natasha chuckled. "Remember, here Pep's not my boss and Darcy's not your intern."
"Yeah, live a little!" Maria Hill toasted.
"And drink a lot!" the rest of the room finished the group's motto.
No one outside of the group really knew how these little meetings happened. Maybe it was a predetermined date, maybe a text message, maybe a signal in the night sky. All anyone knew was that for one night at least once a month, the women of the Avengers gathered and only a legitimate crisis (no Tony, you being bored is not a legitimate crisis) would cause the party to cease.
No male had ever been permitted at these private soirees and no male would ever dare to interrupt the gathering. Partially because Clint was the only one who actually knew the location of Natasha Romanoff's apartment and valued his life and sanity too much to tell the others. Partially it was because Pepper Potts had forbidden Tony from tracking them down on threat of making him go to board meetings for the next three months. But mostly it was because the guys seemed to understand that their favorite ladies needed a night for themselves or else they would snap and try to take over the world.
"They may still take over the world," Tony pointed out the night that the male Avengers gathered to discuss the behavior of the female Avengers and their compatriots.
"Tony…" Steve sighed tiredly.
"I mean it, they've got alcohol and bad movies. They're going to talk and plan and go crazy and take over the world!" Tony insisted.
"The Lady Pepper does a remarkable job running your empire, Stark. Between her and my Jane I am sure they would all be fair rulers of this planet," Thor spoke up helpfully.
"Because that's so reassuring," Tony snorted.
"Guys, we've got two options," Bruce spoke up tiredly, having finally grown bored of hearing the argument for what felt like the hundredth time. "We can bother them and they exact revenge or we can leave them alone and stay in their good graces when they rule the world."
"I think that was sarcasm, but I'm in favor of the second," Steve offered.
"You are all hopeless," Tony groaned.
The meetings had started with Natasha inviting Pepper over one evening for a nightcap and movie while she was still been masquerading as Natalie Rushman, before the Avengers had even been formed. The two had found plenty to discuss and ended up ordering Chinese food from three different places at three in the morning. It had been very amusing to witness the expressions of the three delivery workers that had arrived at the same time.
Even after Natasha dropped the façade, Pepper still found herself wandering over to the apartment every now and again for a night of girl talk and movies. Natasha always managed to find the free time to meet with her fellow working-woman and kept a handy supply of drinks for every occasion. Pepper was responsible for the food and did a good job of alternating between familiar choices such as pizza and fun alternatives like authentic Greek saganaki.
The dynamic of the evenings changed after the events of New York and the formation of the Avengers, though. Pepper had made a few discreet inquiries and by the next Girls' Night In, Jane Foster was sitting awkwardly on Natasha's sofa with cocktail in hand while Darcy chatted excitedly with Pepper about her shoes.
"So you're telling me that every time Tony sets the house on fire he buys you a new pair of shoes from a different country!" Darcy demanded, her eyes growing wide.
"Unfortunately, yes. I'd prefer to not have smoke in the air all the time, but this pair from San Marino is ridiculously comfortable," Pepper confided.
"Comfortable? That's a five inch heel!" Darcy gaped.
"I know," Pepper grinned like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.
"Jane, do you see these shoes! Can you imagine what it would be like to walk in these shoes?" Darcy turned to grin at her boss.
"Darcy…" Jane hissed nervously. "That's our boss, remember?"
"Only at the office, and barely then," Pepper smiled reassuring at the younger woman.
"Which is better than when I was working at Stark Industries," Natasha put in. "What was my official title Pep, 'Tony's Babysitter'?"
"Sure, let's go with that," Pepper chuckled.
"Either way, business and codenames and paychecks don't come into play in this apartment. Here we drink, we eat, and we complain about the lovable idiots that we work with. Sometimes we watch movies," Natasha explained only to frown. "Didn't I explain this when I invited you two?"
"You did, but I don't think my boss lady believed you," Darcy nodded to where Jane was still sitting tensely.
"Darcy…"
"Relax Foster," Natasha insisted.
"Take a drink and tell us about Thor," Pepper suggested with a kind smile. "I'm guessing with that between your stories and mine it'll take us less than two hours to fill tonight's quota for talking about the dumb things the men we date do."
Jane hesitated for a moment, but the warm smiles directed at her encouraged her to speak.
"I love him," Jane sighed. "But keeping up a relationship with someone who comes and goes as he pleases on an intergalactic basis is starting to get…"
"Old?" Pepper asked.
"Frustrating," Jane corrected, taking another drink. "I'm still trying to explain how Facebook works to him."
"Yeah but he knows how tasers work now!" Darcy grinned mischievously.
"Darcy! Why would you teach him that?" Jane demanded.
"Especially considering he can call lightening down from the sky to 'smite his enemies'," Natasha chimed in. "And I've really got to agree with Jane on this one. Why would you teach him to use such a useless weapon? My repulsor eskrima sticks are much better for close-range combat."
"Blasphemy!" Darcy shouted, her voice reverberating slightly in the apartment.
"Darcy…" Jane sighed.
"No, no, I can't wait to hear this explanation," Natasha leaned forward with an indulging smile. Darcy rose to the challenge immediately, waving her arms as she explained the joys of her taser.
"While they talk weapons, lets talk food," Pepper spoke conspiratorially to Jane. "I need someone on my side to convince Nat that Kate's Kitchen has the best pizza. She's insisting on The Pike's and I can't stand it much longer."
"Kate's Kitchen is delicious," Jane nodded. "But have either of you tried The Cheese Shop?"
The following month Jane brought more than enough pizza from her favorite joint in order to prove her point. Pepper had been her strongest opponent and ended up eating an entire pie on her own. Meanwhile Natasha was demonstrating to Darcy new and better ways to take down thugs. No one remembers who had the (not-so) brilliant idea of making Baked Alaska, but Pepper was generous enough to pay for fixing the damages done to Natasha's stove. The evening ended on the pleasant note of all four women crammed on Natasha's couch, shouting obscenities at late night TV.
When HYDRA had been discovered inside S.H.I.E.L.D. and Maria Hill began working at Stark Industries an invitation was extended to her to join the Girls' Night In. Maria had walked in, set down a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates from Switzerland, and a request that they watch Mean Girls. She and Darcy bonded while Natasha grumbled throughout the movie about Lindsay Lohan being an insult to redheads everywhere. Pepper just laughed and continued trading stories with Jane about dating men with egos.
The next time the ladies gathered Natasha had firmly put her foot down against any more Lohan movies being in her apartment. Maria had shrugged and accepted the rules before giving Natasha a hostess gift of chocolate dipped pineapple and asking Darcy if it was true that she had tasered Thor when they first met. Jane and Darcy were surprisingly eager to provide a live reenactment of the meeting and all five ladies were barely able to sit up by the end of the night from laughing so hard.
The day that Natasha introduced Mrs. Laura Barton to the group was met with applause from all corners. Laura had looked stunned for a moment at the reaction, but after being given a carton of lo mein and first choice on the potstickers she decided to just go with it.
"But I don't get it," Laura whispered to Nat at one point in the evening. The women were halfway through Disney's Brave.
"It's Clint as a redhead Scot, what's not to get?" Nat whispered back.
"Oh no, I understand that. Why do you think I showed the movie to the kids as soon as it came out? No, what I don't understand is why everyone clapped when I came in. What did you tell them Natasha?" Laura demanded, worried that the other woman had been spreading stories about her being a spy or some other such nonsense.
"Don't worry Laura, I only told them the truth. They're applauding because you're the only one brave enough to marry an Avenger," Natasha explained.
"Or crazy enough," Darcy called over. "Not to say anything against Clint, just that marrying an Avenger takes an extra dose of the cray-cray than what we usually get around here."
"Well he wasn't an Avenger when I met him, he was just a field agent low on the totem pole for S.H.I.E.L.D.," Laura smiled at the memory.
"Is Laura telling us how she met Clint? Because this is a story I want to hear!" Maria declared. Pepper grinned and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, pausing the movie and joining her friends to turn to Laura.
"You really want to hear?" Laura frowned, confused.
"Of course! We already know how Pepper met Tony and how Thor and Jane met made all of the major news stations," Darcy teased.
"Why wouldn't we want to know?" Pepper inquired, frowning slightly as she regarded the other woman.
"Because you're a high-profile CEO, Nat's a master spy, Jane is an award-winning scientist, Maria handles the Avengers, and Darcy once tasered a demi-god. I'm a stay-at-home mom with three kids and a farm," Laura said somewhat sheepishly.
"And do you think for one minute that any of us would last in your shoes? I panic when I can't get a phone signal," Pepper admitted.
"Theoretical and observational physics doesn't exactly prepare you for babysitting," Jane added.
"I manage the Avengers, which yes, they are essentially overgrown children, and I am definitely looking at you Nat," Maria looked pointedly at her fellow former-agent. "However, and I cannot stress this enough, they actually know how to feed themselves and use the toilet. And best of all, I didn't have to teach them how to do any of that," Maria spoke with palpable relief.
"I can totally appreciate the challenge of keeping people fed 'cause when Jane really gets going on a new project she forgets to eat and reminding her to do that and sleep and shower…yeah, totally not easy, I'm glad I don't have to do it full time. You do that full time for three kids and a full man-dude. I bow at the feet of a master," Darcy declared, half-bowing as she spoke. The other women laughed as Jane ran a hand over her face at her intern's antics.
"Remember the first time I stayed with you guys? The chickens?" Nat prompted. Laura burst into laughter.
"How could I ever forget? You went out to collect the eggs and came back covered in feathers!"
"Point is, you're one of us Laura. So start spilling stories about Clint and we'll tell you all about the others," Maria offered with a smile. This time Laura didn't hesitate for a moment before grinning in response.
"If you really want to know, it all started with him sneaking onto my dad's farm to try and steal a cow…"
Unlike the others, Laura was not often in town. But when she happened to be she always made sure to be present at the Girls' Night In, leaving Clint to watch after their three children for the night. One of the best nights came when Pepper surprised them with a rented karaoke machine. Jane and Natasha surprised everyone with a heartfelt Disney duet, Pepper proved to have the perfect voice for crooning out hits from the eighties, Laura shook and shimmied to pop hits, and Maria rapped like there was no tomorrow with Darcy shocking everyone with her talent for singing German opera.
And then came the day that an invitation was extended to Wanda Maximoff, aka Scarlet Witch. The Black Widow had reassured the young woman that she would be welcome in the apartment, that it was a safe place should she need a break from the New Avengers' training compound. And after three weeks she was certainly in need of a break. However, nerves kept the young woman from even approaching the door at the end of the hallway.
"Hey, you made it tonight! Red Lady, right?" Darcy Lewis grinned as she came up behind the young Avenger.
"Scarlet Witch," Wanda corrected, staying still as she eyed the strange intern. "But please, call me Wanda. Here there is no need for codenames, yes?"
"Damn straight, just a night of bad movies and better food. My favorite night," Darcy sighed happily, throwing an arm around Wanda and pulling her down the corridor.
"I think I've seen you around the compound before, but either way the name's Darcy, and I don't know about you, but I'm completely starved. My crazy boss has been working me like mad the last few weeks, making me miss lunch and everything," Darcy complained as she led Wanda into the apartment.
"I heard that," Jane called from where she was curled up on Natasha's most comfortable recliner, a rivaled seat that often resulted in contention.
"You were supposed to," Darcy shot back with a smirk.
"Hey, you found Wanda!" Laura smiled in greeting at the younger woman. Wanda waved shyly.
"Sorry if I was running late," she apologized.
"Nope, you're right on time. Food's all spread out in the kitchen so help yourself; we've got plenty of Chinese. Darcy, you feel like playing mixologist again?" Natasha asked
"My true calling in life! Show me to my babies," Darcy rubbed her hands together in glee.
"You don't need to be on your guard here," Natasha whispered to Wanda, speaking so that no one could hear her. "Tonight is just about relaxing and sharing stories."
Wanda nodded once, her posture softening slightly as she took in the comfortable room. One couch that could fit four people at most and two armchairs, a television set with stereo and gaming system, tasteful paintings on the wall, soft carpeting a light shade of blue, and two double-hung windows near the hallway that led to Natasha's bedroom.
"Your home is lovely, Natasha," Wanda complimented.
"Thank you, I'm pretty fond of it myself. Do you know everyone here?" Natasha checked.
"Of course," Wanda replied firmly.
"Good, then make yourself at home, get some food, and then get over here and pick a movie," Maria called from near the couch.
"Standing rule, new member picks the movie," Laura explained at Wanda's frown.
"Is there anything you would like to watch?" Wanda asked politely.
"Don't even try that kid," Darcy warned. "You pick and we watch. Them's the rules."
"And there are no bad choices. At least when it comes to movies," Jane amended.
"Except for…ugh what was that one? You know the one with the element bending and terrible special effects?" Pepper spoke up.
"I thought we agreed that we never wasted two hours of our lives watching that travesty," Maria frowned.
"Speaking of bad choices, weren't you telling us a story, Pepper?" Natasha asked as Wanda moved with more confidence into the kitchen and filled a plate with food.
"Oh no, I am not nearly tipsy enough to talk about what those uptight bigwigs tried to pull at the board meeting yesterday," Pepper Potts shook her head empathetically.
"Yeah? Well then let's get a drink in you and start the sharing," Jane said. "You hear that Darce?"
"Yep! Come on over boss lady, pick your poison," Darcy ordered.
"What's the special tonight?" Pepper asked, rising from her place on the couch and approaching Darcy's workstation.
"It's a newly inspired one tonight, I call it Shook Up Scientists," Darcy explained as she flipped several bottles through the air before handing the finished drink to Pepper.
"Sounds like you've got some stories to share," Laura smiled knowingly.
"Ian and Eric, ladies. Ian and Eric. I swear, one of them is crazy and the other has too much energy and nine times out of ten I don't know which ones which!" Darcy complained.
"Don't even try talking to me about crazy until you've dealt with Thor and Steve in a fight," Maria argued.
"You mean when they battled for the Pop Tarts?" Wanda asked curiously.
"They did what?!" Jane snorted, almost dropping her plate of moo shu beef.
"That's not the time I was thinking of, but it sounds like Wanda needs to start sharing," Maria teased.
Just like that, Wanda was swept into the flow of conversation and found herself curling up between Laura, Pepper, and Darcy on the sofa while Jane and Natasha claimed the opened chairs, leaving Maria to sprawl comfortably on the carpet. Wanda's eyes widened in wonder as she watched The Lord of the Rings for the first time with Darcy providing a running commentary under her breath. Laura laughed until she cried when she heard from Pepper about Tony's Legolas nickname for Clint. Apparently that was one story he had never felt like sharing with his loving wife. Maria fell asleep on the carpet even as Jane grumbled about Peter Jackson's lack of consideration for physics.
After the movie Darcy and Wanda conspired to convince Natasha to hold a Hobbit trilogy and Lord of the Rings extended edition trilogy marathon at her apartment the following weekend. It didn't take much to convince her to continue Wanda's cinematic education. All the Black Widow asked was that they promise to bring Lembas bread. Darcy grinned at the easy bargain, explaining to Wanda that she would take care of finding the recipe and ingredients if Wanda would be willing to bake. The Scarlet Witch was becoming well known for her cooking and baking skills, a trait that was to be desired in Darcy Lewis. Her last creation hadn't quite come to life, but it had been a close call.
The Girls' Night In nights continued even as the Avengers grew. Every time another woman joined the team, an invitation was extended to join the Girls' Night In parties. At one point it was suggested that they hold the gatherings in another location, space becoming somewhat tight in Natasha's one-woman apartment. But no place had the privacy or atmosphere to quite match Black Widow's humble abode so the ladies made do with couch, chairs, and plenty of pillows and carpet space.
Sometimes there were quiet nights, where one would find herself admitting to the personal struggles or relationship problems that she was facing. Other nights, drama would be aired and fights resolved. One time they argued how to best take over and rule the world. (It was agreed that a council would work with an uneven number and a rotating chairperson so that there was no single woman in full control.) Another time Natasha borrowed Mjolnir from Thor just for the sake of messing with him and all of the ladies gave wielding the hammer a try. (The results were classified for security reasons, but mostly to keep Thor from crying.) But most nights were spent with drinks in hand, plates of food, a movie playing, and plenty of talking as the women of the Avengers discussed the one thing they all had in common: not killing their coworkers.