A/N: Okay, So I'm attempting this new story. I guess it's angsty or dark or whatever. It has cutting, some drug use. It has refrences to rape, I mean I don't have any like....rape scenes or anything, but its a big part of the story. And No, it is not Edward who rapes her. It does have graphic cutting though, I guess. So don't read if you can't do that sort of thing, but really I don't think its that bad. Review because I like to know what you're thinking, good or bad I don't care. If you hate it and think its horrible, tell me. If you like it and want more...tell me. I've already got 3 more chapters written out. Ready to post. If people like it.

I also Don't own Twlight....that's all Stephenie Meyer.

"One, two, three.....one, two, three.....one, two, three..." I repeated over and over again, slowly piercing my skin with the razor blade.

The blood oozed out easily. It always did. I used to grow dizzy at the sight of blood, the smell, but now it was the most inviting thing ever. I loved bleeding, when it was on my own terms anyway. It gave me a sort of high. I can't explain it right. But it felt as if I was detached from my body in a way, yet I could still feel the pain, but all the emotions were gone. I was numb, until the sting begun. But even then it kept most emotions away because of the pain. For now I only felt content, and proud. I succeeded in my mission.

I sucked in a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of the numbness. This was my favorite part. Just sitting on the bathroom floor, letting my body bleed. The floor was painted red now, my thighs soaked in the sticky substance.

I took in another breath, loving the smell of the coppery blood I used to hate. I don't know when it changed really, maybe I had grown accustomed to it.

"Bella? Honey, are you okay? You've been in there quite a while..." My mother, Renee's voice, brought me out of my bubble of pleasure.

I sighed.

"Yeah, Fine. Be out in a minute, this turd is massive." I replied.

I didn't hear anything after that, so I assumed she had moved on. I started to feel like familiar stinging on my thighs. "ughhhh" I groaned. The pain. This wasn't my favorite part, but I liked it just fine. It was inevitable.

I pulled my self off the floor, that was now soaked in my blood. I sighed. This was the worst, and least favorite part: the clean-up.

I pulled my designated 'blood towel' out of the back of the cabinet under the sink. I ran it in some water, gently running it over my thighs. My breath caught and a sucked in a big gulp of air. Fucking Hell that hurt.

After cleaning of my self, a soaked up the floor, making sure to get every trace of red. I pulled out a pink and black zebra print case and slid my razor blade into it, laying next my baggy of coke and joints. Picking up my towel, I threw it back into the cabinet.

Making sure I was presentable, I smoothed out my clothes and headed out of the bathroom.

"Bella, dear, I'm going out tonight with Bebe and Margaret. Phil will be here though. I told him ya'll can rent a movie or watch Pay per view if you want." my mother stopped me from entering my room.

"No mom, that won't be necessary. I'm just gonna go to bed early. Have fun with Bebe and Marge, okay?" I kissed her cheek, turning my door knob.

"Okay sweetie." She hugged me before turning around.

Once in my room, I shut the door proceeding to slide down it. I pulled my knees up to my face and held myself together letting the sobs rack my body. I was home...alone....with Phil.

And it was if he heard my mind think his name, because at that moment he banged loudly on the door, " Bellllllaaa, come out and playyyy."