Another story... Another one shot... Another Victorious-Jade story...

This isn't a companion to my other... well it could be but isn't really :/ It is just more rambly deliciousness?

Want to know a story?

Every night, I lay in bed, and through the walls I hear my mother being beaten. I'll be trying to sleep and she'll cry out to me for help and my dad just makes her sob. The thing is, I relish in the sound. How sick is that? I like to hear my mother crying in pain. If she is being beaten, it isn't me, so why shouldn't I like it? In fact, I enjoy the whole fucking situation.

Actually, that isn't true. I hate it when she calls my name. Why does she have to ask for my help? It means I either have to ignore her pleas or help her. It makes me so angry. This is her shit, not mine. In fact, it is these nights which ruin all of the next day.

Yes, I have anger issues. I'm violent and vicious to everybody, and I relish the sound. Their begs of forgiveness; their pleas of mercy; their cries of pain. It makes me feel powerful coz I'm so fucking twisted.

I guess you could say it is because I like knowing I'm not the one suffering as to why I like it. Yeh, my dad hits me about sometimes but I'm not suffering most. Oh no, everybody around me suffers more than me, I make sure of it. Yes, that is a sadistic but I don't care. I also understand that I could just think about the poor kids suffering in Africa and Asia and shit, 'cept I don't. That doesn't help; seeing others suffer does.

In reality, I want to see those more fortunate suffer. The ones like Tori Vega who get everything they want to feel pain. I can't be perfect, so why should she be allowed to? She shouldn't. So yes, I do attack her verbally and keep her from being truly friended by people, but why can't I? She doesn't need friends because she has talent and a family and shit. She can suffer at least once!

Maybe that is why I'm such a bitch in general, even when Beck tells me not to. Beck doesn't know shit about my life, and yeh, I enjoy seeing him in pain too. How wrong is that? I mean, it isn't like I don't even love him. I do, I just want him to hurt. That is partially why I keep him around, coz he can do so much better and would probably be happy with somebody like Vega. See, he thinks I just act so violent, to get attention. He doesn't realise that actually this is how I am. I'm acting when I am nice... When I play a character and she is a good one, I think about how I should be if I were normal.

I'm so fucked up, I swear. The pills I take don't even work. They're meant to stop my depression, which doesn't even exist. I'm not depressed, just sick. My sadistic ways aren't even an illness, just an existent. When I'm on the pills, I just want people to hurt more because I realise how much I should be hurting. When I'm on the pills, I always tend to my mum when she calls so I ALWAYs get a black eye or whatever.

So you want to know something?

I do not need any help. Help won't do anything because me being twisted isn't just something random. Medication and talking don't help for it is genetic and part of who I am. Everybody who befriends me already knows this. Or maybe they don't... perhaps they're the problem.

Now, I'm going to go and rejoice in the cries of my mother when I get home, because right now I feel like shit and need a pick me up. Yeh, you've made me NEED to hear somebody hurting more than me right now... I guess when they forced me to take my anti-depressants this morning, they didn't think of this scenario.

Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say that this is all pointless. I'm screwed and no amount of therapy will help me.

How was that? Too rambly? Too bad? Does anybody else believe Jade to be a little like this? Or am I barking up the wrong tree? Review it :)