The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters had to take a bathroom break. This takes place right after 'A Bad Week At Bayville High'. Just more mad thoughts from my brain that won't stop!
Brotherhood Rest Stop
Somewhere in Florida there was a rest station with a popular Burger Buddy fast food restaurant next door. Due to the rise in gas prices and the time of day there was a distinct lull in the action. In other words there was no one there but some very bored counter workers.
That boredom was about to be shattered into tiny pieces as three large metal spheres landed right outside.
"I can't believe we're lost!" Mystique snapped as she stormed out of a largest metal sphere with Magneto and his two children. Lance and Pyro walked out of the second sphere. Fred and Todd came out of the third.
"We are not lost," Magneto growled. "We're just taking a break. It's a long way to Genosha and I suspect at least one member of the Brotherhood needs a bathroom break."
"Thanks father!" Pietro zoomed off into the rest room.
"See?" Magneto said.
"Good idea," Wanda said. "I need a break too." She went into the ladies' room.
"Oh what the hell?" Mystique grumbled. "Might as well take advantage of the situation."
"I agree," Magneto said. They all looked at him. "What? I do need to use the bathroom occasionally too you know? Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of indestructible android or something."
"Sorry boss," Pyro blinked. "It's just that we never thought about it. It's weird…"
"Oh yeah Pyro," Lance said. "After leaving Bayville because we fought a nearly indestructible giant robot and a giant volcano erupting in the middle of a high school football field, that's the weird bit about this day!"
The next ten minutes were relatively quiet. Relatively…
"I must admit those new hand drying machines where you stick your hand in them and the air blows around them are quite extraordinary," Magneto spoke as he came out of the rest room. "I've got to implement them in our new headquarters."
"And the day just gets weirder…" Lance said. "But at least there aren't any volcanoes."
"Notice it's my brother that's the last one out of the restroom," Wanda quipped as Pietro walked out.
"What's the matter Quicksilver?" Lance teased. "That took you at least ten minutes!"
"Hey there are some things even I can't rush!" Pietro fumed.
"That's why it pays to be prepared," Todd hopped out with his arms loaded with toilet paper rolls. "Toilet paper for everyone!"
"Toad! You can't steal toilet paper!" Mystique yelled.
"Actually where we are going that might not be a bad idea," Magneto sighed. He made a motion and one of the spheres opened. "Throw them in. And any paper towels as well."
"I'm on it!" Pietro zoomed in. Then zoomed out with paper towels.
"Oh wait!" Fred ran in. The sound of something being pulled out of the wall was heard.
"For crying out loud Blob!" Mystique yelled.
"What?" Fred held one of the hand drying machines. "You said you liked it."
"So I did," Magneto sighed. "Just throw it in."
"They have a Buddy Burger Restaurant next door," Fred said. "Can we get something to eat? I'm hungry."
"What's that you say Fred? You're actually hungry? Well that's certainly out of character," Mystique said sarcastically.
"I'm hungry too," Todd said. "And I can't find any bugs. That restroom was too clean."
"Only you would complain about something like that," Wanda glared at him. "But I could go for something too."
"We just fought a Sentinel and we could use a break," Lance said.
"Can we get something to eat?" Pyro asked.
"Why not?" Magneto shrugged. Mystique looked at him as if he was insane. "What? Can't I get a bite to eat too? How do you think I survive? Absorbing metal?"
"O-kay…" Mystique blinked. "Wait a minute, one since when do you eat fast food?"
"Normally I don't partake in it but…" Magneto admitted. "I've always enjoyed a Buddy Double Burger. I don't know why. Something in the special sauce."
"We might have to take it to go," Mystique said. "We don't exactly blend in with the crowd." They were dressed in their uniforms and battle gear.
"What crowd yo?" Todd looked around. "The place is more deserted than a Ralph Nader pep rally of electoral delegates!"
"You've been watching CNN again haven't you?" Lance asked.
"Hey you learn a lot watching the news!" Todd said. "Did you know our new president is gonna be black? How cool is that?"
"Really?" Pyro said. "How progressive. When was the election again?"
"I know it was recently," Fred scratched his head. "I think it was around some holiday? Maybe Columbus Day?"
"I can't wait to start building a new mutant nation with you lot," Magneto groaned. "What brave new world…That has such idiots running amok in it."
"Is that like a movie quote or something? Cause it sounds familiar?" Fred scratched his head.
"You moron! It was on some TV show!" Pietro snorted.
"Yes well…" Magneto sighed. "I suppose I can't allow you to starve, even though your brain cells have died off due to malnutrition of thought years ago!"
"I still don't like it. We should leave and go to Genosha immediately," Mystique grumbled.
"Not without something to get my strength back up which I will need if I am going to use my powers to carry the Blob there!" Magneto glared at her. "Let's go!"
"This is the stupidest thing we have ever done," Mystique groaned as they went inside the restaurant.
"Don't worry Mystique," Pyro shrugged. "They're probably used to seeing weirder things than us all the time."
"Like what?" Lance asked as they walked in.
The cashier was asleep but everyone else was startled. "Ahem," Magneto coughed. "Ahem! Excuse me! Wake up!"
"Whaaaa? What?" The cashier woke up. "Oh right. Welcome to Buddy Burger, home of the Buddy Burger. Can I take your order or something?"
"Yes," Magneto tried to ignore the Brotherhood trying to get attention. "Look let's make this as easy as possible. Why don't you just give us ten of everything on the menu and that way we'll all have enough food even with the Blob around."
"Ooh! Can I have a toy from the Funny Feast?" Pyro asked.
"Me too!" Todd waved.
"Are you joking?" Mystique glared at them.
"Hey! If we're gonna stay cooped up in that metal ball for the next couple of hours I'm gonna need some entertainment," Pyro said.
"Yeah there aren't exactly any windows or anything to look out at," Fred nodded.
"Can't even play 'Name That Road Kill'," Todd added.
"Fine, give them a couple of toys too…" Magneto said.
"Oh sorry dude, did you place an order or something?" The cashier blinked. "Kind of spaced out for a second there. There was this really funny show I was watching last night where the guy goes 'Whooo' as he's going down the street and he's riding this big inner tube but there's no water. And he's being pulled by a monster truck and it popped a wheelie and then the guy ends up flying through the air and breaking his legs! That was hilarious man!"
"Very," Magneto sighed.
"Hey did you see that episode man?"
"No, I missed it but I have it on Tivo," Magneto said sarcastically.
"Awesome! You're gonna laugh when you watch it dude! He he!"
"Why do I get the impression that if I offered you a bag of magic beans for all the food in this restaurant you would accept?" Magneto asked.
"I dunno dude," The cashier blinked. "Can you like smoke these beans or are these the kind you put in tacos?"
"You choose," Magneto said.
"Sweet!" The cashier laughed.
"Oh my God…" Magneto groaned as he looked at Mystique. "I don't believe this!"
"I do," Mystique gave him a look. "I was a high school principal, remember? Imagine dealing with a hundred plus idiots seven days a week for over a year?"
"No wonder you were always so cranky," Magneto said.
"Makes you appreciate us a little more doesn't it?" Todd asked.
"Dude is that like a hat or something?" The cashier blinked at Magneto's helmet. "Wait a minute! I've seen you on TV or something! Are you like that Darth Vader dude?"
"And you call us morons?" Lance looked at Mystique.
"You have to admit moron is a step up from whatever he is!" Mystique pointed at the cashier.
"You got a light saber dude?" The cashier asked.
"Craig, I've got this!" A girl with the name tag Courtney Assistant to the Assistant Manager walked up. "Why don't you go help with the French fries or something?"
"But you said I would never be on fry duty again," Craig blinked.
"As long as you promise not to eat all the fries and don't fry your hat I'm willing to give you a second chance!" Courtney snapped.
"Sweet," Craig smiled as he went back. "Later Vader dude!"
"I'm sorry about that, Sir," Courtney said. "He's the nephew of one of the regional managers and we're kind of stuck with him. May I take your order?"
"Yes," Magneto tried to be as patient as possible. "We'd just like ten of everything on your menu."
"And some toys," Fred spoke up.
"And some toys," Magneto said.
"Okay. Did you want anything else?" Courtney asked.
"I did just say I wanted ten of everything on your menu," Magneto said. "Logic would dictate that would be sufficient."
"Okay. How about a drink?"
"Are drinks on the menu?" Magneto asked, rapidly losing patience.
"Uh I think so."
"And did I not say that I wanted ten of everything on the menu?" Magneto asked.
"Uh yeah," Courtney blinked. "So do you want drinks with that?"
"Yeah fine, we'll have a drink too," Magneto grumbled.
"And toys!" Fred called out.
"Yes Blob! I already told her we wanted some toys as well!" Magneto snapped at him.
"Oh you wanted toys from our Funny Feast menu too?" Courtney asked.
"That's why I said something!" Fred gave Magneto a look.
"Sorry Blob, my mistake," Magneto sighed.
"I mean you gotta admit I had a good reason to repeat myself," Fred added.
"Yes Blob I get the message," Magneto tried to will himself not to kill everyone in the restaurant. "Now get my message and be quiet!"
"So you want ten of everything and what would you like to drink?" Courtney asked.
"Is there someone else we can talk to here?" Magneto was losing his patience fast.
"Okay, okay I think I've got this…" Courtney looked confused as she punched in numbers. "Sorry I've never been on the register before. Oh wait I punched in an eight instead of a ten…I guess I can just add a two to each one….Oh no! Now I erased it! Okay got it back…"
"Example Number 45 of why mutants are superior to humans…" Magneto gritted his teeth. "I swear if I wasn't so hungry…"
"I know the feeling," Fred said. "I mean you want some food so bad you'd put up with anything to get it. And you crave it and crave it and you have to wait and wait and wait…"
"Somebody kill me now…" Mystique groaned.
"It's not like you want to eat but you have to eat and you have to have a certain food or else you'd go insane," Fred said.
"You get cravings like this all the time?" Magneto asked. "No wonder you never accomplish anything else."
"Seriously, kill me now," Mystique groaned. "Give me a stroke. A bolt of lighting. Wolverine and his stupid claws, anything!"
"Okay um, I know you're not supposed to push this button until you get a coupon…" Courtney thought. "Does anyone know how to add up the total on this thing?"
"You're an assistant manager and you have no clue how to work a register?" Wanda yelled.
"I'm an assistant assistant manager," Courtney said. "I'm the only one who passed the test!"
"Is something burning?" Pyro's ears pricked up,
"Trust you to be the one to pick that one up, Pyro," Lance groaned. "But yeah I smell it too!"
"Something is burning! Guys! Stop cooking the hats! I'm serious!" Courtney yelled. "If you don't stop right now I'm telling the assistant manager when he comes back after getting his acne treated!"
"Wouldn't it be easier if we all just went back there and stole all the food?" Pietro asked. "I mean, seriously!"
"I am in charge here and what I say goes!" Courtney yelled. Suddenly a piece of food hit her in the face. "I told you! No more chicken nugget fights! I mean it this time!"
"Come on! It's not like they're gonna be able to put up much of a fight!" Pietro told his father. "I mean it might even be faster if we cooked it!"
"OW! MY EYE!" Courtney yelled. "I'M TELLING!" She turned back to Magneto. "So did you want a drink or anything with your meal? I forgot to put it in."
"Father…" Pietro looked at Magneto.
"Oh what the hell?" Magneto shrugged. "Have fun. Might as well get it out of your system now."
"WHEEEEEEEEE!" Todd whooped as he jumped on the ceiling and ran around to the back. "MILKSHAKES FOR EVERYONE!"
"I want some toys!" Pyro cried out as he went back as well. "Cool! Paper hats!"
"Hey you gotta try them fried! They're great!" Craig laughed.
"Sounds like Craig is a bit fried himself," Lance quipped.
"If not he will be soon," Wanda shrugged.
Magneto and Mystique watched as the Brotherhood easily overpowered Courtney and the few employees that tried to put up a resistance. Craig of course was spared because he was cheering the Brotherhood on. "Yeah! Fight the power! Whoo hoo!"
"This is so going to go on your evaluation report Craig!" Courtney screamed before she and the others were shoved into a closet.
"All right! Fries fresh from the fryer!" Todd gulped some down using his tongue. "YEOW! HOT! HOT! HOT! Cooling off! Still hot! OW!"
"These fish burgers aren't bad," Wanda took one. "At least I think they're fish burgers."
"Nugget fight!" Pyro cackled as he and Craig threw nuggets at each other.
"I think I've lost my appetite," Mystique groaned.
"Well I haven't," Magneto growled. "Will someone get me a burger?"
"Here you go Magneto!" Fred handed him a burger. "One Buddy Burger extra sauce and some fries! Ooh! What kind of milkshake would you like?"
"Uh I believe I'll just take some bottled water," Magneto winced as he saw Todd drink right out of the milkshake machine. "Thank you Blob."
"Here you go Father," Pietro zoomed over and gave him some water. "Hey! Get away from those French fries Lance!" He zoomed back. Fries flew all over the place.
"Why don't these places serve any alcohol?" Mystique groaned as she and Magneto sat down at a nearby table. "It's not like there isn't a market for it!"
"BURGER FIGHT!" Lance laughed. "HEY! NO SQUIRTING SPECIAL SAUCE IN MY FACE!"
"Hey guys! We got some cash too!" Todd had jimmied open a cash register. "I got this! I know a trick that will make the cash register think we've already paid! And there we go!"
"I don't believe it," Mystique said. "Even Toad knows how to operate a register better than those employees do!"
"Like I said before, reason number 45 why even the dumbest mutant is smarter than any human," Magneto shrugged. "Or at the very least any fast food employee."
"NAPKIN FIGHT!"
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY BURGER!" Wanda yelled.
ZAP!
Craig was hexed right into a wall. "Whoa…Wicked Dude…" He passed out.
"I hate to admit it but as much as I hate it when they annoy me, I find it quite amusing when they annoy other people," Magneto snickered between bites.
"Even me?" Mystique glared at him.
"Especially you."
"Ketchup chugging contest!" Fred yelled. Todd and Pyro joined him in squeezing bottles down their throats.
"All of the sudden I am in no hurry to get to Genosha," Mystique groaned. "Stuck on an island for months with them? I'd rather get dysentery."
"Look at all the toy cars!" Pietro whooped. "All right! They have a Princess Pretty Mini Doll set too! I love those!"
"Just what every father dreams of his son saying," Magneto winced. "Right before they wake up screaming."
"I tell ya, this is one of the best field trips we ever had," Lance smirked as he finished up some chicken nuggets. "Does anyone else hear sirens?"
"And here come the police right on schedule," Mystique sighed as she looked out the window. "State troopers no less."
"THIS IS THE FLORIDA STATE POLICE! COME ON OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"
"Florida?" Magneto blinked. "I thought we were in Georgia."
"I told you we were lost," Mystique glared at him.
"Oh well," Magneto sighed. "Brotherhood…"
"We got this," Pietro snickered as he grabbed some bottles of ketchup and mustard and zoomed out. He zoomed back in. "Got their guns!" Pietro cackled as he put them on the table.
"Now we get to get them!" Lance cracked his knuckles as he and the Brotherhood ran outside. Sounds of yelling and screaming were heard as well as the occasional rumble from Lance using his powers.
"Shouldn't we go out there?" Mystique asked Magneto.
"AAAAH!" A cop ran for his life away from a pack of barking fire dogs with Pyro cackling insanely in pursuit.
"Let them have their fun," Magneto took a drink of water. "I want to finish my meal. You know I don't know what's in this special sauce but it's clearly addictive."
"It also clearly destroys brain cells," Mystique grumbled. "As evidenced by both the quality of personnel here and your uncharacteristic behavior."
"You know even I can't eat gourmet food all the time?" Magneto told her. "What do you think I lived on while building several of my headquarters? I had no time to schlep all over looking for a five star restaurant in the middle of nowhere!"
"Look at me!" Todd hopped by wearing a policeman's hat. "I got a hat!"
"That's nice Toad," Mystique sighed. "This never would have happened if you listened to my directions!"
"Not this again…" Magneto groaned.
"Heh heh heh!" Todd hopped back outside with some tubes of special sauce.
"AAAAHHH!" Wanda hexed another cop into the air. He slammed against the wall and was immediately covered in hot sauce and slime.
"Yes again and again!" Mystique snapped. "I swear we'd be in Genosha by now if you hadn't taken that 'shortcut'!"
"How was I supposed to know the Jet Stream would change and get a little turbulent?" Magneto snapped.
"Maybe if you used spheres with windows you could see where you were going once in a while?" Mystique yelled.
"AAAAHHH!" The cop being chased by the fire dogs ran by again. This time he was being chased by giant fire penguins.
"Maybe if you'd keep your mouth shut every now and then I could concentrate and get to where we are supposed to be going faster?" Magneto snapped. "Why did I allow you back into my service again?"
"CHICKEN NUGGET ATTACK! WHOOPIE!" Pietro cackled with glee.
"Oh right…"Magneto remembered. "All right I'm finished."
"Finally," Mystique grumbled as they went outside. There were two destroyed police cars, burned trees, a cop in a garbage can, one stuck on the window of the restaurant with slime and two more in a tree. "I think we've done enough damage for one day don't you think?"
"All right, it's time to go!" Magneto spoke with authority. "Back in the spheres!"
"Wait up! I gotta get some more toys!" Pietro zoomed back in and zoomed out with some bags. "Oh and I got you some apple pies to go Blob!"
"Cool!" Fred grabbed the bag.
"Don't forget to share some with me!" Todd pouted.
"Hold on!" Pietro zoomed in and zoomed out with another bag. "You're in luck Toad. I found these in a cupboard and they're covered with cockroaches."
"Bonus! Thanks!" Todd gulped one down. "Ooh! Extra crunchy!"
"Well this makes it all worthwhile," Mystique said sarcastically to Magneto. "It's certainly true that getting there is half the fun! Just think of where we'd be if you hadn't gotten us lost!"
"Just for that crack for the rest of the trip you're riding with Toad and Blob," Magneto motioned to the boys' sphere.
"No! Wait! I'll be good!" Mystique paled. "I promise! No more back seat driving!"
"Too late!" Magneto turned around and said under his breath. "I was getting sick of riding with you anyway."
"Come on Mystique!" Fred waved cheerfully from the sphere. "It'll be fun! We got toy cars and apple pies!"
"And we can use these extra paper bags as hand puppets!" Todd said cheerfully. "Just squirt some ketchup for eyes…Hey! This looks like one of the guys from Three and A Quarter Males!"
"I love that show!" Fred said. "Let's re-enact last week's episode! Mystique you can be the evil mother!"
"Talk about typecasting," Pietro snickered. "Enjoy your ride Boss Lady!"
"It's gonna be a long trip," Mystique groaned as she entered the sphere. "A very, very, very long trip!"