Of paedophiles and real estate
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Disclaimer: When you read between the lines, you're looking at blank spaces… and no, I don't own Naruto.
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"So what do you say? Sign the lease with me and be my roommate?" Naruto was saying.
"Sorry," Sasuke said, turning away. "But I've got bigger fish to fry."
"Bigger than…this?" Naruto pulled a giant catfish out of his pants.
Sasuke looked at it, his interest piqued. That was a pretty big fish.
"How did it fit in your pants?"
Naruto smiled, "One word. New Jutsu."
"That's two words, dumbass."
"With this fish, does it really matter?"
Naruto had tracked Sasuke down, planning on moving away from Konoha and maybe going into real estate.
As they ate the fish, they discussed the many ways of living away from Konoha.
"Well, you could move in with Orochimaru and me…"
"What about Kabuto?"
"He has his own little cottage way from the villa."
Naruto nodded.
"Well, you guys seem to have your living arrangements all sorted out… Guess I'll have to find another place."
"No!"
"Er… Sasuke?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you hugging my leg?"
"Don't go! Please don't leave me with that paedophile!"
"You're fifteen now Sasuke…"
"Law states it's illegal till I'm eighteen." Sasuke started to sob, "Please don't leave me behind… just defeat me and take me back!"
"What happened?" Naruto asked, creeped out and downing a shot (that appeared as soon as he needed it) to help him relate better to a crying Sasuke.
"I can't tell you… I'll never tell…" he cried.
"Come on Sa-"
"Alright. It all started when I turned three. I wanted a pony but my dad wouldn't get me one…"
The story came pouring out.
For days, Naruto sat and listened to Sasuke's life story- in excruciating detail.
Orochimaru had been acting particularly friendly one day, making Sasuke breakfast and making Kabuto rub his feet…then he had sent Kabuto away and Sasuke had found himself talking to the pink and blue elephant in the middle of the room wearing a tuxedo.
Orochimaru had put something in his pancakes…the sick bastard. How could he do something so evil? Killing people heartlessly and without a second thought was one thing but messing with someone's pancakes? That's just wrong.
Orochimaru had then carried Sasuke upstairs and tried to…
From Naruto's summary: With his clothes off, the only thing Sasuke had been able to do in his futile attempt at self-butt-preservation was to place his hands at his butt.
Naruto looked at his sad, pitiful friend who'd managed to barely save his butt virginity with his hand…and burst out laughing!
A/N: Read and review for the birthday girl…
*people stare and a cricket starts chirping nearby* …
ME, I'm the birthday girl…
*kills cricket as people start to go 'Oh…'*
Thanks…big smile…throws cookies in air at reviewers…
Ja ne,
Silva