I dedicate this to TheHouseKey. Why, because since her last review in my main fanfic this popped into my head. Something a bit more L-centric. I hope you enjoy, and everyone else too.
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Death Note.
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I always hated Ryuuzaki
The day the Chief came back and relayed the news, I thought my world had stopped. I couldn't make the decision, the case or my job. Most would consider them the same but I knew the difference, only one would provide for those I loved.
I had a wife and family that I had to support. I couldn't be selfish. My sense of justice, the amount of time spent, to catch the one who killed Ukita, all of these combined to make me stay. I was torn between my two identities, my two senses of self. No matter which I chose, I would always wonder about the path I didn't take.
Did I want to leave the case, in a word no. Did I have to leave, in a word yes. Could I leave, I had no idea. I stood paralyzed by my indecision. I needed to make one, and I had to make it soon. Then it happened, and my decision was taken from me.
Watari's voice could be heard, and I stood there in shock. 'A special fund set aside,' was all I could think. Then it hit me, it was a test. Ryuuzaki and his damn tests. What, if I chose to leave so I could provide for my family then I wasn't dedicated enough. How dare he!
The person who sat in front of me, this being that had no one that depended on him. How could he ever have understood? I felt the anger take control, and the decision suddenly became so easy. I could not work with him. I would refuse. This arrogant man, whose methods were questionable, and results were all that mattered. He would turn this event into a test, one that I should have past by then. I had more than proven I was invested in the case, that I was trustworthy.
With rage flowing from me, I yelled at him. I refused to work with him. I don't give a damn. It was better that way. I turned and started to storm out of the room. I can still hear his voice, though it only infuriated me more at the time, now I wonder.
"That's too bad because I always liked you Aizawa."
Those were the words he said. He just had to have the last word. In my anger, I turned and yelled some more. He didn't even turn around. He just sat there, taking it. Finally, I leave the room, my anger barely under control.
"Thank you for everything."
Those words came through the door with me. I walked out of the building, and just walked. I ended up at the park. My family walked past and I could hear the musical voice of my daughter. I told her I would be able to spend so much more time with her, and then I cried. I didn't want to leave, but I had too.
Years have passed since that day. Kira has been caught, and many good men died trying to bring him down. My children grow happy and healthy, and my wife is still my wife. I wonder if that would be the case if I had stayed. I wonder if he knew.
I can see him sitting in that chair. I see how he never turns around, as the Chief relayed the news. I know he heard Matsuda, how he knew how the Chief and Mogi had made their decision. I wasn't really paying attention to him, lost in my thoughts. But how I wonder…
Did he know how hard it was for me?
Did he know how much I wanted to stay?
Did he know what it might have cost me?
When I think about it, Watari's timing couldn't have been more perfect. As I stood paralyzed, he brought the information that would help me make my decision. How harsh were his words, as he told Watari it wasn't the time for that. In fact, most of his words were harsh. I could stay or I could leave, but I couldn't have both. I wanted both.
He knew. I now know he knew. I always hated his methods. He made the decision for me, and I didn't realize it. He brought me out of my paralysis and forced me to choose. My family or the case, and I made the only decision I really could.
I always hated Ryuuzaki.
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I just wanted to say thanks.
Shuichi Aizawa