Ginny rolled over in bed and flailed her arm until she hit a cold pillow. Her mind struggled to register why she was alone. Paris detail for another week. Shit. She stretched feeling the familiar throbbing ache of yesterday's long practice spread from her neck into her shoulders. The pain radiated down her throwing arm until it reached her fingers. Recognizing the pain as early stages of Chaser's arm she chastised herself for not sleeping in her braces.
James started fussing from his cot in the other room. Sighing deeply Ginny threw the warm comforter off her body and put her feet on the cold hardwood floor. She debated which would taste better right now, tea, coffee or firewhiskey. Another day of solo parenting with a manic one year old stretched ahead of her.
She grabbed Harry's old jumper. It was her favorite despite no longer smelling like him, why she originally stole it. They had a running joke about her stealing all of his favorite clothes and her needing to start invading her brothers' closets leaving his wardrobe alone. She could usually get in at least one snappy retort about him having the option to wear anything from her drawers, particularly any of the lace numbers, before he would throw a pillow at her head.
No lighthearted fun today. She silently cast luminos in case James would resettle allowing her an opportunity for a shower, a cuppa tea, or a mallet to the head.
James lay whimpering in his cot. He didn't look like his normal out of control wildman self. His forehead was sweaty and his brown eyes were slightly glassy. Ginny reached down to brush his bangs that needed trimming out of his eyes when she felt his forehead. He was burning up.
All previous feelings towards the drudgery of another routine day dissipated and replaced with panicked ones.
"Oh Jamie. Oh sweet boy what's wrong?" She cooed holding him close to her cheek. He nuzzled deep into her neck and she felt the fire radiating off of his body. She looked down at his back and saw it. A spot.
Dragon Pox. Oh Merlin's beard that lasts at least week! She has a game tomorrow. It was against the Cannon and should be a fast win, but she can't send him over to Mum's if he is contagious. Guilt replaced all thoughts of the logistics swarming her head. Was she really thinking of leaving him to go play? He needs his Mummy, she is his mummy. But she is so close to leading the league in scoring. The Cannon's Keeper was shite. She didn't need to play, Gwenog would understand and was looking for an excuse to test the reserves. No, the problem was she wanted to play.
Ginny removed James's clothes and changed his diaper. She performed a cooling charm on the lightest swaddling blanket she could reach. Today and tomorrow would be the worst of the fever. Walking downstairs cradling the listless bundle she knelt in front of the fireplace and threw some floo powder in with her loose hand.
"Burrow!" she yelled into the flames stepping through with James. It was still early. She wasn't worried about any of the other kids being there yet. "Mum! I need some fever reducer."
"Ginny, what's wrong?" Molly bustled in from the kitchen drying her hands on her apron. "Where are your pants?"
Ginny looked down and saw in her distraction she forgot to put on the jeans she laid out the night before. All of the pressure from the last few days, Harry being gone, a not-important-but-a-game-she-wanted-to-play-in tomorrow, and sick James released at once in the form of her sobbing into her Mum's soft comforting shoulders. Molly rubbed her back shushing her the same way she use to when Ginny was a baby.
"How do I do this? How do I keep playing and be a Mum? How did you do this with seven of us? Why don't I want to be home with him tomorrow instead of playing?" Ginny asked her questions in rapid fire succession between sobs. Choking out the last bit, "Why am I not good at this Mum?"
"Oh Ginevera, you are right, you aren't good at this." replied Molly. Ginny stopped crying and looked up at her Mum with indignation and fire. "You are perfect at this. Do you know how much I admire what you have done? What you and Harry have built? You are both true partners in this. You went back to work after six months and are silencing all the naysayers like you never left."
Molly brushed Ginny's long hair out of her eyes and cast a quick braiding charm to help restrain it back. She grabbed the dropper of fever potion, pulled James's hand out of his mouth, and pushed the foul tasting potion in. He squirmed in Ginny's arms but quickly settled into a deep sleep. Ginny felt his temperature instantly drop as she fell into the big comfy sofa behind her.
"And I didn't do this alone. I had my Mum for a big part of it. How else do you think I managed seven of you! Half the time, especially after the twins were born, I wanted to start everyday with a shot of firewhiskey in my tea just to keep my sanity" Molly laughed.
"Does it ever feel easier? Harry started asking if I wanted to start thinking about retiring. But I am afraid. What if he respects me less when I am just a Mum? What if I respect myself less? What am I teaching James that women quit after having babies?" Ginny re-swaddled James and held him tighter. "All I have ever been is a Quidditch player. I don't know anything. If I leave the league now, I can never get back in. I worked so hard to get here Mum. I spent all those years training at school to get noticed. All those years on the practice squad trying to prove I was more than "The Chosen One's Girlfriend". There are talks of me playing for England."
Ginny stopped talking. Her voice dropped and she looked down at James. "But if I am honest I don't think I can do it again, have a baby and run back so fast. And I am not sure if I want to this time."
Molly didn't respond. She sat and contemplated the dilemma with a serene look on her face as if she was deciding on what to serve for dinner instead of what direction a life should take. Ginny shifted uncomfortably in the silence.
"I guess I got a lot to figure out don't I?" Ginny laughed.
"That you do. But you know, there is no wrong choice here. There is time to play for England and time to make babies. It really comes down to what you want." Molly took a sleeping James and wrapped her arm around Ginny's shoulder. She kissed the top of Ginny's head "I love you and am proud of you no matter what you decide."
Ginny got up and took James back in her arms. She felt lighter after letting all of this out. The throbbing in her neck didn't hurt as deeply. James was comfortable and happily babbling in his sleep. She had an entire day and half of tomorrow to spend comforting him.
"Can you send Dad over to watch him during the game tomorrow?"
"Of course honey," Molly walked Ginny back to the fireplace. She placed a bottle of fever potion in her hand and stroked her cheek. Leaning in with a devilish grin she whispered "Give those Cannons hell. I want to hear Ron's screams of agony from here."
Ginny tumbled through the floo laughing. Nothing was decided and nothing was settled. James was still sick and she had at least a week before Harry was home. But for at least a moment, everything felt in balance.