Joker and Sten stand to one side of the stage, and begin to beatbox with various booms and whooshes. Garrus and Alistair step up to the mike. There's a bit of jostling until Alistair remembers that he really had agreed that Garrus should go first.
Garrus says,
"Yo, my name is Garrus; FemShep is my mate,
I'll snipe all the bad guys and the ships I'll calibrate!"
Alistair returns with,
"Calibrate? Mate? Surely you jest?
You're little more than a banal sidequest!
No wonder you fight from ten miles away,
If demons got close, you'd fly off like a jay!"
Garrus makes a decisive gesture with his arms as he retorts,
"Go lick a lamppost, you pretty-boy bastard!
When things got tough, all you did was get plastered!"
Alistair sputters for a moment, his face reddening, before taking a deep breath and regaining the beat.
"And you're so much better, you so-called "Archangel"?
How many innocents died for your righteous anger?"
Garrus blinks, but is otherwise unfazed, and replies,
"'Anger' and 'Angel' don't rhyme, you buffoon!
So I'll have to feed you the truth with a spoon:
Your jokes are unfunny, your hair makes me laugh
Your entire life is a huge social gaffe!"
Alistair takes the mike with confidence.
"Gaffe? That's absurd! I'm the king ascending
You're just a sidekick whose hero dies in most endings!
My Champion and I fought a witch and a dragon
I made her a queen; top that, Vakarian!"
Garrus just shakes his head.
"Unless she's an elf or a dwarf, racist liar.
And, like your father, a bastard you sired!"
Alistair barely manages to keep the beat as he says,
"That was the Champion! She made me do it!"
"Nothing to say to the truth; I knew it."
Garrus' smirk further infuriates Alistair, who throws his hands up in the air and cries out,
"I don't care what you say; our love is true!
While yours is like... a stinky sock in a stew!"
"Your pathetic attempts to put down have been noted.
But such insults won't stop our love tango devoted."
Garrus winks at the crowd to the sound of a few laughs. Alistair is racking is brain for a retort. A grinning woman with well-toned arms hops onto the stage with ease and takes the mike.
"It's flattering, really, you'd fight over me!
I've got the solution; my audience will agree:
My save game power means I'll take you both for a date,
You, King Stinky Socks and Mr. Calibrate."
The three bow, and she walks off with Alistair on one arm and Garrus on the other.