[[ Drabble from my Kisa Shouta-muse to his Yukina Kou. Enjoy. ]]

"Standing by my window, listening for your call
Seems I really miss you after all
Time won't let me keep these sad thoughts to myself
I'd just like to let you know, I wish I'd never let you go

…

I wish you'd never left me but love's a mystery
You can break a heart so easily
Oh the days and nights reveal how much I feel for you
Time has come for me to see how much your love has meant to me"

— "I'll Always Love You", sung by Michael Johnson

Working on a Saturday has become something so normal. I sometimes wonder if weekends still do exist. I eventually just gave in on the fact that they have been already extinct for quite some time. I work in the office, but still work when I get home. It seems like it is already an unending cycle of just work, work… and more work. However, out of my dim reality, something was flickering at the corner of my eye. I didn't know what it was, and I simply was too busy to even consider giving it a few seconds of my time.

It suddenly came closer.

I didn't pay attention to it, thinking that it will just go away if I ignored it long enough. I don't have time to think about other things. I have deadlines to meet and printers that refuse to shut up about their unrealistic demands. Everyday has become a "now or never" scenario - if I don't get things done NOW, I will NEVER be able to have my author's work reach the company's required bottom line. I'm tried of this neck-clenching system, and yet I continue to do what I am paid to do.

It then landed on my shoulder.

It irritated me that this little thing had the guts to bother me from what I was doing. It was a little bit too close for comfort. The light blinded me from my laptop screen, which annoyed me to no end. I still continued editing my author's storyboard, hoping to get it done within the day for my phone has been vibrating due to calls coming from those blasted printers. With a multitude of annoying things piled up against each other, I turned toward the source of the distraction, ready to do whatever is needed to eliminate what will cause me from diverting my eyes away from my laptop.

I looked toward my side… but nothing was there.

I couldn't believe it. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was fooled by my own brain. Unbelievable… what is happening to me? Did the radiation from the laptop affect the internal processes of my mind? Am I going mental? …I think I need to get a can of cold coffee at a nearby drink dispenser.

I think I need a five minute break.

Instead of going father from my work desk, I decided to lean against the beverage dispenser right next to the full-length window of our floor. It was our only source of natural light - everything else was either made of metal, plastic or cement. I bet this window was placed here so that the employees would have a corner to be able to gather peace of mind as they continue to live their chaotic lives as manga editors.

This can of coffee… has the same hue as his hair.

It's a habit of mine to stare into the busy streets of Tokyo as I took my coffee breaks. It just keeps my mind off of things work-related, even if just a few fleeting moments. However, as I was about to return to my station, a caramel hue suddenly appeared amongst the sea of ebony locks - the exact honey color as the can I'm holding. My eyes fixated at this being as he walked hurriedly to his destination - only to find out he's meeting with his girlfriend.

I crumpled the tin can of coffee like it was just a flimzy piece of paper and immediately threw it in the trash bin.

I walked back to my seat, obviously frustrated at what I saw and started typing furiously. I felt my co-workers look toward my direction, obviously wondering why my typing speed increased and the pressure I applied on each key was obviously stronger than usual. It didn't bother me much though, I just continued what I am supposed to do.

Rather, I have to work - to forget what I just saw.

I was never am the type to be a slacker, but this time - I have nothing else to take care of. All I have is myself, plus work. It's like I'm married to my job title - Manga Editor. I'm already in my 30's, a pure-blood homosexual at that, with no love life. What do you think is supposed to be happening in my life right now? As a grown-up, I had to give up a few things.

I had given up my other "job" - or rather - the "job" let me go.

'It's just my work takes so much of my time. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry. Goodbye.'

'Yes, I understand completely. Goodbye.'

It was that simple. He didn't put up a fight. He didn't even fight for what we had. He had his charming smile plastered on his face as we parted ways. He even waved at me while I was walking away, obviously trying to hide the tears that were threatening to roll down my cheeks in fountains. I simply didn't want him tied-up to a workaholic like me. There are those who would line up just to get a glimpse of his face - while I'm here - hogging him from everyone. He's a work of art - my ideal type.

He's… too perfect.

Someone who is the epitome of perfection should not be with someone defective. I never knew how to balance life with work. Rather, I tend to treat work as my life. It's my pathetic side, for I use work as an excuse for my phobia of commitment. I'm afraid to commit not because I love playing around - but I'm scared of my partners leaving me because of my flaws. I'd rather be the one to break it off so that none of us would have to make those lame cliche excuses just to formally end the relationship.

Never mind me being alone… as long as he finds someone who will treat him better than I ever will.

I eventually calmed down - my typing speed and pressure back to normal - but I can't help but think that I caused my own demise. I knew he was not the type to let go - but I made him do so. He's not the type to push himself to me either, so he gave way - for my sake. He was never selfish about spending time with me, and would rather fix his schedule around mine whenever we would try to meet - even if it's just a few minutes of walking to the train station together - hand in hand.

Those were the precious moments, no matter how pathetic they seem to be, that would always be in my heart.

Right now, I should be getting back to my work. I just hope that for every second I spend here in the office, he is happy with someone that would eventually be his life partner. I hope that each minute I spend alone, he is thinking of how to keep his new partner happy and satisfied. For every hour I spend thinking about him, I hope he is having the best hours of his youth.

I hope by not existing in his life, I am bringing him happiness.

[[ End. ]]