Out With A Bang
Chapter One
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
Uzumaki Naruto, Hokage-wannabe, Genin-to-be, raced through the woods at break-neck speeds. He didn't know if he was being pursued, but he would damned if he was caught for incautiousness.
Striving for his regular unpredictability, Naruto's fingers caught on a springy branch, and he swung himself down to the forest floor, into a thicket of bushes whose sharp, irritating branches he ignored with a quick arm flung over his eyes. Arranging himself into a comfortable position, he stilled his rustlings to silence, and waited.
I'm so going to fail, I'm SO going to fail, I'm SO GOING TO FAIL. Naruto moaned mentally, listening intently for any signs of the Jounin that may or may not have been pursuing him. Listening? That bastard probably can sense me from a mile away, with his ultra-Jounin skills. He took us all apart in about thirty seconds, who am I trying to kid?
His original estimation of Kakashi hadn't really been much. A lazy guy, completely laid back, and kind of looked down on them. Probably missing an eye, from the way that forehead protector was slanted. Naruto pretty much pegged him right there as the bottom of the Jounin-sensei barrel, that he had been stuck with.
After he had gotten his ass handed to him (and his ass fingered, for fuck's sake; was he also stuck with a pedophile?), Naruto's confidence had wavered. Then, it had been roughly shaken as he watched Kakashi basically take Sasuke's 'elite' skills and tear them apart like paper kunai, leaving the Rookie of the Year utterly helpless with one jutsu. And Sakura had basically-
A shrill feminine scream resounded through the forest, for the second time. It seemed that Sakura had come out of hiding and discovered Sasuke's predicament.
I'm out of time. Am I out of time? I don't have a watch, fuck! Naruto was pretty sure they were out of time. And while he did think that Sakura was nice to look at, it didn't give him enough confidence in her to entertain the wild hope that she might have obtained one of the bells. I'm doomed. I've failed. Back to the Academy.
His emotions rose up, clamoring for attention, each presenting a different argument.
Anger rose quickly like a flood. No, I'm not going back to that damned place! I earned my hitae-itae fair and square; I bet Sasuke never faced down a traitor nin in his life! I am a ninja, fuck damn it! I'm going to be the best, the Hokage, and I will not let some one-eyed lech of a Jounin get in my way!
Uncertainty and woe drowned the flood, as his grudging logic won out. But this guy, he's a super ninja. A Jounin. The best of the best. Even if he's the worst Jounin ever, he's still a Jounin. I have no chance against him, none, zero. I should give up.
Defiance was quick to strangle that. I am Uzumaki fucking Naruto. I give up when hell freezes over and Enma invites me to his Christmas party! I beat Mizuki, a chuunin, and I can beat this guy, even if I have to bite his throat out!
Desperation crept its steady way in. But I caught Mizuki by surprise! Kakashi already saw my one trump card, and laughed it off like a bad joke. What can I do?
Determination beat them all out, filling Naruto with a steely reserve that many veteran warriors would be hard-pressed to match. I'm going to do everything I can do. Come at him with everything I have. A touch of resignation, but determination did not retreat, backhanding the pessimism with cold certainty. Even if it's not enough. If he's going to send me back to the Academy, I'm going to go out with a bang to be heard around Konoha! I'll fucking deafen every bastard who ever doubted me!
Naruto yanked his weapon pouch off his belt, and quickly took stock. He scowled with anger. Half a dozen kunai, a baker's dozen shuriken, a few smokebombs, and one exploding tag. On a lighter note, he still had a fat spool of wire and half a spool of another, but…Only one exploding tag?
There simply wasn't enough BANG! Smoke was nice, but it just didn't convey anger and satisfy vindication like a fiery cacophony of destruction! Exploding tags could. But Academy students, understandably, were only given one a week, to study – and not use under any circumstances, they said – and even if Naruto trusted enough in his calligraphy skills to make another one, he didn't have the time.
Kakashi could be coming for me right now, to say, "Sorry kid, out of luck, back to the Academy"! And then Naruto would get into Big Trouble™ if he attacked him. No, he had a grudge, and a limited timeframe to sate it. If only there were some quick way to copy the exploding tag, just shove it in a machine and spit out tons of replicas. Take the tag and multiply it by a hundred…
A sudden light shone in his eyes like a starburst, and Naruto let a ferocious grin spread across his face.
"One hundred times nothing is still nothing." He whispered, to no one but himself, in remembrance. Mocking laughter echoed in his ears.
And such, a future was carved, from a single slip of paper.
Bored, and more than a little disappointed, Kakashi glanced at the clock. Almost noon.
"Jeez, you've got a really crappy teammate." He commented, turning a page of the legendary and groundbreaking work of fiction and fuck you if you think different Icha Icha Paradise held in his hands. "Time's almost up, and he hasn't even made an attempt at rescue." The skin at the corner of Kakashi's eye crinkled as he smiled beneath his mask. "How depressing."
Nearby, Sasuke made a furious noise through the cloth rag Kakashi had stuffed in his mouth (a noise he suspected would be even more furious if he knew exactly where the cloth had been), as he struggled to free himself from the post. The elite ninja had humored his surprisingly skillful sneak attacks for about half an hour, before it became apparent that Sasuke wasn't going to think outside the box, and tied the boy up to save Kakashi some annoyance. The cloth had been implemented when the prodigy, after a brief period of trying to free himself, had started throwing obscenities and anatomical suggestions at him like candy (some of them were rather interesting, and he'd mention them to Anko later; the woman loved to experiment with stuff like that).
Nearby, Sakura was (poorly) hidden in a tall oak tree. Kakashi didn't need to be Morino Ibiki to pick her apart like a poor Icha Icha novel (if such a thing could be said to exist), based upon the uneasy flares of her minute chakra signature. She obviously wanted to jump down and try to save her crush, but was too scared of him to do so. Funny, I'm pretty sure I'm squashing my chakra signature, and I don't use killing intent on guys these weak. So she's just intimidated. How boring.
He looked at the clock again, and then glanced at the surrounding woods, briefly concentrating. There were the expected flickers of chakra, local wildlife from the size and distance. Kakashi could smell the boy, though. Hm. Residue, or actually him? His nostrils flared. It's him. One more look at the clock. Ten minutes. The kid's not that patient. He won't be able to wait more than a minute, bet on it. Kakashi fluidly rose, and paced to lean against a post next to Sasuke, throwing the boy wonder a cheeky wave, prompting a vain kick in his direction. He wouldn't want the Memorial Stone damaged if Naruto attacked, after all.
After nine more minutes of amusing himself bouncing the bells off of Sasuke's forehead protector ("Come on, Sasuke, maybe you can knock them out of my hand and catch one with your toes! Put some effort into it, now!"), Kakashi was very thoroughly annoyed. There was such a thing as being too patient, after all. More annoying was the fact that he couldn't pinpoint his location. The smell was much stronger though, meaning one thing : Kage Bunshin. Really a one-trick pony, isn't he?
Thinking that perhaps Naruto didn't notice the time, he disguised a reminder in the form of cooing at Sasuke, "Come on, now, Sasuke, sixty seconds left!"
Sasuke only glared at him murderously, having settled long ago. Maybe the boy thought he could activate his Sharingan through sheer frustration. Stranger things have happened. He mused.
Kakashi counted down. He curiously observed Sakura's chakra tighten with strain. Is the princess going to give it a try? He silently wondered.
At thirty seconds, he let his hopes drain, and sighed. "Wow, you guys are ultra boring, you know? Sit tight down there, while I just retrieve Naru-"
Kunai, six'o'clock. Danger Sense Kakashi informed him politely. Paper flapping, slow hang time, means wire attached with explosive notes.
Thank you, Danger Sense Kakashi. He returned demurely, sliding neatly to the other side of the post, the kunai flying right by him to sink into the ground in front of his clock. A long line of tags sizzled ominously, and Kakashi leapt smoothly out of the blast range.
Kakashi saw the next kunai-wire-tag-line fly out of the trees from the opposite side, and smiled, dodging it as well and ducking behind a tree. He's got Kage Bunshin in the trees, targeting me. Clever boy. A flight of shuriken and a war cry above him. Kakashi deftly stepped out of the way of the downpour, grabbed a single shuriken and sliced the falling Naruto across the cheek. Both shuriken and boy turned to vapor.
Air whistled behind him, and Kakashi turned to see a forest full of shuriken, flying at him. Startled, he pushed into an explosive backwards leap, before hearing the whistling of the kunai and flapping of paper coming fast behind him. Kakashi smiled briefly in acknowledgement of a good hammer-and-anvil trap, before his fingers snapped a few seals, and he was whisked away into substitution.
All of this took place in the space of several seconds.
Kakashi landed nimbly in a bush on the opposing side of the forest. He had time to draw a single calming breath, before Narutos jumped out of every tree surrounding him, brandishing kunai and roaring.
Kakashi smiled at their childishness, before crouching, pushing chakra to his legs, exploding into a leap to fly right past them, backhanding two of them in his way with his book on the way past.
He must have completely surrounded my area with clones. His chakra was split so many ways, no wonder I wouldn't sense him. Says a lot about his reserves, too.
Kakashi landed back on the green, and frowned. It was sunnier before. He looked up, and found an orange horde blotting out the sun. "Oh, my." He murmured, before they dogpiled him.
The pile dispelled in seconds, as they pummeled the middle of the pile, accidentally striking eachother in the process. Kakashi watched boredly from atop the Memorial Stone.
Quiet sizzling brought his attention to the tags that were still dangling around the training area like festival lights, and the many new ones that were now hanging about. Delayed blast?...no. None of the tags were active. Where were the active tags? Kakashi frowned.
"You do know you have fifteen seconds, right Naruto?" He called.
Suddenly, the sizzling got a great deal louder. Kakashi's eyes widened, and he grabbed his vest at the special tearing seams and ripped it off, just as the clone disguised as an explosive tag appeared and latched onto Kakashi's chest like a monkey.
At that very instant, all the so-called tags attached to the wires were engulfed in smoke, and suddenly the clearing was filled with death threats and jumpsuits, as a mass of Narutos rushed to meet him.
It's too bad that this is a genin exam in Konoha, and not, say, Kiri. Kiri doesn't give a damn about team work, and would promote him right here. Kakashi mused, dispelling the clone attached to him with a single cobra-quick blow. Truly unfortunate.
There was a resounding ding, and Kakashi sighed in relief. Dispelling all these clones would be boring. "Time's up!" He called. "Come out, Naruto, it's Academy time!"
The clones instead of stopping, all leapt as one into the air, forming a seal for Henge. Kakashi spotted Naruto at the edge of the trees, holding a single kunai with an explosive seal tied on.
"Hey, asshole, you better run!" Naruto yelled, grinning.
There was a loud wheezing poof, as all the perhaps a hundred, probably more clones turned into explosive tags floating downwards. Kakashi's pulse quickened and his eye widened. Even if they were clones, if they henge'd the design correctly they would explode just like normal tags! Sasuke would be consumed, and Sakura was well within blast range!
Naruto threw the kunai. Kakashi disappeared into shunshin.
The world exploded.
Around Konoha, five people heard.
A diminutive woman rose from her flowers, dropping her watering can carelessly to the deck. Blue eyes narrowed as they watched the smoke rise.
"…I'm not letting this one get away from us, Hokage-sama." Tooru Rei said in a steely tone, to the trees and herself. Idly, she tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. "Not again. We're coming back this time, and you're not stopping us."
Her hands curled into fists.
"Not again."
Tetsuya Michio was a very quiet man, less-than-average height and average weight, his reddish hair being the most remarkable thing about him from a glance. Ever since the Kyuubi Incident™, he'd mostly retired from ANBU and ninja life, performing the occasional low C-Rank or bringing in the odd bounty to make ends meet. For him, ninja life had lost the glitter, the sparkle that once attracted him. It was just a job, now. All the fun and excitement had died on the night of attack, on the night of his – their – sacrifice.
His life was lived mostly in solitude. Michio possessed no great looks, charisma or charm, and his perpetual glumness repelled any women who might have been willing to be with him for the whole girlfriend-of-the-big-bad-shinobi thing. Those who knew him (once five, now only four people) would say that this was completely out of character for him.
Michio was having his usual afternoon cup of coffee (two sugars, one teaspoon of milk) on the roof balcony of his favorite café, when he heard it.
The sound.
Michio possessed no ultra-sensory hearing; he had merely, long ago, trained his ears to recognize this particular sound. That rumble. The ignition point. The sweet embrace of the destructive oblivion.
He turned as many of the other customers did, staring at the brief gout of explosive flames that arched toward the sky, before it became a smoking trail upwards. Michio felt the exultation building like acid in his stomach, bubbling and rising angrily to his throat to claw at his tonsils. He could hold it no longer and released in the form of a scream.
"FUCK YEAH!" Michio howled. He grabbed his coffee cup and threw it down on the floor, smashing it into thousands of pieces. "FUCKING SHIT YES, FUCKING BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKER, GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT FUCK!" He cursed with wild abandon.
He noticed abruptly that many of the customers were staring at him. Michio grabbed the nearest one, an elderly gentlemen, by the collar, and snarled,
"The fuck you looking at?"
"Ah-I-That is-!"
"THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT!?" Michio roared, before tossing him aside, the man instantly forgotten in favor of staring at the crater.
He was still screaming as the ANBU carted him away.
Akohiko Kenshin was stone cold serious.
These were the only words to describe him. In fact, it was very hard to mention Akohiko Kenshin without adding this fact. And when one spoke with or saw Akohiko Kenshin, these words would spring to mind.
Akohiko Kenshin. Stone. Cold. SERIOUS.
He was a large man. Not, fat, no never fat. Built like a bull down to the tips of his toes, clean shaven and nearly bald, Kenshin was the sort of man the filled up a room without trying. Men and women alike stepped carefully and quickly out of his path when he walked the streets, as he stared so intently ahead that one would believe that he would walk right through whatever was in front of him in order to reach his destination.
Kenshin had withdrawn completely from ninja life after the Kyuubi Incident™ all those years ago, having been shown that there were enemies he simply could not defeat or weather. Nevertheless, Akohiko Kenshin was a man of Action™ and refused to let his strength wane.
He took a job as a construction worker.
Kenshin, being rather strongly of the Earth affinity, helped erect new buildings and fix old ones. He showed up for work at the construction site on time, and never left work until the building was finished. No lunch breaks, no bathroom breaks, no nothing. When he had to sleep, he summoned a mud clone to work whilst he slumbered. Though it was nowhere near as glorious as his last position, he settled for it and made do. Kenshin always had a Job™, just how he liked it. Kenshin had only not finished one Job™ in his entire life, and it would never happen again.
It just so happened that he was working in Konoha that day. An old woman's house had collapsed, and he was just clearing away the rubble when he heard IT.
Workers cried out in shock, all turning to stare at the explosion that scraped the sky, and the large plume of smoke coming from one of the many training areas right outside of Konoha. The thunderous sound was nearly deafening.
One of the workers reached under his hat to scratch his hair, before giving up with a sigh. "Ninja." He grumbled, as way of explanation. He turned to Kenshin. "What the hell kinda jutsu – Kenshin-san!?" The worker cried out in shock in horror. "Are you all right?"
Silent tears were streaming down the man's face. His eyes burned with an inner fire. Kenshin carefully placed the obscenely high stack of plywood he was carrying on the ground, turned to the worker, and spoke one word,
"Break." Kenshin said firmly, as if it explained everything.
Then, he marched off in the direction of the explosion. In the direct direction of the explosion.
Silly things like 'walls' and 'gravity' were no match for Akohiko Kenshin. Not when he had a Job™.
The workers stared after him in bewilderment.
"Where's he going?"
"Wha-oh, fuck if I know, he was speaking powerful-go again…"
Bright, yet pale eyes surveyed the plume of smoke from a tall window of the Konoha General Hospital. A delicate hand traced the outline in the glass, as other nurses rushed about, gathering medical supplies for their newest and oldest patient.
"Oh my…" Giggling. "…how impressive."
Hyuuga Hitomi was a motherly sort of woman. Mature and curvaceous, beautiful and outgoing, yet lacking the sharp edge to her attractions that would turn admiration into outright lust. She was the quintessential nurse that most strived to be, but never quite achieved. One could just almost believe her a complete pacifist, if not for the quick and deft way her hands moved, or the way she always tracked the movements of those within ten feet of her with a careful eye.
Many men had attempted to woo her, but all of their efforts ended in disappointment, frustration or shame for the other side. Hyuuga Hitomi simply…was not interested.
Few knew, only four, in fact, that it was not out of lack of interest in men, or because of interest in women instead. She simply had a different love. One she thought long dead and gone, but now, staring out this window…
"I shall have to tell Rei-san about this. The irony will make her laugh. Though, knowing her, she already knows." Hitomi decided, then and there. She set down the case of amphetamines she had previously been carrying, grabbed her coat from the locker room, and made to set out.
A screechy voice stopped her. "Where do you think you're going? Your shift isn't over!" This was true. Her shift was not over…not for ten more minutes. Many nurses had left earlier.
Hitomi viewed the woman sitting at the desk with considerable disdain. Overweight, overaged, the woman was most likely bitter due to these two things. Hitomi watched the muscles in the receptionist's forehead wrinkle – muscles linked to anger and stress – and watched her lips curl downwards briefly – contempt – and surmised that the woman disliked her and was most likely giving her a hard time for the sole purpose of stress relief through vindication. Another time, perhaps, Hitomi might have set a few minutes to the side to help this poor woman with her problems, but right now…
"Junko-san." Hitomi smiled. "Please go fuck yourself." Then she walked out the door.
"I do not have time for this bullshit." The voice was cold, crisp, and without emotion. Very much like Tsuchigane Izumi herself. "You will release these records to me." The 'now' part of this was unspoken.
"They're sealed. Classified." The ANBU officer replied dully. "Please come back with proper clearance." Rather than apathy, his monotone was motivated by complete boredom. Rookies were often expected to do the dirty work, but not many of them suspected that it would be in the Records department. One of the many classic ANBU pranks.
This one was smart. He obviously took his pleasures where he could, like here, blocking access to people who obviously needed a record. Who really listens to that S-Class-releasing-means-treason nonsense nowadays? Honestly.
Izumi supposed there were more effective ways she could use to get what she wanted, like that Yashiro woman over in Ops. You know, flash a little (or in her case, a lot) flesh, smile a little, flirt. There were more men than women in ANBU, or in the ninja business period. Kunoichi did what was needed to get ahead.
She more than had the potential for it. While her body was more the slim type, it had it's own subtle appeal, and Izumi had heard more than one man gossip to another around the proverbial ANBU water cooler about how good they thought 'that cold bitch in the office' would look without her glasses, and her sleek black hair up in its strict bun.
But such things were much beneath her. And Izumi's personal motto was that if violence didn't work, you weren't using enough of it. However, she was still on probation for nailing that one cheeky Hunter nin's ear to the wall with a senbon, though she felt rather justified considering he had pinched her ass. But the captain-commander said next time would get her pay suspended, so…
…intimidation. The captain commander had never forbidden threatening to nail someone's ear to the wall, after all…
…or she could just show off a bit of personal history.
Letting a lazy smile slip onto her lips, Izumi slowly unbuttoned her shirt, letting her fingers trail on the newly exposed pale skin. "Want to see something cool?" She asked softly.
The rookie was suddenly wide awake. His mask tilted slightly towards the door, which was closed. "I'm always up for a learning experience." He offered, leaning forward in anticipation.
"Good." Without warning, Izumi's free hand shot forward, grabbing the ANBU rookie by the collar and hauled him over the edge of the table. Unprepared, inexperienced and bewildered as he was, he had literally no chance to escape as she pinned him to the desk with her elbow.
She yanked off his mask, revealing a young face covered in stubble and fear. Izumi pulled her shirt down, revealing a small tattoo over her left breast which emblazoned the initials ADC, under which sat the small words, Nos Exuro Incendia.
"Do you know what this is?" She asked softly.
"What the hell!?"
"Do. You. Know. What. THIS. IS?"
"I-Yes, yes, I-!"
"Then you know what it means." Izumi's voice was cold and merciless. "I served six years in the Corps, you belligerent. Little. Shit. Unless you want to wake up in a few hours surrounded by white walls, breathing through a tube, you are going to get me my fucking record, right the fuck now."
A few minutes later, she strode out of the ANBU Records office totally composed. When she was sure she was out of view, she opened her newly acquired file upon the massive explosion that had occurred previously that afternoon. She raised an eyebrow at the name of the perpetrator.
"No wonder it was classified."
Remembering the explosion, she allowed herself a delicious shudder that would have aroused those who saw and terrified those who knew better. Izumi set the file aside on her desk and began to draw up paperwork. There was a very important proposal that needed drawing up.
Commander Rei's orders.
Naruto sat.
The Hokage stared.
Naruto fidgeted.
The Hokage stared.
"…I…didn't know it would make that big of an explosion…" Naruto offered weakly, knowing from the Look™ that he was definitely in Big Trouble™.
There was still silence.
"I'm really sorry!" Naruto said quickly, and earnestly.
Sarutobi, after a few more moments of implacable quiet, removed a pipe from the depths of his robe and lit it with a flick of his finger, creating a small flame to dance above his thumb. Naruto watched, entranced. He had always wondered how the old man had done it, with no hand seals or anything.
After a few puffs to get the tobacco burning strong, the legendary ninja reclined in his chair. "…it should come as no surprise to you, but you failed Kakashi's test. His was a test of teamwork, not personal strength or destructive power."
"I'm sorry."
"You nearly killed your teammates. You also, incidentally, destroyed the Memorial Stone, and most of the surrounding area. A great deal of people are very angry with you, Naruto."
"I'm sorry." Naruto said again, feeling rather small and worthless. "I'll go back to the Academy."
"…What?"
"I said, I'm sorry. I'm definitely not ready yet." With the very greatest of reluctance, he unwound his forehead protector and placed it docilely on the edge of the Hokage's desk. Naruto felt a hard twist inside his gut. "I'll go back to the Academy. I'll listen to Iruka-sensei's lessons. Please, don't make me stop being a ninja."
Sarutobi looked at the Konoha hitae-itae sitting on his desk with surprise, which quickly faded to slight amusement, of all things.
"Naruto, I believe there's been a misunderstanding. You've failed Kakashi's test, yes, but failing one test cannot render void the results of another. You graduated from the Academy. You are a genin. You are simply not on a genin team."
"Really!? I mean, hey, wait a minute-!" Naruto was conflicted, between relief and confusion. "That Kakashi guy said we should all be sent back to the Academy, and that the graduation test only decided who would have a shot at being genin!"
"And weren't you all the more competitive because of it?" The Hokage queried, a twinkle in his eye.
"Oooohhh." Naruto said, comprehension dawning on him.
"Naruto, if we only took a third of the graduates from the Academy, no matter what, Konoha would have a very small force of ninja. Put your forehead protector back on." Sarutobi said sternly. Naruto happily complied. "Make no mistake, Naruto, while you are still a genin, you have just lost a very good opportunity. Genin on teams tend to gain strength a great deal faster than those not."
"Oh. Okay." Naruto couldn't bring himself to feel too terrible. That Kakashi guy had looked like a really crappy teacher, to be honest. "So I'm flying solo, then? All on my own?"
"Well, not necessarily. You still have some options. You could 'fly solo' as you said, or you could find an older ninja to take you as an apprentice or mentor. You could join one of the ninja guilds here; I know that the Hospital will have sent an invite to young Sakura, they always target the students with the best chakra control…" Sarutobi pondered briefly. "You could join the ANBU."
"What? Seriously!? You mean those cool ninja in the masks?" Naruto was nearly jumping up and down. "Sign me up with them, Gramps!" He demanded.
The Hokage laughed heartily. "Fat chance, boy. You think every genin wouldn't love to be trained by ANBU? You have to be invited. They don't invite many, either. And last I heard, they didn't have a particularly high opinion of you." Naruto pouted. Perhaps he shouldn't have spent so much of his free time giving his ANBU tails hell.
On Sarutobi's part, he was largely relieved. Naruto had shown true, true remorse for his part in the accident. And honestly, one of his motivations for putting Naruto on Kakashi's team roster was the high fail rate. While non-team genin didn't get as strong as fast as teamed genin, they also tended to live much longer, considering the need for chuunin approval or higher to take on any mission higher than a C-Class. Now, he had the chance to put Naruto on one of the safer ninja guilds of the city, so he could gain his strength slowly but safely.
"Now, Naruto, I have several recommendations of guilds that I'm sure would love to have-" The Hokage frowned briefly. What was that large chakra signature approaching so quickly? He was sure it wasn't hostile, as his bodyguards would have neutralized it or at least notified him by now. "…you. If you wish to make your own choice, however, I have a list here that you could…" Sarutobi frowned again. If the person wasn't hostile, why hadn't his bodyguard-disguised-as-secretary stopped them yet, at least for identification?
"Gramps? You oka-?"
There was a rather loud crash as the person barreled straight through the door, shrugging through wood like Styrofoam. One of the Hokage's hands drifted beneath his desk, ready to key the activation seal that would turn his entire office into one large hellstorm of death. Once he recognized the person in question, Sarutobi sighed and let his hands drop to his size.
"What is it now, Kenshin-san?" He asked the large man wearily. Eyeing the several ANBU clinging to his limbs like flies on a windshield drop in exhausted heaps to the floor, Sarutobi wondered why the man had ever left ANBU. Heavens knew he'd invited him to stay…"Couldn't you just make an appointment? Instead of destroying my door each time?"
Instead of answering, the human bulldozer offered forward a manilla envelope, stamped with an ANBU seal. "Six." Kenshin said mysteriously. Sarutobi smirked.
"Yes, I've told you before, you need six people to restart your division." The Hokage replied patiently, cracking open the file, prepared to receive the forms for the restart of Kenshin's old division that were undoubtedly waiting.
Meanwhile, Naruto was shifting under the intense stare of Kenshin. "What's your deal?" He questioned uneasily.
"Six." Kenshin repeated, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Six."
"Six what?" Naruto asked, now thoroughly creeped out.
"Six." Then, the giant cracked a grin, and pointed at Naruto. "New member." He whispered. Then his whole frame began to quiver, leading Naruto to take a very careful step away.
Carefully, as carefully as one would snip a wire on a very dangerous explosive, Naruto asked, "New member of…what?"
At the very same time, Sarutobi finished the last page of the request form, and lift it, to find the transfer form under it. With a very familiar person's picture pinned in the 'Recipient' box.
The Hokage paled.
"Oh, shit."
"Six. New member." Kenshin relished each word like a delicacy. "ANBU Demolition Corps." He ground out, enjoying every last syllable.
Then, without warning, he grabbed Naruto by the scruff of his jacket, lifted him like a kitten, and placed him on his back. The boy grabbed on to the thick worker's gi reflexively, confused as the large man began to speed up. "Hey-!"
Then he looked up and saw their destination. Kenshin was making a beeline for the window. Naruto's eyes widened, and he barely had time to scream before there was a terrible crash, and they were plummeting downwards through the air towards the city of Konoha.
"Holy shiaaAAAAAAHHHH!"
The Hokage remained frozen in place for several more seconds. He relaxed, then, sitting back down in his chair, enjoying the breeze from his 'opened' window. His initial reaction had been very understandable. Naruto, the biggest hellion Konoha had ever seen joining the most infamously insane ANBU division that Konoha had ever seen? Sarutobi was fairly sure that agreeing to this could be seen as a crime against the human race.
But the more that he thought about it, the more that it made sense to him.
For one, the ANBU Demolition Corps had been trying to reform their division for years. They had gradually made their way through the bureaucratic obstacles the Konoha Council had been throwing in their way, until finally hitting a snag on the last. The member minimum. The smallest operating division in ANBU, the Messenger Division, had six members as a part of it. After some judicious rumor spreading (though to be fair, half of them weren't so much rumors as actual exploits of the ADC) by the Council's contacts, the Demolition Corps were officially recognized as Fucking Crazy™ on the unofficial ANBU Sanity Meter, right along side Orochimaru, Uchiha Itachi, and several other S-Class nutters. Joining them was seen as completely the same as committing suicide. Also, the ANBU Demolition Corps were very particular about who they took, and the few candidates they did deem acceptable were quickly snatched away into other divisions.
Sarutobi, however, remembered most of them now that he thought, and knew that they were painted in a bad light because of their actions during the Kyuubi Incident™. They were just (very) passionate individuals, who sometimes were just a little (or much) too zealous. He had actually drawn parallels between them and Maito Gai once before, before he imagined the man actually joining the ADC, and decided to never ever compare the two again, and make suggesting it to Gai a treasonous offense.
They were also very skilled, and a tight-knit group; to attack one was to attack all, and the Demolition Corps were merciless in the pursuit of revenge. If Naruto managed to endear himself to them, become a member, he would not only become strong in a short amount of time, he would be ridiculously safe.
However, the Hokage still had the niggling feeling that he was dooming a great deal of people as he stamped his approval onto the transfer.
"Well, Naruto." He said, smiling. "Welcome to the ANBU Demolition Corps."