Disclaimer: Don't own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters. Square Enix does.
Warning: Insanity, most likely OOC-ness, groping and the like. Implied Riku/Sora, Demyx/Zexion. And a bit of Axel/Roxas. But mostly the three of us coming on to our dudes. Since this thing is really long, it's going to be a two shot for now. I've already finished it all, so I just have 2 pick a place to stop for one chap, then continue.
Xandra: Well here we are.
Abby: Yep. YAY! runs around in circles
Me: stares what the hell are you on?
Abby: shifty eyes nothing.
Xandra: Whatever just get on with it. By the way, no one was raped in the making of this story. Just groped.
IT All Started With Porn
The sad thing is, this all started with porn.
You're probably thinking, 'what the fuck?'
No, I wasn't watching porn. My friend Xandra was sitting at her desk, laptop computer open, on screen hot bodies thrusting against each other, moans growing in frequency.
"Are you done yet?" snaps Abby, brows knit in a frown as she sat on the bed, flipping through the channels on the tv.
"Gimme a second, it's getting good," mumbles Xandra, eyes still glued to the screen.
I sigh and pause my game, flipping stray bangs out of my eyes, "Yeah hurry up I want to read some Axel/Roxas fics."
"God you're obsessed with those two," says Xandra, briefly glancing up from the screen.
"No, I'm just obsessed with Axel. Roxas is adorable though. He reminds me of me," I say haughtily.
"Right," mutters Abby sarcastically. Notice my loving friends.
I pout, "You guys don't think I'm adorable?"
Neither reply.
"Psh forget you whores, some friends you are," I scoff.
Xandra just clicks on to a different video and Abby changes the channel.
I sigh again and stand, "I'm gonna get something to eat."
"Oh, get me some ramen," says Xandra, even more engrossed in her porn than before.
Abby looks up from the tv, "And Pocky, can't forget it!" she pipes up.
I turn back and glare at them, "I'm not your servant dammit! Get off your asses and get that stuff yourselves!"
"You're the lazy one, and since you're already going to get the food, the least you could do is get our stuff too, save us the trip," reasons Xandra.
"I hate you sasquatch girl," I mutter as I turn on my heel and leave.
"I heard that!" shouts Xandra after me.
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Once I get to the kitchen, I rummage through the cabinets and find a box of chocolate pocky. Yay.
I pop the ramen into the microwave and set the time. "Might as well make a sandwich," I say aloud. And I do. Mm, sandwich.
Still waiting for the ramen. Ever notice how long it takes these things to cook? Anyway, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a black shape race across the light, casting a shadow on the wall.
I eeep, involuntarily of course, and glance at the ramen.
"You damn ramen, hurry up, I don't wanna die from being eaten by porn monsters."
"Hey midget! I'm getting pretty hungry, where's my food?!" shouts Xandra from her room upstairs.
"Shut up Sasquatch! I hope you choke on a noodle!" I angrily shout back.
"Oh don't worry; I'll choke on a noodle alright. A big one!" the abnormally large giant calls back to me.
I can imagine the pervy grin curling across her lips, and Abby's most likely shaking her head and muttering, "Pervert."
The loud beeping of the microwave jolts me out of my thoughts. Thankfully, I wasn't eaten.
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"Jesus what did you do, go to Japan to get the stuff?" asks Xandra sarcastically, taking the steaming bowl from my outstretched hands, without a thank you even. She raises' an eyebrow,
"You forgot the chopsticks."
Abby holds something out to her. A pair of chopsticks.
I stare at her, "I'm not even going to ask," I mutter.
"Are they clean?" asks Xandra skeptically.
"Yes, now give me the pocky," commands Abby.
"Here, enjoy," I say unenthusiastically, tossing the box at her.
"YAY!" she exclaims, catching it.
Twenty minutes later I sat on the floor, back reclining against the bed playing Chain of Memories, "Damn you Winnie the Pooh! Move Dammit!" I shout, glaring down at the tiny screen of my Game Boy Advanced.
Xandra was now reading fanfics, Naruto and Sasuke ones most likely, and Abby was idly sucking on a pocky stick, eyes still glued to the screen.
Suddenly, we hear a voice, "So is everybody here?" a very male voice.
My eyes widen and the three of us freeze.
"Is it just me or did a guy just talk, a guy that is definitely not within our sight?" I squeak nervously.
"It's not just you," responds Xandra with widened eyes, actually looking up from the computer.
"Shut up will you, and let me handle this," snaps another male voice, irritation in his tone.
"What are you guys doing here?" says a younger male voice curiously.
"Oh god, we're going crazy!" shouts Abby, eyes darting around the room in a panic.
"Calm the fuck down," I say as calmly as I can, "We're not going crazy."
A moment of silence passes.
"We've always been crazy," I continue.
"LIZ! You are SO not helping!" says Abby. Liz. Yeah that's me. That's not that important right now. What's important is what happens in the next few seconds.
"Maybe we've been watching too much porn?" suggest Xandra.
Abby shoots her a glare, "I don't read or watch porn!"
"Yeah and I don't read that much," I add.
It wasn't the porn. Trust me.
A bright light engulfs the room, huge gusts of wind rip through the room, stinging my skin.
And finally, the sound of something large hits the ground with a powerful THUMP, and the three of us are knocked back.
A few moments later, my vision and hearing finally return to me as I struggle to sit up and then glance around the room, holding my aching head.
"Ugh, what the hell happened?" mumbles Xandra, righting her computer chair and standing.
"Did we die?" asks Abby groggily, rubbing her eyes.
I finally take a look at the middle of the room, and stare, my mouth wide open.
Standing there, staring back at the three of us in adorable confusion was the original Keyblade wielder, himself: Sora, and number thirteen of Organization Thirteen, Sora's Nobody: Roxas.
"Oh," begins Abby, the pocky stick falling from her open mouth,
"My," I continue, blinking a couple of times,
"GOD!" finishes Xandra in an entirely too excited voice. (Soooorry, I just HAD 2 do that)
"Great, I'm in heaven," I mutter, sighing in disappointment.
"That's a good thing!" says Abby.
"Maybe for you," I reply.
A giggle emits from Xandra's pervy grin.
"Oh shit," I mumble,
"Is she going to?" begins Abby, and before she can even finish that sentence, Xandra immediately tackles both blond boys and glomps them.
"H-HELP!" calls Sora, reaching a shaky hand towards us, as the oxygen was squeezed from his lungs. Hell No am I coming between Xandra and glomping those two. I don't wanna die.
"GET OFF ME!" shouts Roxas defiantly, a soft pink blush rising to his cheeks.
Both Abby and I share a look, "So we're not dreaming," muses Abby, cupping her chin in palm in thought.
"And I don't think we're dead. We'd be all fire and brimstone by now," I add.
She frowns at me, "I wouldn't go to hell."
I scoff, "Yeah right. You may look all cute and crap, but you're as evil as they come."
We both risk a glance Xandra's way and sigh simultaneously. The freak was still glomping the hell out of the poor blonds.
"Xandra get off them. Now is NOT the time to give the Keyblade wielders heart attacks," I chide, pulling her off them.
Xandra purses her lips in a pout and crosses her arms over her chest, "Way to ruin my fun."
"Who are you and where are we?" asks Roxas, having snapped out of his shock, and was now casting a suspicious gaze at us.
"I'm Abby, the freak is Xandra and the midget is Liz," replies Abby, "And we're at Xandra's house. Thank god her parents are gone."
I feel my eye twitch and I turn my head slowly, glaring at her, "I'M.NOT.THAT.DAMN.SHORT!" I shout.
"Anyway," says Xandra, completely ignoring my outburst, "What was the last thing you guys remember?" she asks.
Both Sora and Roxas share a glance, "Well I was hanging out with Riku and Kairi when this BIG light surrounded us, and then I'm here," explains Sora.
"That doesn't explain why you two are separated," I point out.
Sora's eyes widen as it dawns on him, "HOLY CRAP! We're separated!" he exclaims.
The three of us, Roxas included sweatdrop.
"Sora, you Baka," mutters Xandra.
Suddenly, we hear a loud crash from downstairs in the kitchen.
The five of us freeze in place. I'm freezing too many times today, if you ask me.
"What was that?" asks Roxas quietly.
Sora's eyes widen in fear. They seem to be doing that a lot lately, "W-what if it's a monster?"
I stare at him, "Sora, you've beaten a creepy child molester bent on stealing hearts, an extremely sexy and disturbing organization, and thwarted countless heartless, I'm pretty sure you can handle this thing."
Another crash, and this time, muffled cursing shatters those comforting words.
"We're gonna die!" whines Abby, "Or get molested."
"Oh will you shut up," snaps Xandra.
"Ok, let's just go down there and see what it is," suggest Roxas.
Abby and Sora just stare at him like he said he was the Seme in the relationship between him and Axel. It would, admittedly, be hot, but odd.
Getting back to the point at hand, I sigh and stride to the door, starting to quietly make my way through the pitch black hall and down the stairs, the others silently following.
Silent of course, until
"WHOAH! Who the hell just grabbed my ass?!" shouts Sora indignantly.
I mentally curse my stupidity.
Of course, Xandra, being the super perv she was, would take the chance to molest Sora, give the opportunity.
"Shut up," hisses Abby, "You're gonna get us all killed you stupid pervert!" she continues a little louder.
"Abby, I really don't think we're gonna die," says Roxas.
By that time, we had made it to the kitchen, where the sounds of movement and the microwave occasionally beeping had been coming from.
I take a deep breath, and flip on the light, preparing myself for some sort of robber or serial rapist.
But what I see makes my jaw practically drop to the floor, my eyes almost popping out of my head.
There was the object of my obsession, one of my self claimed husbands, number eight of organization thirteen: Axel, standing there with a can of coke grasped in his hand, number nine Demyx, peering at us with a pocky stick in his mouth.
A moment of silence for my sanity, which has just taken flight and streaked down the street.
"What the fuck?" says Xandra, her own eyes wide.
"Uhm…hiya..." says Axel awkwardly, Demyx waves excitedly behind him.
I still stare, and Abby glances at me, gently closing my mouth.
"Well. We really aren't insane," she says.
"Speak for yourself," says Sora, "Who was the one who said we were going to die?"
Abby frowns, narrowing her eyes, "At least I wasn't getting molested by a giant!" she retorts.
Xandra's eyes narrow as well as she gazes towards the microwave, "Are you making…..ramen?" she asks slowly, a dangerous edge brimming in her tone.
Axel nods, "Yeah. We were hungry, hope you don't mind."
"Don't mind? DON'T MIND?! YOU'RE WATING MY FREAKING RAMEN!" exclaims Xandra, face already turning pink with fury.
"Liz better stop her before she kills your husband," advises Abby.
I snap out of it, pulling out of the deep staring at Axel's muscled chest, and put on my serious face, "Hey sasquatch, its just ramen."
Now I was in for it.
Her gaze turns to me, "It's my ramen!"
"Hey, what's going on?" asks a familiar voice.
We jump, startled as we notice Riku just randomly pop up behind us, a concerned look on his face.
"RIKU!" exclaims Sora happily, grinning cutely. Not even Cloud Strife or Leon, AKA Squall Leonhart could resist that cute face.
The silver haired teen grins back and ruffles the blond's hair, "Hey Sora, looks like you've gotten yourself into trouble again," he says.
Back to the other situation. Negotiating with a Sasquatch.
"Xandra, you have like three hundred packages of ramen," says Abby, trying to calm our angry friend down as she death glares my sex slave. I mean Axel.
"Yeah shut the hell up already Sasquatch," I add for good measure.
And another conversation was going on during that, "Axel, I thought you were dead," says Roxas quietly.
The sexy redhead nods, "Yeah so did I. But I felt like I was floating, surrounded by darkness. Then I found myself talking to Dem and Zexion. And now I'm here," he replies, "Glad you didn't forget me Roxy," he continues with a gentle smile.
Roxas smiles back, "How could I?"
Damn, I was either gonna totally glomp the two or push them into a bedroom and lock the door, commanding them to stay in there and do it or else if they keep this up.
"Soooo. Who are you guys?" asks Demyx randomly.
I blink, and then reply, "I'm Liz, the ever reasoning voice in our happy flock is Abby and the big angry fat Sasquatch is Xandra."
"I AM NOT A FREAKING SASQUATCH!" shouts Xandra angrily.
"Anyways," says Abby, Xandra being the one to ignore this time, "Do you know if anymore of you are here?" she asks.
They shrug in unison, "No idea," says Demyx.
The microwave beeps, signaling the ready-to-eat mode.
Everyone glances warily towards the machine of death. I mean the microwave.
"So uh, are you gonna attack me if I eat your ramen?" asks Axel.
"Yep," responds Xandra.
I frown, "I don't think so Sasquatch. Touch even one fold of his robe, and you're one dead hairy smelly thing," I state seriously, narrowing my eyes for emphasis.
"Ok, let's all just calm down, and not do anything stupid, or dangerous," Riku tries to reason, "First off, why are these two alive?"
"Well, I say we make the best of things, if you know what I mean," says Xandra, smiling lecherously.
I smirk back at her, "Oh I know what you mean alright."
She cackles and inches closer to Sora, "Sor-Sor time to plaaaaaaay!" she coos. Dear GOD, she sounded like a child molester.
Riku shoots her a death glare and pulls the blond boy into an embrace.
I could almost hear him hiss, 'MINE.'
Then again, that was probably because he did.
The little Keyblade wielder flushes pink, Riku having not have let go of him.
"Thanks a lot for saving me from the rapist," says Roxas sarcastically.
"It's everyone for themselves Roxy, you should know that," says Axel smugly, taking the ramen out of the death machine and adding the flavor.
"What should we do now?" asks Demyx, still sucking on that pocky.
"Find a way home," states Riku, finally letting go of a bright red Sora.
"Aw Sora you're so CUTE!" I practically squeal, pinching his cheeks.
"Liz that's my job. Go flirt with red," complains Xandra, pulling me away from the blond and a still glaring Riku.
I pout and cross my arms over my chest, "FIIINE."
Axel chuckles, slurping up his noodles.
"Oh shut up Axel," I snap.
We hear the ruffle of cloth from the living room.
"I thought you said no one else was here," Riku says in an accusing tone.
"I never said that exactly," replies Axel, finishing his ramen with one final slurp.
"What if it's the monster?" whines Sora.
I roll my eyes, "Sora we've been through this already."
"Don't worry Sora, as long as I'm here you have nothing to worry about," says Riku, ruffling the boys hair once again.
"Where are we? And who are you?" asks another familiar voice all of a sudden.
We jump, strangled screams rising from our throats, very masculine screams coming from the guys. Yeah right.
"Shit, don't do that you emo-bastards!" I shout angrily, shaking my clenched fist at the newly arrived Cloud and Zexion.
Abby's eyes widen in awe, "Cloud," she mumbles quietly, in a daze, most likely filled with kinky fantasies.
"Hey don't make fun of emo people!" protests Xandra.
"I don't give a fuck if he's a ballerina! You don't just sneak up on people like that and randomly start talking!" I snap.
Demyx's ocean blue eyes widen, "Zexy.."
He rushes toward the silver/blue haired teen, enveloping him in a bone breaking hug, "ZEXY! I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!" shouts the blond, knocking the surprised Emo to the floor.
Cloud just stares unblinkingly towards the two, "Right."
I clear my throat, "Alright you two. Get a room, and make sure it's unlocked so me and Xandra can come watch."
"DEMYX GET OFF ME!" yells Zexion, struggling beneath the blond sitarist.
Demyx pouts and removes himself from the emo, "But I missed you," he whines.
Un-noticed by most of the group, as Zexion stood and knocked away imaginary dust from his long black cloak, his cheeks were burning with a faint pink blush. Aw, I totally have to get these two together.
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End Part one.
Ok. I kno this is retarded, but the idea came to my head and after much thought about it, it wouldn't go away. It was those damn plot bunnies. So plz read and review. PLZ! (begs) Part two is coming really soon since this is done. I just made it a 2 shot cuz this is really long. Too long for a one shot and too short for a story. So yeah. NO FLAMERS! This story is purely for entertainment, and if you have nothing nice to say, click the back button on the top of the page, and read something else.