Slippy: The Untold Chronicles
Chapter 1: Location Confirmed, We're Going to Die
A Star Fox FanFic
Walking the deck of the Great Fox, Slippy Toad found himself showing unabashed anger toward Falco Lombardi. A couple hours before, Slippy approached his sleeping quarters after a night filled with repairs of the beloved fleet of Arwings and other battle equipment, he noticed that someone had taped two especially detailed sequences of pictures on and around his bed. The first sequence of pictures was preceded by an article about planet Earth. The article seemed to indicate that falcons often times anally rape their prey as a way of showing their dominance. After reading that delightful article, the sequence of pictures depicting toads and falcons made sense, if you know what I mean. The second sequence of pictures was a little more grotesque. It became abundantly clear that Falco had used photoshop in order to paste his and face onto a human with a Peter North-sized-cock violating a different character(that looked remarkably like Slippy) in all possible avenues of the body, against his will.
Anyways...details aren't really necessary at this juncture, what you need to know is that Slippy wasn't in the best of moods. This led to some overall shenanigans that I don't have time to get into, but when I arrived on the scene it wasn't looking good for either of my comrades. Slippy had somehow managed to wrestle Flaco to the ground, but on the way down Falco's beak pierced Slippy's foot. Furthermore, Falco's razor-sharp beak had pierced part of the floor and had left him stuck with his face to floor.
In disgust, Falco had started to try to get his beak unstuck, but that's when shit really hit the fan. Fox McCloud arrived on the scene, not ready to deal with any of the ensuing bullshit. He put his foot on the back of Falco's head, keeping his face stuck into the floor. He cleared his throat, and then took the stage, "How in the fuck did this possibly happen." his voice boomed "I'm on Corneria for eight days, and you disgusting fucks don't even check on Peppy?"
Now that he mentioned it, I hadn't seen the old hare around for a while. Slippy and Falco went from being upset to having an inquisitive look on each of their faces. Fox went on, "Motherfucker is dead! I found his decomposing body down in the laundry room, Jesus fuck!"
The room went silent. At that moment a wave of guilt engulfed the three of us collectively, but it was kind of laden with a hint of hilarity. The sheer notion that Slippy and Falco's feud was so intense that they didn't notice that one of their crew had DIED struck me as outrageous, but for that time, I hid my grin rather well.
Fox went on for about five minutes about the disgusting nature of all of us, especially the two fighting on the ground. I had been on the ship for the same amount of time that Fox had been away, so he granted me some lenience for being the new guy. The change from his disgusted tone, to a more understanding tone calmed Slippy and Falco down, both of whom had finally figured out their situation and were standing now. Although he was terribly upset with both Slippy and Falco, Fox decided he better go up to the command deck and send for someone to deal with the decomposed body. Fox took three steps in the direction away from us, when the four of us heard a gut-wrenching noise. It sounded like the breaking of bones mixed with the added sound in your head when Jar-Jar Binks says anything. Just as I went to ask what the fuck was going on, I spotted everyone looking the same direction at a figure up ahead about twenty feet. Then, like the others, I noticed my jaw had dropped. At that moment what appeared to be a zombie version of our beloved comrade Peppy screamed, "LOCATION CONFIRMED, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" as he threw an uncapped grenade in our direction.