DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy.
A/N - A big special thank you to Mcllwain for pushing me to post this story, this is for you.
An excerpt from Working Through the Mar.
"I can't Jax I can't get it out of my mind, she knows how your body feels if it is hot, cold or hot and sweaty. She knows the taste of your lips, she has touched your lips, touched your tongue. I see all of this in my mind Jax, I see it. She knows what it feels like to have you inside her, she knows what it feels like when you cum, your moan, the look on your face she knows all of this Jax, all of it. Did you whisper sweet nothings in her ear? Was it easy for you to cum did she excite you so much you couldn't satisfy your thirst for her? Did you cum more than once? Of course you did. Did you go all night long? How did her breast feel when you sucked them? Do you still remember how they felt, how they tasted, how hard her nipples were? I know you did, did you suck on the crook of her neck did she suck on yours to make you cum? Did you sleep all wrapped in each other's arms with her head across your chest over your heart? Did you go down on her? Will you always remember what her pussy tastes like, what it looks like? Do I have to worry when I kiss you that I am actually kissing where her pussy had been? Then do I have to worry about all the different people that have been in her pussy because it is now on my mouth? Do you still remember her calling your name when she was cuming? Did she call it over and over again? Can you still hear her moan? Did you nuzzle to the crook of her neck when you were cuming? Did you and Ima talk about what a fool I am? Did you call her name over and over when you were cuming? Did you care if she got off?"
"Stop it that is enough!"
"Is it Jax, is it enough how many times was enough? Did you kiss the curve in her lower back when you took her from behind? Do you still want her?"
"Tara stop you can't keep doing this to yourself."
"I'm not doing this to me you did it, you and her... I can't help it Jax I see it all of the time, every time my eyes close I see it. Every time you touch me I know you have touched her. When you are inside me I think about you being inside her, do you think you would be able to forget it? I didn't think so. Do you think you would be haunted by it day and night then people bring up her name and they all turn to you waiting to see how you react because they all know, everyone knows you made sure of that, how would you feel about that? Would you walk back in the clubhouse again or would it hurt your pride? You have humiliated me in front of EVERYONE you threw her in my face. Why would I want to come back in a clubhouse that I am supposed to be queen of, why? What would you need to hear to make it better, to get you over it, to make you feel better about it, what would it take for you to forget? Tell me Jax what? I just can't shake it, it's been 2 years and it is still a fresh cut I try not to say anything so I don't upset you but why am I worried about upsetting you I didn't do anything wrong. You weren't worried about me I didn't cross your mind that night, no it was Ima that is who you were thinking about that night all night long. I was home waiting for you alone if you were so intent on 'blowing off steam' you could have come home, I was there but that's right you didn't want me, you wanted her!"
"How about when she was gloating there in my face with your fucking shirt on? Did you enjoy that was that your idea? Did you enjoy the pain I was in? How would you have felt then? Would you ever walk in that room again? Would you lie in that bed?"
"Tara I am not telling you again that it was nothing."
"Then don't tell me again." With that she rolled over and turned her back to Jax as he sighed dropping his head and rubbing his face.
"What can I do to make this better? What do I need to do to make you forget?"
"I don't know what would you need me to do?"
"Let me kill the fucker."
"Yeah that is what I thought I would like to be alone now."
Jax looks at Tara and knows he needs to leave but feels if he does then things will only get worse, so he's going to stay right here with her whether she talks to him or not. Jax isn't going to desert Tara now like he did before, she isn't as strong now as she was then, she's beat down now and as long as he can be close to her he will be, guard at the door or not Jax is not leaving Tara.