The medical school applications sat on top of her desk, slightly rumpled from being balled up and then flattened out again one too many times. They'd been roughly shoved into her desk drawer once or twice. One had already made its way into the trash can sitting by her leg.
"I can always make copies. I'll just use these as drafts."
The calendar was looming above her like some sort of death clock, ticking away the hours until the deadlines.
It was pushing 1:00 am, and Kinu sat quietly under the glow of a soft yellow lamp mounted on the wall above her desk. There was a light rain tapping on the window. She sat watching some far off street lamp flickering, trying to stay lit as best it could, while twirling a half worn down pencil in her right hand.
"I know the feeling."
The next morning, Kinu woke up earlier than usual to go down and start on breakfast. The morning sun came in through windows, illuminating the entirety of the kitchen. Usually she'd just throw together some toast and orange juice for herself and call it breakfast, but this morning she needed something a bit more sustaining. When she was finished, a modest breakfast sat on the circular glass table with places for 3.
She heard footsteps and voices on the stairs and took a deep breath. Here we go. She took her seat, folding her hands into her lap.
"That's what I told him, but he was insi- what's this?" Mayuko stopped dead in her tracks, almost causing Hatori to fall over her as he was tying his tie. Hand stuck mid-gesture, she glanced at her daughter and continued cautiously down the steps into the kitchen.
"Hey mom, hey dad. I made breakfast! Hope it tastes alright. It's nothing fancy. I'm just glad I didn't burn anything. I do apologize for any stray egg shells, though. Still haven't gotten that down."
Hatori took the scene in slowly moved around to get the chair for his wife. He had a very confused and concerned expression on his face. He was not a fan of surprises. Mayuko shared his confusion, but perked up at the sight of her favorite cup in front of her.
"I thought I smelled coffee! Thanks! I guess? To what do we owe the occasion?"
"Oh, nothing in particular."
Hatori and Mayuko both looked at eachother, highly skeptical but still saying nothing. Hatori took his seat at the table across from their daughter, placing his glasses on the table next to his plate.
"Is... everything okay, Kinu?" he asked.
Kinu waited a moment before taking a deep breath.
"Actually, yes. There is something I wanted to say."
"Don't tell me!" Mayuko cut in, "You have a boyfriend!" Her face lit up with glee.
"No." Kinu flatly told her.
Mayuko' face turned from happiness to horror.
"You're pregnant?!"
"No." This time from both Kinu and Hatori.
She gave her father an appreciative smirk, which he returned. Kinu had grown tired of her mother trying to guess when she'd bring a boy (or girl?) home. As far as she was concerned, that was none of their business. Even if they are her parents.
With another deep breath, she decided it was best to just get it overwith.
"So, you know all those medical school application you had me send in?"
Mayuko immediately reacted and scooted to the edge of her seat with a grin. "Oh my goodness! Have you already gotten a response? Which one?" Hatori had a moment of pride and then quickly smothered it to wait for some elaboration. He was still confused about the whole situation.
"No! No, I haven't gotten a response. I..." She could feel the tears coming on. The acid in the throat. The whole nine yards. Her hands were sweating. She closed her eyes.
"I haven't actually submitted any of those applications."
She looked up. Blinks from both pairs of eyes. Mayuko had a look of complete confusion, like she was still trying to figure out what her daughter was playing at. Hatori glanced at his wife, and then broke the silence.
"You said you had." Oh boy. She had indeed said that. Weeks ago. She'd made a trip to the post office that actually consisted of a walk around the city for a couple of hours thinking about ways to have this conversation. They had even given her the money for the fees. Luckily, she was responsible enough to not spend it.
"I lied."
The smiles were gone. Hatori was frowning, never one to let his emotions show too much, he was clearly troubled by this but still trying to figure out what to say.
"Why would you lie about something like that?", he asked.
"Because, I didn't want disappoint you."
Mayuko spoke up, gently. "You don't need to worry about that. You're a very smart woman, you'll get i-"
Kinu immediately cut her off, trying not to drag this out any more. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean... I don't want to go to medical school. I don't want to be a doctor."
"What?" Hatori's tone took a new, but expected turn.
"I don't want to go to med school. I've never wanted to go, but no one ever bothered to ask me. It was always just assumed and-"
In a stern tone that was far too reminiscent of his own father, he cut her off. "Of course it was assumed. This family has been taking care of the Sohma name for gener-"
"And there it is." Kinu threw her hands up in exasperation, rolling her eyes.
Hatori put his hand to his temple and sighed heavily. She had a point. A good one. He wished he could put those words back into his mouth. Hatori immediately began trying to recall every conversation he ever had with his daughter about her future.
"I'm serious, dad. I'm so tired of living my life just to meet other people's expect-" She was starting to get fired up. She definitely did not get her father's cool temperment.
"Kinu," He attempted to interrupt.
"-ations. I want to live my life. I don't want to be a Sohma, I just want to be myself for once." She suddenly found herself with her chin up and hands on the table, half getting out of her seat. She slowly sat back down, and then slouched against the back of the chair, arms crossed.
Mayuko spoke up softly, "We've never forced you to do anything you didn't want to do. We tried to always make sure you were comfortable in telling us when you didn't. Your dad was especially careful about that."
"I know, and that is why I'm telling you now I'm not going to med school." There. It was out. There was no misunderstanding, or questioning what she meant. Despite how everything will turn out, that is one huge weight off her shoulders. She can finally burn all those papers and never look at them again.
Hatori managed to reign himself in enough to somewhat calmly ask his daughter, "What do you intend to do instead, then? Not going to school is not an option - despite what your mother just said."
Kinu couldn't stop herself from looking down and staring a hole through the plate in front of her. She felt like she was 7 years old again and being scolded for punching a boy in her class. She couldn't look at them.
"I'm not sure yet, but I think I know what my next step is going to be. I want to move out."