Title: EPILOGUE TO 'A LONG WAY TO YESTERDAY
Author: Donna McIntosh
E-mail: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Slash
Disclaimer: Not mine. I make no money off of them.
Rating: NC-17
EPILOGUE TO –'A LONG WAY TO YESTERDAY'
They drove silently; Hutch staring out the side window; Starsky straight ahead.
"You OK?" Starsky asked after sneaking a sideways glance at him.
"I'm OK, I'm OK." Hutch answered a little exasperated at having to answer the same question over and over again.
"You wanna stop for something to eat?"
"No. Just … I just wanna go home," Hutch answered.
"You got a prescription or something you need filled?"
"No. The doctor gave me some pills if I need them; but I won't need them," Hutch answered, weak but determined.
"Why don't you let me take you to my place for a few days? I could – you know – kinda keep an eye on you." Starsky offered as he pulled the red torino into Hutch's driveway.
"No thanks, Starsk. I'll be all right. I just need a little time."
They walked to the front door. Hutch fumbled with the keys and dropped them. Starsky retrieved the keys and opened the door. They walked inside and Hutch stood for a moment looking around.
"It's good to be home," he smiled slightly.
"You haven't been gone all that long; just a few weeks." Starsky said brightly, ignoring the sick feeling that crept over him every time he thought of those terrible days; waiting and worrying.
Hutch slumped down on the couch. "You know … I can hardly remember any of it …"
"That's good. Don't try. The quicker it's forgotten the better." Starsky said and joined him on the couch.
"I do remember … sometimes … a few things …"
"Please, Hutch, put it out of y our mind. It's over; that's all that matters."
Hutch leaned his head back against the couch and rubbed his forehead. "Some of the time … it seemed … like you were there."
"You must have been thinking about me. You knew I'd be there sooner or later." Starsky said, changing his tactics once he realized he couldn't get Hutch to forget about it and decided to try a lighter approach.
"I did!" Hutch said then turned and took hold of Starsky's arm. "I knew you'd find me … only …"
"Only what?" Starsky prompted.
"I don't know … it's all mixed up. Sometimes … it seems like …" Hutch tried but couldn't pull the memory out of the drugged haze of the past few weeks.
Starsky covered Hutch's hand with his. "Like what?" he asked and wished he could find some way to change the subject.
Hutch waited a few minutes before answering. "It seemed … like you were part of it."
"I was!" Starsky beamed proudly. "Remember? I was the cavalry that came to the rescue!"
"I know. I know all that," Hutch stared off trying desperately to remember. "But sometimes … it's like it was you instead of them."
"Aaa … it was the drugs. You know how they twist your thinking." Starsky grinned that reassuring grin of his.
"I guess so. If it weren't for the dreams …"
"Dreams? What dreams?" Starsky asked anxiously.
"I keep dreaming … crazy things. A room full of mirrors, lights flashing, and … you were there for a while. Then you left me." Hutch looked at him questioningly.
"Drug induced dreams never make much sense." Starsky offered.
"That's true enough. I should be an expert on that by now." Hutch let his gaze wander off and sat quietly for a few moments. "How can people do that to themselves, Starsk? It's so bad! You can't imagine what it's like! I hope to God you never do know."
"It's a crutch, Hutch. Some people just can't face it in the world without one.
"But it doesn't help you face anything. It only helps you hide. It … it …" He lost his train of thought and got up angrily. He paced the floor and stopped at the refrigerator. He yanked the door open and turned to stare at Starsky.
"I picked up a few things for you. Didn't think you'd wanna come home to an empty fridge." Starsky joined him in the kitchen. They had a quiet meal, each lost in his own thoughts. As they cleaned up, Hutch resumed the conversation.
"Starsk, did they tell you everything? I mean … they did more than shoot junk into my arm."
"I know; I know, Buddy." Starsky answered and gave Hutch's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"You know then; what they did?" Hutch turned away unable to face him just then.
"It's over with, Hutch. Please try to forget it."
"Starsk, it's not the kind of thing you can just forget!"
"I know that." Starsky wanted so badly to help, but didn't know how. "What do you want, Hutch? You wanna talk about it?"
"I don't know. I just don't know, Starsk. I can't just put it out of my mind. Everything's so mixed up. I have to know what happened."
"Buddy, you know what happened. Why keep going over and over it?"
"I don't know! Why is it all mixed up? I remember some things very clearly. I remember Forest, Monk and the rest of those goons. I remember the needle and then the pain; the god-awful pain." He paced the floor as he spoke. "The rest is … mixed up." He turned to Starsky in hopes his words were being understood.
"It's bound to be confusing," Starsky sympathized.
"But why? Why are you in it? Why do I keep getting you all mixed up with what they did to me?"
Starsky tried to remain calm and cool but he knew the time had come to tell of his part in Hutch's nightmare.
"Hutch … We gotta talk."
"You know something, don't you!"
"Hutch …"
"What is it?" He grabbed Starsky and spun him around to face him. "Tell me!"
"I … I was there the day before. I couldn't get you out the first time."
"What happened?"
"Hutch, it was a set up. I was supposed to meet some guy who said he knew where you were. He took me to Forest's place. There were five of them." Starsky pulled away and walked over by the window.
"What happened?" Hutch demanded.
"I came back the next day with reinforcements; just like in the cowboy movies." Starsky grinned and tried to lighten things up a bit.
"What happened while you were there? Did you see me?"
Starsky looked grim and knew he could no longer avoid the issue.
"Hutch, you only been out of the hospital a few hours; can't this wait?"
"NO! Tell me now! What happened?"
"They took me in to see you. You were in the bed room." He stalled.
"Go on," Hutch insisted.
"Hutch …" Starsky pleaded.
"TELL ME!"
"You … didn't have anything on. They made me get in bed with you." He snuck a glance at Hutch and was glad to see he was staring off in another direction.
"What happened?" Hutch whispered.
"Hutch, there was no other way."
"What happened?" he screamed and turned and grabbed Starsky by the shoulders.
"I did what they told me to," Starsky winced at the pain in Hutch's face.
"You mean … it was you? You did it to me?" He snarled the words out and backed away a few steps.
"It was either that or watch them …" Starsky tried to explain.
"My pal! My friend!" Hutch spat out the words. He lunged at Starsky and caught him on the left cheek with his fist. Starsky reeled backwards and fell.
"I'd do it again if I had to. I couldn't just sit there and watch them!"
"How could you? How could you?"
"Hutch, don't you remember any of it? Starsky wiped the blood off his lip. "Whatever you're thinking or remembering or whatever; I didn't rape you!"
"What are you talking about?" Hutch screamed down at him. "I was raped! The doctor told me. And now I find out it wasn't one of them! It was my faithful partner, my pal!"
"I didn't rape you!"
Hutch yanked him to his feet. He was filled with fury and wanted to lash out; make someone pay for his pain and humiliation. Starsky's eyes were filled with tears. "Do you really think I could do that to you?" Their eyes held for several seconds before Hutch managed to choke out the words. "What happened?" he begged.
"They had you so spaced out, if they had put a gun in your hand and told you to shoot me, you would have."
"No!" Hutch moaned.
"They didn't use a gun. They didn't need one to get to me. They had you right where they wanted you. That's all they needed."
Hutch wilted a little and leaned his head against Starsky's shoulder. "Go on," he whispered.
Starsky's arm slipped up around him; he caressed Hutch's shoulders and neck. "I told them they were crazy; they couldn't force me and they couldn't have but …"
Hutch raised his pain-filled face. "But what?"
Starsky took a deep breath and went on. "You had been … well trained." He couldn't bear the pain in Hutch's face any longer. He pulled Hutch into his arms and held him tight. "I took you, yes. But it wasn't against your will. I couldn't stop what happened. I could fight off any one in the world, Hutch, but not you; not you." He buried his face against Hutch's shoulder.'
"You ream … I'm responsible?"
"NO! They were responsible! Not you! Not me!" The tears were streaming down both their faces.
"My God! You must hate me," Hutch cried.
"No, Hutch; no." Starsky soothed. "Not you. I could never hate you." They clung to each other sobbing in each other's arms.
After a few moments, Hutch regained control. "I'm sorry I hit you. Are you OK?" He blinked back the tears and examined Starsky's face.
"I'm OK, baby. Everything's OK now." They wiped the tears off one another's faces.
"Everything's all right now." Starsky smiled. "You're home and we're together again. That's all that matters."
"Oh God, I'm tired," Hutch sighed and leaned back into the warm comforting arms.
"You should be in bed," Starsky scolded; tears of relief still flowing freely down his cheeks. It was finally out in the open. Hutch knew and he didn't hate him. He understood now and accepted what had happened. Now maybe they could both work towards putting the painful memory behind them.
"I don't want to go to bed yet." Hutch said and tried to pull himself together. "I don't want you to leave."
"I won't leave but you're getting your beautiful blond butt in there in that bed!"
Hutch grinned and started for the bed room. He couldn't quite bring himself to let go so he pulled Starsky along with him. "I am tired." He admitted.
In a few moments, Starsky had him settled in bed. He sat beside him and pulled the covers up just a little bit more.
"You're a hell of a lit better looking than that animal that was masquerading as a nurse back at the hospital," Hutch teased.
Starsky grinned; embarrassed but pleased at Hutch's compliment.
"You have a real eye for class, Officer Hutchinson."
They laughed together easily and Hutch slid his hand into Starsky's. Starsky held it gently between his two as if it was the most precious and fragile thing he had ever touched.
"What was it like, Starsk?" He asked quietly; giving in to the burning need to know more about this strange and horrifying thing that happened to him. Starsky gulped and grinned sheepishly. "It was pretty awkward but we managed." He patted the hand he held and rubbed it lovingly.
"You said … you couldn't fight me. Did I … I mean … did I get things started?"
"You sure did, baby!" Starsky answered not meeting Hutch's eyes. His mind flashed back to that moment when Hutch had forced his tongue into his mouth and that had been the end of the battle for Starsky.
"How?"
"Huh?" Starsky snapped back from his reverie.
"How?" Hutch asked him again. "How did I get things going?"
"You kissed me." Starsky said simply; no longer able to avoid those sky-blue eyes that demanded his attention.
"Like this?" Hutch asked. He leaned forward and brought his lips lightly against Starsky's.
"N-not quite," Starsky stuttered.
"This?" Hutch said and kissed him again and lingered a bit this time.
"That was a little more like it," Starsky mumbled and moved his hands up Hutch's arms to his shoulders.
"What else?" Hutch asked breathlessly, only inches from Starsky's face.
"Huh?" Starsky asked. He found it difficult to concentrate on the conversation.
"What else did I do?"
"You … uh … you pulled my shirt off and touched me … all over."
Hutch pulled the shirttail loose, opened the buttons and peeled the shirt off the broad shoulders. He let it fall to the floor and ran his hands across Starsky's chest, fingering the soft black curls with pleasure. "Like this?" he asked as both hands settled on a smooth brown nipple.
A shiver ran through Starsky's entire body with a visible tremor.
"Hutch … Hutch," he whispered and fought for control
"You told me you loved me. I remember that. You were in back of me and you kept saying it over and over."
"It's true, Hutch. I swear it is." Starsky had said those words before but never had they meant as much as they did now. He had to make Hutch understand that.
"Show me, Starsk. Show me," he begged and pressed close into Starsky's arms."
"I love you! I love you! I love you!" Starsky murmured the words against his ear, into his neck and down his shoulder.
Hutch slid down in the bed and pulled Starsky with him. The covers wee pulled back and Starsky's shoes clucked to the floor.
"Are you sure, baby?" Starsky questioned as he removed the rest of his clothes."
"Yes, yes! Oh please, Starsk. Love me; love me."
They melded together then as easily and naturally as if the melding had always been a part of their lives. They fitted together equally, each hungry demanding body devouring the other. They clung together in the throes of passion the likes of which neither had ever imagined. At an unspoken but mutually agreed upon moment, Hutch rolled over on his stomach. Starsky encircled him lovingly with his arms and slowly eased into him. Hutch wiggled and strained forcing Starsky deeper into him. Starsky moved over him, caressing the smooth rounded buttocks he had been dreaming about these last weeks. They worked together slowly and tenderly, each stroke building the passion within them towards its exploding point.
"Now, Starsk! Now!" Hutch begged frantically.
Starsky stepped up the pace to a vigorous pounding one. In seconds, Hutch cried out and shook violently in the grips of a tremendous climax. Starsky held on for all he was worth and managed to keep their bodies from separating. Just as he was certain Hutch was all right, he let go. He groaned with deep-throated cries of unbelievable passion. The spasms shook him again and again wrenching from him all the stored up desires he had for so long denied.
"Are you OK, baby? Did I hurt you?" Starsky asked as soon as he could catch his breath.
"No, love. You didn't hurt me. I'm OK now. And I will be as long as I know you love me." Hutch whispered and rubbed his hands over as much of Starsky as he could reach.
"I guess I'll just have to show you every day. So you don't forget, of course."
"Of course! I always have been terribly forgetful. You may even have to remind me three or four times a day." They rested in silence for a moment in their quiet after glow.
"There's one thing I will remember though, Starsk, our first time. Tonight's our first time."
"Yes, baby. Yes." Starsky agreed and nuzzled the back of Hutch's neck.
The End