Anorexia

noun

a lack or loss of appetite for food (as a medical condition).

Common

More than 200,000 US cases per year

Anorexia is characterized by a distorted body image, with an unwarranted fear of being overweight.

Symptoms include trying to maintain a below-normal weight through starvation or too much exercise.

Medical treatment may be needed to restore normal weight. Talk therapy can help with self-seteem and behavior changes.

AGES AFFECTED

0-2

3-5 ****

6-13 ******

14-60 ************

60+ ****

GENDERS AFFECTED

Females *********

Males****

PEOPLE MAY EXPERIENCE

WHOLE BODY:

dehydration, dizziness, fainting, low blood pressure, low body temperature, osteoporosis (weak or brittle bones), water-electrolyte imbalance, or feeling cold.

BEHAVIORAL:

binge eationg, compulsive behavior, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or social isolation

MOOD:

anxiety, apprehension, or guilt

WEIGHT:

underweight, weight loss, or extreme weight loss

DEVELOPMENTAL:

delayed puberty or slow growth

MENSTRUAL:

irregular menstruation or absence of menstruation

GASTROINTESTIONAL:

constipation or vomiting

ALSO COMMON:

brittle nails, bruising, depression, dieting, dry hair, dry skin, headache, sensitivity to cold, or slow heart rate

TREATMENT CONSISTS OF THERAPY

Medical treatment may be needed to restore normal weight. Talk therapy can help with self-esteem and behavior changes.

THERAPIES:

Support group, Cognitive behaviorial therapy, Dialectial behavior therapy, Intervention, Interpesonal psychotherapy, Family therapy, Behavior therapy, Psychotherapy, Brief psychotherapy, and Group psychotherapy

MEDICATION:

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and Antipsychotic

SPECIALISTS:

Nutritionist, Psychiatrist, Clinical psychologist, and Primary Care Provider (PCP)

I know that starting a story out with statistics and facts may seem strange and unusual but I feel as though it is needed for this story. I have personally suffered with anorexia my entire 28 years of life but was officially diagnosed when I was 22 in 2012. It has been a battle and a struggle. I finally would start to feel better about myself and life in general but then I would fall right back to where I was again. The saying "Take one step forward to get knocked two steps back" was the story of my life.

I graduated high school in 2008. When I walked across the stage and received my diploma, I weighed 125 pounds. Keep in mind I stand 5 foot 7, so 125 pounds is pretty good.

In 2010 I weighed 132 pounds while I was pregnant with my first and only child. She weighed 7, nearly 8, pounds when she was born. I lost all of the "baby weight" but then I continued to lose as time passed. By November of 2012, I weighed a total of 88 pounds. That was the smallest I have ever been in my adult life. I looked like I was on drugs. I looked awful. My eyes were sunk in and their glow was gone. I have muddy water brown eyes but at that time they were black which matched the despair I held within myself. It was consuming me completely. Depression, anxiety, anorexia, and a few others that I would not care to disclose at this time, all mixed together felt like poison. It seeped into my mind and spread throughout my whole bady eventually encasing my heart.

Today, the struggle is still very real and very sensitive. I have never felt comfortable with the way I look. I have never felt cofortable with my body. My collar bones stick out and water pools in on them like a bowl and milk for your cereal. My hipbones pertrude to the point that a simple bumping of a table leave bruises for weeks. My legs are very small and not muscular in the slightest. In the past six years, I have not been able to get above 116 pounds. To this very second, it is what I weigh. Things are slightly better but as I said, the struggle is real and the batte rages on.

My wife has helped me through this in ways that she will never fully understand. She keeps me fighting. She takes care of me. She has shown me that I am not only defined by my weight and the struggles that come with it. My daughter, who is completely unaware of my issues, has also helped me so very much. Before I met my wife, I fought for my mini me. She was the moon in mydarkened night sky. She was the light at the end of the tunnel. My two best friends are the backbone of my support system. At any time I can text them or call them. At any time I can rant to them and cry on their shoulder...what ever I may need, I can rely on them.

I got the idea for this story tonight because my mother (aka Cora Mills) said something to me that was totally uncalled for and it hurt me; it cut into my very soul. The person that is supposed to be there for me and love me unconditionally also happens to be the cause of most of my issues. No sympathy. No empathy. No understanding. It is so fucking important for people who are struggling and battling and fighting with their inner demons to have support and to not be put down further than they alread are. But, that seems to be what Cora is best at.

I truly hope that you will enjoy this story. I hope that perhaps you will learn something from this and that it will open some eyes to the reality of anorexia. If I can use what I have been through to teach others or to show someone that they are not alone as they fight their battles then I will have done something worth a damn in my life. There will be triggering events in this story. BE WARNED: THERE WILL BE DISCUSSION OF SELF-HARM, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF A MALNURISHED BODY, AND SEXUAL SITUATIONS BOTH NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE.

To those of you who struggle with any of these or any other situations:

NEVER. EVER. FEEL. ALONE. Message me. Comment. GET MY NAME AND FIND ME ON FACEBOOK. Review. I will talk to you. I will listen to you. I will give you the nest advice that I can give. I wil be there for you. I will not judge or belittle you. No one should ever have to face ANY battle alone. I have done it and I nearly did not make it through. But, from this poit on, you are not alone. You don't hae to face these demons single handedly. I've got your back. You WILL get through this. You WILL be able to look back 5 or 10 years from now, sigh in releif, and say "I made it". You WILL be able to feel the freedom from the hold of your issues. You WILL feel the release from the demons that you carried inside as you stand in the warm sun and feel the light within your soul.

Stay Strong.

Be Positive.

Fight for that Freedom.

Live.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you continue this with me.

TBC