Empty Spaces

Category: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Violet/Pete

Summary: After the attack, Violet start to pull away from Pete and he wants to know why.

Warnings: Spoilers for season 3

Disclaimer:Don't own nothing, nadda, zip or even zilch...

Authors notes: Did anyone else watching the preview for 'The Way We Were' notice a strange edit? When Violet says; "It's the baby. I look at him and I feel nothing." Sounded to me like those sentences didn't fit together which lead me to believe maybe she was talking about Pete. I could be wrong but if that is the case I wanted to write something to explain it. Definitely don't want to see those two break up :(

Low light cast a shadow over Pete as he rested against the door frame, keeping a silent vigil over the room's occupants. It had been four weeks. Twenty-eight days exactly, since the image of Violets lifeless body had been burnt permanently into his memory but the haunting visions, the sleepless nights, they weren't the foremost of his worries.

Ever since returning home with her baby Violet had been like a wall, shutting him out at every opportunity. The others were making progress, even Charlotte had managed to get her to talk albeit briefly, but his attempts had been blatantly ignored and it hurt. He wanted to be there, to help but all she would accept was his empty presence taking up space on her couch.

He wasn't an idiot.

It was clear the only reason she'd allowed him to stay was because she was too terrified to be alone and as soon as she picked herself back up, he would be out.

The realization had been twisting painfully in his chest all week because while she ignored him, drowning in her own fears and insecurities, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and reassure himself she was alive, safe. Then maybe the nightmares would stop. Maybe he'd actually be able to manage a few hours before the tremors and sweating pulled him from another restless sleep.

Digging his fingers roughly into his arm, he took in her delicate form rocking slowly in the antique chair beside her son's cot.

Their possible son; he reminded himself.

She looked tired, exhausted and he held back, wondering if now was the right time to confront her. As much as he willed it, the night wasn't going to draw away their problems; they'd all still be there in the morning.

Deciding it could wait he pushed off the door frame, faltering as her hand rose from its position on the armrest. He held his breath, waiting for the emotionless response but no words followed and he realized his presence was still undetected. Instead of leaving he watched her closely, noting the way her fingers trembled as they worked their way through the tangle of curls cascading down her shoulder.

The action tore painfully at his resolve and gave in, coughing subtly to announce his entry.

"Hey."

Violet's hand snapped down at the intrusion, forcing a small smile as she dug her fingers firmly beneath her thigh. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. She knew what it was, knew logically how to deal with it but every now and then fear would take over in a vice like grip, sending spasms through her body. It was embarrassing, a sign of weakness and not something she wanted the man in front of her to witness.

"Hi." She swallowed nervously, mentally ordering herself to calm down. "It's late, what are you still doing up?"

Pete shrugged his shoulders, glancing briefly at the small infant who was succeeding in the task where he had failed. "Couldn't sleep."

Offering no further explanation, he fought to catch her gaze but she deliberately lowered her head. Despite their warmth she found no comfort in his eyes. Instead they were piercing, taking her apart piece by piece and she knew if she stared into them she would drown, losing every shred of self preservation she'd fought so hard to keep since the attack.

It was cruel but when she looked at him she wanted to show nothing, feel nothing.

That was the key to staying in control.

"Violet," his voice was gentle but at the same time held a serious tone, "we need to talk about this."

Panic filled her senses and she took a deep breath, knowing he would undo her. She needed time to build herself back up because if she accepted his help now, became dependent on his support then it would kill her when he finally decided she wasn't worth it.

Ultimately that's what it came down to; her inability to trust him.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could do this but I can't." She swallowed the lump building in her throat, knowing it was for the best. "Tomorrow morning you should go."

Pete felt a sharp stab in his heart but instead of accepting the words he stepped forward, kneeling at the base of her chair. He didn't understand. They had been ready to move on, start a family together and now she wanted to throw it all away? She had to know he wasn't going anywhere, his dedication to her couch over the past month should have been enough of an indication.

"I thought you wanted to be happy?"

"I do-" she started to protest but quickly stopped herself. Honesty wasn't going to work, if she was going to do this then she needed to be strong. "I was hormonal, confused. What I thought I felt, I'm not sure I still feel that way."

"You're lying."

The fact she refused to meet his gaze only strengthened the accusation and he frowned, trying to fit the pieces together. "Are you-" he paused, dreading the answer but forcing himself to ask, "Are you scared of me? Is that it?"

Despite her previous avoidance, her head snapped down to meet his stare, "No. Why would you even think that?"

Feeling a wave of relief, he placed his hands on either side of the chair trying to make her see the rational side of his thoughts. "You won't let me near you. Everyone else is fine but I walk into the room and you practically flinch. I'm your boyfriend and I can't even hold you."

Her eyes filled with guilt and he let out a sigh. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad.

"I'm just trying to understand."

Violet felt her body start to shake as his words twisted inside her gut. She hated this. Hated pushing him away, hated longing for the physical comfort she'd been denying them but the fact remained; if she let herself succumb there was no going back. They were both damaged, loving and losing him would break her.

"I'm sorry."

Her gaze was still unwillingly latched onto his own and he found the answers swimming to the surface. Fear of abandonment, trust, loss, she was like an open book pouring the words straight into his soul and the the desire to reassure her was overwhelming.

"You remember when I first started working here? You told me I was a good man, that I would find someone to love... well I have." He moved his hand over her shaking leg, rubbing his thumb in soft circular motions until she stilled. "I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

Her breathing constricted as his fingers slid across catching her wrist. She was slipping, losing control with every gentle caress but ironically, she'd never felt safer. If this was it, if he hurt her and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life then so be it because right now, the way he was making her feel; completely and unconditionally loved, made the risk worth taking.

Closing her eyes, she let the soft trace of his hand stir awake the numbness.

All the emotions she'd been blocking out were finally coming to a head, swelling up inside her chest as he continued along her arm, stopping to rest at the side of her neck. "Pete," Her voice cracked, barely containing the thick heavy tears that threatened to spill from beneath her lashes.

"I'm here," Through the darkness he smiled slightly at the small baby resting beside them, "We're both here."

Her eyelids fluttered open and she sucked in a deep breath as his thumb caught the moisture that escaped, "Please don't leave me."

Reaching up, he pressed his mouth to her lips savouring their salty taste. He'd missed her and the breathless promise fell with ease from his mouth, "Never"

All of her doubts melted away as he kissed her again and she drew out her hands, pulling him closer.

There was no going back.

And she didn't want to, not for the world.

AN: Thanks for reading! As always reviews & constructive criticism are very much appreciated :)