My name is Austin Robert Carlile.
I'm 17.
I used to live on Second and Sebring.
Not anymore.
I'm going away, to England.
To The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Boys.
I don't know why, but some people say it has to do with my mothers' death.
I think it does too.
But I'm confused.
I'm also suicidal, depressed, and have severe anxiety.
I don't know why I'm heading here in the first place.
I told everyone I was fine.
But my suicide attempt said different.
I've attempted suicide more than once, 9 times maybe.
The ninth time, I was so close.
But my dad stopped me.
And then called this place.
It looks so dreary, and dark.
It scares me.
I can feel the nostalgia coursing through my bones...
The gates shut behind me in darkening manner. They looked as if no one has cared for them for years. The dark colors reflect the mood behind the whole place. My mind is clouded, and before I knew it, we were heading through the second gate. It slammed shut, and I couldn't help but wonder. Where these gates meant to keep people out, or whatever was in this hell-racked place, in?
I was hastily thrown out of my thoughts once the car came to jerking stop.
"Oof.." I muttered as I hit the swat in front of me. Rubbing my head slightly, I looked up at the giant building. It seemed to stretch for miles and miles without really knowing when to stop. There were so many broken windows, and the peeling paint just added to the eerie feeling I had. Even the signs were peeling the red paint off of itself. Or maybe that's not red paint...
"Alright! Out inmate!" The guard who drove me here demanded. Inmate? This is a mental hospital isn't it? Aren't I supposed to be a patient treated to the best of this place's abilities? This isn't a prison in reality is it?
"Get moving!" The harsh voice guiding me to this horrid place demanded once again. I kept walking as he said, but it seems I wasn't walking fast enough because he'd either push me or smack me to get me moving.
"I'm going, I'm going! Geez, you don't have to~AHH! Eww, what is this?"
I landed in a puddle of...blood? I had no idea where I was, but I had a pretty good idea what the hell I was getting myself into. The blood smelled fresh too.
"Get up inmate! Out of that red paint!"
Oh no, you're not gonna fool me. Nope, I know exactly what this is. It's blood, which means...
Uh-oh.
I attempted to turn and run, but the chains on my hands and legs held me back from escaping. The guard held me down though. So of course there was no way to escape at all. I'd never get past those giant gates anyways. This place looked pretty secure anyways. There seemed to be no way in hell for even the thought of escape.
As we approached the giant wooden doors, I looked around. I saw "patients", sitting around out here on the ground, steps and porch. I looked over and saw two boys, similar looking in features, brothers maybe, holding hands, and talking in hushed whispers. Their jeans were torn, and the shorter one had a hoodie on, which was also ripped too. To my right were two other boys, a Lebanese boy and a white boy, throwing a ball back and forth over the porch rail.
"Catch it Jacky! Come on!" The blonde one yelled over the rail.
"I'm trying Alex baby!" The Lebanese boy had responded. They looked so happy here. It didn't make sense. Were they given medicine or some type of drug that made them constantly be happy in this place? I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, that I hadn't noticed us reach the doors; that was until my face went smack right into one.
"Don't hurt the inmate now. We're going to need him in one piece." I looked up at the strong male voice speaking about me. I cringed looking up at him. He looked just plain scary, I mean like this guy was just...ugh. His hair was shaved on one side of his head, and the other half was brushed over. He had a shark tattooed on the side where it was shaved, and plenty of tattoos lined his body from head to toe.
He held his hand out to me once the guard had left. I looked around and saw that the other "patients" had all eyes on me. After a moment of awkward stares, they returned to what they were doing, as I tentatively grabbed the older man's hand and followed him inside. He harshly yanked me inside, the giant wooden doors creaking shut behind us.
"Welcome to the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Boys."
I only scowled at the man, and followed him down the dreary, dark hallway, as we passed many rooms, door open ajar.
"Oh I see. You're a quiet one. Well, to begin with I am one of the eight headmasters here. I am Headmaster Radke." He said. Pfft, as if I care who the fuck you are. I just want to get the hell out of here.
His classy shoes, tapped on the hard wooden floor roughly, creating a creaking sound to emit from the purple-colored boards. It irritated me immensely, but I ignored the sound, and from seeing the glint in his eyes, he knew it irritated me as well. We had a silent walk, as we passed rooms of all sizes, and as I passed boys of all ages. From what I heard when my father first called this place, was that this was a mental hospital for males ages 13 to 26. And that's all I knew.
I watched as a spiky haired boy, about my age, ran down the hallway, being chased by another tatted boy. He was tattooed all over his torso from what I saw through the holes in his shirt. It seems that their little game had interfered with me and Headmaster Radke.
"Tony! Jaime! What have I told you about running through the halls!?" Headmaster Radke had yelled after them. Both boys only turned around scoffing, before running and jumping through a window. Wow, doors too classy for their tastes. We passed even more rooms, some rooms containing only beds and some containing things for entertainment like, toys, or things that boys would be interested in. In one room, I saw a redheaded boy playing guitar.
As I was dragged further down the hallway, the place seemed to get darker. Less and less boys were appearing, and more doors were being closed. I could've swore I heard screaming from behind one of those doors. We turned another corner, and again MORE. GODDAMN. HALLWAYS. If we turn another corner into another damn hallway, I swear, I'm gonna go ape shit.
Thankfully, we ended up at an elevator. God, why did everything in this wretched place have to look so scary? This whole place was just a mix of dark purples, and blacks painting every wall, and even the carpet and stain glass windows. I don't want to be here. I really don't.
"Are you coming? Or do I have to force you?" I looked back up at Headmaster Radke, and scowled.
"I was lost in thought.." I replied.
"Oh you speak!? Thank god, thought we'd have to do things the hard way with you." He smiled a sinister smile, that rattled my bones. I swear to god. We had a quiet ride, and again, I swear as we went up, I kept hearing screams the patients here. Could you even call them patients? They refer to them, well us now that I'm here, as inmates. Like were in some kind of fucking prison! Are we trapped, or are they just messing with our minds!? I'm so confused, I can't even think straight! God, help me. Please.
Unfortunately, I'm guessing he hadn't heard me, because I was still here, with this so called "Headmaster", at this so called "hospital", walking down another motherfucking hallway, towards ANOTHER pair of wooden doors. "More doors. Great." I muttered into the air.
Opening the door, Headmaster Radke let me in. "Inmates first." He smirked.
I shook my head, and rubbed my face to release some tension. But that tension only returned when I was faced with seven other tattooed men, which I'm guessing are the other Headmasters. I looked around at each, and my eye twitched. That was a normal thing for when I was either pissed, stressed, or both.
"Ahh! The new inmate!" One of them yelled as his shoulder length hair bounced with him. "Calm it Beau." Another man scolded, holding his hand up to the brunette. He then proceeded to look at me.
"You are Austin Robert Carlile. Correct?" I only nodded as the black-haired man stared straight through me. It was like he was taking in every aspect of not only me, but my whole life up until this point.
"Lost your mother?" I looked down, but nodded nonetheless. It still hurts when people mention my mothers' death. The emptiness and love she left behind still lingers with me all the time. Sometimes, she's all I can think about, ya know? She was there when I needed her, she was my everything. And to be on top of the world with her, only to lose it all...it was so sudden and...it...it...I...just feel like giving up, and ending everything.
"We have confirmed that you are suicidal, depressed, and have severe anxiety. Yes?" I nod again, sighing deeply. "Well, that's enough we need to know for now. I am Headmaster Biersack. And it seems that you've already been acquainted with Headmaster Radke."
I sighed, very irritated, as my eye kept at it's twitching. How long was this going to be, and when can I leave? I just want to go, seclude myself maybe, as long as I don't have to see their fucking faces again today. He continued to introduce the rest of the headmasters before sending me off. So all together, from what I heard, there's Headmaster Biersack, Headmaster Mabbitt, Headmaster Bokan, Headmaster Radke, Headmaster Mullins, Headmaster Kuza, Headmaster Way, and Headmaster Worsnop. And that they also control a different department to help with the inmates needs or conditions.
"Well, we'll have another inmate help you with your things, and give you a tour." Headmaster Bokan had spoken after a moment of silence. "Sound good Austin?" He smiled at me, giving me sickeningly white smile. "Whatever," I mumbled.
I saw Headmaster Mullins rise from his seat and clap his hands together. "Kellin!" And with that, the most beautiful dark-haired boy I ever saw in my life, walked through a set of purple doors on one side of the room. He didn't even have to be told to help me; he immediately came over, taking my bags in his hands and looking up at the men sitting up on their "thrones".
"Let's get those chains off of you now, so you can settle into your room," Headmaster Worsnop said as he undid the chains on my arms and legs. But I probably wouldn't mind having them on if it meant I was around the dark-haired beauty beside me. "Now go," He said pointing to another set of doors across the room.
I watched as the one they called Kellin, began to speedily walk towards the doors.
"Hey wait for me!" I yelled as I began to run to catch up with him. After passing through the doors, we were led to a giant staircase that broke off into different sections. Kellin motioned for me to follow him, after going down halfway the staircase. We turned to the section that broke off into the 16 to 20 zone.
As we were walking down the hall, doors were open ajar once more. I saw that each room held five boys, and four to five beds. Some boys slept on the floor I guess. We finally reached the end of the hall, where Kellin dropped my bags. I saw that there was a window, where the ledge was big enough to sit on. Maybe I could use that when I need to think or just to clear my mind.
"Thanks." I muttered, smiling at him a bit. "I'm Austin, if you didn't get it earlier." I turned my head away, trying to hide my blush.
He didn't respond, but pulled out a small notebook and a pen. He only smiled before opening it and showing me it.
Nice to meet you. I'm Kellin. I'm mute. But I always use paper to communicate since I don't know sign language or anything like that.
I muttered an 'oh', as he began to write his next response.
If you need anything, just come talk to me okay? You can leave your room anytime and visit whoever you'd like in this section. I'm across from you, so visit me anytime you want. Only a few rules though.
He turned another page before vigorously writing again.
Rules: In bed by Midnight.
Waking time is 7 for everybody.
and don't be late for tea time. That's it Austin. Well get comfy, I'll talk to you at dinner.
And my crush was gone like that. I blushed a crimson red, before grabbing my bags and entering the room. I set my things down on the empty bed in the farthest corner of the room, seeing as the other four beds were taken by the other inmates.
They were all staring at me, and I only smiled. Well, attempted to smile. I looked around at the other four and recognized them immediately. They were the ones out front from when I first came in, all cuffed up. The Lebanese and the white boy, and the brothers holding hands.
I waved my hand slightly. "I-I'm Austin."
I heard them sigh before one of them stood up. He ruffled his messy hair before speaking. "I'm Alex. The boy over here is my boyfriend Jack, and the other two over there are Mike and Vic Fuentes. They're brothers." I nodded my head at them, attempting to smile a bit.
"The shorter one is Vic, who's also the older one." Alex said before hopping in bed with Jack, and slowly falling asleep.
"I'm Mike," one of the brothers had said, getting my attention. He had his hand out, expecting a shake. I shook his tattooed hand, and watched as he smiled at me. I smiled back, and began unpacking my things.
"Here let me help you," And before I knew it, all my things were scattered around on the bed, ready to be sorted and put away. As we were putting my things away, I decided to start some conversation with Mike.
"This place is like a prison. I haven't even been here a day, and I'm already spooked."
Mike only chuckled before replying, "You get used to it, you know? I mean yeah, this place is dark, scary and dreary as fuck, but ya know, it's what it takes to get better."
"Really?" I asked. "This place is what it takes to get better?" I shook my head before continuing. "I heard screams, on my here."
"You get used to those too. Those are the screams of the kids that disobey, and are late for tea time."
I raised an eyebrow. "What exactly is 'tea time'?"
"You'll learn sooner or later. So what are you here for?"
"Lost my mother, tried suicide nine times. They say I'm depressed, and have severe anxiety, prone to panic attacks ya know.." I didn't feel comfortable sharing this with someone I just met, but I'm gonna be here for a while, so I might as well. "And you?"
"Self-harm issues, it gets out of control for Vic." He shook his head towards the sleeping boy on the other side of the room. "I have addiction issues, and the last thing we were put in here for was incest."
"Incest?" I looked at him wide-eyed. He just shrugged his shoulders.
"Yeah, apparently, my addiction issues and Vic's self-harm issues, were the cause for the incest part. We needed an escape from our problems, so we found it in each other. But then things got out of hand, and people began finding out, and soon enough we were being shipped off to this place, in the middle of England."
I gave him apologetic eyes. "Aw, I'm sorry man. How long have you been here anyways?"
"Since Vic was 15, and I was 14. 3 years now, he's 18, I'm 17."
"Wow," I said as I nodded my head in understanding. "3 years..how do you survive?" I asked as we put the last of my things away.
"Easy. Just do it." He said tossing my suitcases under my bed. "Get some rest, and in about an hour, we'll give you a tour, yeah?"
I nodded. "Sounds good." He then went back over and slipped in bed with Vic. Slipping in my bed, I turned and faced the wall. I'm all unpacked in this dark, dreary place and have no idea how I'm going to live on now. I really wish my mother was here. She'd know what to say to me right now. Tears slipped down my face as I remembered her beautiful face, and soft brown hair. I needed her love, and I needed it now. But I doubt that my mother would walk through that run-down door right now.