"Wake up, pumpkin. Time for breakfast."
I wake up and rub the crusties out of my eyes. I'm still warm under my big quilt and under Blanket, who is my best good friend besides my mama and daddy. Blanket is as small as me, but I take him everywhere. And now I peek at my daddy from under Blanket. My daddy has his big hand on my hair, brushing it all off my face. Which is good because it was in my eyes. Daddy's hand is warm and soft and he is happy at me but not quite. His eyes have a teeny bit of sad in them. Or maybe he has a bit of tired in his eyes.
But Daddy said it was breakfast time. Breakfast time means pancakes with little purple yummy blueberry spots in them and milk in my cup and saying good morning to Mama while she eats the pancakes with yummy blueberry spots with me and kisses me and hugs me on her lap. I love breakfast time a lot and I love my mama and my daddy a lot.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, baby."
"Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"
Daddy hugs me big in his arms and kisses a nice kiss on my face.
"Of course."
"With blueberries?"
"With blueberries."
"Yay!" I squeal. Daddy hugs me big again.
The sun was shining lots yesterday, but today it's wet on the window. The clouds are all sad and stormy and not blue. I get up and follow Daddy out of my room, but I don't forget Blanket. I hug him tight. He is coming to breakfast time too.
I stop in front of Mama and Daddy's door. It's open a peek, which is funny because Mama and Daddy must have forgot to close it. I push on the door to open it. I see Mama sleeping, which is funny because it's breakfast time now and she should wake up.
I go climb up on the bed. Mama doesn't wake up. Her hair is all messy on the pillow.
"Mama," I say, patting her head hard but not too hard because hitting's not nice. "Mama, wake up. It's breakfast time."
I hear Daddy push on the door too and come in. He says Mama's name that I'm not allowed to call her. "Katniss?"
Mama's eyes open and she looks at me but she doesn't smile. There's no sad or happy on her face to see me. There's just blank on her face. It's strange but maybe Mama is tired.
"Mama!" I say again because maybe Mama didn't hear me loud enough. "Mama, time to wake up!"
Daddy comes to the bed and sits down on the empty part of it. Daddy puts his big hand on Mama's head and moves her hair gentle off of her face like he did to me when I woke up. I know my daddy loves my mama a lot when he does that.
Then Daddy says again Mama's name that I'm not allowed to call her. "Katniss."
Then Mama mumbles something, but I think it's to Daddy and not me. Daddy is confused on his face and leans his head closer to Mama. She mumbles at him again. "It's her birthday."
Mama's voice sounds shaky and I get confused on my face now because I didn't know it was somebody's birthday today. Birthday means Mama and Daddy cuddling me and seeing Uncle Haymitch and Grandma and presents and cake. Daddy looks at Mama all sad and quiet. Why are Mama and Daddy sad about cake?
"Come here sweetie," Daddy reaches his arms to me. He is hugging a lot today. I hug Daddy back and suddenly we are up, up, up.
"Mama?" I say again because Mama has to come to breakfast time or she'll be hungry and sad.
"Mama is still sleepy, baby. We're gonna let her sleep a little more, okay?"
"But I want Mama to eat pancakes too," I tell Daddy. Mama makes a small little sniffle noise from the bed. Maybe Mama has sniffles in her nose like I did one time when it was cold.
"And she will. Some other morning. Come on, we'll eat the pancakes together."
I feel sad. I want to eat pancakes with Mama. Daddy carries me close, his hand soft and moving on my hair.
Daddy and I eat pancakes with purple blueberry spots. We count them. Daddy helps me cut them up. We eat them all up together. But the pancakes aren't warm and nice in my tummy today because Mama isn't here at breakfast time with me.
I go sit on the couch with pillows and hug Blanket tight. Sometimes I wish Blanket would hug me back when I feel sad.
I think maybe I go to sleep again because when I open my eyes there's a whole lot of wet outside, all falling against the window. Blanket and me are warm under bigger Blanket. I think Daddy gave me bigger Blanket because he gives bigger Blanket to Mama when she is sleepy. I wonder where Daddy has gone off to. I am going to go find Daddy because Blanket is fun but Blanket can't talk to me.
Up the stairs is hard but I can do it, I'm a big kid. Blanket comes up the stairs with me.
Mama and Daddy remembered to close the door this time, which is good because Mama is sleepy and needs shhh time. There must be a lot of shhh time going on in Mama and Daddy's room, because it's all quiet. I go up close to the door but I don't push on the door because Mama and Daddy say I'm not allowed to open the door when it's closed. I hear noises in Mama and Daddy's room. Daddy sounds like talking. Mama is making crying sounds. I don't like it. Mama shouldn't be sad, is she sad that she missed breakfast time? I am sad now and I am scared because I am small and a child.
Mama says sometimes that because I am small and a child, I can't know things that Mama and Daddy can know. That sometimes Mama and Daddy have things that only grown-ups can talk about. Maybe Mama and Daddy right now are having things that only grown-ups can talk about, and maybe the things are giving them sad feelings.
Mama makes more crying noises and then Daddy makes crying noises too. I run away fast from the door and go to my room with Blanket. We go get cuddly warm in my bed.
I hug Blanket and sniffle, except I don't have sniffles in my nose like I'm sick. These are sad sniffles. My eyes have a little wet in them.
I hear the door open slow, creak. Daddy is coming in. His face gets all sad and quiet when he sees me.
Daddy sort of sits down in front of me and I put my face in his shirt that's warm and soft. It helps me clean my eyes from the wet.
"It's okay, honey. It's okay."
"Why can't Mama have breakfast time with me?" My eyes get more wet. "Is she sick? Is she died?"
"No, baby. Mama's just very, very sad today."
Daddy comes to tuck me all warm and cuddly in bed tonight. He gives me goodnight kisses like every night and says sweet dreams and I love you and then I say sweet dreams and I love you too.
Then Mama is supposed to come in too and give goodnight kisses and say sweet dreams and I love you. But Mama doesn't come in tonight, only Daddy. I miss Mama so so much, why won't she come?
Now my eyes have wet in them too again. "I want Mama."
"I know you do, pumpkin. Mama's okay. You'll see her tomorrow, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise. Now go to sleep."
Daddy kisses me nice on my head and walks out of my room, shutting the door click.
I think maybe Daddy went to go sleep with Mama, which is good because she needs a hug and a kiss to make everything better. Then maybe I think I want to go give her a hug and a kiss too, so she can feel better two times. I get up quiet out of bed because maybe Daddy doesn't want me to not be sleeping. Blanket comes with me. Maybe Blanket can help Mama feel better too.
Silly, Mama and Daddy forgot to close the door again. I push on it and I walk to Mama and Daddy's bed. Mama is sleeping, which is funny because she hasn't even got up from morning. Daddy is sleeping too except he's moving his hand on Mama's back so maybe he's not really sleeping. Mama has sniffles in her nose again, I can hear them.
"Mama?"
Daddy sighs a big sigh.
"I'll get her," says Daddy but I don't want him to come get me. I get up on the bed as Daddy gets off the bed, which is funny because he can't get me now. I go to Mama and hug her arm hard hard hard so there's not any more sad on her face.
Mama looks her eyes at me and there's a lot of wet in them. The wet is in lines down her face.
"Hi, sweetie," she says quiet.
"Don't be sad anymore, Mama," I say. I take Blanket and cover Mama with him. Blanket is as small as me so he's not as big as Mama. I know Blanket will help Mama feel better. She gets more lines of wet on her face.
"It's okay," I say because I heard Daddy say that to Mama once and it sounds warm and soft.
I pat Mama's face but not hard because hitting's not nice. Mama pats my face too and she moves her finger on my cheek. Then I hug Mama big because I don't want her eyes to have any more wet in them.
Mama moves her hand on my hair like Daddy does. She hugs me big too, which I love a lot.
"My baby," says Mama all shaky, which is funny because I'm not a baby. But maybe she means I am her baby when I was small.
I am feeling sleepy now. Daddy cuddles up with Mama and me and hugs Mama on her back with one arm not two. Mama pulls her Mama and Daddy blanket over us and then hugs me big and soft. Before sleep time I hear Mama whisper, "I love you."
I think she means Daddy but I think she also means me.
"I love you, Mama," I say quiet, and Mama hugs me even closer.