"W-what is this nonsense..?"

Mario paused and turned to the group of Smashers he'd been escorting around the new mansion.

"Huh? What's-a wrong?"

Zelda crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"You never mentioned that the showers were actually one long row of showers. What are you, some sort of pervert?"

At the intense glare from Peach, Mario scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I didn't think it would-a be such a big deal..Besides, the girl's showers are-a across the hall so it's not-a like there's anything weird going on."

Several of the male smashers opened their mouths to protest, but Meta Knight cut in.

"Wait, why is it such a big deal?"

Kirby, Yoshi, and Sonic all voiced a similar concern, and Snake rolled his eyes.

"Okay, look, I'm not sure how it is for your kinds, but for most of us humans–" he glanced at Fox. "–and animals, we have..things down there that are kinda private."

Meta Knight gave him a weird look.

"What, you mean yours don't, you know, go back inside you?"

Wolf and Lucario turned a curious look at Snake as well, and it was then that he realized humans were a minority in this group. Those of them who were humanoid had gone green from Meta Knight's earlier comment. Snake sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No, and I don't see how in the hell–"

"Wait, that means you actually have one? Then where is it?" Toon Link asked Meta Knight. He poked at that particular place such a thing would have been on Meta Knight until the swordsman smacked his hand away.

"Yes, I do. Like I said, it's hidden. How else would a species reproduce?"

All of the younger smashers gathered around him, eyes wide as saucers.

"What's that mean?" Nana wondered.

Samus yelped.

"We are not doing this right now! You should not have said that!"

Meta Knight backed away, suddenly uncomfortable at the attention he was being given and grumbled, "you'll find out when you're older." With that, he flashed his cape around him and was gone.

Ike chuckled.

"I wish I could do that."

"Anyway, we're getting off topic. I still don't want to have to shower with thirty other guys!" Pit exclaimed.

Mario and Luigi both looked very confused by this.

"Why not? What's-a the big deal?" Luigi asked.

"Maybe he's ashamed.." Lucas whispered loudly. Pit's face turned scarlet. "Hey! I'll have you know I'm very proud of myself, thank you! I'm just saying it's weird to be naked in front of all of you!"

Link, Marth, and a few others agreed whole-heartedly.

Mario pointed a finger at him. "Why is that-a weird? I'm not embarrassed, you shouldn't-a be either."

"What about us?!" Peach exclaimed.

Wario waved her off.

"That doesn't count, you guys are girls. If you actually feel embarrassed in front of another female then obviously there's some kind of tension you need to resolve."

All five females in the room went strangely silent at that.

"B-but I'm not comfortable with it either.." Olimar objected.

Snake rolled his eyes.

"Only because you're married. Don't worry, we'll tattoo a sign on your ass saying 'off-limits' so that none of the other guys try anything weird. But I can't say the same for some of the...more feminine males here."

Everyone except Snake took a moment to blush at that, until Link spoke up, which he didn't do very often.

"Next time you try anything I'll lop your thing off!"

Pit, Marth, Ike, Sonic, Olimar, and a bashful Lucas all began accusing Snake of feeling them up, while Snake denied repeatedly.

Finally, Red broke in loudly.

"You guys! This isn't getting us anywhere! Are we using the showers or not?!"

After exchanging glances with each other, each of them seemed to agree they had no choice.

"Yes..." they chorused.

Mario tipped his hat to Red for helping out and returned his attention to the rest of them.

"Now can-a we finish the tour already?"

A/N: Should I do a sequel describing events in said showers? Could be funny, could be sexy, idk.