Whatever It Takes:
Dedicated to Willow 21 and all those who love Josh and Donna
Disclaimers: Don't own them, John Wells does, and he BETTER let us see some good J/D action soon, I can't take it! None of this banter that goes no where...
Spoilers: up to Season three a little AU and lots of intrigue fluff and snappy banter.
October 27th
I never seem to know how it gets started. Josh will walk in, and one look can get the ball rolling. More often than not it's a smirk that starts it. Like a fine wine, it takes airing out before you take it in your hands and drink.
I drink from the cup, and so it starts.
Don't get me wrong, Josh can be a bear to work for, but it's the little things that I love the most about our "thing". Not that you could call what we have a normal "thing". It seems that most of the West Wing has the notion that we are a "thing". Those outside of our close circle don't have a clue. People who really know us, just accept that our bantering, our "thing" is just a prelude to... well never mind that. I need to focus because here he comes, and he's pissed.
"Josh." I say tentatively.
He walks passed me throws his book bag onto the couch and slams the door.
Oh, he's pissed alright.
Several minutes go by and there is still silence coming from the room. Either he's staring out the window, or standing behind the door trying to regroup. I take the quiet as a signal that I may enter without feeling the need to run and duck for cover.
"Josh?" I ask quietly. Slowly, learning from past mistakes, I open the door to see him flush against the wall with his eyes closed. I repeat myself. "Joshua?"
"Hmmm." He answers looking pale and shaky.
"Talk to me." I tell him as I close the door behind me. I walk up to him and put the file down on his desk and take my index fingers and rub his temples. "Breathe in, then out, slowly." I love it when he listens to me, he gets this look on his face, priceless...
He sighs when I touch his face. God I love that!
"Better?" I ask as his face is losing that nagging crease against his forehead.
"You always know what to do." He says almost breaking. AW! I can't believe he just said that!
"Whatever it takes Joshua." I tell him and its true. For him, an act of Congress would be nothing.
"Talk to me." I said as his breathing slows down. Listen to my voice Joshua, that's it.
"I was driving in, same as I do every fricken day. Then I hear a popping noise. It was a stupid car! My heart is slamming against my chest and I can't breathe. When am I gonna get over this already? It's two god damn years already."
"Sh.." I croon. Ever since Rosslyn, and Christmas, he's been not having an easy time getting past certain noises. Stanely said they would lose their hold over time but when has Josh ever been a patient man? So you see my point.
He opens his eyes and tries to smile. "Want coffee?" I ask.
"Sure." He answers smiling back.
"The pot's over there and while your there can you get me one?" I say knowing a full dimpled smile is coming, and Josh Lyman doesn't disappoint.
"I walked right into that one didn't I?" he asks walking towards the door.
"Yup. You're so easy." I quip, but before I can reach the handle I feel his lips on my cheek. My stomach flips, a Olga Korbut flip no less. Where did that come from?
"Thanks." He says looking at me with complete devotion.
"Whatever it takes Joshua. Don't forget that." I tell him reminding him of the mantra we used to get him through the shooting.
I let him sit back in his chair while I get his notes for his meeting on the hill later that day wondering if what he did was wise. I need to go back to my desk before I throw caution to the wind and kiss him right back... My is it warm in here or is it me?
I can't believe I just did that. What's wrong with me? I kissed her on the cheek, not that we haven't done that before. But I wanted it to be her lips. I've got to get a grip.
You see, Donnatella Moss is my assistant and I'm Deputy Chief of Staff to the President of the United States, and the old adage is true, you cannot schtup your assistant.
Not that I haven't thought about it, a lot. Those legs wrapped around me, that voice crying out my name. I've gotta focus here...
It started gradually. Who am I kidding? It started on the campaign trail. To be really honest here, it started when she sat down, answered my phone and I put my badge around her neck.
I marked her as mine right then. Yeah, yeah, I know. Nearly four years later I've not done a thing about it. Yeah, I've even had other women, and for the record she's had other men too, but that's not the point. She is THE woman.
She always knows how to handle me. It's really pathetic but at the same time very cool. Always having someone who knows you that well around.
I drink from that cup any way I can.
Dimples work very well in getting what I want, but then there's that pout. I cannot resist that pout and she knows that. That and the color red, yeah call me a bull out in the field, she wears it, I'm done.
Or when she touches my face, like she just did. I'm like a junkie then. I can't help myself. And one of these days its gonna get me in trouble.
One could only hope.
"Josh?" she asks me as I sit at my desk pretending to be doing something rather than have her figure out I've been fantasizing about her, again.
"Yeah?" I answer looking a little flustered.
"You've got a meeting on the hill in twenty." She tells me handing me a file.
"You sure you're okay?" No worries, just fantasizing that you're naked, I'm naked and this desk...
"I'll be fine." I tell her which is not actually a lie. Come over here and touch my face, then I'll be fantastic. I will be able to fight the evil Republicans no problem, just do that "thing" one more time. Please?
You see most people think our "thing" is more than it is. It's sad really when you come to think about it. Innuendo aside, I'd like to at least reap the benefits... on moving...
She's giving me the move your ass face, so I must stand, although now might not be good time for that.
"Joshua. Get. Up." She says to me though her teeth.
"I'm going." I tell her and so rise to the occasion, not that some other things haven't done that already. Her eyes go wide and she stifles a smile, almost.
"Well, is there anything you need?" she asks slyly. Evil! You're evil! You're a long legged statuesque blonde goddess who is evil and who can bend any man to her will. Perfect, I'm a teenager and I have to go to the blackboard. I'm pathetic.
"Not at present, but I may take that up with you later." I tell her trying my best not to squeak. Great, way to go Lyman. You just propositioned her. Can you say duh? Sexual harassment. Scandal... But this is Donna, my Donna. We're just us so its cool...
"Hmm. You'd better get moving. And Josh, try thinking of McNally in a thong, that might help." She smirks and gives me a wink just to make it worse.
The visual is less than palatable. "I'm gonna get your for that. What a visual!" I say into her ear. I know she can feel my breath against that perfect alabaster skin. She actually closes her eyes, and takes a ragged breath which I know signals my victory.
I am so da man!
"Go get 'em Josh. I want to I drink from the keg of glory, Joshua." She says to me walking me out and handing me my book bag. For my Donna I will smash the opposition. And we will drink from the keg of glory, over and over.
What ever it takes.
We will drink from the cup again, I can tell this when he rocks against the door frame and swaggers out the door. Later, if he is successful he will be impossible. Such is my life....
So much for simple pleasures and a quiet evening. My day starts at 5:55 am. My internal clock is a bitch and I can't seem to help it. The alarm is always set for 6 and I am always staring at the ceiling five minutes before no matter how much sleep I get.
Sometimes our days go 18 to 20 hours and I see nothing wrong with that. Hey, I'm with Josh so its all good. Tiring but good. He's my best friend. After the shooting, and Christmas we became closer and the cup flowed over. That is partially the reason everyone suspects. But who are we kidding. Our collective track records suck. Mandy Amy, Cliff, Amy again Jack and the ever elusive Joey Lucas.
I often wonder what will happen when the Bartlett administration is over. Will I follow him? Okay, who am I kidding, I'd following him into a burning building. But that's not the point.
The point is that we are inseparable. I have a key to his place. Amy didn't even rate a key! That bit her in the ass, and I loved it. He's got a key to my place, not that I don't do more than sleep there. And sometimes not even that. But the line, although blurred beyond recognition, has never been crossed.
Sometimes I hate that fact. Especially now, when he whispered in my ear, saw my arousal and swaggered out into the cold.
Not that I haven't thought about it. But you don't sleep with your boss, even if he is your best friend, and you are in love with him. It's bad on so many levels...
Today he's meeting with evil men who want to make it even worse for us to get the weapons bill through. They keep hemming and hawing over which guns to include. Josh will flatten them because he wants to win. And he does more often than not.
I look at my watch and it shows 7:45 p.m. CJ has been by and so has Toby all wanting updates. I have no news, he's been there all day. I hope he ate...
Oh, God, here he comes, the ego cometh.
"Productive day Josh?" I ask and the dimples are out in full force so I pretty much do not need an answer to that question. God he's going to be impossible.
He hands me his back pack and does the weirdest thing. He kisses me again on the cheek and tells me. "You are the best Donnatella!" That's twice in one day. Something is up. Where's the self control? All I want is him to keep kissing me. Must think of something else....
"Have you been drinking?" I ask him.
"I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land! No better yet, are you hungry lets go out to eat!"
"Oh no not again." I moan. Moaning when he's in a good mood is not a good thing. Shut up now before he starts.
Uh oh, too late his eyes dance with a smirk on deck.
"You-are-so-da-man?" I say hoping that will keep him from starting. Not that I'm not up for it. It's just that I'm tired and don't need him basking in the glow of the keg of glory.
"Say it again Donnatella. Who's da man?" He says dragging me with him into his office.
"You.Da.Man." I say robotically. He's going be beyond impossible.
"That's right baby!" he tells me as he sits at his desk and puts his feet up. "Wanna get food and hang out or go out to a restaurant?"
I must not stare. Even though he's wearing his dark brown suit and a dark mocha shirt and my favorite tie. And he smells wonderful, like outside and his cologne. Got.to.stop.thinking...
"I have a choice?" I say quizzically. Is this a trick question?
"Yes. Are we done for today?" he asked looking at his watch.
"It's rather funny actually, I thought you'd want to do more research but who am I to say no to dinner and a life away from here?" I tell him sitting on the edge of the desk.
"I crushed them! They bent to my will as all must!" he says putting his hands up.
"Gather your things then architect of the keg of glory. Let's go. Take out sounds good, and I get to pick the movie." I tell him. I'm tired and need to relax and don't need him drinking at a restaurant and throwing up all the way home thank you very much.
If you were to be an outsider looking in you'd think they were madly in love. And for the most part that's true. Seeing Josh Lyman interact with his assistant for me is so normal seeing otherwise would be letting us know that something was very wrong. Everyday, they rush back and forth down these halls, in their own little world and think nothing of the covert stares and comments made about them.
Most who know them intimately see their banter as a form of eloquent foreplay and they would be right. Not that eventuality would affect anyone except me, maybe the press and the entire administration as a whole. Nevertheless, I envy them all the same. It's nice to know someone can be that way and...well let's just say I wish it were me sometimes, not with Josh mind you, but having someone like that to be my other half. Who am I kidding here...
Oh no, here comes idiot boy to bask in the keg of glory.
"CJ! I am so da man! I kicked their asses! Want to come hang out?" he asks me way to hyper for his own good. I look at Donna and she gives me the signal to decline. She's gonna have a handful tonight. I need to feed my fish.
"Not tonight mi compadre, duty calls." I tell him staring at the stack of files in my arms.
"Kay!" he says to me grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the door. Good luck Donna you're gonna need it. "Donna! To the car!"
Josh is really happy tonight. Something must be wrong with me. I'm tired but not stupid.
"Josh?" I ask looking at him as he's driving.
"Yes?" he replies dimples stuck on his face.
"What's going on?" I am at a loss.
"Just figured out some stuff and I am in a great mood." He tells me. Stuff...
"Joshua... Spill it. What is going on?" I demand really not buying it.
"We got the vote by 15." He tells me with a grin on his face.
"15? You're kidding!" I am now in the best mood. Slamming Republicans is a favorite pastime of mine.
It is going to be a great night. Chinese, movie and Josh not pissing and moaning. Life is good.
October 28th
7:15 am
"Donna!" Josh bellows from his office. He's woken up sore and in a bad mood. The bill on the patient's bill of rights had been amended, again and he wasn't happy at all. Meetings on the hill would run all day and his side was killing him.
"Don't shout." I smirk as he looks at me rolling my eyes. Something's wrong. He looks like he's hurting. And he of course won't say anything. So it's Donnatella to the rescue, again.
"What the hell is this?" he asks me looking at the embossed envelope on his desk. He fidgets in his chair playing with the edges.
"Josh, I would have thought you would have already guessed." I say looking at my watch. "It's an envelope." At this point I'm holding Advil and some water.
"I can see that Donna. But what for?" he replies taking a sip of his coffee.
Now, I'm tapping my foot and have my arms crossed. He recognizes that I'm not leaving. Sighing, I walk towards his desk, and hand him the pills.
Men are such babies.
He actually loves it when I fuss over him. He loves my slender fingers running over his shoulders when he's feeling particularly stiff and uncomfortable. Sometimes stiff can be a good thing. Oh Christ, get your head out of the gutter Donnatella.
"Whatever it takes Joshua." I say to him. Yeah, whatever it takes...
"Drink this, take that and stop looking at me like that. Did you know, that there's a little know practice that seems to take care of your current problem. Listen closely Joshua." I tell him leaning near him and rubbing his sore neck.
"It's when you take your fingers, slide them carefully underneath the edge and pull down slowly." I say this while running my fingers just under his collar for emphasis. "It's called opening the envelope. It's gonna be a hot trend you should try it." Take that Joshua. Try and stay grumpy thinking about that...
Did I just lose the power to swallow? I can't believe it. It was going to be one of those days... A day filled with fantasizing about Donna, and mail... and she's wearing red.... I'm in trouble now.
"Donna you are the only person I know that can make reading mail sound dirty." I answer watching her. Oh yeah, I definitely know it was going to be one of those days.
"One of my lesser known talents. You have staff in 10." She said smiling. I watch her walk back to her desk whistling. She's wearing a tight red skirt; she had removed her suit coat and had a simple white blouse that I couldn't seem to ignore. And I tried, several times in fact. She wore her hair up and wore bright red lipstick. Was she trying to kill me?
"Thanks." I squeak not wanting to sound the way I did. Oh God did I just hear myself squeak? Good going Lyman. Way to sound like a man.
"You're welcome!" she shouts from back at her desk. Ha ha ha. I am da woman! I can hear her say.
I sit there and open it keeping in mind how she teased me with the suggestive erotic imagery. I am going to have to get back at her later for that. How does she expect me to be able to concentrate? She's freaky... But it suddenly occurred to me that my pain seemed less when I thought about it. Damn, she's good.
The envelope has gold lettering embossed with pumpkins and little bats and is a note from the First Lady. I'm smiling knowing that she always wanted to get the staff to have more non work related fun. Leave it to her to take the stress off of having to deal with reality for a while. Plus this gives the President the opportunity to subject us to hours of inane trivia at his leisure.
It was an invitation to a party.
From the desk of Abigail Bartlett,
You are cordially invited to a private Halloween Costume Party.
Place: The Residence
Date: October 31st
Time: 8 p.m.
RSVP with Charlie
I walk out to find Donna reading her very own envelope and smiling. Good I won't have to suffer alone... We've been together for years and I have never once seen her dressed in a costume. Oh boy, now is not the time to be thinking about that... I must focus on something else because none of the images that care coming into my head are wholesome and clean...
I can't help thinking we didn't have much choice, barring a national emergency, we'd would all go. This could be fun...
"Going to the ball are we Cinderella?" I say drinking from the cup. "Whatcha gonna wear Donnatella?" A long red dress slit up to your thigh, no panties.... Bad Josh, bad.... Toby in a dress. McNally in a thong... legs wrapped around me, moaning... Bad very, bad...
"I haven't thought about it yet, what are gonna wear? Are you actually going?" She says kind of shocked. Fantasizing about her boss, he he heh.
"Hafta. Don't want to be on her list now do I?" I tell her looking at the file in her hand. "I need that?"
"Uhuh." She said trying to picture me in a costume just as I was trying to picture her in one. I know my Donna so well. Then when I think I know her she knocks one right out of the park. "I dunno, something, very very wicked, it's Halloween after all." Donnatella Moss strikes again. Lyman O Moss 2. How does she do that?
I have no doubt that my eyebrow raises in shock. There is a pain that travels down my chest and ends, well somewhere between my belt and my knees. Not good, not good at all. I have senior staff. "Really?" Is she really trying to kill me?
"Uhuh. Staff, now you." she offers pulling on the file. Hafta go to work now.
"You're not going to tell me are you?" I reply smiling pulling it away.
She's absolutely no fair. The images I'll have in staff will make it impossible to concentrate. Cheerleader, French maid, Nurse, oh yeah sponge bath... God, this is going to suck and not in a good way.
"Not a chance buster. Go you have staff." She says laughing. "Josh? You know Halloween is the one holiday when you can be who you're not with NO repercussions."
God where does she get that from? Another one out of the park. And she's distracting me. She's very good. I will demand retribution later...
Senior staff was usually right down to business. Leo stands in back as we all file in and the President walked in from the residence.
"Good Morning everyone. I trust all of you got your invitations. The First Lady is very excited. It seems every year she misses the holiday for some reason and we are not going to disappoint her."
"Yes Mr. President." We all say in unison.
"Great what's next?" He asked us.
Later on, Sam stops me outside the Oval.
"Hey."
"Hey." I reply walking back towards the bullpen.
"What are you going as?" he asks me suddenly worried.
"I dunno. I guess I have to think about it." I answer. "The party is Friday. Today is already Tuesday." All I can think about is what Donna's gonna be wearing. Anything would be good. She's so beautiful, and she's funny and she's...wait Sam is talking again.
"I'm gonna ask Ainsley." He blurts out nervously. What!?!
"Really?" I'm gonna choke now.
"Uh yeah." He says as we reach his office. "Cathy said there was a great costume place downtown. Got all different kinds of you know, things to pick."
"Way to go being articulate Sam." I thought I was bad...
"Shut up." He replies walking into the door jam of his office. "I have work to do."
"Kay." I say smiling. "I'll have Donna call Cathy and get with her where it is." At least I'm not the only one distracted by this whole party thing.
As I walked into the bullpen, Donna is noticeably absent. I pour myself some coffee and walked towards my office. She's at the window looking out into the rain. "Donnatella? Whatcha thinking?" I ask startling her. What's up with that?
"Thinking of ways to kill you. Don't do that." She says genuinely rattled.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask putting the coffee down, suddenly at her side. Oh no, something's wrong...
Donna looks at me and she's sheet white. Something's definitely very wrong. She never looks bad, okay, except when she's hung over, but even then she's really awesome.
"Got this on your fax machine." She tells me trying not to let me see her hands shaking. Who's she kidding?
I take the paper from her and I'm right, she's terrified. I am looking at her and she's actually shaking like a leaf. "When did this come?" I ask looking at her wide frightened eyes.
"After you left for staff. It was on the fax machine when I came back from the bathroom."
It may not be your anniversary but we don't forget...
We know where you live, and where that Jew loving bitch of yours lives...
We'll finish what we started. You cannot stop us, we are everywhere.
"Donna?" I whispered the fear no doubt in my voice, I try to mask it but it's too late, she's already crying. God I hate it when you cry. Don't do that... Aw Donna no, not now...
"Oh Josh, I thought that it was over." She sobs as I pull her into my arms. Not this again. Please not again...
"Sh. It's okay." I keep tell her but I'm feeling a little vulnerable myself. Damn it! Can't they just leave us alone?
I hold her tightly, not really caring who comes in the room now, rocking her back and forth until she stops crying. I'm not sure how long we cling to each other like that and I don't care. We are in trouble. This is definitely a thing.
"Call Ron Butterfield." She asks me but her face is buried against my chest. Not that this is a bad thing. This is exactly what I want. I want her here with me. Clinging to me like she is now because I need her too. She feels so slight in my arms and I ache so bad to protect her but my own heart suddenly is slamming against my chest. Not now... Not now... I can feel the panic rising. Damn them to hell, those son of a bitches...
I dial the phone and want nothing more than to find these bastards and kill them all. Once the call was made, he was at my office standing there looking at the note in a relatively short time. Much to my relief.
"Thanks for coming Ron." I told him while he read.
"We take all threats seriously Josh. Let me investigate this and I'll get back to you." He says nothing else and walks out taking the fax machine, and the letter.
October 28th 7:50 p.m.
"Donna!" I bellow.
"You know that's getting old Josh." She says stepping in. She looks worried and hasn't been far from me all day. I can't blame her, I've found excuses for going out into the bullpen just to touch her, to make sure she's all right. Whatever it takes.
"You okay?" he asks me. How can I be okay, we just got a death threat. And that isn't something we get all the time. Okay, I got one when we were interviewing Joe Quincy but that doesn't really count. This one I think does.
His eyes look at me for confirmation, like if I say yes, then he'll be okay too.
"I will be. I'd forgotten that we're so high profile. I shouldn't take it personally." But I do... I don't know what I do if I lost you...
"Yeah, but its kinda hard not to. Hungry?" he asks me leaning against his desk.
"I dunno. I've had an upset stomach all day." I tell him sitting on the edge of the desk next to him. The phone rings and I answer it. "Josh Lyman's office."
It's Charlie. The President wants us both in the Oval. Now.
We walk fast, as we usually do, having other staffers stare. "Is it me or does everyone seem to know already?"
"Creepy." I tell him as his hand guides me stationary behind my back. I can feel his warm skin through my blouse and it's hot, like he's been rubbing his hands together for warmth. It feels good, safe.
When we reach the Oval, Leo, Ron Butterfield, The President and CJ are standing there waiting. "Ah, Donna, Josh. Come sit down." Charlie excuses himself and closes the door behind him.
It doesn't look good; at least that's what Josh got as the vibe. I can tell also, because I feel him tense up beside me. I trust his instincts they are always dead on, no pun intended. God I need a drink.
Poor kids, it's shitty to see them so rattled. But they have every right to be. This is a credible threat and none of us are going to shy away from it.
"Josh, Donna," Ron starts as Debbie gets them some water.
"We take threats very seriously. It fits the pattern like the ones we got on Charlie and Zoey just before Rosslyn. The secret service gets thousands of these types of threats and we investigate them all. I think you ought to know that."
"What Ron is trying to say is that I want you both to have agents for the next few days at least, just in case. The FBI and the Secret Service are going to be vigorously investigating this. I won't have my staff bullied and stalked by white supremacists. I've had all I'm going to take with that bunch. Now before you both go into fits, I won't be swayed from this. You took a bullet Josh. I won't have them take shots at you again. And Donna, I know this is a bit much for you, but with the other threats you have gotten, I know best. Better to err on the side of caution rather than court disaster."
"Yes Mr. President." They say in unison, a little devoid of emotion. It was all a bit much. All Josh wants to do is take her and run. I know that look in his eye. It's a damn shame they've both been through so much.
"As much as it pains me to say it, it's better this way. With all that's happened and all." President Bartlett states as best he can under the circumstance. I oughta know. I've known the man 40 years. He's pissed as hell and can't do a damn thing to make it better. Ron shakes Josh's hand. He doesn't look the least bit reassured.
"You won't have to worry about a thing." Ron assures them. "But this is what the note actually meant." I watch him take the note out and show him the darkened letters, the paper I have already seen. My heart is breaking as I watch the face of my best friend's son lose all color.
She dies first.
Donna gasps and her hand rises to her mouth. Poor thing. I wish I could soften it for her. She handles Josh like a pro and if she's unglued then we have a problem. She handles my deputy better than anyone and I think that this is too much for even her. But honestly, she didn't blink after he was shot the first time. But hey, that is NOT happening again.
"Thank you Mr. President." I said bringing the meeting to a close.
They rise a little stunned as CJ walks with Donna arm and arm. I follow with Josh trying to be supportive. "Josh, this will blow over. I guarantee it."
I don't think he believes me.
"Donna, do you know my secret service name is Flamingo?" she tells her as they walk back to the bullpen.
"Wow. Must be nice. Apparently I don't rate one." She murmurs but I interrupt her. "They'd probably call me Diane Moss. I'm so unimportant they'd get it wrong."
"You do Donna. It's Rolling Stone. Josh is Yankee." I answer trying to get her to at least give me something other than a face of pure terror. I win, she smirks. At least I'm getting somewhere.
"Rolling Stone? How come she gets a cool one?" Josh whines. He's never satisfied.
"Gathers no moss." Donna says aloud shaking her head. "Very funny."
"I thought you might have warmed better to Wild thing myself, but the agents wanted something that wouldn't inflate your ego." CJ tells him as they hit the office.
Everyone tries to laugh but something in the air causes us to be more nervous. Death threats will do that to ya.
Toby is sitting on my couch looking grave. I can't blame him. It's a bad thing. The President and I weren't the only victims at Rosslyn. Nothing will make it better than the secret service killing all of them, whoever them is...
"You okay?" he asks I sit down.
"Living in the moment." I tell him sarcastically. "I get all excited when anti Semitic death threats are hurled at me and Donna. It makes my day."
"If you wanna talk, let me know." He says protectively.
"Thanks." I mutter looking out the window. She stays silently sitting with me for a while.
Sometime later, Donna appears at the door, looking worried. "Are you okay? Should I call Stanely?"
"No. Come here." I say holding out my hand. "I'm sorry for this." I told her. I need to touch her, it's a habit. Whenever I felt sad, frightened, or worried, her touch however platonic would do the trick. Sorry it had to happen again, that you had to be scared all over again.
"Hey, don't go blaming yourself. None of this is your fault." She tells me taking my hand and sitting on the edge of the desk. We sit there silent looking at the rain holding hands, realizing that we're fragile still even two years later.
We're jarred out of our private moment by a strange male voice. "Mr. Lyman, excuse me." He says and she jumps off the desk like a hot potato. Can't everyone give us a friggen break?
"Yeah?" I say running my fingers through my hair. Way to go looking subtle.
"These are agents Madison, Levine, and Johnson. The agents for Ms. Moss are Ms. Gardiner and Mr. Wilkins. If you need anything let us know." Ron tells us looking all business.
I look up and watch as they station themselves around the bullpen.
I go back to sitting on the edge of the desk where Donna has returned and put my arm around her. It was turning out to be quite a day.
October 30th
12:00 p.m.
"Joshua!" I bellow as he stands in his office.
"What?" he counters looking at me from the doorway.
"You've got a meeting with Santos and Skinner on the hill in 20 minutes. Move it." I demand grabbing my purse. I have shopping to do buster!
"Where are you going?" he asks looking at me getting my coat.
"Costume shopping. Oh, Sam wanted me to remind you that you guys are going out after this meeting on the hill to get yours. Tempest fuget." Time Flies.
"The President is wearing off on you. Take your shadows. And have your cell on." He tells me suddenly. I want to be able to find you wherever you are... were what his eyes tell me, full of worry.
"I'll be fine Joshua. And you go get em." I say smiling as I smooth out his tie. I wink and am on my way.
He smiles giving me full dimples and swaggers back into the office
4:50 p.m.
"Josh, thanks for coming with me. I appreciate it. So, what are you going as?" he asks me looking through the costumes.
"Dunno, wanted to always go as a doctor, but you know, Dr. Freeride. Don't want to ruin her party." I tell him looking at the clerical section.
Donna's words echo in my head as I look, 'Halloween is the holiday you can be who you're not and have no repercussions.' That opens the possibility of all kinds of mayhem. Bring it on. Whatever it takes.
"So, you and Donna." Sam smirks. He's not going there. He can't be going there, again.
"Shut up. We're friends you idiot." I say trying to put him off while I am looking at a priest's habit and collar. That ladies and gentlemen is why we're best friends, Sam pointing out the obvious.
"Think that if it gives you comfort Josh. How are you? How's it feel having a shadow?" he asks me sincerely. It's ridiculous but if it keeps me alive, who am I to complain?
"Weird." I say making my choice. "Always wanted to see how this feels." Catholic priest. My mother would roll over dead!
"That's a switch." He says laughing.
"It's camaflouge. Come on. What are you going as?" I ask walking next to him.
"A secret service agent. It came to me recently. Let's just say I've been inspired." He tells me smiling broadly.
Typical. Sam couldn't think of something cool, maybe Superman. Hey Donna as Wonder Woman, now that's cool... okay he's really making me a pervert. "You're evil. No worse, you're a Republican." I laugh in mocked disgust.
"Ouch." He replies laughing too. "Did you hear, CJ is going as the Statue of Liberty."
"No way!" I say with a raised voice as we reach the car. The annoying little buzzards around me say in low tones. "Yankee and Princeton on the move" in the background.
"Yup. Saw her costume hanging up in her office. Kinda fits. What's Donna going as?" He tells me checking the mirrors.
"She won't tell me." I whine as we drove back in relative silence.
I hate when she does that. It's all about torture and she is a pro. I won't say she's the master, because I am da man. But I taught her everything she knows and I have created a monster. My monster...
The bullpen 11:57 p.m.
"Hey?" he asks as I type furiously.
"Hey yourself." I reply as he spies the large pink bag next to my desk.
"Is that your costume? Seems kinda small..." he says trying to see inside.
"Stop Josh. You won't get that out of me." I announce not even looking up from my keyboard.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours..." he says suggestively. No one's around except the two of us and our detail who have stepped back enough to give us some space, which I appreciate.
I can see Josh's eyes thinking... (Boy would I! Toby in a Speedo, CJ in a bikini, okay that's actually not that bad. McNally in a thong, okay I'm good now. Not losing it...) He's so predictable.
"Like I haven't heard that one before." I snort and again we are at the cup and are drinking freely.
"Donna!" he whines. I have, ladies and gentlemen, struck nerve.
"Joshua." I say standing up. Josh hasn't noticed until now that I have taken my shoes off giving him a slight advantage in height. "No. Be surprised. Like everyone else." You'll be surprised all right!
"Please?" he says continuing to whine. Josh you are sooooooo easy.
"No. You won't enjoy it as much as if you wait. Anticipation Josh, that's the key here." I say smirking at him. He's too close. I can smell his cologne. He sees my impish ways and I try to keep a straight face. God you smell good. Must. Stop. Thinking-about-how-good-he-smells. Must stop thinking that you're tie is askew and that I can see your throat and who am I kidding?
"Donnatella Moss I order you to tell me." He demands. He thinks that will induce me to spill it. Little does he know of my self control, which right now is really being tested.
He has closed the gap between us. He's staring into my eyes hoping to psyche me out. P-LEASE! Bring it on baby! I learned from the best.
"Donna, tell me please. I'll do anything." He says quietly. That's a boy, beg... "I'll give you a raise.."
"Now I know I haven't heard that one before." I say to him smiling. I know he's so close to crumbling. Ha! "What would you do?" I ask just for the hell of it.
He stamps his feet like a little boy. He's so cute. I kiss his forehead, lingering for a moment longer than platonic friends do and lean in to where his ear lay so convenient to my plan. I take a breath inhaling a moment which he no doubt notices and the signal that he will see me cave.
I sigh content in my plan. He takes it a capitulation and begins to gloat with my lips a hair's breath from his lobe. He can no doubt feel it on his skin. I am sooooo good. "No, Joshua. 22 hours." I remind him.
Let the torture begin.
Halloween.
Halloween is a funny holiday, the West Wing, as close knit as we are goes all out for the holiday that is most directed at children. Don't get me wrong, we are all adults and we have important jobs, but sometimes, it takes cutting loose a little for us to be at our best.
The Bullpen and most of the West wing has been transformed into a veritable haunted house. No one looks tense and the day is light, which make Josh really nervous. He squeaks more and was irritable. He can't stand to have nothing to do, and when he's like that, I suffer.
On my desk is a bag of large lifesaver lollipops in case anyone trick or treats. At roughly 5 p.m., I go in with a burnt burger and French-fries. A vanilla shake was in the my other hand and Josh looks up at me shocked.
"Okay, what do you want?" he snaps. He really needs a beer to loosen up but I am not that stupid. I'd spend most of the evening holding his head over a toilet, sensitive system... Just my luck... Now I have to placate his royal pain in the ass so I can have fun tonight.
"Eat Joshua, or the alcohol you will ingest later will go straight to your head. We wouldn't want you to miss my grand entrance. And who said that was all of my costume?" I say smiling as his dimples light up the room.
"Sorry. Just worried, you know the "thing"." He muttered as he took a big swig of the shake.
I smile as I watch his eyes squeeze shut. BRAIN FREEZE. Should have warned him...
"And crabby because I didn't cave. At 7:30 I will show you my costume. Not before Joshua. So, will you be taking any confessions?" I ask him leaning oh so suggestively against the doorway. I am so Greta Garbo right now. Tall, gorgeous, intelligent... Watch a pro at work here people!
He laughs at that. He's almost forgotten that he was going as a priest. "Oh yeah." He says giving me a wink. Old Josh emerges. Bless me father for I will sin...
Then he hits me right behind the knees with what he tells me next.
"Had a thing for Catholic school girls when I was a teenager. We had a school around the corner." he says as he watches me spit out whatever was in my mouth. I begin to choke. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks me. What's wrong with me? Good God Josh!
"Fine." I manage to squeak. Oh God, he's going to be impossible tonight...
I'm standing in my priest's habit trying to fiddle with the collar. I'm not exactly sure but I'm going to be uncomfortable all night. Why couldn't I be a fireman? It was practically a dress. I chuckle to himself. I'm gonna look stupid.
Then out of the silence I hear a familiar voice. "And I would have never thought of you as the celibate type."
Donna's speaking to me now and when I turn around I can't breathe. I know for a fact my mouth has dropped and nothing works on my body except parts that seem to be rising to the occasion all on their own. OH MY GOD. She is going to kill me...
Oh God. I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh God. Get control of yourself.
He's staring at the floor now which makes him noticed my pair of black Mary Janes, followed by a pair of pristine white knee socks. He gulps loudly which made me smile triumphantly. Moss 5 Lyman 0. This is going to be a shutout!
His eyes travel up to my bare knees stopping at my thighs where a black watch plaid pleated skirt lay. This is going to be so much fun. It should be illegal.
Those long legs, I bet she's got on white panties. Toby in a dress, Toby in a dress...
"Donna." I croak continuing my inspection of her costume. I can feel himself harden. How could I not, look at her. JEEZ!
Then my eyes look at a white shirt, buttoned to fit snugly against her slender frame that I have hugged so many times. It never looked like this, okay it did at the Inaugural and I was a pervert then too.
Okay I admit it. I wanna bend her over the desk and pound her into the next century. I a man, come on people. Some sympathy here!
I groan as I look at those gloriously perfect breasts to see her wearing pigtails and licking on a red lollipop. That's it. I can't take it anymore. The pigtails and that sucker. I'm only human!
"Yes, Joshua." She says leaning against the door.
"Are you trying to kill me?" I croak.
She walks towards me and takes the collar from me and secures it. "Possibly. But the night is still young." Ha---ya think?
"Do you like it?" she asks twirling around. God, she is trying to kill me.
"Uhuh." is all I could muster from my dry throat. It's that damn lollipop. Demonically possessed candy. Really. McNally in a thong. Who am I kidding?
"760 verbal? You can close your mouth now." She tells me taking the lollipop out of her mouth and closing my mouth with her finger.
"Donna, uh, you look..." Way to go Lyman. Talk much?
"Wicked? Fantastic? Tempting?" she says for me and watches me only nod. "Thank you. You look great too."
My hands would be shaking if I could raise them up past my waist. If I did we'd never get to the party. I'm going to die right here.
Did I say its really bad to want to schtup your assistant? I don't want to schtup her I want her to bear my children. I want her to do everything. I'm so easy...
He's so easy.
"Josh, I have a confession to make." I say smirking in a voice not our usual banter tone. This time it was lower, sultrier and Josh was feeling it, and smiles. It's the line walking and crossing tone.
"I bet you do." He says smiling. "You smell great."
"Emperio by Armani, you like?" I ask baring my neck. He leans down and can feel the blood rush to his trousers. I know this because his hands go protectively to his package. I love this!
"Oh yeah. What's your confession little girl?" I ask smiling next to her ear.
"That, I" she says feeling warm all of a sudden. My face is really close, the teasing was really fun. She seems to enjoy herself. But I have removed any coherent thought from her brain. I am so DA MAN. PAYBACK Donnatella!
We're inches apart and I can feel the heat off her. What have I been avoiding up until now? Amy? Joey? Mandy? I'm an idiot! Minutes seemed to pass as we stare at each other.
Then as I get the courage to put my hand on her waist and let her know how she's affecting me the worst possible interruption happens, alright not the worst, it could have been the President.
"Hey guys!" Sam shouts ruining the moment. He's in the trademark black suite and white shirt with an ear piece coming out of his ear. "Wow! You guys look great. Donna, wow. Brings back memories. WOW. You don't know how many fantasies guys like us have about Catholic School girls in those short skirts and..."
We both glared at him. "Okay, that was a little more information than I intended to say. Shutting up."
"You look great too, where's Ainsley?" Donna asks maneuvering passed me and grazing my "leg" with her hand. That illicites a groan. I'm gonna get her for that. OH YEAH. Her smile is beaming. It's saying, yeah right, I'd like to see you try it. That's right, we're chugging from the cup and I'm next to go.
"She's getting ready, you guys want to go down with me and get her?" he asks us looking at my face and wondering why I look in so much pain. If he only knew that I was likely to explode at any minute. Keeping this up, I'm gonna last like two seconds, in—out—repeat if necessary.
"I'll go. You guys catch up and we'll meet you there." She offers leaving them alone in my office. That's right baby, retreat. I'll get you later.
She puts the lollipop back in her mouth and skips out of the room, her secret service detail following behind her "Rolling Stone on the move."
Once alone in my office, I sit down carefully. I am beaten. "Woah man. Wow. God, wow." Is all Sam can say. We've talked about everything under the sun, including our deepest perverted fantasies about women. The shock in his eyes are enough to let me know he remembers.
"No kidding." I croak. You have no idea the thoughts that are running through my mind. I close my eyes again hoping those graven images are going to fade but it never happens. I'm in BIG trouble here.
"You gotta tell her. Stop the torture already." Sam says stating the obvious.
"She doesn't feel that way about me. Come on." I try to say. "I love her and she doesn't love me. I don't want a fling, and this "thing" we do is going to give me heart failure."
"Josh, stop deluding yourself. You've had this "thing" going on since the beginning. I know the both of you better than that. She loves you VERY much. Plus a good does of lust never hurts. She's SO HOT . WOW." I look at him saying with my eyes, KEEP YOUR EYES IN YOUR HEAD SAM. (and off Donna go get your own girl).
He continues, properly admonished. "It's time to make the move. After all that's happened, no one is going to give you grief. Not anymore. Everyone sees it, come on. It's like a natural progression of events. No one is gonna blame you two."
"Yeah?" I ask running my fingers through my hair. God I need an ice pack.
"Yeah. Don't worry about it." He answers looking at me with a sense of envy. "At least she's a democrat!"
We both laugh. "Let's go."
"Kay. She's been teasing me all day. Brought me lunch, my favorites, and now this. I'm gonna die." I say laughing.
When we walk into the residence, we're not expecting to see the leader of the free world dressed like Napoleon, or the first Lady Dressed like Queen Elisabeth. It was pretty cool actually. All the West Wing staff is there, down to the interns. I like it when they do this kind of thing. It improves morale and gives us a chance to let off a little steam. MUST STOP THINKING NOW.
"Josh! Nice." President Bartlett says slapping me on the back. "Sam, never pegged you for a bullet sponge."
"Thank you Mr. President." Sam says smiling.
"Where are you're ladies?" he asked them seeing only Charlie, dressed as a surgeon, and Zoey, dressed as a cowgirl.
"Donna's going to get Ainsley." Josh said smiling. "This is great! Where's the First Lady going?"
"Powdering her nose, I think." He says looking towards the door. CJ and Toby walks in and he claps his hands triumphantly. CJ looks statuesque in the garb of Lady Liberty while Toby is grungy in his black leather and headband. "CJ! Toby! You look fantastic."
Just then with everyone watching Ainsley Margaret and Donna walk in deep in conversation followed by the First Lady. The entire room's eyes were on all three. Donna is dressed as a Catholic School girl in a skirt just a little short, Ainsley as little Bo Peep and Margaret as a witch. There are about 40 or so staffers dressed in a myriad of costumes and I can't take my eyes off my assistant. What a surprise.
"Aren't they perfect?" Abbey says animatedly to President Bartlett.
"That they are." He answers kissing her on the cheek.
"Donna! Inventive." CJ says smiling. "God, memories are flooding back into my brain. What a visual" she snorts holding a book.
"Thanks CJ. You won't believe the whining I got all week." She says smiling at me as I lift my glass to her. I'm drinking baby, better get ready. Tonight is MY night!
Next to me stands Leo dressed as a Supreme Court justice. He is giving us a set of strange looks and then shakes his head. Go figure Leo, it's about time.
"Bet his jaw dropped." I hear CJ say laughing.
I nod and smile winking at Josh. "To the sisterhood."
All the girls raise their glasses. "To the sisterhood."
On the other side, Toby, Sam, Leo, Josh and Jed all look worried. "We're in trouble now." Toby remarks with his classic smirk, "Where's the bar?"
Music plays and the First Lady speaks thanking everyone for coming. It's really made her day when she could get those who had worked so hard, time to relax and be themselves.
I've seen them talk, walk and banter. I have seen the covert glances, the longing in their eyes when the other wasn't looking and I am ashamed to say I wish they would hurry up. I know for a fact that the administration could and would have an easier time than it did when I disclosed my MS. I have instructed Leo to let it drop if they finally get a clue.
I've watched them for a while now. And with what happened tonight I can only hope that they cling to each other like they have been tonight for the rest of their lives.
It took a while for Josh to make his way over to Donna, who stood by the window watching the moon pop out from behind the storm clouds. He could tell that something wasn't right.
"Whatcha thinking?" he asked remembering that they were still targets. A glass of champagne was all it took to loosen him up. He was safe, and so was she. And that was all that seemed to matter.
"Nothing. I'm fine Josh." She said turning back to the balcony.
"Wanna get some air?" he asked looking towards the balcony.
"And get shot at?" she snapped, then put her hand to her mouth to try and take it back. "Oh, Josh, I'm sorry."
"Hey, relax. I meant, we could dance for a few minutes and then walk down the hall and look out that wonderful picture window. It's all bulletproof glass." He said trying to assuage her fears. He gave her a full dimpled smile smoothed out his costume and asked her to dance. She blushed and took his hand. "We'll have fun. Plus I remember we have some unfinished business to discuss, involving a confession..."
She smiled and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor.
The music was loud and festive; the lights were just so and all Josh wanted was to get his hands on her for long enough to let her know that he wanted her every day for the rest of his life.
"I'm sorry I'm ruining the party." She looked close to tears.
"Would you like to give your confession little girl?" he quipped in her ear. Drink from the cup baby. Drink a big ole swig...
She smiled at him and snorted. "Augh!"
"Made you laugh though." He said pulling around the dance floor. The music was getting to Josh for some reason and he didn't want to make it obvious that he needed quiet all of a sudden.
"Are you all right?" she asked as she felt him stiffen.
"Yeah, you're making it very hard to concentrate on the music." He smirked in her ear. You try to concentrate when my hand is on the small of your back, that skirt is itching to be touched and your creamy skin is so close... A man has his limits Donnatella...
"Really? How interesting. Anything I can help you with?" she quipped looking at his eyes deep with an ache she knew all too well.
"Come on. Let's go for a walk." He demanded.
"What am I sixteen?" she remarked as he grabbed her hand.
"Trust me." He said looking at her and escorting her out of the room. The President looked at her bewildered face and knew that it was going to be all right as long as he was with her. He gave Josh a wink and watched as went on his way.
"Was it me or did the President just wink at you. See, he's got a thing for the priesthood. He actually wanted to be a priest but met Dr. Bartlett..."
"You're so full of inane trivia. Are you sure you're not a Bartlett?" he asked as they walked out of the room and towards a large circular window. Agents followed down the hall them muttering "Yankee and Rolling Stone on the move."
"Positive." She said trying to hide the fact that she was scared.
"It's gonna be all right. I'm serious. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."
"Why because you can't function without me?" she asked standing in the hallway. Two scones of amber light gave off the right amount of light for what Josh wanted to do.
"That and a thousand other reasons." He said behind her ear. His arms came around her waist and she sighed and leaned into him. Her eyes went wide when she could feel the length of him against her.
Oh my.
"Name one." She said putting her foot onto the bench. His eyes unconsciously went to her bent knee which was attached to the thigh that came unexpectedly into view.
She's gonna kill me. I'll never last if this keeps up. I don't think I've ever been this hard.
"That uniform. It's really, naughty." He said, his voice low and right by her earlobe. Sexy, engorging, Toby in a dress, hey, who am I kidding. Drink from the cup Lyman. GO GO GO GO ...
"You think? I had already gotten this when you had your impromptu confession. I almost choked." She grinned. "You likey?" she asked quipping.
"Are you really trying to kill me? I mean I'm 40 and not exactly in prime condition." He snorted feeling warm all through his torso, getting warmer by the minute.
"I knew that you'd be impossible. God!" she laughed. An honest laugh was more than he could have hoped for. "The Lyman Ego, gone amuck."
"Wait, I'm going to be worse later." He said running his fingers along her braid. Why me???? He's gonna be so bad...
"Where's your lollipop? That killed me. After all these years, staring at...it wasn't right..." I'm gonna tell her. I-have-to-do-it...
Her eyes showed him by gazing down to her skirt and he watched as she ran her fingers slowly, seductively along the fabric. He groaned, and took in a ragged breath.
He licked his lips and watched as her hand ran underneath and pulled out a red one.
"You naughty little schoolgirl." He growled smiling broadly.
She took the plastic off and leaned over to put it into the trash can and popped it in her mouth. "Well, don't you know all my secrets, father."
"Who's your daddy?" he chuckled.
"Josh!" she gasped. "I think we're needing to talk."
Oh no Donnatella, you're not backing off now. We started this we're gonna finish it, finally.
"We are..." he said staring at her mouth.
"Catholic school girls are my ultimate fantasy. Did you know that?"
"I guessed by the stunned expression on your face." She said smiling.
"Sam was even affected. You look so beautiful in a purely naughty way." He told her. "Not that you don't look that way every day."
She blushed. "You keep saying naughty. I'm thinking they were wrong to award you the Fulbright..."
"Donna. You're killing me." He whispered smelling her, watching her lick on the candy.
"No I'm not." She said back to him. His hands were at his sides, running his fingers along her bare arm. "Josh, I can't go on living in fear of you dying."
"I know. Look, it's still beating." He told her taking her hand and putting it on his chest.
"You know why." He told her looking into her eyes.
"Tell me. I need to hear it." She said looking up at him and dropping the hand holding the candy.
"You. It's always been you." He said pulling her against him. "I woke up and I wanted to see your face; you stood by me. You were the one who held me after the nightmares; you believed I could do it. Even when Amy came, and went, and came again, even through Joey Lucas. I always knew you'd be there. I knew I hated every man that came between us. I knew then. But I didn't see it. I do now."
He lowered his lips against hers and tasted cherries. Cherries and heaven. She moaned as he pressed himself against her. "Oh Josh." She moaned against his cheek.
Her heart was beating widely against his chest. Her face was wet with tears of joy. He could tell her body was willing and ready for his touch.
The lamp beside them was lit and the end of the hall was bathed in dim but perceptible light. They playfully succumbed to the last three years of repressed feelings.
"Bless me father for I have sinned." She whispered against his neck as she brushed kisses down it. "It's been weeks since my last confession."
He laughed. "I have been harboring thoughts of a carnal nature for a man whom I have coveted for years. I have tried to ignore them, I have been jealous and unkind, but I love him and can't seem to get lustful thoughts out of my mind. I want to feel his touch night and day and it makes me all achy inside. What is my penance?"
"To submit to him utterly and be punished for your wickedness. Repeatedly." He said kissing her throat. "God Donna, you're driving me insane." He whispered.
Their silhouette was unmistakable. He could see it even from the vantage point across from the White House. His high powered rifle contained hollow point armor piercing rounds newly developed to penetrate bulletproof glass. He had been watching her all evening..
How dare that Zionist scum defile a pure and lovely woman, a member of the master race. He had to purge the world of people like him and the whore would go with him. He knew that where she was, he was sure to follow. They were inseparable. And now they would be together in death.
He had six shots chambered in the modified assault rifle. As his finger moved to the trigger guard a swastika was prominent.
"Für das Vaterland" and he began to shoot.