Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the X-Files. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox. So please, don't sue me. I'm broke anyway.
[Setting: Agent Fox MULDER is in his office, blinking tearfully. Agent Dana SCULLY walks in and looks sadly at him, incorrectly interpreting his mood.]
SCULLY (comforting): Mulder, I'm sorry about Samantha. But you have to accept the fact that she's gone…
MULDER (incredibly cheerful): What? Oh, that. Actually, that's not what I'm thinking about. Langly just showed me something really cool that you can do with LipMedc…
SCULLY (annoyed): WHAT?!
MULDER: What you do is, you put some by your eye, and it feels all tingly. Here, you try it (he hands her a canister of LipMedc).p
SCULLY: Isn't that dangerous?
MULDER (rolls eyes): Does it say that on the CAN?
SCULLY (scrutinizing the canister): Er… no.
MULDER: Well, there you have it. C'mon, Scully, try it!
SCULLY: Oh, fine.
[SCULLY dabs some LipMedc by her eyes and is soon in tears. The two are crying hysterically when Assistant Director SKINNER walks in.]
SKINNER: Agents? What are you crying about?
SCULLY and MULDER (through tears): What? Oh, that.
SCULLY: Mulder was just showing me something fascinating that you can do with LipMedc.
SKINNER: That stuff you use on chapped lips?
MULDER: The very same.
SCULLY: Come on, Skinner, live a little! Try it!
SKINNER: Isn't that dangerous?
MULDER and SCULLY (while rolling eyes): Does it say that on the can?!
SKINNER (scrutinizes can): Er… no.
SCULLY: Well, then, there you have it!
SKINNER: Well, since you are a medical doctor… (grabs canister and… do I really have to tell you?) Hey, this is neat! (tearfully) Why did we never realize this before?
MULDER: It's part of a government conspiracy to cover up the truth!
(SCULLY and SKINNER look at him like he's nuts.)
MULDER: Er… Sorry. Force of habit.
SCULLY: That's okay.
[Alex KRYCEK is walking along the basement hallway. He hears crying from inside MULDER and SCULLY's office. He is too curious for his own good, and goes inside.]
KRYCEK: What's going on in here?
SKINNER: Mulder and Scully were showing me this really neat thing you can do with LipMedc!
KRYCEK: What?!
SCULLY (who has been staring at the warning on the canister): What you do is, you put some up your nose and it goes all tingly!
(MULDER and SKINNER look at her strangely. SCULLY shoots them a warning glance and a wink.)
KRYCEK: This I gotta try (grabs canister and shoves LipMedc up his nose without scrutinizing can)!
(SCULLY, MULDER, and SKINNER laugh hysterically as KRYCEK convulses on the floor.)
SCULLY (between fits of giggles): I (giggle) guess that (giggle) goes to show you that you should… (collapses in giggles)
MULDER (attempting to finish): Always (laugh) read the… (collapses in laughter)
SKINNER (finishing): LABEL!!!
[By the time they recover their composure, it's time to go home. They can't decide what to do about KRYCEK, so they decide to leave him in a closet, thrashing, until he dies.]
THE END!