hey, i know that the episode aired a while back, but i really wanted to write a fanfic of my own. so here it is :) hope it's good and not, well, not good. hope you enjoy!
~pinkworlds.
iDon't Own iCarly.
The blonde had flashed up the wooden stairs in the Shay apartment guiding her toward the third floor and the iCarly Studio, where she was hoping to see the teenage boy that was going to hear what she had to say about him. Her eyes were stinging, didn't exactly knew why, but strangely the pain wasn't as bad as the one attacking the fist-size organ pumping blood inside her body. And her head was already gaining migraines, beating it up as the mini-conversation she had secretly witnessed replayed inside her mind. And Freddie's words haunted her, all day.
'Is it too late for you to love me?'
Yes, they did break up a couple months ago inside the damn elevator where he soon guided her back up into the iCarly Studio where he made love to her. Where he had touched her with his soft hands and burned her skin his lips against her body. Where he had stared deeply into her sapphire eyes and sworn to all the heavens above that he did love her, and that no matter what he would never, ever hurt a blonde hair of her soul. And just the memory of everything, his husky voice causing her goose bumps, the dim room where she silently filled with her moans when she clawed her nails into his bare back and the beat of his heart matching hers exactly as she rested her head on his chest; it all made her want to cry her heart out and ask herself why.
There was a knot forming in the middle of her throat just as she stomped her foot on the last stair-case, and she could've easily just run back down and leave never letting him know that he hurt her. Never letting him know that what she felt months ago was still there in the presence, locked up inside a locked box with a cheap lock (like the one on her fifth grade diary that her mom easily broke and found out that it was her who ate the rest of the cheese pie that following day). Besides that was what Puckett's did: run away. Just like her dear old father, abandoning her at the age of eleven. Just like her dear old mother, who used liquor as her answer on why he left. Just like her dear twin sister, who not wanting to deal with the worries their mother forced that year when she would pass out in bars not returning until morning decided to simply go on a boarding school - she herself had asked for, and at the record of her grades was gladly given to.
But she's not her father. She's clearly not her mother. And she's definitely not her twin sister. Taking a breath and shushing her tear away from the edge of her eyes with the tip of her finger, she quickly rushed toward the glass door where there a nerdy brunette was giving her his back - typical, so she thought. He seemed so concentrated on his work, his back slightly curved as he used one arm on the kart to lean and his other hand to type away. The tips of her fingers were already touching the knob as she glared inside, a sicking feeling stomping the butterflies that once fluttered with excitement at just seeing him.
And that was all she needed for her to storm inside, causing him to jump up when hearing the glass door slam shut and then seeing a blue eyed, blonde scowl at his direction. Her lips were set on a line as she was standing with a erect back. The gloss on her eyes he once saw had dissolved and he was now staring into what seemed like hatred, like if they were back into freshmen year. But worse.
With crooked eyebrows he looked at her in concern, hoping she wasn't in any sort of trouble and slowly leaned to her, parting his lips to speak, only getting to say her name with a shivered voice, "S-Sam-"
Before he knew it his head was turned by a stiff palm smashed against his cheek forcing him to stare at the elevator's door. His brown eyes were wide, not saying anything or thinking anything but the fact that Sam had just slapped him. Hard. And she gave it all her mighty, because only seconds later her hand throbbed, but she didn't bother to look at it. Instead she stood there, staring into Freddie's direction to see when he was going to react and start screaming at her on why she had slapped him. And did she have a good reason.
His hand slowly reached his slapped cheek, which was vastly turning pink. He then looked at her, the girl with rosy cheeks scowling at him. The girl he was used to seeing smile with shining eyes because every morning that picture was on his nightstand and he'll look at it to get his day running. And every night before going to bed and praying his thoughts, making her first in his list, when he returned to his bed there she was. But now that she stared at her, there was no smile on her lips, there was no gloss on her eyes, and he was positive that the blush on her cheeks was of all the anger she was showing.
He straighten himself up and after a minute of silent he decided to speak and cleared his throat starting by asking, "What was that-"
"I..." she interrupted, and he stopped that instant more interested in hearing what she had to say. He watched every movement she made. She crossed her arms and kept her gaze down, staring down at the wooden floor as her wavy, blonde hair caved her eyes as she slowly made her way past him until she was across from him and his kart. And there was a couple of a few more seconds of silence before she decided to continue, "I really hate lairs." She said, the same expression on her face as she sighed and slipped her thumb inside her jean's pockets.
She was now biting her lower lip, and he couldn't help but notice. He remembers how soft her lips are, just like months ago when he, himself, with his own teeth would slightly bite them. Her eyes were wide, darted his way and focused as he slowly closed his laptop and stared down at the blue cover with a pear on the center of it. He slowly ran his fingers on it before looking over at her, and then decided to talk, "What does that have to do with me?" He asked, "I'm not a lair, I've never lied to you!" He said which only caused her anger to grow.
Looking down she cursed under her breath and with a tight fist she gently started to bounce it against her side-thigh as she suddenly could feel the drops escape her water-line, not able to stop them in time. Therefore, she kept her face down. She didn't want him to see her crying, she had never wanted for him to see her cry; even though she did bring this upon herself instead of ignoring it all. But she couldn't take it anymore - enough was enough.
With that she quickly wiped her cheeks and looked up, "I hate you," she said with an accusing finger at him as she took steps toward him. "I hate everything about you!" And he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wanted to believe that it was the usual "hate" they would use, just like years ago when he kissed her and she kissed back. But somehow, he knew that it wasn't so much of a friendly hate anymore. It sounded meaningful and real.
"Sam, what are you talking-"
"I regret every second I have wasted on you! I hated those roses you sent on my birthday, and I hate those goodnight messages you would send right before it turned three a.m. in the morning! I hate the memory of your picture popping up on my pear-phone when you would call me every morning to walk to school together. Especially when you would surprise me on a Sunday to bring me treats and watch action movies in my living room! Oh how I detest skipping third period so we could spent the whole hour under the stairs on the band hall making out! I regret ever telling you that I love you! I regret it! All!" She screamed, her voice babbling away while the nub stood there staring at her dumbfounded. Every memory that she was speaking of flashed through his brain, as if he were reliving it just that instant. And hearing her speak such horrible words made his heart ache like never before.
"Sam..." He silently spoke, staring at her with big, brown, hurt eyes. While her sapphire ones just showed hatred toward him as she was taking the last step to be just across from him as she leaned on the kart with her hands. Her teeth grinding together as she spoke her last regret in a whisper, "But what I regret most of all," she continued batting her tears away with her long eyelashes, "is ever giving myself to you."
With that she gulped the knot that had been forming and closed her eyes looking down as she wiped her cheeks. She started to make her way toward the exit while the brunette stood there, hurt. And just as she reached for the door knob, her fingers slightly touching it she slowly turned to him and said out loud, "I hate you Freddie Benson." He turned to look at her just as she sighed, "Go ahead and run after Shay's tail, just like you have since freshmen year, and Jr. High."
Opening the door she rushed out, slamming it and running down the stairs with tears flowing down her eyes and hiccups escaping her breath. How pathetic was she? Crying over a worthless guy that is the cause of her pain. It hurt, more than she ever thought possible. And just as she was making her way down, it so happened that she bumped into the miss-perfect-Carly-Shay. "Sam, oh my gosh, what's wrong?" She asked, setting her hands on her shoulders looking at her.
The blonde looked up, and no matter how much she loved her best friend, how much of a sister she was always being there for her, she just couldn't look at her that instant. Brushing her away she covered her mouth and ran out of her grasp with her following her, telling her to wait, but she wasn't ready to quite explain why she was crying. And leaving her on the stairs Sam left in a heart beat slamming the door behind her as she rushed down the hall to the elevator.
"What's the matter with Sam?" Spencer asked just as he ran out of his bedroom when hearing the slam, only to receive a small shrug from Carly and a cornered mouth just as she shook her head. They stared at the door, and in surprise were pushed by the boy who was the matter with Sam. "Where's Sam?" He asked, jumping in a hurry as Carly told him she had just ran out with tears on her face. "Freddie, why is Sam crying?" She asked over his shoulder and was going to following him but he didn't even reply and closed the door behind him as soon as she made it past the sofa.
Sam stood there, cleaning her face as she was beating the down button wit her thumb. The face of Freddie just standing there and not saying anything would reply inside her brain. There it was, when he'll say her name, "Sam! Sam!" With shocked eyes she turned to see him running his way toward her. She wasn't just about to let him catch her and hurt her with anymore words that were about to come out of his mouth. So instead of waiting for the damn elevator she decided to run, down the stairs or out a window if she had to.
But she wasn't in such luck, for as soon as she took her third step the nub had grasped her waist and was holding her back. "Freddie!" She screamed, trying to hurt him with her elbow, but he wasn't letting go, even if it was hurting him. "S-Sam, hold up!" She was trying to wiggle herself off him, and he was now dragging her into the elevator that had now opened and in less than ten seconds just as he slammed her into the wall the doors closed on them.
She let a breath out when seeing the doors close looking at the metal doors over his shoulder as his hands were on each side of her. Looking up at him, seeing how tempting he seemed she pushed him off her and made her way toward the buttons to press "lobby". But just that instant he pushed her off and pressed the emergency button causing her to gasped and making her cheeks turn rosy. "Freddie! What are you doing!" She asked when noticing the elevator stop and he made his way toward her and cornering her.
"I want to know if everything you said up there in the iCarly Studio was true." He demanded looking serious. He didn't even seemed mad, but hurt. The same eyes that were staring at her through the whole thing when she was speaking up in the Studio were at that moment staring once more. Begging her to tell him that she didn't mean any single word, and that night, when they made love wasn't regretful. But magical and it was something that she was always going to keep with her, just like he was keeping with him.
"Of course it is," she defended, "I wouldn't lie, like others." She said with an accusing glare and he pointed to himself in confusion.
"When in the world did I lie?" He wanted to know, never recalling lying to her in any sort of way that there is. "I never lied to you Sam!"
She sighed leaned on the wall, "Freddie," she said as he looked at her, "remember that night," she raised an eyebrow as he nodded, "right after we broke up, and you..you said you loved me?" She licked her lips, as if just saying the sentence had dried them up.
"Of course I do, Sam."
"That's the lie."
"Wait, what?" He said looking at her and she just shrugged her shoulders looking down at the elevator's tile. "That wasn't a lie!" He insisted but just that second she barked back, "Then why did you go back to Carly?"
"What?"
"Fuck. Why are you so complicated? Freddie I heard you asking Shay if it was too late for her to love you again! I'm not dumb Freddie. I'm everything but."
And he was there in silence, now remembering what she was talking about. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh. You're caught. Now, let move aside." She said trying to push him off, but he didn't and looked at her.
"That doesn't mean I was never in love with you, Puckett."
She held her breath, because she knew that as soon as she let got she going to fall all over again. And if he wasn't going to catch her, then there's no reason to. "Shut up."
"Sam, you want to know why I asked Carly that?"
"Shut it, Benson."
"I was testing myself."
"La-la-la-la-la-la-" She covered her ears and shut her eyes. She didn't want to hear it; so he was in love with the sappy brunette once again, why would she be interested? She wasn't.
"Sam! Sam!" He grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him as she opened her eyes and was right in front of him. "Listen to me Sam, do you have any idea how hurt I was that night?" He asked and she looked up at him. "I was in love with you then, and I still am, damn it! Every fucking night I want to go to sleep only to wake up and hope that it was a dream and you were still my girlfriend." He said pulling her closer. "Every morning when I see you I have to resist myself from even getting close to you, but your damn beautiful scent makes me weak and I have to run off. When we broke up, I never in my life thought it was going to hurt as much as it did. Your rejection was like a damn bullet right into my heart, and I didn't know if it was me, or..." there was silence and she only blinked a couple of times. "Every single feeling I once thought I had for Carly were gone and never crossed my mind since that night in school at the lock-down. When I asked her, and she seemed surprised, I wasn't upset of sad because she seemed more disgusted at the suggestion but happy. It didn't hurt, which proved that I am still in love with you Sam, and it's only your fault to why I'm hurting inside."
She rubbed her face and pushed all her blonde hairs off of her face, unlocking the emergency button as Freddie approached her. She could feel his warmth against her body, but all she did was push him aside waiting for them to reach the lobby. "Sam-"
"Just..just save it."
"Sam, I'm in love with you, aren't you-"
"I'm not going to do anything! We're over Benson, so leave it at that." She crossed her arms and sighed, waiting for the doors to open. And just as they did she ran off, ignoring his calls toward her. "Sam! Sam, I love you!"
When she was blocks away from the Bushwell Apartments she slowly let herself cry, "I love you, too."
hope you guys liked it, and please don't be afraid to drop me a review on your a way out. thanks guys!
~pinkworlds.