Ok… since I'm running short on inspiration for my last story (IE GO: The story of love), I decided to try this new idea out first. However, the first chapter will have some warnings: character death (seriously guys… if you are not comfortable with this, you shouldn't read ok.), a bit of glummy feelings I think, and a new writing style that can be completely confusing. V.V"

This chapter is more like an experimental try out for this new way of writing. I have wanted to have someone much more experienced to beta read it first, but I couldn't contact her for the last few days... so I decided to post it anyway. The following chaps will return to normal though, so if you don't like it, don't worry. ^^-

So… anyone who hasn't freaked out with the warnings, please enjoy…

Disclaimer: I don't own IE (GO)

Chap 1: Separation

It was just a coincidence.

He was walking along the hall after a talk with their coach when he saw them, hugging, kissing each other passionately, feeling completely safe under the dark hallway. And at that very moment, his heart shattered to pieces upon seeing the one he loved sharing such intimacy with someone other than him.

The boy stood in daze as the bag slipped right off his hand and onto the floor, creating a thug sound that echoed through the corridor...

Alerted by the thumping noise, the defender jumped and immediately shoved the blue hair boy away. However, an even more shocking sight awaited him when he slowly realized who the intruder that interrupted them was.

"S-Shindou…!"

The Raimon former captain didn't say anything. Instead, he made a quick full turn and stormed away from the place, trying to ignore his best friend's desperate calling.

He had been in love with him... Yes. He had been madly in love with his best friend for god knows how long now… Ever since their childhood when they first met, throughout their struggling junior high experience, and until this very moment when they were finally in their final year of Raimon… Yes. His love for the other had never faded even a tiny bit. But he could never bring himself to even voice out that undoubtedly unrequited feeling.

He thought that it would be fine, as long as they were together forever, even just as best friends.

But he was wrong…

The boy's feet gradually stopped on their own when he realized that he had managed to cut off his friend. Shindou leaned against a nearby wall as he tried to steady his still thumping heart and panting breathing... His body slid down until he sat on the floor with his head hung down. The image of his friend at that moment kept invading his mind, not giving him even a moment of rest to figure out what to do. Before the boy even realized it, tears started to form in his eyes.

...

...

"Shin-sama…?"

His relationship with the chestnut hair manager was announced a few days after to the whole team.

She might not be the one he loved right now, but the kind, gentle girl always made his heart feel at peace. She never asked him what happened, knowing that he wouldn't want to tell. She was just happy to be by his side. And that silent comfort was more than enough to ease away his misery, making his affection for her grow every day. And he truly believed that he could love her back just as much as she loved him one day.

The reactions among the team were different. Some were more than happy for both of them, shaking his hand, congratulating the new relationship. Others were surprised, very surprised, especially some of his closet companies. They had already realized the feeling he harbored for a certain beautiful boy, so his choice came to them as more than just stunning news...

And then, there was him…

The pink hair boy looked like he was struck by the announcement too. He kept looking at him, as if pleading the other to tell him that this was just a bad dream. But Shindou didn't really pick up the reaction that way. In fact, the brunet wished for nothing more than to be as far away from the defender as possible right now... Because he knew, the peace that he just found with Akane would have been crushed if he was too close to the one he truly loved...

With those thoughts in mind, the prodigy squeezed the manager's tiny hand and led her out of the room, walking right pass his best friend. Before the automatic door was fully closed, he could still catch a glimpse of a certain blue hair boy approaching the fellow defender with a sly smile.

This is for the best…

The boy thought in silence as pain slipped through his brown orbs. A hand was brought to his face as he raised his head to see the girl's gentle smile.

"Thank you…"

He whispered to her before the two of them walked away from the clubroom together.

The connection between him and the shy manager lasted for three long years. And their relationship had been loving and peaceful. After all, their personalities matched perfectly. She is shy, quiet and a wonderful listener. He is caring, protective, and needed someone to hear his thoughts when he got too emotional. They got along well…

Of course, there were many times when she couldn't understand all the things that he said, especially when it came to soccer. But she would always listen nevertheless. And like he had predicted, he feelings for her did grow stronger and stronger as time went by.

However, after they entered their respective high school, he barely got any word about a certain azure eye boy anymore. There had been rumors that the pink hair defender had broken up with his junior lover after he finished his last year. But other than that, it was a mystery where he went to afterward. He never contacted any of their friends either. It was almost as if he was trying to avoid Shindou at all cost.

The Raimon former captain had tried to find out where his best friend has disappeared to. But all of his efforts were in vain. Not even the boy's parents would tell him where he was, saying that it was Kirino himself who requested this kind of personal space from his friends. Bothered as he was about the other, there was no way he could invade the boy's life against his wish. Besides… it wouldn't be fair to his girlfriend if he kept chasing a shadow from the past, especially when it was from someone whom he loved. Even if the manager herself said she wasn't troubled by his actions, he knew that there was a limit he must keep. After all, he had always been responsible for the people around him. And he didn't intend to throw that one quality away, not when he was still in the relationship with her...

That is, until the day when his father decided to send him away to another country. The brunet was put in a position where he must choose between his family and the manager. And as much as he had grown to love her over the years, as much affection and peaceful moments she had given him throughout their relationship… in the end, his feeling was simply not enough for him to throw away his own family…

She didn't want him to go. She asked him to stay. Even on the day when he departed, she still cried those sorrowful tears. No words from their friends could reach her, no promises he made could calm her distressed soul. And with a heavy heart he walked away, guilt eating through his entire body. That was the only time she had ever pled something from him, and yet, he couldn't fulfill her wish.

And that thought continued to hunt him for the next six years...

The brunet was so invaded by remorse that he didn't realize a pair of sad azure eyes watching them silently from a distance. Kirino stood there as he witnessed his friend's departure, knowing that this could very well be the last time he ever saw the one he loved again…

For years, he had loved the brunet with all his soul and heart. If only that night hadn't happened, if only he had had enough courage to confess his feelings, then things probably wouldn't have come to this…

The boy stood there in silence for hours after his best friend's leave. He finally released a heavy sigh as his body dropped down to the floor. The defender just stayed there, hiding his face into his arms until he heard quiet sobbing sounds. The boy raised his face up to see the lavender eye manager crying silently to herself over a nearby bench. All of their friends had already gone home, respecting her wish to be alone… The girl looked so heartbroken and devastate, the sight suddenly reminded the pink hair boy of himself two years ago.

After a while of hesitating, Kirino finally decided to stand up from his spot, adjust his clothes and walk to her side.

Seeing a shadow approaching her, the girl looked up to see a face she hadn't seen in a very long time. She was startled to say the least. The manager was so surprised that she almost fell out of her sit upon calling out his name. The pink hair boy had to reach out to stable her so that the girl wouldn't fall. But her rather cute reaction managed to make him muse to himself nevertheless.

After the quiet manager had calmed herself, was he convinced that it was ok to sit down. He started asking her if she was alright or she needed anything. The shy manager just looked down embarrassingly as she stuttered out her reassuring answers.

He smiled gently at her.

A moment of silence passed before she asked him why he didn't come out when the brunet was still here. He was caught off guard… He didn't imagine that she would be the one to start another conversation, let alone asking him such question. But then again, she was Shindou's girlfriend, so the inquiring wasn't that abnormal.

"I… just can't…"

He said simply without looking at her. The girl stared at him with compassion in her lavender eyes.

"But you love him… don't you?"

For a moment, azure eyes widened a bit when he looked at her. But then, as if realizing how natural it was that she also knew about his feelings, the boy just averted his eyes away again and answered with a sad tone. "Yeah… But it's alright…"

Silence once again embraced the air around them. He looked to his right to see her looking down with sorrowful eyes. And they just stayed there in quiet until her whispering voice was once again voiced.

" No it's not…"

"Huh…?"

"… It's not alright…"

The boy didn't have any time to react when the girl continued again with her head looking down and her hands squeezing the fabric of her dress.

"I didn't want him to spend so much time practicing alone... I didn't want him to keep distance with me… I wanted to eat lunch with him, to walk to school with him… I wanted him to talk to me more, to learn more about me… I... I wanted to be the only one for him… to be enough to make him sta-" Tears started falling as she was interrupted by her own sob.

"… Akane..."

The girl took in a deep breath as she continued, her body kept shivering non-stop.

"I… I wanted him to say he loved me…"

Akane's voice finally broke the moment the last words were heard. Her tears finally burst out again as Kirino wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. Her tears drenched the fabric of his shirt and yet she couldn't stop crying.

"But I didn't say i-it… I… I thought that it was alright, a-as long as I can be with him… If only I had shared my thoughts with him too. If only I had allowed him to love me too… B-But I didn't…" The girl hiccupped into her words, stuttered between her crying voices.

"I was the one who kept him from my heart…"

Kirino tightened his hold on her shoulder. The pink hair male didn't know what to say. Her words had spoken out his mind too; his guilt, his regrets, everything… Yes. If only he had said those words and been true to his feelings, things might have been different; there might still be hope…

But he didn't.

And that was the reality. There was nothing he could do now. There was no longer anything that could connect him to the brunet anymore... The one he love was gone, possibly forever. And that was the only truth…

"Kirino san…"

The boy looked down at the girl. Her tears had yet to cease falling down from her eyes. He sat in baffle as she held onto his one hand and led it to an unexpected place. He was startled but she kept his hand on her abdomen as she looked deep into his azure eyes.

For one moment, he didn't understand.

But then, it struck him...

He looked back at her with stretched out eyes. "Akane… you…"

" I wanted him to see our child too..."

And with that sad smile, she collapsed into his arms.

Akane had made herself clear. Yes... She confirmed after he took her to the hospital, that except from him and her parents, she didn't want anyone else to know about the unexpected news.

Her parents were still upset about her having a baby at such young age. They had wanted to contact the Shindou resident to demand for some responsibilities, but their daughter insisted otherwise, resorting in the first fight she had ever had with them… Upset with their daughter's sudden stubbornness, the couple barely came again after that day.

The defender found he couldn't leave the girl alone in such situation. And the result was him coming to visit her every day, bringing flowers, asking her about her health…

At first, it was just an act of sympathy.

But then, the more he talked to her, the more he came to enjoy her presence. Her kind smile when she talked about things she loved, her curious eyes when she listened to him telling about himself, her funny reactions when she was scared or startled… And before he knew it, he found himself laughing along with her and looking forward to meeting her again the next day.

One time, they actually talked about the baby and her parents. And he could see it, the sadness hidden behind her smile.

The very next day, he was walking down the hallway of the hospital when he heard yelling sound coming out of her room. He rushed to where she was to see her mother shouting at her with tears rolling down her face. Akane was on the verge of tears too. Her father tried to calm his wife down but it was useless, the woman was just devastated for her own daughter...

"Who..? Who would take you now that you had that thing in your stomach…?"

The girl had tried to keep her expression blank but tears had already fallen down across her face. Kirino stood there in silence as he watched the sight in shock… But then, the pink hair boy tightened his hand... It was always like this. He always acted like a coward, never dared to speak out his mind, never dared to take an action on his own. That was what caused him his first love. But it won't happen again this time…He knew what he felt for her. Even if the feeling itself was still fresh and illuminating, he knew that it was there. And for him, that was enough...

"I would."

The entire family in that room was startled by his respond. He could see how shock Akane was, looking at him with widened eyes. He walked to her side, squeezed his hand around her tiny ones as he said the words he had never had the courage to voice out his entire life…

" I like you Yamana Akane..."

It sounded simple, their decision, he marrying her, becoming the child's father to keep her reputation from being spoiled by neighboring gossip. But there was much more to it than that.

It took him one full month to convince her about his feeling and another month about the decision he made to be with her and the baby. And then there was her parent's reluctance, his family's disapproval, and many efforts to keep their friends from finding out. After all, it was her wish to keep her pregnancy from Shindou, and telling the Raimon company would be the same as calling the brunet and yelling into the his ears that she was having his child without him knowing.

No, as trustworthy as their friends are on the soccer field, they were simply not an option…

Thankfully, through some connections, he managed to get help from a nurse named Fuyuka who was a former Raimon manager back in coach Endou's days and she was more than willing to help out her fellow manager and him.

He learned unimaginable things about pregnancy and baby, went to every single one of their practice sessions and almost had a heart attack when he saw the video that every soon-to-be-father had to see. (Thankfully he didn't faint like many other older men standing there…)

After her baby came, their families finally put all their grudges behind and decided to help out the young couple, for the sake of the little new born girl. Even the manager's mother who had been distraught over the news at first was now holding her grandchild lovingly in her arms and smiling at him gratefully. They had decided, the two families would take turn taking care of the baby so that they could continue their studies until they are ready to support their own new one.

And soon enough, three years had passed and he was invited to become candidate for the National Team after two years he entered a university for talented soccer players. The couple enjoyed their time together and even decided to stay at the same place, a small apartment near his family's house. They had a simple, romantic wedding at the church with only their family members. The chestnut hair manager became his loving wife and he became the official father of her daughter, the little three years old girl with brown wavy hair like a certain someone and her mother's beautiful lavender eyes. He fell in love with her the moment she called him "dad".

And he couldn't be happier with his wife, whom he found himself loving more and more everyday. Their love for the same boy never stood between them. He cherished the way she felt for the prodigy, and she treasured his undying love for his best friend… If anything, it became a special feeling that bonded them together, giving them a new kind of connection that added more to their own love.

Everything was turning out to be perfect for them. And it would seem that their happiness was becoming an eternal one, that nothing could ever go wrong...

Until that day…

He was on his way home after a long day of practice when he could hear crying sound coming from their house. He knew that crying… He dumped his bag right at that spot and ran toward the door to slam it wide open.

She was lying on the floor with little Utau crying by her side, obviously upset from not being able to wake her mother up.

After he took her to the hospital, they said that she was infected with a rare disease... Months of treating passed and yet she never showed a sign of recovering. If anything, her face was becoming more and more pale every day.

Her body didn't respond to the treatment they said.

And that there was nothing they could do they said…

But he just couldn't believe it. He didn't even want to try. How could they even suggest him such thing? She was just healthy just months ago. They just became a real family for one mere year. Their daughter was only four. How could they even say such things? Why are they saying it again and again like that?

He was devastated. He didn't even realize her waking when he sat next to her bed until she reached out her hand and intertwined it with him. He raised his head to see her warm smile.

"You are up…" He said as he kissed her hand tenderly.

She laughed quietly at his touch. He couldn't believe how much he had missed her laugh just from a few days of not hearing it. How could he ever live without it again now… He couldn't. There was no way he could.

Tears started to roll down across his face and no matter how much he tried he couldn't stop them from flowing.

"I love you…" He chanted those words again and again. He was so afraid that if he didn't say them out loud now, she would go away and leave him alone… She smiled sadly before holding out her hand and embraced him softly, comforting him with her touch.

Ever since that day, he never left her side. They still laughed together, making jokes, sharing kisses and loving nights. Her health never got any better but she didn't care. She was happy just being with him and their daughter.

After months of bedridden, her time finally came, and she accepted it with a peaceful mind and a smile. She only looked at him tenderly as she whispered into his ears.

"Thank you… for loving me… I'm so happy."

He kissed her lips between his tears. Those were her last words to him…

Their friends only learned of the news a few days after her private funeral with family members, which was too one of her last wishes. They all came to shed their tears and share their condolence with the family... He was standing behind the door watching them in silence. After all, it was his words to keep everything a secret until the end, and no matter what happened, he never intended to break that promise to her…

Everyone was there: Midori , Tenma, Shinsuke... even Minamisawa san. They were all surprised and upset by her sudden departure. Even the toughest manager was crying out loud all the tears she had. The red head had always treated the shy girl like her own sister, and he knew that this lost was just as painful for her as it was for him...

For the pink hair male, after he lost her, everything lost its meaning...

His sense of duty at first had become love, true love… He couldn't believe how much he had come to love her, how much he already missed her presence in his life…

He missed the way she could talk about their daughter for hours non-stop… the way she would take thousands of picture of their family every time they went out on weekends…

He missed the way she bid him goodbye every morning with a soft peck on his cheek… the way she still blushed adorably to this day whenever he kissed her back on her lips…

He missed the way she always welcomed him home with that heart-warming smile and those three little words.

I love you…

Rain started to fall as they melted into the water dripping down from his eyes…

"I love you too.."

The day after her funeral, he refused his position as a player of the National Team. The schedule of a professional footballer was simply too intense and consumed too much time to be a single father at the same time. And he wanted to be able to take care of the child she left for him on his own, so he bad to cut short his learning in the university. That's the only way he could make it up for her and their daughter.

After that, he applied and was accept for a job as one of the National Team trainers. The money was barely enough, but he could change shift whenever he wanted if anything happened unexpectedly. In the evening he worked as a bartender at a nearby bar, trying to earn more comfort for their life.

So his life was like that, bringing his daughter to her kindergarten in the afternoon to go to the soccer field, leaving her at the daycare in the evening so that he could go to the bar, and picking her up after his late shift was done. In the morning he would make her breakfast and do the chores around the house until it was time for her to go classes again.

Yes I don't have the leisure to think about my dream right now…

Soon… with all the overwhelming works, time passed by like a flash. Before he even realized it, one year was already gone.

And another one came with the past that he had left behind...

Ok…

How was it? Was it too rush? O.O

And yeah, not much Takuran yet in the first chapter, but it will get better. ^^-

Anyway, if you have any opinions on this new writing style or simply a comment, just give them to me in the review ok! XD

See you guys next time! ;)