Author's Note: OK, so I was looking through the (four XD) reviews I got on my fic 'Keiji Gets a Job', and I saw one from Gravism about their liking the Motonari/Motochika relationship going on there... and so I was inspired to do this! Also, I don't know too much about adopting pets, so don't get mad if I fuck something up! And if that last sentence's language offended you, 1) I apologize, 2) most of my fics are worded in a similar manner, so you might not want to read them, and 3) this is one of them, so just stop here. XD Jashin, I need to stop. :P
The Adventures of Motochika and Nari-chan!
Motochika blinked for a minute as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. God, what time was it? He looked down at his wrist (which was a nice shade of light pink) before realizing he didn't have a watch. Damn.
Judging by the sun's position, it was around noon or one o' clock. Wait... the sun? He looked around and realized that he had been passed out on a white plastic chair on his front lawn. That would also explain the slight sunburn.
Motochika ran a hand through his (messy as hell) hair before standing up and trudging over to his front door. He unlocked it and walked into the refreshing air conditioner, then made his way to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Hmm. What to do today?
Probably nothing, as usual. How boring.
He grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV. He watched an hour or so of the Wiggles, then switched to a cheesy horror flick playing on HBO. Motochika sat there staring blankly at the screen for the better part of an hour before it finally cut to a commercial break.
"Hi, my name is Sarah McLachlan..."
Adventure!
By the end of the commercial, Motochika's face hadn't changed in the slightest.
...OK, well, maybe there had been a tear. Or two. You know, manly tears. Of manliness.
Alright, fine, Motochika was outright fucking sobbing.
"*sniff* I... I -hic- have to b-be an angel... for a poor, defenseless -hic- animal," he said through a tissue. "I have to *sniffle* adopt one!"
As soon as he was done blowing his nose and had dried his tears (mostly), he opened his laptop and searched for the nearest shelter. Perfect, there was one two miles away from his house!
Well, it'd be perfect... if he owned a car.
But Motochika was determined to adopt an animal, dammit, and... wait.
It was perfect after all. He would just need a little cooperation on his neighbor's part...
Adventure!
"No."
The brunette in front of him had his arms folded across his chest, wrinkling the green t-shirt he was wearing.
"But but but! Nari-channnnnn! I have to go! Sarah McLachlan told me!" Motochika whined, making a pitiful face at the other.
"It's Motonari, you hoodlum! There is no '-chan'! Stop calling me that horrible nickname!" Motonari snapped. "Besides, I can't even trust you with a lawn gnome; what in the name of the sun makes you think you can handle a pet?"
"Pssht! I'd be the most badass pet owner ever! T'hell are you talkin' about!" Motochika countered, his pride wounded a little. How dare Nari-chan doubt his skills!
"No, and that's final. There is no way I'm driving you to the shelter."
Motonari turned and began walking to his front door. Motochika huffed and scrunched up his forehead in frustration.
"...Don't make me hotwire your car," Motochika mumbled.
His neighbor, who turned out to have rather sharp ears, spun around to face him again.
"Beg pardon?"
Adventure!
Motochika rushed through the shelter doors like a five-year-old on Christmas.
"Nari-chan, where should we look first? Which one should I pick? Ooh, look, that puppy looks friendly! No, wait, that one! Aww, look, he's wagging his cute little tail!"
Motonari rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying not to outright facepalm. He had known this would be a bad idea, but he supposed it was always better than risking Motochika stealing his car and driving it into a pole. Besides, this way he could keep an eye on him and make sure he wasn't too much of an idiot in public.
He turned back to face his neighbor, who had his face pressed against the glass. He looked more excited than the puppies inside, actually. It was kind of cute, actually... -Ahem- Cute in a... umm... a stupid way. Because Motochika was stupid.
Motonari coughed loudly into his hand to alert Motochika to the woman standing next to him. Motochika reluctantly shifted his focus from the dogs to the lady. She smiled at him (Motonari suspected she was flirting), then introduced herself as one of the volunteers and asked if she could assist him. He flashed her a big grin in return, then said something with exuberant hand gestures. Whatever it was, it must have been funny, because she started laughing (in fact, she laughed so hard she had to lean on him for support. Hmm. Motonari rolled his eyes).
The brunette walked closer to listen in... err, keep a better eye on his neighbor. You know, make sure he didn't make an ass of himself.
"Well, you seem like a really nice and caring person who'd make a great pet parent," the woman began. Motochika used this opportunity to shoot a pointed look at his neighbor. "I'll show you the pets that have been here the longest, the ones that no one has wanted to adopt... if that's OK with you, of course."
"Hel- I mean, yes, that would be just fine," the pirate caught himself at the last minute.
The woman smiled again (her nametag identified her as "Nat"), batting her eyelashes at the silver-haired object of her affections (it was so obvious she was hitting on him), but he was too busy grinning smugly at Motonari to notice.
Nat led the way through the rows of adorable little kittens and puppies, each of them crowding around the glass pane separating them from the group passed by. They eventually arrived at a locked door. She quickly produced the key, humming to herself as she did so.
Once inside, it was easy to see why these poor animals hadn't been picked. There was one dog that immediately rushed to the very back of its cage, baring its teeth at Motochika when he got too close, then a cat who hissed and swatted at Motonari, who swore a little under his breath before regaining his composure. It looked pretty hopeless.
"See any you like?" Nat asked, genuinely hoping that this dreamy... err, kind man she had met would be able to give one of them a home.
"Hmm... Not yet, but give me a min- hey! This one's cool!" Motochika ran to a small cage at the back of the room.
"Oh, I'm not sure about that one. It's not really-" Nat began, but it was too late.
"Hello, little birdie," Motochika cooed, crouching down a little to get a better look at the parrot in the cage. It leaned forward to try and nip his finger, but he pulled it back just in time. "Tsk, bad birdie! No biting. Huh, you're a pretty bird, though, aren'cha?"
The parrot tilted its head to one side, then the other, carefully examining the person in front of it. Eventually, it decided that it did in fact like this human. It then proceeded to open its mouth and-
"HEY ASSHOLE!"
Motonari, who was on the other side of the room, nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden outburst(but he was able to hide it, of course). Nat looked mortified.
"I'm sorry! That's why I didn't want to... This one has quite the vocabulary..." her face turned a bright shade of red, and she looked down at her feet in embarrassment.
The silver-haired man was awestruck for a moment. He just stared at the parrot, mouth agape.
"WATCHA LOOKIN' AT FUCKFACE?" the bird squawked, head tilting again.
Motochika was still for a moment longer, then finally turned to Nat. "It's... This bird..."
Nat started stammering out apologies for the bird, thoroughly embarrassed in front of her crush.
"...is perfect! It's so majestic... I must acquire it!" Motochika knelt down next to the cage again, watching intently as the bird fluffed up its feathers and began preening. "How much for this glorious beast?"
"Well, I'll... I'll have to ask..."
"Yes, do. I wish to take Gumby home with me."
The girl nodded, too shocked at Motochika's enthusiastic attitude to question him, then ran off.
It was silent for a moment.
"So... what's Gumby?" Motonari inquired, honestly curious.
"The parrot. I have named it Gumby," Motochika replied offhandedly, too absorbed in watching his soon-to-be pet clean its brightly colored feathers.
For the umpteenth time that day, the brunette rolled his eyes.
Adventure!
"Whew, about time we got all that paperwork sorted out!" Motochika said, grinning widely as he carried the cage back to his neighbor's car.
"Yes, yes, wonderful," Motonari deadpanned, starting the vehicle and mentally groaning at the thought of having two foulmouthed friends – no, neighbors (since when has Motochika been his friend? He set his lawn gnome on fire!) – to deal with. "You'd better not leave any feathers in my car, hoodlum. Am I clear?"
"Yeah, yeah, chill out Nari-chan! I got this."
"What have I told you about calling me Nari-!"
"Hey, if you can call me 'hoodlum' and 'idiot' then I can call you Nari-chan."
Motonari growled and rolled his eyes yet again.
By the sun, Motochika could be so difficult sometimes.