A/N: Hey everyone! For those who don't know me... Well, I'm Hip, and I used to write random, crazy Scribble-like submissions on here and Lemmy's Land like 16-17 years ago. Honestly, I miss those days, so I'm (sort of) returning back to them, with this style of show! This will contain a number of minishows (around 6 per chapter, maybe) and a character interview.
I've had many inspirations for doing the fic this way, mainly from iSqueakers' "Mario Scenes Gone Wrong". It's a good comedic take concerning "bloopers" in Mario games. It's a good read for humor-lovers. The multiple "ASK THE _'s" stories also helped tremendously, and they're why I'm allowing participation.
Readers can participate too, but in order to participate, you MUST send me what I ask for (at the bottom of the chapter whenever I ask of it) in a PM, and not in a review! Per FanFiction rules, I will ignore review-based questions/votes.
This is rated T mainly for safety. This goes along well with the Late Night talk shows (Which in the USA are usually TV-14, equivalent to a T rating). I don't have swears other than Ass, Hell or Damn, although I do use censors every now and then to indicate swearing.
A camera somewhere in the studio pans around, eventually focusing on a stage with chairs Mario and Luigi are sitting on.
"Hey everyone! Welcome to the Mario & Koopa Show!" Mario greeted.
"This show will have several episodes consisting of numerous mini shows, along with an interview with a character!" Luigi continued, "Anyway, before we get to the roll of things, let's see the hosts of the mini shows!"
The audience starts applauding as Mario announced, "First show: 'Beethoven's Tenth' with Ludwig von Koopa!"
Beethoven's Tenth with Ludwig von Koopa
"The name's Ludwig. Ludwig von Koopa," Ludwig actually greeted without his typical accent, "You see, back in the real world, Ludwig van Beethoven only composed nine symphonies. So, to make his tenth one, I started a singing competition so I can compose the tenth one for him, since his ninth symphony has people singing in it. Anyway, let's get on to the show!"
Ludwig is then seen with three people: Rosalina, Dry Bones and Goombario.
"Anyway! You three have been invited to sing an audition for Beethoven's Tenth! Rosalina, let's start with you! Sing any song you want to!"
Rosalina smiled and nodded, "Okay. Here I go! I REALLY NEED YOU BABY! NO STARSHIP IN THAT STUPID UNIVERSE CAN SPLIT YOU FROM ME! YOU'RE SWEET; YOU'RE SPICAYYYY; WHO NEEDS PEPPERS AND STAR BITS WHEN I HAVE YOU BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Rosalina sings in such a high voice at the last syllable, that Ludwig and the other contestants had to plug their ears.
"Oww! If Beethoven had to deal with that, no wonder why he became deaf!" Ludwig gasped as he unplugs his ears, seeing that Rosalina is done, "Anyway! Dry Bones! You go!"
"… … …! …! …..! ….? ….!" the Dry Bones clattered. Ludwig begins crying suddenly.
"*SNIFF* That was… SO BEAUTIFUL! And those lyrics are so touching! Goombario, your turn!"
Goombario takes in a deep breath, getting prepared to sing, "OOOOH BABY GIRL! I CAN READ YOU LIKE A BOOK TONIGHT! IF YOU WERE A BOOK, YOU'D BE AN ARCHAEOLOGY BOOK! BECAUSE THOSE INTEREST ME THE MOST! NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE OLD! OOOOOH YEAHHHHHH…"
Ludwig begins nodding to the song Goombario is singing, smiling a bit as he is listening to Goombario's song about archaeology, "Alright. The viewers in the audience will vote for who the winner is! Audience members of the M&K Show, cast your votes!"
-x-x-x-x
The audience stirs from their near-sleep, and, moving like zombies, they each cast a vote on their favorite singer.
-x-x-x-x
"ALRIGHT! The results are up! The winner of this round of Beethoven's Tenth is…" Ludwig began to announce.
The three characters stare at Ludwig in anticipation.
"… DRY BONES?!" Ludwig shouted with a shocked voice. However, he quickly hides his look of shock with one of happiness, 'CONGRATULATIONS DRY BONES! Rosalina and Goombario, thank you for coming today! Sorry to hear about you two not making it!"
"Okay," Rosalina smiled.
"Thanks for the opportunity I guess…" Goombario sadly muttered.
"And that's it for Beethoven's Tenth! See us next time for more contestants singing for a spot for the soon-to-be-legendary tenth symphony!" Ludwig announced as the camera ends its transmission.
"And there's show one!" Mario concluded.
"Ludwig… He can be Kooky sometimes," Luigi mused as the audience laughs at what he said.
"Hahahaha! Anyway the next mini show in our series will be a show dedicated to pranking!" Mario informed, "Let's get to the second mini show!"
Oh For Pranking Out Loud! with Lemmy Koopa
The camera is dead-on to Lemmy's face, and nothing but Lemmy can be seen.
"It's me, your fun-loving Koopa, Lemmy! Today, we will do something that… a certain girl will hate me forever for doing! But let's get to it!"
The camera eventually zooms out, revealing Lemmy holding a bottle of itching powder. Lemmy points to the itching powder and boasts a huge smile.
"Onwards to Peach's castle!"
Lemmy gets on a doomship, drives off to the princess's castle. Mario and Luigi, knowing of Lemmy's prank, distract the princess by having her tag along with them on a walk. After awhile, Lemmy finally finds Peach's personal bathroom.
"Now, for you guys who want to do this at home, grab the girl's hairdryer…"
Lemmy picks up Peach's pink hairdryer.
"… Dump the bottle of itching powder into the hairdryer… You know where the air comes out..."
Lemmy dumps all the itching powder into the hairdryer.
"Then wait until she turns it on!"
Lemmy puts the hairdryer down and hides behind Peach's bed, then waits for the arrival of the princess. That's when Peach storms in, her hair appearing to be wet.
"Good," Lemmy whispered to the camera, "The Mario Brothers did their part of the plan. Now to watch MY part!"
Almost instantly, Peach points the hairdryer to her head and turns it on. A HUGE cloud of itching powder descends in her hair, on her neck and even on her face.
"AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!" Peach screamed as her scalp, neck and face begins to itch so much that it's starting to burn.
"Hehehehe…. You can always use baby powder as an alternative method…" Lemmy giggled as Peach starts to scream even more, "Anyway! Back to you Mario!"
"Lemmy Lemmy Lemmy… He's a wacky one isn't he," Mario stated.
"He sure is… He and Ludwig are both goofballs," Luigi replied, "Anyway, let's get to the next show!"
Ring of Fire with Roy Koopa
"Sup? I'm Roy Koopa, also known as a badass! I figured out that I was a badass when I started playing Mario Kart. Instead of pressing START like it tells me to, I pressed the A button! I'm a badass! Fear me, wimps!" Roy introduced.
The camera zooms out, and Roy is seen standing near a ring. Both Goombella and Flurrie are in the ring.
"Here in this mini show, we just watch two or more people fight. Easy and straight to the point. Let's START!"
Roy rings the bell; however, Goombella and Flurrie start arguing with each other first.
"FLURRIE! MARIO LOVES ME MORE, OKAY?!" Goombella shot.
"Lies! My dear Mario loves me! During our adventure in Paper Mario, he purposely held X for a long time just so he can feel my body-"
"YOU SICK WHO-"
"No, I'm not sick. I feel just fine," Flurrie smiled.
"WELL I ACTUALLY KISSED MARIO BEFORE!" Goombella shouted.
"SO HAVE I! I have while he held the X button, dearie."
"Whatever, he always pressed the X button to hear me talk!" Goombella rolled her eyes.
"Dearie, he surgically removed the X button while he had you out," Flurrie smirked, "You're annoying as hell."
"You need to learn to wear a bra!"
"Hey, at least I have stuff a bra can cover!"
"I WEAR THEM TOO!"
"What cup size? Training?" Flurrie fired.
The audience oohs at the comeback Flurrie fires back. Goombella looks like she is pissed.
"LOOK MISS SPIRIT GIRL, you need to cover up them puppies!"
"Atleast I have puppies to cover up, dearie. You gave yours up for adoption years ago," Flurrie replied coolly.
Once again, the audience oohs, along with isolated shouts of 'YOU JUST GOT BURNED'.
Goombella looks like she's about to explode. Not wanting to take anymore of this verbal thrashing, Goombella launches herself at Flurrie, tackling the purple wind spirit to the ground.
"YOU WILL REGRET SAYING THAT!" Goombella shouted.
"AND YOU WILL REGRET TACKLING ME!" Flurrie fired back.
Goombella headbonks Flurrie a few times, furthering delaying the recovery time of Flurrie. For a moment, it looks like Flurrie is being beaten up by a goomba gal with a short temper, but…
"Take THIS!" Flurrie shouted as she blew Goombella into the distance. Cheers erupted from the audience members as Flurrie flexes, "Thank you! Thank you all!"
"And the winner is-" Roy starts to announce, but Goombella somehow finds her way back to the ring.
"NOT SO FAST, HOE! Take THIS!" Goombella screamed as she headbonks Flurrie once again. Flurrie collapses on the floor. Roy holds up Goombella's… arm.
"WINNER is GOOMBELLA!" Roy announced as Goombella blows kisses to the audience. Flurrie then got up and hugs Goombella, "Yes! And this is the end of Ring of Fire, a show with fights faker than Jerry Springer's! I mean more real! I'm Roy Koopa, signing out. Back to you!"
"Dang! Nothing better than a catfight!" Mario said.
"Especially a heated one!" Luigi added.
"To be honest... I probably did hold X too long with Flurrie..." Mario admitted.
"Uh oh bro! Peach's gonna go mad woman on you! I think she's on her estrogen pattern!"
"'Estrogen pattern'? Really now? Just say the whole thing! It's a freaking late-night TV show!"
"I prefer not to. You know what I mean!" Luigi defended.
"Whatever. Now let's go to Iggy Koopa, who apparently has two shows. He hasn't started the other show yet, so let's see his first show!"
Cranium Gym with Iggy Koopa
"Greetings! My name is Iggy Koopa, and I will teach you a lesson on biology! First, let's learn about cells. What exactly is a cell? Well, y'all, it's something you can't live without! But did you know there's two different kinds of cells? Here, let me show you."
Iggy then pulls out an iPhone.
"First off, this is a plant cell. All plants exhibit this kind of cell. Like plants, these cells can even destroy zombies! You can tell this is a plant cell because it has this weird apple thing with a bite mark on it. Now, the next cell."
Iggy then pulls out an Android cellphone.
"This is an animal cell. All you need to memorize is that the mascot is a green alien-looking thing. Aliens are animals. Or is that green thing a robot? Eh, who cares. Point is, this is an animal cell."
Iggy then puts the two cellphones away.
"Last, there are cancer cells. They are bad to have. VERY bad! If you exhibit a group of cancer cells, it is called a tumor."
The camera pans over a tumor on the table, composing of Windows phones, Nokias, brick phones and the rest of the more unheard of brands.
"If you have a tumor, please get it checked out by a doctor. They're trying to come up with a cure for this terrible, life-threatening disease."
Iggy then pulls out the Android and iPhone out again.
"Now, both are required to live, so you're probably asking me the difference between these two cells. Well, with a plant cell, they are easier to use than the animal cell, and it's easier to play games on the plant cell. The animal cell is still good, no doubt, as getting onto social media is easier on an animal cell. All and all, if you're into different styles, you need an animal cell, while people who want an easier interface should get a plant cell. Avoid cancer cells at all costs. The rest is up for you to decide! This is Iggy, signing out!"
"Which one do you want Mario?"
"Pfft, an animal cell. Duh!"
"Really? I want the plant cell."
"Plants are gross! Animal cells are better tasting!" Mario rejected.
"Plants are healthier though!" Luigi shouted, "The cancer cells are most similar to the animal cell!"
"Why are they cancer cells? I liked my Windows phone, and I wouldn't compare it to a terminal disease."
Luigi shakes his head at his older brother, "Whatever. Let's go on to the next show."
$100,000 a Day with Wendy O. Koopa and Mimi
"Do you guys have money rotting in your bank that is begging you to just be spent?! Of course not, you're all peasants watching the Mario & Koopas Show instead of going to parties! Don't worry though, I'll show you how to spend AT LEAST $100,000 a day!"
Wendy and Mimi are seen standing outside of a jewelry shop. They turn around and skip over to the jewelry shop and enter the door. Shiny, succulent jewelry is waiting for them in the shop.
"Hello missies! How can I help you?" the sales clerk asked.
"Hey! How much does it cost to buy out this store?" Wendy questioned.
"$5,482,573,572, miss," the salesclerk informed. Wendy just rolls her eyes.
"Feh, pocket change. Listen, what's the most expensive item here?"
"There's this beautiful diamond ring. It has a 50 carat diamond embedded into 82-carat gold!" the sales clerk showed.
"You idiot! Gold only goes up to 24 carets!" Mimi shouted.
"Not this kind! It's REAL gold! See, scrape it!"
Wendy scrapes the ring. Gold dust collects in her nails.
"Yeah! And real gold is so soft that a fingernail can scrape it! I'm buying it! How much?!" Wendy cried.
"$281,492," the salesclerk informed. Wendy nodded and pulls out a card.
"On debit, please. Only poor losers need credit," Wendy smiled. The guy nodded as he presses some buttons.
"Hon, you need to use credit to get a credit score."
"I'M TOO COOL FOR A FREAKING CREDIT SCORE!"
Meanwhile, Mimi is looking around, and a ruby necklace catches her eye, "OH MY! HOW MUCH IS THIS RUBY NECKLACE?"
"$120,462," the clerk repeats. Wendy's eyes bulge out of her head at the price.
"OH MY SHIGERU MIYAMOTO!" Wendy screamed, "You should, like, totally get that, girl!"
"Okay!" Mimi smiled. As she does this, Wendy turns to face the camera.
"In total, we spent $400,000 or so here! We overachieved on our goal of $100,000! Come see us next time! Wendy and Mimi, signing out!"
"Oh man, those women. Shopping til they drop," Luigi stated.
"Treating their men like a free ATM," Mario responded, "I mean, what kind of man sits there and says 'WOULD YOU LIKE $10, $20 OR $40 WITHDRAWN TODAY?'?"
"Exactly!" Luigi shouted, "I deposit pasta and withdraw money."
"Yeah, explains it. Anyway, let's go to the next show."
The Teaspoof with Morton Koopa Jr. and Kylie Koopa
"Whoever chose this name for this show should burn in- I mean, hello viewers! Ignore my previous comment; Kylie chose the name! I'm your host Morton Koopa Jr! In this show, I will be going on weird, parodic adventures! And every now and then, I will have a newscast with my wonderful partner Kylie Koopa! But first, this episode is called 'Morton's Mansion'! Let's start aye?!"
As Morton pauses, a note suddenly falls down from the roof. Seeing the note, Morton picks it up and starts reading it out loud.
"'Dear Moron Poopa I-don't-know-a-good-insult-for-Junior, I have kidnapped your little girlfriend! You need to go to the mansion you won to save her! Mwahahahaha! Sincerely, King Boo.' OH NO! Kylie's been kidnapped!"
Morton walks up to a random shack in someone's backyard and enters it. Inside, a painted picture of Kylie is shown.
"Oh my! Kylie's been turned into a painting! Oh no!" Morton cried, "Oh and by the way, Kylie's not my girlfriend nononononononono!"
"..." the picture of Kylie said.
"IT TALKS!"
Suddenly, a large cardboard boo pops out of the picture before the string holding the boo rips, causing the boo to fall on the floor. Morton screams his head off as he dashes out of the shack.
"Shoot! I almost wet my shell! We need to find a way to kill that cardboard boo before it kills me!"
As he says that, the shack door bursts open as several cardboard boos attached to strings come floating towards Morton. Another one of the cardboard boos fall flat on the ground when its string broke off.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THEY'RE COMING FOR ME! MOMMY!" Morton screams out loud. All of the sudden, a female Koopa comes running out towards the shack.
"Hey! You! Get off of my property! You disgraceful filth!" the Koopa starts screaming at Morton, "And take that picture of that freak out of my SHACK!"
Morton was dumbstruck, "Wh-what? That wasn't the mansion I won? But but but but who-"
"I don't care! Get off my property now!" the Koopa screamed as she tears down the cardboard boos. He then tosses the picture of Kylie to Morton, who successfully catches it.
"Well... I guess this is the end," Morton concluded as the Koopa grabs a chainsaw, "Oh crap! Gotta go! Morton signing out!"
"I tell ya. Women are trouble!"
"Yeah. You're telling me," Luigi agreed, "They want money and our heads."
"Well, there's the occasional nice lady out there," Mario stated, "But good luck finding them."
"Daisy's so nice. So dreamy. SO sexy-"
"Okay okay bro. None of your fantasies belong on national television now!"
"Gee, sorry!"
"Next!" Mario went on, "Is a show dedicated to finding dirty secrets! Let's see!"
Emperor of Eavesdropping with Larry Koopa
"Hey! Larry Koopa here! Sorry I couldn't do the show live because my spying victims - I mean subjects - are also part of this show! But anyway off that note, I will be spying on Bowser!"
"Sir?" the cameraman asked, "Shouldn't you call him King Dad?"
"King Dad? Pfft, this isn't the Mario cartoons anymore! Anyway, let's spy on him!"
Larry sneaks over to Bowser's room in Kastle Koopa and stands outside of the doorway. The cameraman, which happens to be a boo, turns himself and the camera invisible so they won't be noticed.
In Bowser's room, the King of Koopa is punching a punching bag with Mario's face taped to it.
"Take this! *POW* That's what you get for stealing Peach! *POW* This is what you get for beating me and my kids up! *POW* BULLY!"
Bowser then starts crying, then hugs the punching bag. Bowser's tears are coating the Mario picture, causing red ink to drip all over.
"It's true! Bowser secretly loves Mario!" Larry whispered in a shocked voice, "I would've never thought!"
"Oh Mario," Bowser cried, "Are you okay? I just want the princess so Junior can have a real mother! Clawdia doesn't fit! She's too nice! Oh wait Peach is nice too..."
"This is so weird..." Larry mentioned as Bowser continues to hug the punching bag.
"FORGIVE ME! PLEASE!" Bowser cried out.
"... I think we have enough info. To conclude: Bowser secretly likes Mario, but will always deny that. He also wants Peach to be Junior's mother. This is Larry Koopa, signing out!"
"Bowser! That's so not like him!" Mario shouted.
"Yeah! Usually he acts all macho and kidnaps your girl," Luigi pointed out. Mario nods in agreement.
"Yep. Well he did use a punching bag. Punching bags are the only things that he can beat up!"
"And his kids."
"Exactly. Like when Ludwig and Larry got beaten up by Bowser after the end of that cartoon episode when Peach won the election," Mario remembered.
"Yeah. Well I guess the Loser gene runs in that family," Luigi nodded, "Anyway, the next show!"
Cooking for Gluten-free Minds with Princesses Peach and Daisy
"Hello! I'm one of your hosts, Peach!"
"And I am the other host Daisy!" the two princesses greeted as Daisy continues, "The name of this show is a nice way of saying 'Cooking for Dummies'! Aren't we so nice?!"
"I think we are! Anyway, we're gonna show you how to bake a cake!" Peach exclaimed.
After Peach and Daisy finish their announcement, they assemble out some ingredients.
"First! Put in some flour! Make sure to put the right amount in! If you have too little, your cake won't rise properly. If you have too much, then your cake will taste floury! Good luck on finding that amount, teehee. This is a secret family recipe!" Peach giggled as she measures out a certain amount of flour.
"Now! Add some sugar! We can disclose the amount this time: THE WHOLE BAG!"
"What size of bag? Teehee, you'll never know!" Peach once again giggled as Daisy pours a boatload of sugar into the flour.
"Now, get a dozen eggs, and put them in the food processor!" Daisy instructed, "Turn the food processor on high speed, so the egg shells get dissolved!"
"Then pour the egg mixture into the bowl! Mix up the eggs, flour and sugar good!" Peach instructed as Daisy pulls out a hand mixer.
"Zippidy doo dah zippidy ay," Daisy sang to herself.
Peach smiles at their current progress, "Now! Vanilla extract! Pour in a whole bottle of it in! Again I can't say how much!" Peach instructed as she pours a bottle of vanilla into the mixture as Daisy mixes, "Last, throw in the whole city of Hershey, Pennsylvania and the countries of Belgium and Switzerland into the batch. It needs to be extra chocolatey!"
Daisy then grows extra strong, shoots over to Earth, and returns with three different pieces of land. She then tosses it into the mixture.
"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" some Americans, Belgians and Swiss scream as the two girls carefully plucked out the American, Belgian and Swiss citizens then threw them into the trash.
"If you want blood, then just mix. But we don't want blood, so we're taking them out," Peach instructed as Daisy pours the batch into a giant cake tin.
"Now throw it in the oven and bake it at 72849114238723 degrees for 8760 hours! You'll get a yummy cake!"
A premade cake poofs up; several pieces of eggshell, burnt trees, limbs, and even some insect remains are found on the top. Peach and Daisy dish up a piece and pretend to enjoy it.
"This is Daisy."
"And I am Peach! We're signing out!"
"Mmmmm! I want some of that cake!" Mario craved. Luigi, however, shook his head.
"That cake is gross! Only a person with a 'Gluten-free' mind will even attempt to make that!"
"Gluten-free pasta's gross!" Mario randomly stated.
"Dumbed down flour if you ask me," Luigi nodded, "Last but not least, our last show of the night!"
Stupid Hypnotic Crazes with Nastasia
"I'm Nastasia, and I hypnotize people! But some celebrities also have the power to hypnotize people into liking them! I will go over those people, K?"
Nastasia walks around on a stage for a bit before she speaks up again.
"The current craze affects mainly teenagers. An all-boy band called Five Defecations, made up of a goomba, koopa, magikoopa, paratroopa and a toad. Five Defecations are found everywhere on tween girls' folders, with each of them holding up signs saying 'Terific' (sic) and 'Wonderful'!"
Nastasia continues to walk around, trying hard not to giggle, although her expression seems to remain rock hard.
"They attempt to recreate famous pictures, like them crossing a street, the same street that The Buzzies crossed on their most famous album. Also, them taking a picture of a giant cliff that Wink-281 took their picture at years ago. Overall, tween girls like Five Defecations for a strange reason, even though they are filthy little scene-stealers with a disgusting name! This is Nastasia, signing out!"
"... Okay, Nastasia is cool," Luigi recognized.
"She's awesome. She thinks the same way we do!" Mario agreed.
"Yep. Well... We must conclude this first episode of The Mario & Koopas show. I hope you enjoyed this episode!"
"Some shows from this episode will appear next time, along with appearances from Bowser, Mr. L, Kamek and possibly Goombella. For now, we want to announce the biggest part of the show."
"We want to host... INTERVIEWS! That's right, interviews!" Luigi announced, "Mario and Peach will both be interviewed next episode!"
"Yeah! So, until next time! Goodbye!"
Both Mario and Luigi wave as the camera ends the transmission.
A/N: There you go, some shows for you! These shows will not be appearing EVERY chapter, but they're common to see. The only two I plan on doing every week are Ludwig's and Roy's, due to the style of it, as well as the interviews (you'll see how they go next chapter).
I have the traditional beta readers of my other stories ask questions and participate for Chapter 2, but readers can participate now! If you want to participate, send me a PM! Unfortunately, I cannot allow guests to contribute on the FanFiction version, again due to FanFiction rules, but nothing's stopping you from contributing on the AO3 version.
In your PM include the following info:
Who do you want to win in Ludwig's next show: 1. Toad, 2. Bowser or 3. Rawk Hawk
Who do you want to win in Roy's Ring of Fire? 1. Starlow, or 2. Waluigi
Questions for Mario/Peach:
This story's also on Archive of our Own, so feedback from there will also be included.
Thank you for reading!