Maybe Just a Little…

By PitViper. 

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5-5-2002

Looking in my archives, I found this.   I finally have Office XP installed on my Game PC. (I never installed it there because I use this machine only for playing games…) This is some background in the same vein as "Tears".   While not very long, it is about Asuka – I hope I hit the characterization right.   Hopefully this will tide you over until I get Conversations and Observations moving again.      

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Author Rant:

Ok.  I've been tossing Asuka around in my head for the past couple of days – I've been quite unfair to her in Conversations and Observations.   I don't intend to be.  This fic is just a part of the notes I have on Asuka, creating a bit of background to help me write her better.  So please, tell me what you think.   This story is a part of what I am using to make Asuka – so any suggestions will be appreciated. 

Again, thanks for all the support – and remember to review!!! It's the only way I know if anyone out there wants me to post or not! 

The setting for this fic is a random sync test in the Eva sometime after the 12th angel, but before Conversation and Observations.  :)

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Title:                       Maybe Just a Little…

Author:                  PitViper

Universe:               Neon Genesis Evangelion

Type:                      Short Story/General

Rating:                   PG

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"Concentrate, Asuka." Doctor Akagi Ritsuko's uninterested voice came over Evangelion Unit 02's communication line.   Her voice was at once irritating and condescending to the young female pilot.

Without even bothering to open her eyes to see the small communication window suspended in her Eva's cockpit, Asuka muttered: "Ja, Ja.   Of course.  Baka Shinji will just beat me again." 

"Asuka…" Another voice interrupted.  This one was full of concern – a tone that was absolutely repulsive to the headstrong Asuka Langley Sohryu.     

"Stuff it, Misato." Asuka growled.  'You don't care, Misato.  All you want me around for is so that you can steal Kaji-san away.'

The major didn't reply.  She just stared at the Second Child with compassionate eyes before finally closing the communication window.  

'I don't know why she pretends to care.' Asuka thought to herself.    'Who would care for someone as worthless as me?' 

Suddenly an image of Shinji shot into the German redhead's mind.  

Asuka blinked once, then shook her head back and forth trying to dispel the demon image that haunted her since Shinji had freed himself from the Twelfth Angel's grasp.   'Baka… couldn't even let me rescue him.   I could have done it; I know I could have… I owe him.'  She thought.   She didn't want to face the other possibility.   

Somewhere, deep inside the solid steel-like shell that encompassed Asuka's heart, the small boy had found a place in those soft, warm contours of red flesh.   She felt her pulse quicken and her heartbeat feel stronger whenever she thought about him.  

'And that image!'  She couldn't release it from her mind.    No matter how hard she tried to push it away… She knew that her sync-ratio was dropping.  She was focusing all her energies on causing that image of a pathetic little wimpy boy to vanish.  Perhaps he was not so pathetic or wimpy - considering the way his Evangelion tore apart that last angel.  But he was still a little boy, nothing to be compared to her Kaji…

Suddenly a sharp pain shot through Asuka's mind.   The searing blast of anguish lasted only a second, but left her with a dull throbbing headache.    "Mein Gott…" She gasped.    'What was that?  Was it my Eva?'

Suddenly a window popped open with Ritsuko's face – a surprisingly concerned face – glowering at her.  "I told you to concentrate…  Your synchronization rate just dropped ten points.    Shinji's a full eight ahead of you now.  Much more of this, you'll be below Rei by the end of the week." 

Asuka's eyes widened at the prospect.   Just as she was about to lash out at the overbearing doctor, she heard a voice off to her side.   "Misato-san?"

The soft, plaintive voice echoed in her ears.  'What was that Baka asking her for?' 

A few moments later, she watched as Misato whispered something into the Doctor's ear.   Ritsuko's face went ghost white, and her eyes widened.  "You wouldn't" The doctor said loudly enough to be heard over the speaker.  

"Try Me." Misato said back, looking at the images on her screen.  

Asuka could tell that whatever it was that Shinji had asked for, it had to do with getting the doctor off her proverbial back.   'First he defeats angels.   Then he rescues me.  Then he rips himself free from an angel – before I get a chance to think of a way to rescue him.'  Asuka's brain grappled with these thoughts, not letting it enter into her mind that she had never once really been thinking of a plan to rescue him, nor would she have been able to – not with 999 N2 mines about to be dropped into the eternal void that was the Twelfth's shadow.   'Now he fights my battles for me?  With just a word to Misato?' 

This brought up Asuka's infamous ire.   She was ready to reach through the Evangelion cockpit and rip his face off.   "Baka… You little perverted idiot!  What the hell is the bright idea of getting…" She was suddenly cut off by another extremely sharp pain.  

-

Misato watched as Asuka went unconscious in her plug.   Ritsuko's eyes went even wider as alarms began to go off.  

Maya was the first to report, "I've got… The pulses are flowing backward!" 

Shigreu began frantically typing away on his board, "Trying to cut off synchronization… No good, the unit's rejecting the signals.

"Jettison the power…" Ritsuko commanded, but watched as the unit took matters into its own hands and jettisoned the power coupling itself.  

"Unit is on internal power… Reading… Oh my god… its reading 999 minutes!"   Maya said.  "Magi confirm… Unit 02 is on full internal power…" 

'So, is this how it ends?  A berserker Unit 02?'  Ritsuko watched as the red leviathan stood stock still in its holding cage.   It made no motion, but that could change any second.  

Ritsuko looked over to Misato, who was still staring at the brightly glowing eyes of unit 02.    "Misato… we have to…"  

Misato shook her head, and glared at the doctor: "I'm not giving up on her.  Not yet."

"Misato?" An unusually calm voice asked.   "I've lost Asuka's feed, what is going on?" 

Of course, Shinji couldn't see or hear the chaos in the control center as they struggled to get control of Unit 02 back.  However, Misato knew that she had to calm the boy's fears.   He has just lost communications with a fellow pilot – he would be very concerned.   Just because it is who he is.   

"Everyone!  Calm down!" Misato commanded.   The room became quiet in a matter of seconds.   Just as she was about to open the communications link to Unit 01, another voice interceded.   

"Pilot Ikari.   Unit 02 is experiencing minor technical difficulties."  Rei informed her fellow pilot calmly.   "Control is working on the problem, and should have the solution soon.   It appears everything is under control." 

Misato watched Shinji's face as he absorbed this information.  "But… Ayanami…"

"The unit is not out of control, or we would have already been ordered to subdue it.  Communicating with Command will only delay their ability to solve the problem."  Rei said, her voice showing a slight irritation.  "We must trust that the Commander knows what he is doing." 

"My father isn't here!" Shinji said.  

"Be that as it may, Pilot Ikari.  The people he has chosen to lead in his place are.  Disturbing them will only delay matters… or worse."

Misato blinked as she realized what the Blue haired pilot was trying to do.  She opened the channel.  "Shinji, please remain calm.  We're working on the problem.  We'll have it solved in plenty of time for dinner.  Remember it's your turn to cook!"

The blue haired pilot blinked.  "Major.  Perhaps the restraints on Units 00 and 01 should be released.  In case…"

"I don't think that it will be necessary…" Misato said, eyeing the red unit 02 warily.

"As you wish, Major." The blue haired pilot calmly shut down the link to the command center.

-

"So tell me little one…" A voice said from the void surrounding Asuka Langley Sohryu.  "Why are you here?"

"I am an Eva pilot." The girl stated proudly, as she stared at the void.   Suddenly the void was gone – in its place a glade in Germany.   Trees surrounded her, as the sun filtered through green leaves and struck an equally green ground.    A small park bench invited the young pilot to sit – so she did just that.  

As Asuka looked at her surroundings, the voice came again, this time right next to her.   

"A beautiful place, yes?" The woman asked.   Asuka looked at the young woman sitting next to her, taking in her striking appearance and reddish-brown hair.   She was wearing a white lab coat and glasses.   "I met my husband in this very spot, believe it or not." 

"What do I care about that?" Asuka pouted, not recognizing the woman.   "I'm having a hallucination in my Eva, that's the only thing I know."  

At this the woman chuckled softly, "Be that as it may.  Of all the things you could be hallucinating about, at least it's this."

"No argument from my end." Asuka muttered, knowing full well that the dream could be far, far worse. 

"Oh, you poor, poor child – why did this have to happen to you?" The woman asked herself more than the girl next to her.  "Why did they let that happen?"

"Let what happen?" Asuka asked, genuinely curious.   

The woman's face turned fully towards Asuka, "You saw your mother die, little one.  That is what happened." 

"Mama was crazy." The girl said freely, knowing the image to be only an illusion. 

This caused that kind face to scowl.   "I was many things; I suppose that crazy must have been one of them.  After all, I ended up in here."

"Well, my mother hanged herself in front of me.  It's why I agree that this hallucination could be worse." 

At this the woman gasped, "No… It could not be?  Could… I have… no.  It must not have happened."

"I saw her.  She had asked her doll – the doll she used to represent me – to die with her on many occasions.  On the day I was chosen as pilot… I found her… and the doll."

The woman brought a hand up to touch the young woman's face.  "Oh, you poor dear…" She let the hand drop back down before beginning the caress.   "I see now." 

"Humph." The girl snorted, her face turned away from the woman.  "Even my hallucinations think I'm worthless."

"Not worthless.  You will never be worthless, especially to me." The woman said.  

"Here I am, talking to an image of my mother, while my body sits unconscious in an Eva plug." Asuka said out loud.  "I don't even know why I'm here."

"You're here, little one, because you have a problem.  You're in love with this… Shinji." 

"Am not!" Asuka screamed out.  

This brought a small smile to the woman's face, "Are too." She reaffirmed softly.  

"I AM NOT!" She reiterated.  

Yet again, Kokyo Zepplin Sohryu said with equal softness: "Are too."

-

"Signal Rejected." Aoba confirmed.   "Again."

"But it's not rampaging out of control; not even twitching – and it's generating all that power…" Maya said, awed at the sight of Unit 02's motionless form with its four white, glowing eyes.  "Why?"

Ritsuko, after having spent the last thirty minutes trying to send signals to the wayward Evangelion, muttered under her breath, "It has what it wants… for now." 

-

"Face it, Little One, you love him." Kokyo once again said.   They had spent several minutes in the dreamscape simply battling back and forth, accusing and denying the obvious care that the young girl felt for the equally young boy.    

"You're just a hallucination.   I don't have to take anything you say seriously." Asuka crossed her arms on the bench.  

"Then you'll never wake up.  The reason you are here is because you can't handle being there.   So face your problems and live your life.   That is what I would have told you to do had I still been alive to tell it.  I didn't raise you to drown yourself in apathy – nor did I raise you to try to wrap yourself up in a blanket of false glory.   Your quest to be the best serves only one purpose – to alienate you from the rest of the world."

"So it is.   It's how I keep from hurting others." Asuka said softly. "And how I keep others from hurting me."    

"Don't you see, by doing this, you hurt both others and yourself.  Asuka, you're brighter than this."

"Maybe," Asuka agreed.   "But…"

"No buts.  Admit how you feel, and you'll be let out of here." Kokyo said, looking into her daughter's eyes.  

"I guess… I… care for him.  Maybe just a little." Asuka admitted.   

Kokyo smiled softly, "First steps are the hardest, darling of my heart.  Be proud that you could take it…"

Asuka watched as the environment vanished around her.   Soon she was plunged into the black of the void which greeted her upon entrance into this state.   As she felt the blackness become lighter, she knew that she would be awake soon…

-

Asuka awoke to an unfamiliar ceiling.   She blinked her eyes several times at it, before sighing in relief.  "Back to the real world." She said, allowing her eyes to fall closed.  

"Welcome back, Asuka." A soft voice said from nearby.

Asuka cracked an eye open and stared at the pathetic, wimpy little boy sitting in the chair before her. 

"Ritsuko said that it will be a week before we do another In-Eva synchronization test.   We have to do double the simulations now.   But that's ok; I'll sit through triple tests if it means you'll be alright."  Shinji said, looking at the redhead.

"So, what happened?" Asuka quietly asked.  

"It seems that…the Commander," Shinji spat the word 'Commander' as though it were some disgusting, plague ridden word that encompassed the meaning of all evil, "Ordered that the situation was to be forgotten.   It never happened."  

"Oh." Asuka said, not thinking about it further.  "And just what have you been doing in here, you perverted Baka?"

"Just waiting for you to wake up.  I'll be leaving now.  Misato will want dinner soon." Shinji said, gathering up his things.    "They should be letting you out soon, so I'll save some food for you."

"Wunderbar…" Asuka said sarcastically, "Of course, your cooking is slightly more tolerable than the hospitals."

"I guess that's an encouraging sign, you actually giving me a compliment – of sorts." Shinji said quietly, and then allowed a soft smile, "I'm glad you're alright, Asuka.   If something had happened…."

Asuka burst out, "I'm the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu!  Nothing will ever happen to me unless I allow it." 

After hearing this, Shinji decided that the best course of action would be a strategic withdrawal.  He quickly got up and went to the door, "Of course, Asuka.  Of course." Shinji said, quietly opening the door.  As he walked out he looked at the stubborn redhead's face for a moment, then turned away.     "You know, there at the end, your synchronization ratio hit 89.9%.   You're number one again."

"Baka…" Asuka said softly, "I've always been number one."

Shinji nodded nervously to himself, his head not turning towards the German, but his motion plainly obvious.  "Uh… I'll tell the nurse you're awake." Shinji left quietly, shutting the door softly behind him. 

As soon as he was gone, Asuka let her façade fall away.  "I can't believe this," Asuka muttered to herself.  "That baka really cares for me…  Well…" Asuka hesitated, as if trying the words out on her tongue, "Well, maybe I do too… Just a little."  She smiled as the image of the boy popped back into her mind – an image that was not so weak, or wimpy, or even all that little.   'One day, he might even give Kaji a run for his money.  Maybe…' 

Had anyone been watching Unit 02 the moment that the image of Shinji popped into the fiery German's mind, they would have noticed a soft red glow illuminating the eyes of the red Eva - A glow that appeared for the briefest of moments then receded into the darkness from where it came.      

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Author's Notes:

Eh.  I hope you enjoyed it.   This was just something quick I whipped up in lieu of my next chapter, which should be out by next Monday – I hope.   I just have to find the time to work on it.   Not easy with work.   But, hey, its life.

As for Asuka's characterization, I'm still working on it.   This was just a rough shot of how I am imagining her character.     Hopefully she's not too out of character.   

Thanks, and I hope that this small story meets with approval.   Please remember to review.  

Thanks,

PitViper.