I am sad. When I am sad, I write sad things.

Summary: She's left so many things unsaid, and there isn't time now. All she can do is stay and hope he already knows what she'll never be able to spit out. XingkexRakshata one-shot.

Disclaimer: Wilder still doesn't own Code Geass.

Unspoken

Rakshata had known that Xingke was dying since the day they'd officially met. It was why she'd sworn not to get attached to him, sworn never to love him. But this was too sudden, too wrong.

It had been years since Lelouch's death and the restoration of peace. The Shen Hu and its pilot had barely seen combat since, only patrols and the occasional training to keep him sharp.

So no one expected it when the Shen Hu crash-landed in front of its hangar, float system damaged and cockpit punctured and crushed inward. Whoever had done this had not intended to destroy the Knightmare itself.

Rakshata had been checking over the reconstructed Guren when it happened. She'd stalked outside, intending to give Tamaki a piece of her mind for wrecking another Knightmare, and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight that awaited her.

She enlisted Chiba to force open the Shen Hu's hatch, and Rakshata pulled Xingke out of the crumpled mass of metal. She wondered if blood had always smelled this sharp.

She saw his left leg, broken in at least three places and bleeding where the sharp edges of the torn steel had cut into him. She saw the blood at his mouth, more than she'd ever witnessed. His eyes were barely open, his breathing rough and ragged. Rakshata squeezed his hand and received only a weak twitch of his fingers in response.

Chiba understood. She understood loving a soldier who refused to protect his own life above those of others, despite Rakshata's refusal to admit her own feelings. She lifted both of them in her Knightmare's hands and moved as fast as she dared to the building that served as a hospital.

They did what they could.

It wasn't enough.

Tianzi was hundreds of miles away with Kaguya. She wouldn't make it in time. She cried on the phone, sounding for the first time in years like the child she still was at seventeen.

So Rakshata was the only one here who really knew him.

She wouldn't cry. He didn't want that, and she knew it well.

He'd regained consciousness, but he knew. He knew better than she did.

"I'm not making it out of this one," he rasped.

Rakshata wouldn't lie to him. She never had. But she took his hand in both of hers and held on tight. She wondered if he was scared. He'd had years to prepare for his death, so maybe he wasn't. But there was something in his eyes that told her not to let go.

His breathing hitched, and he coughed again. There was blood on his teeth and lips. He closed his eyes for a full minute to compose himself. When he looked at her again, she knew he was fading fast.

Tears pricked her eyes, but she refused to let them spill.

Rakshata had seen so much death in the war, but somehow she'd managed to put aside the fact that Xingke was dying, a little more every day. It had always haunted the back of her mind when they were together, but she'd assumed that he had longer than this.

"Don't… leave," he said, almost too quiet to hear.

"I'm supposed to be telling you that." Rakshata's voice shook.

Something that resembled a laugh escaped Xingke, and he shook his head.

"I thought you were tougher than this," he whispered, and he tightened his hand around hers.

"I'm not," she said, and she failed to suppress the first of the tears. "Xingke, I told you… I told you to come back."

"You told me to bring the Shen Hu back. I managed that, at least."

His eyes started to drift shut, and Rakshata could feel the pulse in his wrist fluttering, weakening.

"No, you can't… you can't!" Desperation seeped into her voice – perhaps the first time it ever had for a person. This was all wrong, this wasn't how he was supposed to go, they were supposed to have more time than this. She clutched his hand with all of her strength, in a feeble attempt to hold him, to keep him with her. "Stay with me… I…."

But she couldn't work miracles, and he was gone.

I love you.

End

I am so sorry. I literally cried writing this, if it makes you feel any better.