To be Brief...
By Freya the Snake Slayer
This story is brief by name and brief by nature! It's my first attempt at fan fiction (hopefully the first of many), so all constructive feedback is welcome. It switches between first and third person narratives, so hopefully it's not too confusing.
Just to paint the picture - this story occurs sometime between sessions 4 and 7, after Jack and Sam have admitted their feelings for one another, but before Sam was promoted to Colonel. It's essentially the musings of Jack during a mission debriefing conducted by Sam. Let's just say, he finds it very hard to concentrate!
I've rated it T for minor course language and sexual themes, but it relatively tame.
Enjoy…
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, but I promise to put them back where I found them. All rights belong to the owners. I've edited my own work, so all mistakes are mine.
Ah 'debrief' – my favourite verb. God I love action words!
Debrief – "to question formally and systemically."
I can just imagine Daniel following that up with some useless fact. He'd blink, reposition his glasses and say "well Jack, the word 'debrief' actually comes from the Latin word 'brevis' meaning small, short and brief."
Blah, blah, blah! What a colossal pain in my arse.
That said, 'small, short and brief' –...I bet Carter's panties are small, short and brief.
Hmmm...I'd like to formally and systematically debrief Carteeeee...stop it, O'Neill! You're a goddamn professional!
I wonder if you can see them from here? If I just sit up straight enough and squint reeeeallllyyy hard I might be able to catch a glimpse of –
*SQUEAK!*
Did the chair just squeak?! Oh god. She's looking over. Quickly – recover, recover!
Jack audibly cleared his throat. Using his left hand for leverage, he pushed himself back into his leather conference chair. He slowly lowered his head onto his open palm and casually waved his opposite hand.
"Please Carter...continue."
She pursed her lips together in an attempt to suppress a giggle and simultaneously raised her eyebrows.
"Anyway…" she said, "as I was saying…"
You'd need x-ray vision for that anyway, O'Neill. Although, why can't the Asgard invent something useful for a change – like x-ray glasses?! I must ask my buddy Thor next time he's in town. That would be sweeeet! Doesn't he owe us 'one' for saving his skinny grey butt more than once? I'm sure x-ray glasses would settle the score.
Now focus, O'Neill! What's she saying? Reeeeaaaally concentrate...no, O'Neill! Her eyes aren't there! Okay, look like you're listening. That can't be hard?! What did your old high school science teacher say when she caught you goofing-off in class? -
"At least pretend you're making notes!"
Notes! Right! Put pen to paper!
Keeping an eye keenly on Carter, Jack scratched down a few words.
This is better. Writing and giving eye contact. I better make sure I'm writing something intelligent –
He glanced down at his notepad.
What is this?! A love heart?! For crying out loud, O'Neill! You're a middle-aged man and a hardened soldier – not some doughy-eyed teenager! I'd expect this from Cassie.
He flashed his eyes around the room, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
Did anyone see? Turn it into something more manly looking.
Okay, a circle here – a few strokes there. Ah ha! The perfect portrait of Mr Homer J. Simpson. All those hours of practice by the glow of an off-world campfire have really paid off! O'Neill, you've missed your calling as a cartoonist!
Jack smirked to himself. From across the conference table, Teal'c raised a thin eyebrow inquisitively.
Closing his eyes, Jack shook his head.
Now you better ask a question – something that won't sound stupid or give away the fact you haven't been listening.
Jack straightened in his chair and furrowed his brow in mock confusion.
"So Carter, what you're actually saying is..?!"
That should keep her going for a while.
"Well, Sir…" She held his gaze suspiciously for a few moments before turning back to her presentation.
THAT was a close call, O'Neill - way too close.
"Thank you, Major." The General piped in. "Any further questions – Colonel?"
Everybody turned to face Jack. He felt his cheeks heat up.
"You had everything covered, Carter."
Did that sound like an underwear reference?!
Jack quickly glanced around the room. Daniel caught his guilty expression and mimed a 'what?' Jack returned an absentminded shrug.
I don't think anybody noticed.
"Okay, SG1 - you're dismissed," concluded General Hammond.
Jack tugged at the collar of his BDUs and slowly shuffled towards the door.
Okay, O'Neill. One last comment before you leave – just to make sure it sounded like you were listening.
He spun on his heels to face Carter.
"Nice briefs today, Carter."
Oh shit.
Carter's blue eyes opened widely.
Give her eye contact and force a smile...
Jack puffed out his cheeks and slowly exhaled. Placing a hand in his pocket, he rose up on his toes and made a vague gesture towards the exit with his other hand.
O'Neill out. O'Neill is definitely out!
- FIN -