This was a quick write, I had to get it out my head, I'm sorry if it's not very polished. Merle was one of those characters I couldn't love because of all those terrible things he did, and yet the glimpses we got at his vulnerable side just broke my heart. Hopes this gets to you like it got to me. Reviews keep me writing, so don't be shy. :)
Sixteen men, drowned, burrowed deep in the depths of his chest, he's squashed them tight, he doesn't care. He's the one who gets the job done.
He's not soft, like Officer Friendly.
They may look at him like he's a demon from hell, but he doesn't falter when the hard calls come a-knocking.
But oh those sixteen men, they haven't shut up, they all crowd on him, like the herd of zombies clamouring outside the car. He keeps them quiet most of the time, but once in a while, a stray thought, a wrong turn and the clamour lifts up again, until he shuts the lid back on.
He's not soft.
Not like his baby brother.
Fuck.
He wants the two of them together again, Daryl following him around, the two of them against the world and fuck what everyone else says.
But Daryl won't follow him around anymore, he shadows Officer Friendly instead now. It's just Merle against the world now. Just Merle against his brother.
Fuck.
He told Daryl he couldn't go back, but his brother wouldn't hear. He knew then, as he followed his brother's pack through the forest, the vision of what was under there burnt in his brain, he knew where it would end. He could yell all he wanted that no one cared for Daryl except for Merle, that his little brother needed him, but here it was, etched for eternity on his brother's skin, what a piss poor big brother he'd been. There was no erasing that. Oh yeah, he knew right then there was no going back. He was just delaying. Being soft. Claiming pieces of his bro before he died.
He'd always known that when the end came he'd be pissed, swiping at the world, fighting till the last of it.
He's not worth anything, not like his little brother. No redemption for him, no siree. Never was a chance of it, never will be. Always been Merle against the world, always will be.
He takes a last swig of the bottle, starts the car, and starts driving. The sixteen men are clamouring again, but he doesn't tell them to shut up this time, just tells them he's coming.
He's leaving his brother, again.
He hopes Daryl won't find him, when this is done.