One shot fanfic! Wait, one shot fanfics mean you don't edit anything except for misspelled words or autocorrected words, right?
Anyway, the story is pretty much one of those What If? stories based off the movie Thor. Or rather, it's a detailed version of the consequences when Thor eats everything and Jane has to go shopping. Okay, now I just made it sound boring...
So tell me what you think and all and the usual stuff and blab. And I'll stop typing this short speech.
New Blab: Hey Y'all! Had so much fun writing the first chapter I decided to go for another round! So this won't be a one shot (or whatever) anymore but rather a little book full of Thor shorts!
Also, the title's changed from Thor and the Supermarket Trip to Thor and the Midgard Objects. I know, not big difference but the other one didn't fit with the second chapter. So yeah, I'll shut up again and all.
Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, the pic for the cover for this story or the word Superhero.
Jane Foster opened the fridge and rummaged through it before slamming the door shut. "Darcy! Where is all the toast jelly?!"
"It's not my fault!" Cried Darcy Lewis. "Blame Erik!"
Their friend, Erik Selvig, lazily peered over his newspaper. "Jane, the fridge has been raided. Not only is the jelly gone but so is all the lunch meat and the chicken and the cobbler you made and the fruit. Not to mention Darcy's pop tarts."
"What?!" Wailed Darcy. "I spent five dollars on that jumbo box! And it was on sale!"
Suddenly the team heard loud thumping. They turned their attention to the tall blonde haired man trotting down the stairs. In one hand was a half-empty jar of jelly; in the other, the dish Jane had used to bake her cobbler in. "Did someone mention pop tarts?"
"Thor! It was you who ate all the food!" Darcy shouted, leaping to her feet and pointing an accusing finger at him.
The God of Thunder placed the dish on the table before sticking his finger into the jelly jar. "I mean no disrespect," he said calmly popping his jellied finger into his mouth.
Jane groaned. "Well I'll just have to go shopping again." She sat down to eat her toast. "Since there's no butter either," she added.
"The yellow stick was very greasy yet addicting," Thor said as he made a popping sound with his finger.
"Can I come?" Asked Darcy. "I'll buy my own foods."
"Yes you can come except I'll pay for the food. Erik, can you stay here with Thor?"
"Sorry," said the scientist. "I have a meeting this morning. I'm sure Thor could use a little 'marketing lesson'." At the mention of his name, Thor's grin widened. He licked the jelly off his finger. Then he wriggled two fingers into the jar.
Jane's eyes widened at the sight of this. "What are you doing? You won't be able to get them out!"
"I want more." Thor suddenly realized he couldn't pull them out. Jane shot Darcy the he-should-have-listened look before making a motion to help Thor. "I can do it!" He snapped. "It's a minor flaw. Just need to pull…harder…" As if on cue, the jar smashed in his hand and jelly oozed everywhere. Happily, Thor licked all the jelly off his hands before bending down and wiping more off the ground. Which he lapped off his fingers as well. Erik sighed and left. Darcy made a puking sound.
"Thor, we'll get more jelly. Come with us to the supermarket. And just do as I say." Said Jane.
Thor bowed his head. "You have my word." He continued to clean his hands with his tongue as the trio piled into Jane's car. Just prior to taking off, Jane made sure no one would randomly walk behind the van.
Twenty-seven miles later, Jane, Darcy and Thor clambered out of the car and into the Super Target. Jane grabbed a cart from the rack only to see Darcy gawking at Thor. The thunderer was fascinated by the sliding doors and was walking through them, a huge smile spread on his lips.
"Thor! Come on!" Urged Jane. Reluctantly, Thor gave up his fun with the automatic doors.
Jane almost regretted she didn't have a leash on Thor. In less then a minute he was lost in the store. When the women found him he was pulling canned soups off the shelf and staking them in the middle of the aisle.
"Cuh-reepy!" Hissed Darcy.
With a loud sigh, Jane went to get Thor's attention. "Hey big guy!" He looked up. "Can you put those back?"
"And why should I proceed to do that when I am enthralled to discover these cans stack so easily. They are like the blocks Loki and I played with when we were young."
Darcy howled with laughter. "Why?" Cried Jane. "Because you gave me your word that you would do as I say!" Thor nodded and put the cans back. Then he followed Jane and Darcy.
But being the god he was, he lost focus again and tried to bend a price scanner's light. If she could, Jane would have made smoke come out of her ears. Maybe he needed something to do. "Thor, can you push the cart for me?"
Thor watched as the thing he was pushing filled up with food. So when the women went to collect some fruit he couldn't help but wonder what chocolate pretzels were.
Darcy was the first one back to the cart. She turned the corner to the aisle and screamed. "Thor! No! Bad dog-I mean, don't do that!" Thor swallowed the pretzel and stared at Darcy.
"Forgive me," he said sheepishly. "I did not know it would upset you."
"We need to pay for this before you can eat it! And you could have opened the bag from the top, not tear open the entire side!"
Thor blinked. He examined the bag before resuming to his eating. "Um hungwy," he announced through a full mouth.
"Well help me clean this mess up before Jane sees it." Darcy scrambled around piling the pretzels scattered in the cart. She soon realized Thor wasn't helping and turned to ask him when she saw her pile was gone.
When Jane came back Thor was smiling and eating chocolate pretzels and Darcy cleaning up the rest of the mess. At this point, Jane would have loved to scream at the top of her lungs at Thor but she resisted the best she could. Instead she took the cart from him.
Every square meter was a disaster. Thor got into anything he could. Jane tried to keep her cool but soon she was gripping the cart handle bar as though she intended to crush it. Darcy was racing after Thor trying to keep things in order. Anything he rearranged she would rearrange back.
Then they passed an aisle with pop tarts. And, of course, it was Thor who first saw them. He skimmed down the aisle and grabbed a box. Then he snatched another.
And another.
And another.
And another.
And another.
"Thor, stop!" Shouted Jane. "Two boxes are good!"
"How do you suppose I keep my stomach at its best?" Thor said, still as happy as he was since he entered Super Target.
"By not puking."
"Darcy!" Snapped Jane. "You aren't making things any better- THOR!" The cart had just been loaded with two of everything on that aisle. Except the six jumbo boxes of pop tarts. Jane balled up her fists. "That's it. We're leaving. But first, you need to put back everything you just put in, Thor. Except the pop tarts."
Thor scooped up the extra food and put it back. Then the trio headed for the checkout. Except they were stopped again by - you get the idea.
"Why are there so many Mjölnirs?" Complained Thor. He stared at the toy hammers lined along the Marvel merchandise row. "And what is this madness?!" He picked up an action figure pack with Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Thor. "Who cloned and shrank me!? I must free me from this terrible prison!" Before he could do anything Darcy dove past him and swiped the box. She put it back on the shelf.
"You. Listen. To. Jane. Or. Else. She. Sends. You. To prison," gasped the girl.
"But-"
"No more buts!"
They made their way to the checkout. Thor actually obeyed on the way even though he couldn't understand why there were so many of the same clothes. Both women snagged one of his arms and dragged him right past it.
"Self checkout or assisted?" Asked Darcy.
"Assisted," Jane replied without thinking. She angled the cart to face the checkout. Thor watched bug-eyed at the rolling carpet on the short table. He gawked at the man in front of them placing food on the carpet, which rode down to a woman who dragged it across a metal plate and placed it in a bag.
That gave Jane and Darcy some time to relax. When it was their turn, Jane asked Thor if he could put the food on the conveyor belt. "A what?"
Darcy answered his question. "Conveyor belt. You know. The moving thing."
"I prefer to call it a moving carpet."
"Whatever. Put the food on the carpet."
The cashier blinked stupidly at the sight of Thor. She turned to Jane and asked "How does he not know how to put food on the conveyor belt?"
"He's a little clueless."
The cashier nodded and began scanning the food. "You have a lot of pop tarts. Having a party?" Jane just nodded. She bagged the food for the cashier and Darcy put it back in the cart. And Thor? He finished placing all the unbagged food on the conveyor belt and started pulling out bagged food and plopping it back on the belt.
"Whoa whoa whoa Thor, no!" Shouted Darcy. "Okay, listen up. Anything in bags doesn't go back on."
"Then there is nothing left."
Darcy looked uselessly at Jane. Her comrade face palmed before calling Thor up the electronic pay pad. She slipped her credit card along the card scanner. Thor became overly excited at the little *click* it made. Jane handed him an attached pen. "Sign your name or any name here," instructed she.
Thor scrawled:
Thor Odinson; God of Thund-
"Why is this thing so small?" Whined Thor.
"That's good!" Jane shouted. She yanked the pen out of his hand and used it to confirm he payment. Then she was handed her receipt, thanked the cashier and ushered Thor and Darcy out of Super Target.
Back at the van, Jane told Thor to put the bags in the car. She supervised him like he was a small child. When he was done Darcy rolled the cart to the cart corral. The two bounded into the van before realizing Thor wasn't in it. "Oh no!" Moaned Jane.
Meanwhile Thor had slipped back into Super Target and was standing at one of the closed checkout counters in front of the electronic pay pad. He had Jane's credit card and was sliding it back and forth along the card scanner. He smiled at the clicking sound it made and continued doing it, unaware of the thousands of eyes focused on him.
His fun ended when Jane dragged him out. "I'll take that." She slid her credit card from his fingers and pulled him to the van. He climbed in and Jane shut the door hard.
Before she took off Jane turned to Darcy. "Darcy. Pull out one of the strawberry jams and give it to our friend." Darcy didn't hesitate.
And so for the next twenty-seven miles, Thor ate the strawberry jam, Jane drove, and Darcy listened to her iPod.
When they got back the rental home, Jane and Darcy began to unpack. But first, Jane handed Thor five pop tart boxes.
"Was there not six?" Thor asked.
"One is for the rest of us," Jane growled stoutly. Thor nodded and headed up the stairs to his room while ripping open a pop tart box and grinning.
Just them Erik walked in. "You guys are back this late? How much time did you spend at the supermarket?" He received hard glares from the other two scientist. "Okay, sorry for even mentioning anything. By the way, when did we start eating Eggos?"
"WHAT?!" Screeched Jane. She scrambled through the bags and noticed there was all kinds of foods she would never buy. Now there was real smoke coming out of her ears.
"THHOOOORRR!"
Just a little random fanfic while I think about longer story. It was midnight when I wrote this and so my joking side wasn't at its best so let me know if I over did it or if it wasn't even funny (which would be sad).