"He does not."
"He does too."
"Does not."
Wayne Rigsby and Kendall Cho watched as Patrick Jane exited the breakroom at CBI Headquarters and strolled over to the brown leather sofa at the back of the room.
"I swear," said Rigsby, "He did it the last time. Watch."
Oblivious to the stares of the younger men, Patrick removed his suit jacket and tossed it on the back of the sofa. He then unbuttoned his vest and sprawled on the couch.
"Yeah?" said Cho, looking skeptically back at Rigsby.
"I've seen him do it. He turns around three times before he lays down," insisted Rigsby. "Van Pelt's seen him do it." Rigsby waved at Grace Van Pelt who was getting ready to leave for the night. "Ssssst. Van Pelt. Come here…" he called in a stage whisper.
"What?" she said, slightly annoyed. Before she could answer, Theresa Lisbon entered the room.
"Got a new one. Sort of." Lisbon was carrying a manila file folder. She leaned on the conference table at the back of the room and opened it. "It hasn't been 48 hours so there's not a lot we can do at this point, but it's a favor for Minelli. His wife's bridge partner's sister and husband are missing."
"Missing?" echoed Van Pelt.
"Minelli plays bridge?" asked Rigsby.
Lisbon ignored him. "Arthur and Marie Anderson. They had their 25th wedding anniversary last night and no one has seen them since."
"Romantic getaway," Cho suggested.
"That's what I think," Lisbon said. "But they didn't mention it to anyone. Here's a photo taken at the party." She held out an 8 x 10 computer printout of a 50ish man and woman smiling in a booth at a Chinese restaurant.
Van Pelt took the picture and asked, "Any kids or pets left behind?"
"No."
Cho and Rigsby walked over to Van Pelt and flanked her, looking t the photo in her hands. "Say anything to people at work?" asked Cho.
"They both took the week off."
"What's the mystery then?" asked Rigsby. "Is their car gone?"
"Car is gone."
A voice rose from the sofa. "What kind of car?"
Lisbon consulted the paperwork. "A 2008 Corvette."
"Oooooh," said the voice from the sofa.
"Oh?" asked Lisbon.
"Only one reason a middle-aged man drives a sports car."
The four agents stared silently at the sofa. They were each well aware that the 42 year old Jane drove a vintage Citroen DS 21.
After an uncomfortable moment Patrick said, "Well, that's the joke isn't it?" Another silent moment ticked by. "I didn't say it was funny…. Or true."
"So," said Rigsby, "Can't two people go away for a few days without a search party being organized?"
"That's what I said," said Lisbon. "But the sister has a feeling,"
A hand rose from the sofa. "Let me see the photo."
Lisbon took the photo back from Van Pelt, stepped over to the sofa and handed it to Jane. He examined it then handed it back. "She's dead," he declared. "He killed her."
Lisbon regarded him skeptically. "Really. From 10 seconds looking at one photo?" The three other agents edged toward her to get another look at the photo.
"He's smarmy," said Patrick.
"Smarmy isn't a crime."
"Look at the fake smile. He's got his arm around her but his hand isn't even on her shoulder. She's leaning into him and he looks like he's trying to get away." The four of them stared at the photo, trying to see what Patrick saw.
Patrick continued his lecture with his eyes closed. "They've been married for 25 years. No kids. He spends all his time at work, she takes flower arranging classes and watches the soaps. She's settled and happy. He's just bought a new 'Vette. Now he's ready to trade her in for a new model. But he's fond of the old girl. Give her a nice send off while celebrating – she falls off a cliff or off a cruise ship or off a balcony during a surprise romantic weekend. How tragic. He waits 6 months for appearance's sake and then he's off to play the widower card. Haven't you people seen this movie before?"
"Or they could be soul mates and have simply slipped away to spend some time together with no chance of being interrupted by friends and family," said Van Pelt.
"Yeah. That could happen too," Patrick said.
Lisbon had had enough. "Anyway. I told Minelli we'd check it out. Marie is a transcriptionist and works from home. She's an active volunteer at the SPCA. Rigsby, check that out tomorrow morning."
"Will do, boss," said Rigsby.
"Arthur Anderson owns Anderson Classic Motors over on 25th street."
"Uh-huh," said the sofa.
"You like cars, Jane. You check that out tomorrow."
"Uh-huh," said the sofa.
"Van Pelt – check airline and cruise line rosters. Make sure the Andersons didn't have any reservations. And Cho, they had their anniversary dinner at the Blue Mimosa. You check that out. See how cozy they really were at the dinner."
"Why do I have to check out the Asian restaurant?" asked Cho.
"I'll go to the Asian restaurant," Rigsby interrupted.
"Fine," said Lisbon, "Rigsby check out the Asian restaurant and Cho – go to the SPCA."
"I didn't say I didn't want to go to the Asian restaurant," said Cho.
Rigsby smiled, grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. "Too late. I get Pad Thai. You get puppies."
"I hate puppies," said Cho. He followed Rigsby with a sullen expression.
None of them had noticed that Patrick had got off the sofa. He spoke just behind Van Pelt's ear and made her jump. "Van Pelt and I will check out the dealership tonight," he said, putting on his jacket.
"We will?" said Grace.
Lisbon looked at her watch. "It's nearly 6:30. They'll be closed."
"Nah, they're open late." Jane grinned. "I drive by there all of the time. Come on," he said to Van Pelt and motioned her toward the door.
"Why do you need me?" she asked.
Jane maintained his signature grin. "For diversion," he said.
"No," said Lisbon. "No diversion. You're just going to talk to people."
"Of course," Jane said, waiting expectantly for Van Pelt.
Van Pelt looked at Lisbon with a slightly pleading expression.
"No snooping," Lisbon told Jane.
"No snooping," he repeated solemnly. He motioned for Van Pelt again.
Van Pelt looked at Jane and then back at Lisbon.
"Go," Lisbon told her.
Van Pelt looked crestfallen, but picked up her purse and joined Jane at the door.
"Don't let him snoop," Lisbon called after her.