I dont own twilight (obviously :))

IMPORTANT NOTE: the vampires in this story arent as they are described in the book(i.e they cry, sleep, blush) and possess human-like qualities. also the mental illness in this story is only a vague 'description' of some of the things that i have experienced and i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. BUT i think it is different for every person, so may not match up with peoples general ideas about the illness. maybe i should have just put 'mental illness' on the summary instead. i dont know, but here we go:

My husband drifted from room to room, looking misplaced, lost. He been doing this a lot for the past couple of months, but in the last few weeks this strange behaviour had intensified. I watched him as he sighed and sat in a chair in the corner of the room, away from everyone else. He lent forward and placed his head in his hands, then became still.
I moved to him. When he finally acknowledged my presence, I sat on his knee and curled my arms around his neck. Although he hugged me back, the action was robot, like it was an automatic response. When he looked at me, his face held no emotion, almost like he didn't recognise me. His eyes were almost black after weeks of refusing to hunt. I kissed him.
"I love you," he whispered. He sounded empty.
"I love you too," I replied smiling. He gave a small smile back, but I could tell it wasn't genuine.
I sat with him for a few more minutes, but every time I tried to sat a conversation or ask him about anything, he would answer quietly with a yes or no and wouldn't say anymore. Eventually I left him. It seemed like he didn't want company anyway. I went and watched TV with the others.

At bedtime, he still hadn't moved.
"Coming to bed Carlisle?" I asked as I went up the stairs. He shook his head. "Goodnight." He didn't reply. It was like living with a ghost.
I lay down next to an empty space as I had done for a while.

I reached out to touch my husband, but my fingers met flat sheets, containing no person. I rolled over to look at the clock. 3 am. Sighing, I got out of bed and made my way downstairs in search of him.
"Carlisle?" I called quietly on discovering he wasn't in the chair. The back door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open. He sat on the edge of the deck with his back to me, studying the ground.
"Carlisle. Go to bed." I scolded, truly mad at him for not behaving like a normal person. He didn't move.
"I need to talk to you about something," he said so quietly I barely heard him.
"Can we do it the morning? Don't you know what time it is?!" He took a deep breath.
"Please Esme?"
"GO TO BED! You have to work in the morning." I growled. Why couldn't he just stop being a child and go to bed.
"Esme, I-"
"Goodnight Carlisle." I walked inside and closed the door behind me. I waited in the kitchen for a few minutes thinking he would probably follow me. When he didn't, I stretched to look out the kitchen window to see if he was still sitting there. I caught a glimpse and him disappearing into the forest. I let out a frustrated hiss.
"Are you okay, Esme?" Rosalie asked behind me. I turned to face her. She looked sleepy.
"Yeah, just mad at him. Go back to bed, it's not your problem," I said running a hand through my hair. "Thanks though."
"You know, you shouldn't be so hard on him, he's having a bit of a rough time," she said quietly.
"Why? Nothing's changed. And if something was bugging him, he would tell me." I snapped, and then felt immediately bad about it. It wasn't her fault.
"Look, I'm just saying he can't help it. Let him do whatever he needs to do to get over it, that's all."
"But what is there to get over!?" I half shouted, even though her tone was even.
"He wouldn't be like this for nothing." She told me flatly before going back to bed. I stood fuming, both at her for supporting his weird behaviour, and him for creating this problem in the first place. When I calmed down enough, I followed her example and returned to my bed. Alone. Again. He was starting to stress me out.

The next morning I awoke and went downstairs only to find that my husband had again gone to work without saying good bye. I think Jasper must have felt the emotions coming off me because he smiled and pulled out a chair for me.
"He didn't even come to bed last night," I grumbled as I sat.
"Don't worry, he didn't say anything to anyone else when he left either," he replied. It comforted me a little to know that I wasn't the only one he was neglecting, as well as annoyed and concerned me. We were going to have a talk when he got home whether he liked it or not. Next to me, Jasper laughed.
"Don't eat him the minute he walks in the door." I felt waves of calm washing over me and squeezed his hand gratefully. When Alice came down stairs and looked disappointed I was in her seat, I moved, causing both jasper and Emmett to laugh. No one wanted to mess with Alice. You would end up covered in pain and glitter, or having your birthday celebrated when you least expected it.

As 7o'clock rolled past, I realised that my husband was late again, and fought to swallow the tears that threatened to spill down my face. Part of me suspected he was cheating on me. Actually, a lot of me did.
When I came out of the kitchen an hour later, I found him reading a book in the chair. Nobody seemed to know he was home. I gritted my teeth as I moved to stand in front of him.
"Carlisle, what's up with you? Can you at least tell us when you're leaving? We were worried." I felt bad for guilt tripping him, but this needed to be effective. He didn't say anything or look up at me. He didn't even acknowledge my existence, or anyone else's for that matter. I looked down and realised that he had that damn mp3 player on. He was obviously not planning on talking to anyone. A mix of emotions bubbled in me.
"CARLISLE CULLEN!" I threw the thing across the room. He jumped and then looked up at me startled. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOUR ALWAYS LATE AND THEN WHEN YOU DO COME HOME YOU DON'T EVEN TALK TO US! WHERE WERE YOU?! YOU DONT THINK ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF YOUR SELF, BASTARD!"
"I-i-I tried to tell you but y-you would l-listen…" he said quietly, stuttering the entire way through the sentence.
"IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!"
"I t-tried, Esme," he whispered.
"YOU DON'T TRY! YOU HAVENT TRIED IN A LONG TIME CARLISLE! I MAY AS WELL NOT EVEN HAVE A HUSBAND ANYMORE! YOU DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME, LET ALONE LOVE ME! WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING AN AFFAIR?!" My voice broke but I refused to cry. As he looked down at his lap I saw a tear run down his cheek. I realised I had never seen him cry before.
"I do love you…"
"Then get rid of her."
"I'm not cheating on you," he mumbled.
"And why would I believe that?!"
"Because we're married…"
"WHY WONT YOU JUST ADMIT IT AND BE DONE WITH IT?!" he got up and pushed past me, picking the stupid music device up from the floor and headed toward the door. "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'm TALKING ABOUT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"
"Away from you." I could hear he was crying in his voice. Evidently, so did the rest of the family who were now looking at me with shocked expressions, except Rosalie, who looked at where he had just gone. Edward came and hugged me.

A few days later we still hadn't spoken. It was childish, I knew, but I was refusing to apologise. Apparently, so was he. I picked up the ringing phone.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, um hi? Is this Esme?"
"Yes."
"Okay, um, my name is Carol, and I'm the receptionist at Forks hospital…"
"Okay…"
"Um… I just wanted to make sure that everything is okay at home?"
"It's fine, why?" Not fine, defiantly not fine.
"I suppose you know this, but because Carlisle quit his job." The world seemed to stand still for a moment. "…Esme? You did know, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course I knew. Yes we're fine. Thank you for asking." I managed to recover from my shock.

As I sat there feeling the hurt and anger that he created, I heard the piano playing softly in the next room. I recognised the song as 'Sometimes I just go for it' by The Used.
"I didn't know Edward liked them," Jasper said quietly. The entire family was listening to the melodic music flowing from the room.
"He doesn't," Edward replied. We all looked at him in shock. He was sitting on the couch next to Bella. The music was still playing and it was completely flawless. At the end of that song, another started. I didn't recognise it at first, but soon Rosalie started singing the words to 'My immortal' quietly. There was only one person not in the room.

Slowly, we made our way to the doorway. I lent on the frame and watched his fingers flit across the keys like he had been playing for years. I had never seen him play before. Edward looked impressed. As the song continued, Rosalie sung a bit louder. The two of them together sounded almost professional. I realised that he couldn't hear us, or even know that we were standing there because he had the mp3 player on again. When the song ended, everyone clapped for the two. Carlisle jumped and spun around, finally noticing we were there. He smiled shyly at us. It was the most alive I had seen him in a long time. He then slipped from the room and disappeared upstairs. I followed.

"Hey," I said, sitting next to him on the bed.
"Hey," he replied. All of a sudden he was back to his weird demeanour.
"You quit your job?" He nodded looking guilty. "Why?"
"I-I couldn't take it anymore," he said quietly, looking away.
"Hunt then."
"T-that's not what I m-mean." I tried to remember when he first started stuttering.
"What do you mean then?" He shrugged.
"I d-don't know…" He sounded distant.
"You must know otherwise you wouldn't have quit," I said sternly.
"I-I just f-feel… d-different."
"You're the doctor, Carlisle, not me." He remained silent. "God, it's like living with a stranger. I don't know you anymore."
"I'm sorry, Esme, I-I just can't make it s-stop," he whispered.
"Make what stop?!"
"P-please don't hate me…"
"WHAT?!"
"I love you…"
"I don't know what's wrong with you, but you better fix it." I spun and walked away before we hurt each other more.