Darkness. It's so dark, I can't see anything. It's dark and empty. There's nobody, there's no single person nearby. It's so dark and… it hurts. The pain is echoing in every cell of my body, making them burn, blaze. I would have thought that I was burst into flame, but it was too dark. It's coming true again, I knew it would be that way. And they didn't believe me. Fools. I always hit the mark. They thought I went off my head, they put me away, they crammed me with pills, they used some strange devices. It was useless, because I always foresaw everything.
They said it was a mental affection, and I said it was a gift. Or a damnation. I'm not completely sure yet. But there's always two sides of the coin. I always foresaw everything.
But I'm in the nuthouse, I'm a madwoman, my family gave up on me, they betrayed me, buried me alive, forgot. But I forgave them, even though they don't believe that I understand everything.
I was screaming, prayed to kill me. I tried to make a whole in the water just to choke the fire, flaring inside of me. I didn't know it wasn't real. Illusion? Premonition… My girt and my damnation.
Cynthia was screaming at me and then she was apologizing for a quite long time trying to comfort me. When the fire disappeared I was scared. She thought I was running off my head. I knew that I would have to bite that bullet. But the pain didn't frighten me, I was afraid of the eyes, that was staring at me from behind my sister's back. The eyes that disappeared when I blinked. The eyes that I will never forget. The eyes that will bring that pain.
They hid me from everyone, they hid me very far. Their friends was coming and feeling for their loss, and I foresaw everything and forgave them before everything happened. I believed they loved me. The only thing I have never known for sure was the truth. Maybe I lying myself. But I liked believing in my lies.
White walls, people in white coats, white pills. I hate white color, that's why darkness was my rescue. I was so scared that I couldn't even think clearly. But anyway I was full of joy, that I pulled through that shining whiteness.
"Calm down, Alice, I'm going to make you happy," somebody whispered close to my ear. I haven't even checked out who that was, it was unnecessary. I knew what would happen. I always foresaw everything.
I will be disoriented. Scared. Thirsty. But there's always two sides of the coin. I will be free. Strong. Beloved.
I'm afraid of the pain, I'm afraid that it will burn me inside so that there will be only the cover, so cold, hard and cruel. I'm scared that I won't deserve his love. The fear makes me weak, helpless, even more helpless than usual. But I know he'll be with me, when everything comes to the end. I know he'll be comforting we just by his presence. I know he'll be my light when it is dark.
We met in the saloon in some Southern state. He came to have a bite and I was just sitting. Thereat he said that we would meet again in that saloon after a while. He was older and more wise than me. He knew where's the truth and where's the lies in this world. He was full of grief and sadness.
I called him 'love'. He smiled sadly, drew a breath through his squeezed teeth and whispered, "But I will make your life a burden, but I will take your warmth away, but I will kill you…" I didn't let him end. It's bullshit, I foresaw that.
When he stared into my eyes I saw everything he was hiding from everybody. I stared into his eyes and so everything he was hiding from himself. "Calm down, love, I will tell you everything later…"
He was so afraid of hurting me. But I knew I would come back to him for happiness. I knew I would bring his happiness with me. I knew he would take my pain away, I knew his love would set me free… He didn't believe in his promise, but I always foresaw everything…
The fire inside went out. The darkness began stepping back. I felt the rage boiling up inside of me. Thirst. Hatred. But there's always two sides of the coin. The misunderstanding and disorientation were hiding behind the aggression. I felt like I overlooked something.
"You must wait until I come," his voice whispered. His voice. Since then I knew who I need to do. He kept his promise.
I've never liked people. I couldn't trust them completely. I've never trusted people with empty eyes. But now… Now I didn't have to trust anyone. Anyone but him. And I was waiting.
There were five of them. They were surprised. They loved us. They let us into their world, into their family. They believed us. They made us happy.
I needed to wait until he comes. They were already expecting us, though they were unsuspicious of us coming. I always foresaw everything. Always. But there's always two sides of the coin. Doubts. What if he changed his mind?
But I've never mistaken.
"You've kept me waiting a long time."
He ducked his head and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am."
I smiled at him, and he took my hand. "I thought you were never going to show up."
For the first time in my life, I felt hope.
Family. Home. Love. He.
A/N:So, what do you, guys, think? I need your reviews! They're making my day. So please!