March

An Engagement Party

This is exactly what she did not need.

I mean it was okay when they were at work, never a dull moment really. They were constantly together if it was research, or even just having lunch. But every night, when they left, they went their separate ways. One back to her simple apartment in near Diagon Alley, the other to her boyfriend and their house in Grimmauld place.

So far it hadn't been a perfect situation, but it had suited them both. When Ginny had gotten engaged, it hadn't much affected Hermione, aside from the slight pang of disappointment. When Hermione broke up with Ron, it hadn't affected Ginny that much, aside from the fleeting feeling of absolute elation. They did not talk about the private life of one another much. In fact, they ignored it to the point where it was a bit odd. But it worked for them… well it had. Until now.

Ginny was only an arms length away from Harry at any given moment throughout the evening and Hermione was avoiding them at all costs. Seeing them together made her feel like her stomach was in her chest. Like she was constantly falling off a cliff, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. There was a lump in her throat and her whole body felt heavy.

When she had a chance to prepare for Ginny and Harry being together, she always did fine. She put on her smile and was the convincing best friend to each of them, the happy, fun loving person she always was. But to have to endure it for long periods of time was like running a marathon. It drained everything out of her, to the point she couldn't hide her disdain any longer. At these points, she would usually excuse herself, go home and rest until the next day. This was there engagement party however, and that was impossible.

Every touch, every glance they shared was like a stab into her. It made her physically hurt, which she did not realize was even possible. Plus, it was almost if they preferred her around them, almost as if they constantly needed her around, as an audience.

After excusing herself again, she made her way up the stairs of Grimmauld palce. She wanted to get out of the way of other guests and be by herself for a moment. She found herself studying the black family tree when she heard a noise behind her.

She looked back startled to see Ginny standing there in her little black dress looking radiant but concerned.

"What are you doing up here?" she asked cautiously.

"Oh just looking around." replied Hermione grinning sheepishly.

"Why don't you come and join us?"

"Come on Gin, I've been with you all day… I can't wander away for a bit?"

"Of course you can, you just have been acting weird all day and I wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Oh have I? Well I apologize, I didn't mean to make you worried." Hermione said a little sharply, more sharply than she had intended to say it anyway.

"You know what… fine. Forget it."

"Ginny…wait."

"No Hermione, I don't know what to ask anymore. If you don't want to tell me what's going on with you, fine."

"Ginny, what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me why you don't talk to me anymore. Why you can't stand Harry. Why you think I can't notice this happy show you put on when everyone is around. Why aren't you being you?"

"I don't hate Harry Ginny; he's one of my best mates."

"Then why is it whenever I'm around you look away from us, that you cringe whenever we get close. Are you jealous? Do you like Harry, what is it Hermione?"

The feeling of despair evaporated as if it were water and was replaced by burning anger. A fire Hermione hadn't felt in a very long time. Her voice got very quiet and strained.

"How could you say that. You've known me for a long time Ginny. And you, more than anyone else should know that I want you to be happy more than anyone else in the world. For you to suggest, that I have any feelings for Harry… how dare you Ginny…"

She marched towards, Ginny following close behind.

"Hermione… Hermione wait."

"What Ginny? What do you want me to say?"

"I just want to know why!"

"Why what? Why I wont sit there with you? Sit there and watch you whispering to your boyfriend with your hand in his lap? Why I don't feel like sitting there being ignored, like I don't even exist? To watch you, while he's rubbing your back, playing with your hair… I'm human Ginny. I don't know why you constantly need to have me as some sort of audience member to the games you two play. I can't do it anymore, it makes me sick. I don't like the way he treats you. I love Harry, but I don't love the two of you together."

"So you do love him, you cant stand to see him with someone else."

"Jesus Ginny! Haven't you figured it out yet? It's not you I that I am jealous of…. It's him."

"You're jealous of him?"

Hermione just stood there in silence while Ginny looked down at her feet.

"Look Ginny, you know it's not easy for me to say what I feel."

"I know."

"But I need you to know, just once.. how much I care about you."

"I know you do."

"Not like that Gin, I want to be more than that."

Tears were welling up in Ginny's eyes, which was quite rare for her and Hermione knew it.

"I…I can't…."

"I know."

"Your friendship means so much to me Hermione…"

"Don't do that. Please don't do that. I told you, I'm only going to tell you once. I just needed you to know, if only that one time."

"Hermione…."

"Just please, be a little more understanding when you are together with me. Being the perpetual third wheel is killing me Gin."

Hermione walked back down the stairs towards the party, leaving a confused Ginny standing alone in a hallway.