A/N: Uhh I wanted to write about Chazzy. This is actually a response to something…I've noticed for awhile and in more than one place…It's a delayed response but still…Don't get too offended.
Disclaimer: I do not own GX or Chazzy.
It was a beautiful day at Duel Academy. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the smell of spring was fresh in the air. The typical cliché opening. And the typical day to find couples professing their love to each other. Of course, that was exactly what Chazz wanted to do to Alexis, the object of his affection. And the person he was currently stalking. In fact, at the moment he was sneaking from bush to tree to rock, watching her with beady eyes and snickering like a dirty old man.
Somehow, Alexis did not notice him like she usually would have. She seemed too focused on whatever it was she was doing. Or more like, wherever it was she was going. She was currently walking towards the dock, so Chazz suspected she would be meeting Zane. Bah. That really sucked. The last thing he needed was for her to be hanging out with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Why, that was supposed to be him! He grinded his teeth in bitter rage and jealousy. Why, he would kill that Truesdale kid! Yeah! That was the way to a lady's heart!
He tittered to himself again, and watched with eager eyes as she stepped out onto the concrete of the dock. A smile spread across his face. It kind of reminded him of a model going down a catwalk…and he was the sole spectator! How lucky could he get? And, even better, when he looked at the other end of the dock, Zane was nowhere to be found! Yup, today was definitely his lucky day! Perhaps he could get to her before Zane could, and then he would profess his dumb undying love for her looks. Because he could care less about the person beneath the face. He was such a jerk…
"Alexxxxxxxiissssssssssss," He hissed under his breath, feeling his pants growing tighter at just saying her name. He snickered again.
Just as he had decided it was time to reveal himself, and just as he was lifting a foot to step out, who should come running up to the dock but Jaden. His entire demeanor changed from one of lovesickness to rage. How dare that stupid Slifer slacker! He would kill him too! How he HATED him!
"Hey, Alexis!" He heard Jaden call cheerily, "Sorry I'm late!"
"Of course you're late, you smiling bastard," Chazz muttered under his breath, his charcoal eyes narrowing as he dug his nails into the bark of the tree, "Oh, Jaden Yuki, how I hate you! One day…one day soon…I will get my revenge!" He took a moment to cackle wickedly as random lightning shot across the now dark sky. But no one saw it…strangely. "And you will diiiieeeeee…and go to the hell you belong! But before you die, I will rape you! Because you suck monkey balls and you're gay and you know it!" He snickered again to himself, wallowing in the glory of his evil plan.
"Oh, it's Ok, Jaden."
Hearing Alexis' voice, Chazz pulled himself out of his fantasy world. He could not believe his ears! Why would she be smiling at a guy that had practically stood her up? Why, he wouldn't have done that! Mostly because he would have been expecting a booty call, but that wasn't the point!
…Wait…Jaden wasn't going to get a booty call, was he? Then again, he was far too dumb to know what that was. Chazz relaxed.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad you're here now," Alexis continued, smiling gently at him.
Chazz stiffened. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, bitch?" He whispered under his breath. Oh, he was gonna choke a bitch if she cheated on him! And that bitch was not her; it was Jaden.
"Yeah, me too." Jaden grinned and looked into her eyes. Chazz almost hurled in distress.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Alexis smirked, looking knowingly at him.
Jaden's entire face turned bright red. "I…I just wanted…" He fumbled around, searching for the right words. Chazz glared daggers at him.
"Yes?" Alexis leaned in his face a little closer, still smiling.
Jaden gulped and grinned weakly, looking into her amber eyes with worried brown ones. "I just wanted to say that I really like you." His face flamed.
"WHAT THE—" Chazz scratched his nails bloody with the bark and gnashed his teeth. Surely Alexis would have the sense to tell that little twit off! Of course she would! After all, she was I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T…do you know what that means? And if Jaden, of all idiots in the world, got to her p*!#y before he did, he was going to throw a giant temper tantrum!
Alexis blinked and looked at Jaden for a moment. Then, her face turned pink as well. "Oh…well…" She giggled a little. "I was actually going to say the same for you. I mean, I wanted to talk to you because I like you too!"
"Sweet!"
Chazz slapped himself on the forehead. Jaden had just pretty much so scored with a chick and that was all he could think of to say? What a fool! How he hated nice guys! "Come on," He hissed." If he had gotten that far, he'd try to bed her. Seriously. Jaden must truly be gay if he wasn't asking her to sleep with him. He was really not making his gender proud.
"I've always liked you," Alexis continued, still with that same sugary-sweet smile, "From the moment I saw you." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
"Aw, Lex," He blushed again. "Do you really think…?"
"I know."
Chazz watched in disgust as they wrapped their arms around each other and hugged like it was some fluffy romance movie. He gagged. Wtf?! Where was the pr0nz?! If he had to suffer his least favorite person being with the girl of his wet dreams, then how come they weren't at least going to give him a show?
Seriously, Chazz was SUCH a jerk and a pervert, he deserved to be with someone as hideous and gay and transvestite-ish as Dr. Crowler. EEEWWWW. Wouldn't they make a nice couple?
"I hate you, Jaden Yuki! I HATE YOU, JADEN YUKI!" Chazz snarled, carving this exact same phrase into the bark with nothing but fingernails and blood.
Of course, the couple was oblivious to Chazz. Alexis was actually leaning forward to kiss Jaden on the lips, and they were holding hands tightly. Chazz choked and gagged and gasped for breath.
"NOOOOO!!!"
He could stand it no longer. He leapt through the air and flew in an arc of about forty feet before crash landing on their heads. The high point of his day? When he felt his dick against Alexis' boobs. The low point of his life? When both Jaden and Alexis came down on him for it.
"YOU IDIOT!" Alexis screamed, knocking him upside the head. "I HATE YOU!!"
"CHAZZ, GET AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!" Jaden yelled, punching him in the nose.
"I HATE YOU, JADEN! I'M GOING TO SODOMIZE YOU FOR STEALING MY BOOTY CALL!" Chazz kicked Jaden in the crotch.
"OW!" Jaden fell to the ground in a fetal position and cried.
"HAHA!" Chazz screamed, pumping his fist in the air, "VICTORY IS MINE! Now, come on, baby!" He swept Alexis off her feet and started to run.
Alexis screamed like a banshee and punched Chazz repeatedly. "I HATE YOU, CHAZZ PRINCETON! I WILL NEVER EVER EVER LIKE YOU EVER! NOT IN A HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION YEARS! YOU SUCK! YOU DON'T DESERVE ME! I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!"
"No, you're not," Chazz corrected, "You're my GIRLfriend! MWAHAHA!"
"CHAZZ! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!" Alexis screamed loudly and beat upon his spiky porcupine head harder.
It did no good. Chazz wanted her too badly.
"AH! SOMEONE SAVE ME! PLEASE HELP ME, JADEN!" Alexis wailed, thrashing in Chazz's arms. "Eww…he smells like a musk rat. When was the last time you showered, Chazz?!"
"I don't shower," Chazz smirked at her. "I prefer to smell natural to attract a mate."
"EW!" Alexis squealed, wrinkling her nose in disdain, "You freak."
"That's what I want to hear you screaming," Chazz sniggered.
"JADEN! HELP!"
Jaden—who had up until that point been in too much pain to move—finally managed to get back to his feet. He hobbled a few yards, then, seeing that Chazz was getting away, pushed himself and raced towards the two. The entire time, he screamed and hurled insults at Chazz, threatening to do horrible things. Chazz paid him no heed. He was blind and deaf to everything but his prize. And he had only one goal in mind: to get Alexis on her back…naked.
"Heh heh heh! Soon you will be mine, my sweet!" Chazz licked her face wildly, drooling all over her.
"JADEN!" Alexis cried again, kicking and hitting Chazz viciously.
"RAWR!" Jaden gave a final war cry, then leapt through the air, silhouetted by the sun, and came crashing down like a wrestler on top of Chazz.
Chazz screamed as he hit the ground. Alexis rolled out of his arms and scampered to safety several feet away. The whole time, Jaden kept Chazz pinned down, and straddled his stomach, beating the shit out of him. Because that's what Jaden did when The Chazz messed with his woman.
"Have mercy to my beautiful body!" Chazz whined, thrashing. "It's not fair! You can't beat me you sorry Slifer slacker! Slifer slime! Slifer sludge!" He proceeded to flip the brunet off of him and pinned him to the ground by the neck, choking him. "Haha! I knew one day The Chazz would prevail! How, does it feel, fool, how does it feel?!"
Jaden's only response was to choke and gasp and he flailed weakly. He did look rather pathetic with his eyes bulging like that. But he didn't stop fighting!
"Oh, my…" Alexis gasped, covering her mouth with her hands as her face paled. "Jaden!"
"You won't need him anymore," Chazz told her, whirling around to face her as he slammed Jaden into the ground, "Because you have me!" He pointed to himself, his nose in the air, looking rather arrogant. "And I'm great at everything…everything." A pervy smirk spread across his boyish features and he snickered to himself again, a little bit of blood trickling from his nose.
"Chazz Princeton, if you aren't the most pompous jerk I've ever met! This is why I didn't go out with you! Because you stink and your dueling sucks and you're mean!" Alexis stamped her foot angrily, looking as though she might jump that idiot Chazz at any given moment.
"But that's the way you like me," Chazz purred, drawing closer to her. His arm slunk around her side and he pulled her up against him. "Hey, baby, what do you say we head back to my yacht, hm? Don't forget how rich I am." Smirk. He let his hand move down to squeeze her ass.
Her face turned bright red in fury. With a wild cry, she karate chopped his head. He stumbled backwards clumsily, startled, then fell over in defeat. With a loud 'hmph' she waltzed over to Jaden, and helped him off the ground. He just blinked, dazed and dumbfounded.
"Oh…Sorry, Lex…"
"It's Ok, baby." She kissed him on the lips and petted his fuzzy little head. "You can make up for it by beating him up now."
"You got it!" Jaden leapt on Chazz and began beating the shit out of him again, with Alexis cheering him on. "DON'T YOU EVER HURT MY GIRLFRIEND AGAIN, CHAZZ PRINCETON, OR I SWEAR I WILL TEAR YOUR BRAINSTEM OUT AND TIE IT AROUND YOUR NECK CAUSING YOU TO SUFFOCATE."
"But—!"
"NO!" Jaden slugged him across the face, giving him a bad case of whiplash. "Now that will teach you some manners, you ol' pervert!"
"You tell him, Jay!" Alexis rushed over to him as he stood triumphantly over the bloody Chazz, and threw her arms around his neck, giggling. "I love you so much; did you know that?"
He grinned. "Well, I love you too."
Chazz watched, from his spot on the ground, as they proceeded to have a long, passionate make-out session in front of him. But he deserved it. Because he was a jerk and a pervert and could never treat Alexis right. He did not deserve Alexis. Alexis was meant to be with someone that could love her and protect her and respect her. Chazz could never do any of those things. Because he was made of phail. And that just goes to illustrate that rotten, arrogant jerkheads always finish last.
In the background, Dr. Crowler watched through binoculars. "Ohhhhh," He moaned. Seeing Chazz in pain gave him a boner! He started to sashay over, with the intent of making that snotball his lover.
Let this be a lesson to everyone: if one can't see that Chazz Princeton is that sort of person, then he/she need to rewatch all the beginning episodes of Season one. It's proof. So next time anyone thinks he/she knows him, think again. He is not a respectable character and never will be. He is a dirty pervert and a worthless duelist. It's obvious anyone could beat him. Because he just doesn't try and doesn't work hard enough. Why? Because all rich people are like that. They just expect everything to be handed to them one a silver platter, like Chazz felt with Alexis. But that's just setting oneself up for failure. And besides, look at what kind of family raised Chazz! Of course he's going to be stupid!
Bottom line: Chazz sucks and everyone should be reminded that whenever possible. Get out there and spread the word!
A/N: Seriously guys, STOP IT. I mean it. I don't mind if you dislike Chazz. That's Ok. I don't mind if you like fianceshipping. This was NOT a bashing fic. I like fianceshipping. The point is…nothing ruins a good fianceshipping fic (for me) like Chazz-bashing. Contrary to belief, he DOES care. And he DOES have more to him than what's on the surface. I don't believe he just liked Alexis for her looks. You can believe what you want. But he THREW the duel for her (in my opinion). So yeah…sorry…but it's a SATIRE. It's supposed to help improve. And I'm not pointing fingers or trying to say that any one person is at fault. It's Ok. Just know…I don't appreciate it…