Title: Courageous in the Dark
Author: melonmachinery
Day/Prompt: Day 6/Aiko Desho – Confession
Rating: T
Summary:
The anxiousness of a late night stirs up some strange emotions, and what hasn't been said during the light of day slips out in the dark.
SouRin Week Day 6
Courageous in the Dark
The breeze coming through their open window was cool but a little sticky because of the humidity outside. It was ready to rain. Only a thin sheet came between him and the night air, but he didn't mind it like that. He bunched the blanket up around his neck, protecting himself from getting an early-morning sore throat. He heard the creak of the metal frame and the rustle of sheets as Sousuke shifted above him.
It had been a long day.
If Rin had been honest with himself he actually had expected Sousuke to say something about it. Maybe say something about everything that happened that day or a deep talk about what he thought of Rin's friends. Despite his expectations, they went back to the dorm like normal, and got ready for bed like always. There were a few lighthearted discussions about the day's events, but nothing like what Rin thought might have come from it.
It was already late now, likely past midnight since they had gotten in bed not an hour before. There was a soft kind of restlessness in the damp darkness of their room. A weird kind of pull that made him feel like something should happen, that something might happen. It was that kind of pull that he felt at sleepovers with his friends from time to time. The pull to admit something, the pull to speak about something he wouldn't normally speak about.
It was the courage that late nights gave people.
It had been awhile since he had last stayed up so late and maybe that's why he felt like that. He was an early to bed early to rise kind of person, so it wouldn't be that far of a stretch. He tried to calm his mind while he thought about it. That in itself proved that it might just be his own sleeping schedule that had him missing these moments.
He rarely had time to think about things before bed anymore. The last time he had any time to overthink before falling asleep was when he was in a darker place. Back when he couldn't sleep no matter how much he tired himself out during the day. Now he was more than content to go to sleep and to wake up, and not even dreams came in his sleep to bother him. He preferred the blankness of his sleep now over the nightmares from before, anyways.
He rolled onto his back and let out a slow breath. When he opened his eyes he could see light coming off the ceiling, Sousuke most likely awake and listening to music. He closed his eyes again and tried to will the slow building anxiety in his stomach away.
"Rin, are you still awake?"
His eyes opened and his breath stalled. Unsure of what set him off, he stayed quiet. He wasn't sure what answer Sousuke wanted, but maybe he was feeling it to. The strange and mysterious air floating through the room, sticky, sickening, stagnant. A feeling that made you want to change something, to wash your face, to speak, to get up and leave your room, anything.
Moments passed and Rin watched the light from Sousuke's bunk disappear. Briefly, Rin wondered if his silence had spoiled the moment, that maybe Sousuke had wanted to speak to him while awake. Or maybe Sousuke never wanted to speak about anything at all, he was just genuinely wondering if he was still awake.
The bed creaked and shook a little as Sousuke turned again. His ears started to tingle at the noise and he tried to keep his own breath steady and slow. He heard the sounds of arms getting stuffed under a pillow and let out the tiniest of sighs, Sousuke was going to bed now. The moment was gone.
He shifted over on to his side too, trying to do it slow and naturally. He had already failed to answer him, he didn't want to make it out like he was ignoring him. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of rain drops falling outside, starting at a slow pace and picking up. Sousuke had made sure that the windows weren't open enough to let in any rain, but if the wind blew hard enough the floor would be soaked in the morning.
"Rin," Sousuke called, voice barely a whisper. Rin's cheeks went numb and he tried to ignore the way the silence of night amplified everything in the dark. It was clear that with how close his voice sounded, despite its low volume, Sousuke was facing out towards the room. His voice carrying down to where Rin was.
"Thank you," he continued. "I'm always really thankful to have met you."
There was another pause, and Rin's throat started to seal up tight. He wasn't sure if he was breathing normally, or feigning sleep properly. The only things he could hear was his own breathing, the soft sounds of the rain falling outside, and the slight difference in Sousuke's tone. The difference that spoke volumes about how much more he wanted to say.
He heard Sousuke sigh and inside he was screaming, wondering why Sousuke was giving up on whatever it is he wanted to say. He was being a bit hypocritical, when he himself had so much he wanted to say but didn't even have the courage to say it under the night's cover. They sat in silence and Rin's fist curled around his blanket. His stomach felt nasty and queasy at even the thought about saying the words he wanted to say, the things he wanted to ask.
It was the same feeling he got every time he thought about it.
He took a deep breath, stomach in knots and throat held up tight, and tried his best to calm down. He hadn't even decided he was going to say something, but maybe his body knew. His body was telling him he should, because he had already been wanting to say it for so long now.
"Sousuke," Rin whispered, as quiet as he could, and he heard the bed frame shake. Maybe he was trying to lean closer to hear him. He wondered if Sousuke had known he was awake all along. "I'm really glad to have met you too."
His heart started to calm but he felt worse than before, an idiot who wasn't admitting what he really wanted to. He closed his eyes tight and heard Sousuke's head fall against his pillow, a soft sound that he wondered how he recognized. They were silent again and then the sound of skin gripping a metal bar was heard, and Rin looked up instinctively even though he couldn't see a thing.
"I love you, I have for a long time now."
Rin couldn't move, his arms felt numb, his throat was relaxing but his stomach was twisting up. He couldn't wait even a second before he was standing up and running across the room to turn on the light. As soon as it was on he blinked away his temporary blindness and saw Sousuke propped up on his arms, eyes wide and maybe just a bit scared out of his wits.
Rin wasn't sure what face he was making, but he was sure it wasn't something Sousuke should be afraid of. He crossed the room and ascended the bunk bed ladder so fast it didn't even creak under his movements. The bed dipped under his weight and Sousuke scooted towards the wall on instinct, but Rin didn't move any farther from the end.
"Me too," Rin blurted out, "I mean I love you too. I've just, I've been waiting for you to say it first."
Sousuke's face was wide open with surprise and Rin reached forward to grab his hand, an awkward and long stretch. He watched Sousuke and nearly hit his head against the ceiling from jumping in surprise when Sousuke fell back against his bed with a groan, other arm covering his face. He waited, hunched over uncomfortably, wondering what Sousuke could be thinking.
"If I had known that I would have said it sooner," Sousuke grumbled into his arm. "You never hesitate to do things, why didn't you say it first?"
"I don't know," Rin admitted, a pout on his face.
Sousuke looked down at him, eyes shaded by his arm, and smiled. Rin was smiling too, and he tugged on his hand, backing up to get down the ladder. He let go of Sousuke's hand when he had to grab onto the metal bars to walk down it, the grin never leaving his face.
"Come down here," he ordered him, dropping onto the floor. "I don't want to hit my head on the ceiling in the morning."
"What?"
Rin didn't look at Sousuke, just walked over to the side and stole his pillow out from under him, throwing it down on his bed. Sousuke sat up more then and scooted off the bed. Rin's eyes were focused on the ground as Sousuke walked past to him and onto the bottom bunk. He only glanced to see the other getting comfortable against the side closest to the wall before he turned off the light.
His heart sped up as he walked in the darkness and slid into bed. It wasn't very big so as soon as he got in he could feel the heat coming off of Sousuke's body. He laid down on his side facing Sousuke and felt Sousuke turn onto his side as well, their knees knocking against each other. Rin folded his one arm under his pillow and left the other between them, breath catching when he felt Sousuke's hand come to meet his.
"I should have kissed you when the lights were still on," Sousuke admitted. Rin almost choked on his own spit, but he leaned forward and rubbed his nose against Sousuke's. He smiled when he realized that Sousuke was holding his breath and Rin kissed the corner of his mouth, missing his mark a little.
Sousuke moved then, keeping their faces as close as possible. Rin thought it was a little weird he could feel Sousuke blinking, probably trying to see him despite the darkness. Their lips dragged against each other, aligning themselves through touch. The warmth of his heated skin making the humid air feel even muggier, he wondered if they'd even need the thin blanket anymore. Rin's heart fluttered at the feel of Sousuke's lips, soft but moist, probably from licking them before they kissed.
They pulled back and Sousuke let out a breathless laugh. His hands were hot and sweaty in Rin's, or maybe Rin's were the ones that were hot and sweaty. His heart was beating fast, but he never felt so calm and he wiggled down until he could hug Sousuke without it being a pain.
His feet dangled off the bed a bit, but he didn't mind. The heat coming off Sousuke's chest was warm, but it was a dry heat, the comforting kind. His arm wrapped around Sousuke's waist, and Sousuke's wrapped around his back. He felt Sousuke kiss the top of his head and he chuckled. He had already had an inkling as to Sousuke's real feelings, but he also knew how much he valued their friendship, after all, he was the same.
"I should have said something first," Rin admitted.