Hi! This is my first time writing a humor fic, and a South Park fic. And this is a non-slash! Even better! And since I'm thirteen, if my dad saw me writing South Park as what it was…well…so I just made it a little, er, cleaner. So…yeah…anyway, that was my speech. Enjoy!

Chapter One – STAN'S POV

"Hey, there's no school today," I commented as I faced the living room. My parents and my sister Shelly were there, trying to figure out where to put the Christmas tree. "It's the first day of Christmas break, isn't it?"

Shelly came over and punched me, then continued to help.

"I guess that was a yes," I mumbled, rubbing my sore head. "Hey, why don't we put it here?" I suggested, gesturing at a place beside the couch.

"But that would block the pathway, Stan," said Dad.

"True. But it's not that hard to jump over the couch. Look! I can do it."

Without waiting for an answer, I leapt right over the couch. BANG!

"Oww!" I cried. "Who put this table here?"

Mom sighed. "That was an early Christmas present from your Aunt Flo."

"Oh, goody. I think I broke it."

"Good," said Dad. Mom shoved him.

After that little episode, I went outside to meet the others. Cartman and Kenny were there, in our usual spot, but I didn't see Kyle anywhere.

"Where's Kyle?" I asked them.

"I don't know." Cartman shrugged. "He's probably trying to figure out a way to get away from his little brother."

"Hiiattbehoble?" asked Kenny.

"Because little brothers are annoying, Kenny. They won't leave you alone."

"Guys! Guys! You are never going to believe this!"

It was Kyle. He was running up to us as fast as he could and nearly tripped over his own feet.

"I got an account, dudes! An account!"

"A what?" I repeated.

"A fanfiction account, stupid! It's so cool. My three-day thing is over and I can write fics! This is so awesome! I just posted a Megaman fic, and I already have five reviews!"

"Cool, whatever that means," grunted Cartman.

Kyle scowled. "Reviews are what people say about your story, stupid. You know, you should write fanfics. It would be cool, dude. All four of us on fanfiction, writing fics together!"

"I'm not interested in writing," I said.

"Elliimm!" exclaimed Kenny.

"You are?" Kyle turned.

"Uh-huhhh, uure!"

"Cool! What do you think your penname will be? Mine's mr.hanky201."

"Mr. Hanky?" repeated Cartman. "What in the –"

"Ayy, imlleeranggeath."

Everyone stared.

"Orangedeath?" I said.

"Makes sense," muttered Kyle.

"Well, if you two are going on this fanfiction thing, I guess I will too," mused Cartman.

"Whoa! You were the last person I'd expect," commented Kyle.

"Hey, do you want me to join or not?"

"I'll help you two get your accounts started. Want to come, Stan, even though you don't want to be part of this?"

I shrugged. "All right, then, maybe I'll change my mind."

As soon as we arrived at Kyle's house and were inside, Kenny said,

"Iiivvotoblem."

"What?" asked Kyle.

"Eeeantfordputer."

"Oh," said Cartman, glancing at Kyle.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He can't afford a computer."

"That's okay, Kenny!" said Kyle cheerily. "You can use the computers at the library. They'll let you use it."

"Woo-hoo!"

"What are you kids doing?" It was Mr. Broflovski, walking into the living room.

"I'm going to get Cartman and Kenny fanfiction accounts!" exclaimed Kyle.

"Oh, really?" He looked interested. "Well, have fun with that. And whatever you do, don't look in the 'cartoons' section, and down to 's.' It's for your own good."

He walked away, leaving the four of us blinking stupidly.

"The…the cartoons section?" repeated Kyle. "The 's' part of it? What the heck?"

Cartman shrugged. "I don't know, dude, but we should check it out!"

"But Kyle's dad just said we couldn't," I said.

"Hey, it's Christmas break. We don't take orders from adults for three weeks!"

Kyle's computer was in his room. The four of us crowded around it, with Kyle at the mouse.

"Right," he said. "I'll make Kenny's account first…okay, agree…" Kyle clicked on the little 'agree' tab in the corner. "I don't even know what I'm agreeing to. Okay! So. Kenny, you wanted your penname to be 'orangedeath?'" He typed it in. "Okay, email…uh oh…"

"Nothuhoblem," muttered Kenny.

"It's all right," sighed Kyle. "I'll get you a Yahoo account."

So we took at least ten minutes to do that because for some reason the name 'orangedeath' had been taken. In the end, it was 'everydeath.'

"Now it's Cartman's turn," said Kyle, hitting 'register' again and clicking out of Kenny's account page. "Right. What's your penname going to be?"

"Hmmm…" Cartman thought hard. "How about… 'megamanrools.'"

"How typical of you, Cartman," I said, smirking.

"Huh? What's that mean!"

"What's your email?" interrupted Kyle. I laughed.

"Yeah? So? What's yours?"

"MSN."

Kyle finished with Cartman's account. "Remember, guys, there's a three-day waiting period before you can write stories," he said.

"Well, that's crap!" exclaimed Cartman.

"Yeah, but it'll help you get ideas."

Just then, I felt a sudden nip on my leg. I leapt back suddenly, crashing into Cartman. Cartman crashed into Kenny, and Kenny grabbed Kyle's chair to stop him from falling. But all four of us ended up on the floor in a pile. I looked up to see what had startled me.

"Ike!" I shouted angrily.

"Ike?" repeated Kyle. His foot was in my face. I stood up slowly and let the others get up as well.

"What did he do?"

"I think he bit me." Well, that sounded stupid.

"Hah-hah!" cried Cartman. "Kyle's little brother is going evil! This is classic!"

I looked down at the little adopted Canadian baby. He looked perfectly harmless and peaceful, trying to see why the carpet was attached to the ground.

"Stupid Ike," muttered Kyle, and picked up his little brother and put him outside the door.

"I have to be home soon," I said. "My parents wanted me to help decorate the tree."

"Good luck, dude," commented Cartman. "I couldn't decorate anything."

I left them alone, and went back to my own house. My parents and my older sister were waiting for me. Lights and ornaments were everywhere.

"Holy crap," I sighed.

"You could say that again," agreed Dad. "Now, help us decorate."

I let out another sigh and went to help them.

That night, I had a really weird dream. Wendy had apparently stolen my dog Sparky, and wouldn't let me have him back! I know, seriously weird, but it was a dream. As soon as I walked closer, she would take a step away from me, laughing, and Sparky would be yowling at me to get him away from Wendy. But when I got close enough, she slapped me!

And then I was awake, staring ahead, in front of me. What the…wait a minute, this wasn't my room. Worst yet, I was standing up. Even worse, it was Stelly's room I was standing in. She woke up instantly.

"Arghhhh!" she roared, and punched me.

"Ahh!" I cried. "Sorry! I, um…"

WHAM!

"Ah, crap."

Could my day get any worse? I thought bitterly. I've started to sleepwalk!

Okay, it's not the best…it'll get funnier, I think. Hehe…so, review, people!