Sakura hears the clicking of the door unlocking and mutes the television before rising from the couch to greet him. He was gone for a week this time, shorter than his usual missions, and according to Naruto there'd be more to come soon, maybe even within the next few days. Sasuke opens the door.
"Welcome back," Sakura says and Sasuke's eyes flicker to her and back to the door as he locks it behind him and slips off his shoes, neatly arranging them into their space.
"You're awake," Sasuke says. Sakura nods and his head turns to the hall. "Is Sarada…?"
"No, she went to sleep an hour ago," Sakura says, taking a step toward him. "How was your mission?"
Sasuke doesn't look at her, shrugging off his cloak and folding it. "Tiring," he says. "Actually, I think I'm going to go to bed."
Sakura inhales deeply, looking at the floor. Sasuke walks past her. She wants to take his hand, to kiss his cheek and to tell him how much she missed him, but he probably won't like that and if he's tired then he's tired but—
All Sasuke does when he's home is sleep. Sakura thought that after the mission that kept him away from her for twelve years he'd be more… enthusiastic about spending time with his family. They ate together, sure, and Sasuke took Sarada out sometimes, but Sakura hardly got to be alone with him.
"Sasuke…" she says when he starts moving to the door of their bedroom. The bed is unmade; whenever Sasuke is away she falls back into the habits she had when he was gone. He stops and looks at her.
"Want to maybe, um," she hesitates. "I don't know. Watch TV or something, before you go to bed?"
"I'm really tired, Sakura."
She presses her lips together, saying nothing. Sakura's never told anyone about it, but she thinks that if she were to mention her failure to have full conversations with him to Ino, Ino'd probably tell Sakura to just talk to him about it. It seems so obvious, but…
It doesn't matter. She doesn't want to start a fight over this, not with Sarada peacefully sleeping so close by. Sasuke goes into Sarada's room before going back to his and Sakura's. This is what he always does when he comes home.
Sakura looks at the TV. Her program is over. She turns it off, following Sasuke into their bedroom. He puts his cloak on his nearly empty shelf in their closet; most of his clothes just remain in his travel bags; then starts undressing. Sakura looks away. She's already in her pajamas, so she slips under the covers and pulls the blanket up to her neck. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to fall asleep, but opens them again when she feels the mattress sink down with his weight.
Sasuke closes his eyes as soon as his head touches the pillow, but he's not sleeping yet.
"Sasuke…?" she starts, flicking on the lamp.
"Mmhh?" he responds, apparently too sleepy to move his lips.
"Did you miss me?"
He shuffles a little under the blanket. "What do you mean?"
Sakura pauses, grinding her teeth. "What do you mean, what do I mean?" she asks. "You don't understand the question?"
"It's not that," he says, rubbing his eye with the balls of his hand. "I just don't understand why you're asking."
"Well—" she starts, then closes her mouth. Didn't she just decide that she didn't want to have this conversation? Well, no, she decided she didn't want to fight, but… it didn't have to be a fight, right?
Sasuke is quiet.
"It doesn't—it doesn't even seem to bother you, that you have to go on these long missions," Sakura says. "And—and you never write while you're gone, not even to Sarada, and—"
"I write to Sarada," Sasuke says, rolling onto his side to face her.
"You didn't when you left for twelve years!"
Sasuke's eyes drift in the general direction of Sarada's bedroom and Sakura knows to lower her voice. "I know, and I'm sorry."
Sakura sighs. "You don't have to apologize."
He moves onto his back again and Sakura pulls off the blanket, sitting up. She looks at Sasuke, whose eyes are trained on the ceiling, his mouth drawn in a flat line.
"So that's it?" she asks.
"I don't understand," he says, sinking lower beneath the covers. "Can we talk about this in the morning, when Sarada's at school and I'm not half conscious?"
"Will you even be here tomorrow morning?" she hisses. His eyes widen and he rips off the blanket, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and sitting up.
"I forgot- I have a mission tomorrow, I need to prepare the-"
"Oh my god!"
Sasuke looks at her. "...sorry."
"So what— now you're not tired anymore because it's a mission and not me?" Sakura can feel the heat rising in her cheeks. Sasuke stares at her and his eyes lock on hers.
"What?"
Sakura shakes her head. "Forget it, I don't care—how long are you going to be gone for?"
"You're jealous of my missions?"
"How long are you going to be gone for!" she asks again, a little louder.
"You're going to wake her up," he says quietly but with aggression. Sakura clenches her fists and pushes them hard into the mattress. "I think a few days—probably around three."
"Ugh," Sakura falls back against the bed. "Can't someone else do it?"
"I already said I would," Sasuke says.
"Get Shikamaru to do it or something."
"That isn't possible," Sasuke mutters. "I'm the only one who can do this mission, and I already signed up for it."
"Get Naruto to do it."
"Naruto is the Hokage," he insists. "He can't just leave the Village—"
"Fine then!" Sakura crawls back under the covers. "Can't you take me with you, then?"
"What, and Sarada too?" Sasuke sighs.
She pulls the pillow over her face. "Never mind, I'm just tired. Nothing I say is important to you anyway."
Their lamp buzzes and Sakura can hear Sasuke's slow breathing. She squeezes the pillow to her chest.
Sasuke stands up.
"Where are you going?" Sakura asks.
"I need to get some things ready for tomorrow," he says.
"Oh."
Was Sasuke always like this, and she just hadn't noticed? Back when they were on Team Seven— she knew he didn't like her but she doesn't remember this—the coldness and the apathy. When she asked him to marry her—was it like this? Did he avoid her eyes when he said yes? She doesn't remember. Most of her friends didn't trust him, said that he would only hurt her, that hurting people was all he'd ever been good at. Sakura said they didn't know him like she knew him.
She always felt like she was able to see past his aloof exterior to a person who was gentle—even romantic, desperate for a love that she knew she could give him. And for years, he couldn't accept it.
But then he did, and they were married, and he still doesn't seem to care. He doesn't miss her when he's gone the way she misses him, doesn't feel the longing to see her again and to soak up every moment of her presence that she feels for him.
"Well, um," Sakura says, looking up over the pillow at him rummaging through a drawer. "I'll—I'll always be here to welcome you home, when you get back."
He stops moving and there's a beat of silence before he goes back to searching for whatever it is. "Thank you."
Those two words remind her why it's all worth it, that at the end of the day, somewhere in there, he's grateful for her love, even if he doesn't show it.
"You're welcome."
A/N: I got the idea for this while listening to What Lies Beneath by Breaking Benjamin. This isn't a love story. Thanks for reading, reviews are always appreciated!