Disclaimer: I do not own Middle Earth or any of the characters that appear in this story. I don't own either Goldilocks... The silliness is mine.
AN: It's a rewrite of the story of Goldilocks, with Legolas as the main character, and two others and an extra as the three bears.
Thank you to Athena, for your help correcting this!
Once upon a time, not so long ago, a young elf wandered in the woods. He sang to the sun, the birds and the trees, and they in turn welcomed him in their homeland. The elf was the most beautiful to have wandered this part of the wood in many a century. He had long golden hair that fell in a wavy cascade, except for two tiny braids at the front.
His name was Legolas, and like a green leaf, he danced in the woods all day.
This is the reason why, as night fell, he was too far away from his home to return. He wondered for a moment: "What am I going to do?"
A bird chirped.
"Well thank you, that is so nice of you," he answered the little bird, and followed him to a nearby bear-house.
Legolas approached the bear-house, and after bidding goodbye to all his friends from the forest, went to knock at the door. He tried several times, but no answer came from inside.
"Hello? Is there someone in the bear-house?" he asked politely. "I'm tired, hungry, and sleepy, but it's too dark to go home… Hello?"
When still no answer came, he tried to open the door. It must have been his lucky day, because the door opened without more problems.
He looked at his surroundings, and quickly his sight was drawn to three chairs around the chimney.
"I feel so tired! This is just what I need."
Legolas approached the first chair. It was a tall, ancient wooden chair, with an old cushion, and a name engraved in the back.
"Beorn," he read. "That must be the name of the master of the house. I shall try his chair. It certainly will be the most comfortable around here, if he is the one who pays the bills."
He climbed on the chair, and just as he was getting comfortable, he felt something digging into his backside.
"What an old cushion! I can't rest with this spring bothering me. I shall try the next chair".
The next chair was in fact a traveler rocking chair. You could tell it was such as it was a folding chair, with retractable wheels. In its back was engraved the name "Radagast".
"I wonder what the wizard Radagast is doing here?" Legolas wondered. "Anyway, I shall try his chair. He must have a very comfortable chair to rest after all his travels!"
He sat on the chair, and when he went to lean back, the entire chair started moving backwards and forwards. If that hadn't been enough, the retractable wheels came loose, and the chair started moving around the room. Legolas quickly stood up.
"What a dangerous chair! I can't rest when all the room is moving around me! I shall try the last one".
The last chair was a little stool, with a soft cushion with the name "Little Bear" embroidered on it.
He was so tired by then, that sitting in that stool made him feel like sitting in his father's throne. He sighted contently, and rested for a while… until he heard a slight cracking sound coming from the chair. He rose slowly, not wanting to damage it any more.
Suddenly his stomach growled.
"I am so hungry. I wish I could eat something!" He sniffed the air "What is this smell? Could I be smelling food, somewhere in the house?"
He followed his great elven sense of smell, and quickly arrived at the dining room, where atop a table, where three delicious looking food dishes. He sat in front of the first one.
"I feel like I could eat a bear! Not that I'll tell that to anyone around here… Let's see what Beorn has to offer."
It was a big bowl full of a delicious looking golden honey. Legolas looked around him, but the only complement to the meal was the big spoon at the side of the dish. He took a spoonful and put it in his mouth.
"It is very good!" he said "but I could not make all a meal of it. If only there was some bread… I'll have to try the next dish".
He found himself in front of a not so very good looking porridge. He smelled it, but couldn't find anything too suspicious. His stomach growled again, making his resolve. He took a bite. "It is not bad…" he said hesitantly. He was going to take a second bite, when something in his plate grabbed his attention "Is this a beard hair in the porridge? That is so very disgusting, Radagast! How could you! There is no way that I'll eat from this dish! I'll have to try the next dish. Little Bear, don't fail me…"
He sat in front of the last dish. It was a plain looking 'word-search' soup. He checked it for unidentified floating objects, and when he found none, he took his first spoonful.
"It tastes like home!" he said with delight, and quickly ate all the soup before it grew cold.
Once his hunger was satisfied, Legolas started to feel sleep coming.
"I feel so sleepy," he said. "I should look for some place to rest!"
He looked around the house, until he came across the bedroom. A big double bed was in the center of the room, and Legolas ran and jumped on it. Suddenly he was engulfed by a cloud of feathers.
"That's too bad… I could have slept so well in this," he said, discouraged. "I can't use Beorn's bed. Those feathers will make me sneeze all night. I'll try Radagast's. He is an old man; he must have a comfortable bed to rest his old bones."
He looked around him, and in the corner of the room he found a sleeping bag. He approached it, confident about Radagast's choice of bedding, and entered it.
"But, it's just like sleeping on the floor! There's no way I'll sleep here!" he said indignant. He looked appalled at the last bed, a pile of straw in a corner. "I'll try Little Bear's. He seems to be the most reliable inhabitant of the house".
He lay down on the straw, and he quickly fell asleep.
Meanwhile, in the woods, Beorn, Radagast and Little Bear where going back to the bear-house after bidding good night to the bees. They where happily singing the most famous of all bears songs, 'Bare Necessities' when they noticed that the front door was opened.
"Beorn, dear friend," said Radagast, "Stop scratching your back on that tree. I think someone has entered your house!"
"I knew something like that was bound to happen! I should have never allowed that camping trip for all of my deer friends… or the dogs and the ponies for that matter. Let's find the trespasser!" he said in anger. Little Bear nodded.
They entered the bear-house. Everything seemed to be in order, except for the chair moving alone through the room.
"What happened to my traveling rocking chair?" asked the indignant Radagast.
"Your evil chair must have come alive again," was Beorn's logical answer.
"If you had had to live with some wizards that I know, you'd also like to keep your belongings well protected. That other time was a mistake, just a spell gone wrong… it could happen to anyone… but this!" Radagast showed the chair in the middle of the room: "This was caused by the trespasser!"
Beorn eyed him skeptically, and went to sit in his own chair.
"Someone sat in my chair!" he exclaimed.
"What is wrong?" asked Radagast.
"Don't you smell it? It smells like flowers and golden mist, instead of its usual pony smell… you know that Pony loves to sit on that cushion."
"Indeed."
Little Bear started to move his paws frantically.
"What is it, Little Bear?" asked Beorn nicely. Even in the worst moments, like having an intruder in his home, and having his precious chair wrongly manipulated, he always had a nice word for his best friend.
Little Bear growled.
"Are you hungry?" asked Radagast.
Little Bear growled again.
"Radagast, this is not a moment for jokes!" Beorn scolded him. "Someone seems to have put a trap in the chair to make Little Bear fall, and hurt him!"
"Is this possible?"
"I fear it is…"
"But Beorn, old friend, who could want to hurt Little Bear?"
"That's what we'll try to discover."
Beorn sniffed the air, and noted the scent of the food in the dining room. His stomach growled.
"Are you hungry?" asked Radagast.
"Well, yes. This frugal alimentation that I have, for someone as big as myself, means that I need to eat often," Beorn explained to the wizard.
"You learn a new thing every day, don't you?" said Radagast. "Maybe we should continue our investigations in the dining room. After all, we left our dinner waiting for us there."
Beorn and Little Bear agreed. Immediately they went to investigate on their meal, with the intention of inspecting the room afterwards, but something weird got Beorn's attention.
"Why is my spoon inside the plate?" he asked irately. "Who did this? The trespasser has been here!"
Radagast eyed him calmly, and then went to inspect his own porridge.
"I'd be tempted to say that you had put it yourself there, if the trap against porridge thieves hadn't been activated while we were not here."
"Is that a beard hair in your porridge?" asked Beorn disgusted.
"It's a very sophisticated trap against the most cunning of thieves."
"It's plain disgusting."
"You were an only child, you can't understand. Had you been a middle wizard like me, you would have learned to protect your interests," he said defiantly.
Beorn snorted.
"And what about your dinner, Little Bear?" said Radagast, trying to change the subject.
Both he and Beorn turned to Little Bear, who had been frantically gesticulating to them. He pointed out at his soup-plate, which was empty except from some letters still stuck at the bottom of the plate.
"Did the brigand eat all your soup?" asked Beorn "Who could be so evil as to eat the dinner of an innocent little bear? I claim vengeance!"
Little Bear kept pointing at his plate.
"What is it?" asked Radagast "There seems to be something written…"
" 'Hell o prty leg las'" read Beorn on the plate "What does that mean?"
"The first part obviously means 'hello'… then there are some random letters that don't mean anything…"
Beorn gasped.
"The trespasser signed the scene of the crime!" he exclaimed. "That must be his name…"
"Pretty Leg Las?"
"How could I know? Whatever his name, he can't write it correctly!" said Beorn exasperatedly. "Let's find him, and – and make him regret his crimes."
Their search finally took them to the bedroom. It was completely covered in feathers.
"My new mattress!" exclaimed Beorn. He growled. Little Bear growled too. Just in case.
"Someone may have entered inside my sleeping bag…" said Radagast cautiously "I wonder why he could want to do something like that…"
The three of them shrugged. Any tree root would be better than using that sleeping bag.
Little Bear got near his pile of straw, and gasped.
"What is it, Little Bear?" asked Beorn.
They joined him around the pile of straw, and the three of them contemplated open-mouthed the fabulous creature that was sleeping there.
"He's pretty…" said Radagast.
"Do you think she's a princess?" asked Beorn.
"She's a 'he'."
"How do you know?"
"Because."
"Because what?"
"Just because."
Beorn seemed satisfied by this answer.
"What do you believe he is doing here?" asked Beorn.
"Sleeping."
"Apart from sleeping…?"
"Trespassing on your property."
Luckily or not for Legolas, Little Bear chose that moment to interrupt the train of thoughts that would have eventually taken Beorn to realize that he had sworn vengeance on said trespasser… But Little Bear put a book under his nose.
"The Sleeping Beauty" read the book cover.
"You should not believe everything that comes in the books, Little Bear."
Little Bear pouted.
"Let's wake him," said Radagast, and he grasped the sleeping trespasser by the shoulders and shook him.
"He's not moving," commented Beorn "Do you think he is alive? His eyes are opened, but he doesn't respond!"
"He's an elf."
"How do you know?"
"The pointy ears might be a clue," said Radagast rolling his eyes.
"It's not like it's something unusual He could be an orc, judging by his ears!" exclaimed Beorn.
"Well, yes, that too… But I don't really believe that he is an orc, you know…"
They contemplated the elf for a few moments, then Radagast took some air, and shouted:
"Wake up!"
Nothing happened.
"Do you believe that we should try the 'cold water method'?"
"That's cruel, dear Beorn," answered Radagast with twinkling eyes.
Little Bear ran to fetch some water, and eagerly threw it over the sleeping elf.
Nothing happened.
"He really must be walking some very far away sleeping elf path…"
Little Bear showed them again the book.
"Do you believe…" started Beorn.
"No… But…"
"…"
"Who should…"
"…"
Legolas was indeed walking some very far away sleeping elf paths. But suddenly, his very elven alarm system was activated. He was instantly alert. He was wet, he had been shaken, and his eyes focused on three very hairy beings just a few inches from him.
He screamed, and suddenly jumped out of the bed, ran out of the house, and all the way to his father's caverns, and Legolas was never seen again in that side of the forest.
Later his father sent an army to reclaim compensation on the 'attack', but the affair was hidden to the world, as times where difficult and it was better to feign great friendship with one's neighbors…
But long before that big conflict, three people stared at the disappearing form of the beautiful-evil elven-princess-trespasser with great sorrow, because they would have gladly invited him to stay with them for some days, and spend time together singing under the stars.
AN: Now it's time for you to review!