I'm Marc Pardo. Do I know you?
Sometimes, your timing just sucks! HER: You regret all that time you wasted because of fear. Then, time runs out…and he's gone. How do you go on? HIM: You finally let her go and at the last minute realize… you can't. Then everything is taken from you, even her memory. How do you go on?
Author's Note: This story starts immediately after Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Book 16, Sizzling Sixteen. JE owns them; I just borrow them and dress them up in my own paper words. It's all for play, not profit.
NOTE: I will finish this story, but it will take longer than my past stories. I am working on several other writing projects, and will not post as regularly as I usually do. Special thanks to bgrgrmpy for proofing and offering comments to the draft and to sonomom for her words of advice and encouragement. I wouldn't have posted this story without either of them.
End of Book 16
Ranger said, "I'm going out of the country for a few weeks. Tank will watch out for you. And I'll be on my cell phone. I'll be in touch when I get back. You owe me." And he disconnected.
I took a shower and was about to dry my hair when my doorbell buzzed. I wrapped myself in a bath towel, went to the door, and looked out the security peephole at Morelli.
"What?" I asked, holding the door partially open.
"Can I come in?"
"I'm not dressed."
Morelli stepped into my apartment and closed and locked the door behind him. "That's perfect," he said, "because I have something for you to wear." And he dangled a lacy pink thong from his finger. "I stopped at the mall on the way home just now. I'd thought you'd look pretty in this."
Chapter One—Time for a Change
I can't live
With or without you
Stephanie's POV
My head was in the toilet for the third time in as many weeks. I wouldn't mind so much if it was for the purpose of getting rid of the result of a hard night partying, but no, it was the scrubbing bubbles. Joe just loved the way the bowl gleamed after they did their work. Why I was the one pouring in the cleanser and not Joe, I wasn't sure.
How quickly my life had changed since I lost my job, again. I rarely scrubbed my own toilet, and here I was cleaning my… my what's toilet? What exactly was Joe to me? Was he my boyfriend, my lover, my significant other? None of those names seemed to fit what Joe and I had.
Joseph Morelli is the tall, dark handsome man in my life. He is Italian through and through, macho, semi-chauvinistic and drop-dead, movie star gorgeous with the best ass on the East Coast, and maybe the West Coast as well. He is a detective with the Trenton Police Department and he lives firmly in the Burg, at least his mindset is pure Burg.
Chambersburg, or the 'Burg, is a small blue-collar neighborhood in Trenton where husbands troop off to work everyday and wives stay home, clean house, raise the kids and have dinner on the table promptly at six.
While I was also raised in the Burg, I never really fit the mold, though there was (and still is) considerable pressure on me to conform.
I wasn't against marriage; I even hoped to experience wedded bliss one day. I really liked kids, as long as they were someone else's. I liked a clean house and I loved food, but cleaning for me was on an as needed basis (and I had very little need) and there were hundreds of restaurants, diners and fast-food places in Trenton that offered already prepared and cooked food.
I couldn't imagine not working, or staying at home being a housewife. I've had some type of a job since I was sixteen (I'm thirty-something now) and didn't plan to stop anytime soon, except for my current forced lull in employment.
When my weasel of a cousin Vinnie lost his bail bonds office in a fire, I lost my job as a bounty hunter. I was feeling worthless and every day that passed increased my anxiety.
Joe, however, was ecstatic. He hated my job, hated the risks I took and constantly told me how bad I was at my job. Of course, he'd prefer I not work at all. He kept dropping hints about me moving in permanently and being a 'lady of leisure,' which in his mind included cleaning his house and cooking dinner for him. It was, after all, the Burg way.
Joe's and my last breakup was about 'toast,' of all things. Actually, it was about me using up the last of the bread and not buying a new loaf so Joe missed having his toast the next morning. So, now I was trying to be mature and meet him halfway, but the line seemed to keep moving and in the wrong direction. You make one dinner and you're expected to do it every night. Sheesh.
I was feeling trapped, like I'd slipped into a funnel, wide at the top but narrowing rapidly the farther in you went. I needed a job and I needed one fast.
I had no idea what I was going to do for money. The bounty hunting job market was iffy, with the bonds office burned down and Vinnie without a financial backer. Vinnie was trying to worm his way back into Lucille's heart and bed, and talk her father, Harry the Hammer, into bankrolling him again, but so far… no go.
Connie had picked up some temporary office work from one of her Italian relatives. Given her family's 'wise guy' connections, I declined her offer to ask if there was any work I could qualify for. Lula was still debating whether to take Connie up on the same offer.
I'd checked with Les Sebring at True Blue Bonds to see if he would throw some work my way, but he told me he already had a stable full of experienced bounty hunters (one of which was Ms. Jeanne Ellen Perfect in Every Way Burrows!).
Maybe it was time to look into another line of work, though what… I hadn't a clue. Stephanie Plum, just another thirty-something trying to 'find herself.'
The past few weeks, Joe and I had been getting along great. Of course, most of the time we'd spent together was in bed. Sex had never been our problem. Joe seemed to be more relaxed and in a good mood lately. Maybe because I was pretty much living in his house, sleeping in his bed and not chasing fugitives. Even better, no one seemed to be chasing me.
I hadn't totally moved out of my apartment, but I couldn't afford to keep paying rent with no income coming in. Luckily, I'd been able to pay cash for my current used car, so that was one monthly payment I didn't have to worry about. It was actually a pretty decent car for a change. My Uncle Lou had bought himself one of the new hybrids, a Prius, and offered me his low mileage Camry for a smokin' $1,700. I was Uncle Lou's favorite niece.
So, when Grandma Mazur approached me with an offer to sublet my apartment, I told her I'd think about it. She was dating one of the 'Hobbits' we'd met last month during the 'save Vinnie' fiasco. Grandma and 'Horny Toad from Over the Hill' (yes, that was his real name, he had it legally changed) had decided to pool their social security checks and move in together. If Mr. Horny Toad lived up to his name, he would be a good match for my ever-randy grandmother. Dad was thrilled at the prospect she'd be moving out of his house. Of course, he'd be thrilled if she left in a plain pine box, too.
I pulled my head out of Joe's toilet, grabbed the bucket of cleaning supplies and trooped downstairs. I had just enough time to wash up and put on some clean clothes. It was nearly dinnertime in the Burg and tonight was Joe's and my night with my parents.
I was giving Rex his dinner of hamster crunchies and some sunflower seeds when my cell phone rang. It was Joe.
"Where are you?" I barked into the phone. "My mother's going to have a fit if we're late for dinner again." I could hear lots of commotion on the other end of the line and I heard Joe let out a big sigh.
"Cupcake, I'm not going to make it tonight. We've got two gangs declaring war on each other on the south side and until we can get them settled down, the entire division is out on the streets. Tell your mom I'm sorry and be sure to save me a piece of chocolate cake. Luv you." Joe hung up.
Great. Without Joe there as buffer, I could look forward to spending another evening listening to my mother tell me my biological clock was ticking down. I called home and let them know Joe was working a case and not to set a place for him tonight.
I pulled up in front of the house and surprise… Grandma Mazur was waiting for me. She launched into all sorts of questions about my apartment. The one that gave me a queasy stomach was when she asked if my apartment came furnished or should she and Horny start looking for a strong double bed. Countdown to dinner must have started. Mom was busy in the kitchen.
I entered the house and the delicious smell of pot roast and brown gravy hit my nostrils. I mentally rolled my eyes. I'd tried to make pot roast last week and all that Joe's house smelled like was burnt cow. I said hello to my father on my way into the kitchen and he put his hand over mine as I squeezed his shoulder, but he didn't look up from the TV. It was like stepping back into a time warp. Nothing ever changed at my parents' house.
I take that back. I heard the loud cries of an unhappy toddler coming from the dining room. Ever since my sister Valerie moved back to Trenton, my parents' home was filled with the frequent noise of kids screaming, fighting and crying.
My mother yelled at me from the kitchen, "Stephanie, could you pick up Lisa? She misses her mother."
My youngest niece Lisa was buckled into the high chair, but I lifted her out and carried her into the kitchen. "Where's Val and the rest of the Kloughns?" I asked, trying to bounce my niece and distract her from her discontented mood.
My mother stopped whisking the gravy long enough to explain, "The flu's going around and they just keep passing it back and forth. Lisa's already had it twice and Valerie asked if we could take care of her until her two sisters and Albert got better."
I finally got Lisa quieted down. She was fascinated by my curls and kept pulling them straight just to see them spring back when she let go. I even got a giggle from her when I made a silly face.
"You're a natural with her," Mom smiled at me before she returned to mashing the potatoes. "Time's running out, Steph. If you don't hurry up and marry Joseph, you'll miss your window of opportunity to give me more (deep sigh)… to have your own children."
Mom took the pot roast out of the oven and set it on a trivet. "I'm curious, Stephanie. What are you waiting for?" She looked up at me. "You and Joe have been dating, more or less, for the past five years. Is it just sex between you two or are you serious about each other?"
"Mother!" I said, shocked at her uncommon candor.
"Well, you're nearly thirty-five years old, you don't have a job, and you and Joseph seem to be getting along better than ever. At your age, are you really waiting for something better to come along?" She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm just saying."
Wow! Mom usually just lectured, demanded or complained. Tonight, she actually asked me questions. Of course, they were all designed to get me married and popping out babies, but still...
I watched as she stirred a pat of butter into the pan gravy and poured it into the china bowl adding a sprinkle of fresh ground pepper over the top. I couldn't believe I was mentally taking cooking notes from my mother. Shaking my head, I tried to clear it of the image of me in a shirtdress and apron, a string of pearls around my neck. Stephanie Plum, the 21st century June Cleaver of the Burg. My eye started to twitch.
If I didn't confront my mother about the point she was so unsubtly trying to make, she would continue to push all evening long. I caught her eye and gave her my most serious 'back off' look.
"Mom, I know you mean well, but your constant pushing isn't going to speed up a wedding; it just raises my blood pressure. Please, let Joe and me work this out by ourselves."
Mom pursed her lips and I knew there was more she wanted to say, but she nodded and squeezed my arm as she carried the gravy bowl into the dining room.
Thank goodness she dropped that line of conversation for the rest of the evening, but her words started a nonstop reel of tapes playing in my head.
What was I waiting for? It's not like there were any other offers of marriage or commitment possibilities on the table. No knight, white or dark or otherwise, was going to ride up on a white horse and carry me off into the sunset, or drive up in the Batmobile and whisk me away to the Bat Cave.
Ranger's POV
As I drove the distance between Boston and Trenton, the surrounding darkness of night made me feel more isolated than I normally held myself. All my thoughts turned inward, a bit too reflective for my rotten mood. I had the radio on trying to distract myself from the more depressing thoughts, but the current song playing was triggering unwanted memories. I reached to turn the radio off several times, but stopped for some reason I couldn't fathom.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait.
And I wait without you
I was glad to be putting the past few weeks behind me. I'd spent the last week in Boston, and the weeks before that in Atlanta and Miami. With my right-hand man Tank handling the Trenton office, we were now finished with restructuring each RangeMan office so it could operate more independently. Now, I wouldn't have to physically travel to each office and keep running interference between clients and staff. Many of our clients operated large regional and national companies so security procedures needed to be standardized throughout RangeMan, Inc.
Installing state of the art teleconferencing communication systems had also helped. Not having to travel so much and still be able to personally see my staff during business meetings eased my mind. I was of the firm belief so much of communications was done nonverbally that the video-feeds via satellite were crucial to managing employees long-distance.
While I was gone, Tank kept me up to date on everything happening in Trenton, even what was going on with Stephanie. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I wasn't surprised by the news either.
Tank reported she and Morelli were tighter than ever. Steph was spending more time playing house with the cop than looking for a job. Rumor had it she was going to sublet her apartment to her grandmother and one of those Hobbits that had 'stormed the castle' to save Vinnie Plum. For Stephanie, giving up her apartment was a major shift in her relationship pattern with the cop.
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
Maybe Stephanie was finally ready to settle down into Burg life with the cop. I'd be lying if I said that thought set well with me. It felt like she was settling—taking the easy road—just throwing away her dreams. 'Flying' in the Burg was frowned upon. Wonder Woman would be no more.
The first couple years of our acquaintance, I assumed Stephanie and Morelli would eventually get together. I even pushed her back to him after that night — that one brief glorious night in her bed. That night I've regretted on so many levels.
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
At the time I kept telling myself sleeping with her would resolve the fascination I had with her. It always had before when I couldn't get a woman out of my head. One night of sex and the mystery and intrigue were gone. Until Stephanie.
That one night was my undoing. I still sent her back to Morelli, but it was at too high a cost. One I've paid for daily for the last three years — once I could admit what she truly meant to me. Back then, I couldn't offer her even a semblance of a normal life or relationship, but I still wanted her in my life, anyway I could have her.
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
After that incredible night, I was convinced she wanted more than the conventional Burg life. I thought she'd choose me. ¡Qué arrogancia! [What arrogance I had!] I never, ever, expected to be in this agonizing, extended state of limbo.
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
For years, I've watched the woman I love bounce around in a sick yo-yo relationship with a provincial man who tries to squeeze the last vestige of originality and vitality from her. He, of course, just sees it as protecting her from herself. By both his words and actions, he is killing the very thing he loves about her.
And now it looked like she was willingly accepting that life as her destiny. ¡Dios, qué pérdida! [God, what a waste].
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
Everyone in Stephanie's life was always telling her what to think, what to feel. I refused to treat her like a child. I'd been waiting for her to come to terms with her own feelings and thoughts…to realize what she really desired out of life. I'd hoped it'd be me.
I obviously waited too long. I'm a patient man, but even I have my limits. Nothing in my life has changed. I can offer love, but I still can't offer her a commitment. My life still isn't my own. The only thing that's changed is my tolerance level.
I know I can no longer live the half-life I've been living, but can I live without her? I just know I can't sit back and watch this travesty of Steph and Morelli's on/off again relationship any more. I have to find the courage to change what I can, which is myself and my own actions.
We'll shine like stars in the summer night
We'll shine like stars in the winter night
One heart, one hope, one love
With or Without You...
Maldita sea esa canción! [Damn that song!] I couldn't get it out of my head the rest of the drive into New Jersey.
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
AN: Song is 'With or Without You' by U2. I will post the next chapter in a week. Any feedback would be most welcome.